They left Ellie’s house behind, passed by Janice’s and Amy called for Jagger again. He didn’t come. Other than the birds, the woods were quiet.
Ellie walked along the other side of the road, staring into the woods beside her, calling for Jagger in a way that made Amy think was how she talked to Jim’s chickens. Whistling and hooting, she’d add a “Come on, now!” every so often.
The road straightened out as the isolation of the woods began to thin. They paused in front of an abandoned trailer that was falling apart. The windows had been busted and the screen door barely hung on by one hinge. The weed-choked lawn swayed lazily in the subtle breeze.
Amy stared ahead. A scattering of rundown trailers was further beyond the empty trailer, lined closely together. The grass running alongside the road shifted from green to a tobacco brown. A group of people stood in one of the front yards, huddled around an orange Impala.
Carlos and his buddies.
She spotted Carlos right away. Even from this distance she saw he was shirtless, his dark skin shining as if it had been oiled. He leaned against the front of the car, his hands moving while he talked to his friends.
“Want to head back?” asked Ellie. Sweat dotted her brow. In the brightness of the sunlight, Amy could see the wrinkles in the corners of her eyes and mouth.
Amy sighed. “I guess so. Didn’t really do a whole lot of looking, did we?”
Ellie opened her mouth to respond, but the sound of tires crackling over gravel stopped her. She turned to look, and Amy followed her stare.
A police car was approaching from the direction they were heading. Carlos and his cousins stopped talking long enough to make obscene gestures with their hands.
Is that Mark?
The sun glinted off the windshield, making it impossible to see through. The grumble of the engine seemed to soften as it neared.
The car slowed to a stop. The window buzzed down and Mark leaned out, a smile on his face. Amy felt her heart speed up.
“Good morning, ladies,” he said.
The shouts of Carlos and his buddies carried over. Amy heard Carlos warning Mark to leave her alone, that she wasn’t doing anything wrong.
Amy waved at them. “It’s okay,” she shouted. “He’s a friend.”
“A friend?” Carlos shouted back. He laughed. “Ain’t no cop anybody’s friend, baby!”
“Hop in,” said Mark. “Sounds like the natives are getting restless.”
“Good idea.”
Amy opened the backdoor and climbed in. She scooted over so Ellie could join her. Holding her dress between her legs, Ellie slid in beside Amy. Once she was settled, Ellie pulled the door behind her.
The A/C felt great. Amy sighed as cool air washed over her.
Mark started driving. Amy could see his eyes in the rearview mirror, glancing from the road to the backseat. They were a unique shade of green, hard around the edges yet soft and friendly.
“Looking for Jagger?” he asked.
“A little,” said Ellie. “We got about as far as you saw us. Decided not to go any farther.”
“Good idea. Some of those guys see two pretty ladies walking around, might get them worked up.”
Ellie’s pale skin turned crimson. Seeing her blush made Amy smile. Then she felt a fresh wave of heat in her own skin and realized she was blushing as well.
“You can drop me off at my driveway,” said Ellie. “It’s up here on the left.”
“That one,” he said, pointing at the crooked pinwheel.
“That would be it. You don’t have to pull in, just let me out by the mailbox. Need to check my mail anyway.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, it’s fine.”
He stopped the car at the mouth of her driveway. “I’ll have to let you out.”
He flung the seatbelt behind him, opened his door, and got out. As he stepped over to Ellie’s window, she glanced at Amy and wiggled her eyebrows. Amy laughed.
“Good luck,” she said.
“I’ll keep looking...”
“No. With him.” She angled her head toward Mark as he opened her door. “I’m pulling for you.” Winking, she scooted to the side, holding her dress in place. She got out.
Ellie’s hoping for a hook-up.
She heard Ellie tell Mark ‘bye’ before he closed the door. She watched him pass by the windows on his way to his seat. He climbed back in and sat down.
Mark let out a long whistle before shutting the door. “It’s damn miserable outside.”
