By the time Lily and I finally reach our final destination, a small Pennsylvania town about forty five minutes outside of New York City, I’m exhausted but grateful that we made it here without getting caught. It’s early fall and the colors of the trees here are stunning. I’ve never seen anything quite like it; the brilliant orange and red leaves fill the streets and it makes me glad that I chose this as the place for Lily and I to start our new lives together. I get us settled into a hotel and snuggle up close to her after feeding and changing her surprised at how connected I feel to her. Yes, she’s my daughter and instinctively there should be a bond there, but I was so prepared to let her go, give her up to make my life less complicated. Looking at her now, I know that she’s the kind of complication I wouldn’t trade for the world. No matter how unexpectedly she was created. I close my