“I know. I think Ellie and I would have suffered a heat stroke before too long.”
“Well, it’s a good thing I came by. Don’t want you collapsing in the middle of the road. Might get cooked.”
“Road-fried human,” said Amy.
Mark laughed softly from the front seat.
Outside, Ellie pulled a large stack of mail from her box. Amy wondered if all of it was from today. She rarely got anything other than bills in her own mailbox, unless she’d ordered something online. Sometimes she was surprised by a magazine she’d never subscribed to, or a coupon booklet.
Ellie waved before heading to her trailer. Big Jim was standing on the front steps, wearing a pair of coveralls and a trucker’s cap. He looked concerned, probably wondering why his wife was dropped off by a sheriff’s deputy.
“Her husband?” asked Mark.
“Yeah.”
“Nice guy?”
“He’s harmless, but I don’t know if he’s nice.”
“Oh?”
She debated telling him about the peeping incident, but decided not to. Once Ellie had reached Jim, Mark started driving.
“So,” he said.
“So?”
“Got any lunch plans?”
Her stomach cramped at the mention of food. The late breakfast she’d had telling her it wasn’t settling well.
“How about I make you a sandwich?” she said.
“I was thinking of Lily’s Drive and Park. Best burgers in the county, if you ask me. You know, they get their meat from local farmers.”
“Maybe some other time.”
Mark’s shoulder’s slouched some. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have...”
Amy realized he’d taken her answer the wrong way. “No. Not you. You did nothing wrong.”
“Feels like I did.”
Amy laughed. “Of course not. Ellie brought me breakfast a little while ago, and I think the heat and the grease aren’t mixing well.”
“Ah. Okay. Belly ache?”
She felt a series of pops in her stomach. “A little.”
“Tell you what. I’ll drop you off and maybe we can take a rain check?”
“No. I’d really like to make you a sandwich. Plus I’ve got some cherry doctor pepper in the fridge. Nice and cold.”
“I’d feel like a jerk if you made me something to eat. Like I’m imposing or something…”
“You’d be a jerk if you say no.”
“How could I say no to that?”
“You can’t. I won’t let you.”
Mark laughed. It was good to hear.
The woods that surrounded her property filled the window.
Almost home.
She couldn’t believe how far they’d walked in the heat.
Her stomach gurgled again, followed by a tugging cramp. She changed how she was breathing, performing an exercise that reminded her of a pregnant woman giving birth.
Before she did anything, she would have to visit the toilet. A combination of the food, the heat, and her nerves. The beer from the night before probably didn’t help.
Mark turned onto her driveway. She looked for Jagger in the woods as they rode by. She didn’t see him anywhere.
The trees spread out as they took the curve. She saw the carport, her Jeep underneath. Though she knew Jagger wasn’t there, she looked in the backyard on habit, expecting to see him jogging back and forth.
And felt heartbreak all over again.
Chapter Twenty
Janice clicked the plastic tray in place over Nathan’s lap. She set the cookie monster plate with chopped up hot dog on the tray. Then she handed him his apple juice. It was in a cup with a firmly attached lid and handles on the sides.
She’d gotten the chair from a consignment shop. There were some stains on the yellow tray she hadn’t been able to get off, and a corner had melted into hardened ridges. It didn’t look great, but it had been cheap enough for her to afford. Plus, Nathan didn’t mind. He ate from it every day without protest. Soon he wouldn’t be able to fit in it anymore.
Janice walked over to the TV and cut it on. She heard Nathan laugh with excitement.
“SpongeBob!” He cheered from behind her.
“I know, I know.”
SpongeBob didn’t come on at this time of the day, but she kept a DVD in the player at all times. She used the remote to change the video input. The DVD player was on the bottom shelf of the TV stand. Using her toe, she pushed the power button.
A couple minutes later, she had SpongeBob playing. Nathan watched with a smile on his face, stuffing tiny hot dog chunks into his mouth.
She walked into the kitchen. Nothing separated it from the living room except for a change in the flooring where it went from carpet to tile.
Opening the fridge, she heard cans rattle in the door. Two rows of Bud Light. Her tongue tingled. She wanted to drink one so bad. Last night had been hell. She’d only had two and had hardly slept.
She’d woken up two hours before Nathan, had paced the living room, chain-smoking. Any other day, she wouldn’t have been awake to hear Ellie’s knocking at the door. She’d told her about Amy’s dog and had asked if she’d seen him. Janice hadn’t, of course, but had promised to let somebody know if she did.
After Ellie was gone, Janice had paced even more, thinking some things over. She’d decided to take Amy Snider a payment for the lot rent. With her mind a little clear, she’d began to worry Amy would grow tired of her negligence with the money. After what had happened at Amy’s last night, she might be in a mood and looking for someone to take it out on.
She’d left Nathan sleeping, walked to Amy’s, and had left her a payment on her past due amount. Just one month’s worth.
But it better smooth things over. I’ll have to be even tighter than normal now.
Nathan laughed from the living room. How he still found those same scenes he’d seen countless times funny, she didn’t know. Just the sound of the cartoon made Janice’s head hurt.
A beer would help that.
Her tongue felt like it was drying out. She imagined how the beer would feel streaming over it, rehydrating it, quenching her thirst.
I can’t do this. What was I thinking?
She was going to fail. Making the decision yesterday to ease up on the drinking had seemed like a good idea then. Now that a lot of time had passed, she saw how impossible it was going to be.
Don’t do it.
She’d hoped going without the beer would somehow mellow her detestation for her life. And the detestation she’d been developing toward her son.
Janice’s hand shot past the beer and grabbed a can of Pepsi instead. She popped the top. She guzzled half the can with an arm braced on the fridge door, head titled back.
She belched.
“Ewww, Mommy!”
Then Nathan belched.
Janice laughed, which triggered laughter from Nathan. She stepped away from the fridge, swaying out a hip so she could shut the door. She stepped up to the where the floor met the carpet and watched her son eat. He looked so happy. Janice wondered if she’d ever been as happy in all her life as Nathan was at this moment.
I seriously doubt it.
Maybe when she was married, she’d been happy. And how had she shown her appreciation? By fucking somebody else and getting caught. Not just caught, but knocked up.
And Nathan was all she had now.
And I’m all he has.
This realization caused tears in her eyes. The only person in Nathan’s life wished he wasn’t in hers.
I want him here.
Did she really?
“Eat your food, Nathan.”
Nathan looked back at her, the smile never leaving his face. “Okay, Mommy.” He grabbed a mushy bit of hot dog and stuffed it in his mouth, still smiling.
And Janice saw herself slapping his face. It seemed so real, she gasped, thinking she’d actually done it. But Nathan was already looking away from her, watching TV and chewing, his lips sliding around as he carefully munched.
Her hand gripped her throat in a painful squeeze. She pried her fingers away, leaving burning marks on her skin.
She hurried past him, walking down the short hall to her bedroom. Inside, she closed the door. And locked it.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, she started to sob. She should be in there, nearby to Nathan in case he choked. Instead, she was locked away and alone, so she could feel sorry for herself some more.
She wanted a drink so bad. There was no way she’d be able to resist all day. She’d promised herself to only drink a couple after Nathan had gone to bed. That way, she could spend time with him without any headaches, any blurred vision or dizziness.
And she wanted him to get to know his mother without the influence of beer.
She was going to fail. Maybe not today, but by tomorrow, she would have caved.
Wiping tears from her eyes, she leaned back her head and peered up. There were dark blemishes across the ceiling from several roof leaks. She hadn’t had the money to get them patched, so when it did rain again, she would have to break out the pots to catch water.
What a sad sack of shit I am.
Sometimes she liked to pretend she could turn it all around. Go back to school, get a certification or some kind of degree and start fresh for herself. And for Nathan.
But she had nobody to babysit Nathan so she could go to class. Whenever she did work, she left him at the free daycare sponsored by the Southeast Baptist Church, but they closed at five every day. Her parents blamed her for the divorce, and wouldn’t acknowledge Nathan as their grandson since he’d come from her adulterous ways. Being ardent southern Baptists, they looked at their own daughter as a bride of Satan, and Nathan was the demon spawn.
Not that it mattered. She couldn’t even afford the tuition or any book costs. Her credit was shot, so there would be no loans.
And this realization always killed her fantasies of getting the hell out of this trailer park.
Then there was Nathan—the mascot of all her failures. She didn’t used to regard him in such a way. It was only over the past year or more. She hadn’t even given him a birthday party two months ago when he’d turned four. Hadn’t celebrated it in any way. She’d been too hung over to make a cake, and too depressed to care.
She’d loved him as a baby. Loved him when he turned one, two, and even a bit when he turned three. She wanted to love him again.
Though he had nothing but devoted love for Janice, Nathan would grow up to hate her like everyone else. It would be her fault, just like it was with the others in her life.
And then she would have nobody.
Janice wondered if that would be best. Maybe she could spare Nathan the misery of growing up with such a terrible mother.
The sleeping pills in the medicine cabinet seemed to call out for her.
Come get us! they cried from behind the mirrored cabinet.
“Mommy!”
Nathan’s voice made her flinch as if she’d been slapped. She used her thumb to wipe away the tears.
“What?”
“Come watch!”
Janice took a deep breath, and tried to convince herself she could do this. Change started with your mind. And if she could get her mind to believe things could be different, everything else would follow.
What a crock of shit.
Chapter Twenty-One
Clayton grunted as he hefted the dog’s dead carcass. He swung back his arms and stepped forwar
d, tossing the dog onto the fire. Ashes showered upward in blinking dots of heat. He fanned the smoke away from his face, and stepped back. The heat was unbearable. His clothes were soaked with sweat, molded to his body like an awkward second skin.
The flames quickly enveloped the pit bull.
His eyes landed on the crater where the dog’s stomach had once been before Jagger’s massive jaws had ripped it out. The ragged edges around the large wound were crispy with dried blood. He could see white bands of the lower rib bones and what few organs that remained inside.
Two minutes. Two fucking minutes!
Clayton couldn’t believe how quickly Jagger had killed the pit.
Freddy had said Jagger would probably take a beating before he finally fought back. But he’d been so incredibly wrong. The pit hadn’t even approached Jagger yet when the huge mastiff had charged and snatched the dog up in his teeth. Hanging out of his mouth like a squirrel, the pit had yelped and squealed in immense pain, its legs flailing and kicking as Jagger’s jaws clamped together around its stomach.
Then Jagger had vigorously shaken his head.
Clayton could still hear the cracks of the pit’s bones snapping. The juicy tearing sound that had followed. He still saw the pit flying through the air.
It had been dead when it’d landed.
Then Jagger had sat on his haunches, chewing the meat in his mouth. Blood had matted the fur around his snout.
The nauseating stench of burning hair filled the air. Clayton stepped further away from the fire. He’d piled twigs together and had used lighter fluid to ignite them. It hadn’t taken long for the fire to cling to the dehydrated wood.
The flames had already eaten much of the dog’s skin and had charred the muscles and bones into firm black rods. He didn’t want to be anywhere near the burning dog, but the drought had left the area dry, so he needed to be close in case the fire tried to spread into the grass.
He saw movement in the corner of his eye. He turned. Freddy’s tubby form hobbled towards him, peeling the paper away from an ice cream sandwich. Grimacing, Freddy waved his hand. “That stinks. Never get used to that smell, do you?”
“Why would I want to? It’s awful.”
Freddy stepped beside Clayton, and gazed down at the burning body. He frowned. “What a damn waste. That’s two pits we’ve lost.”
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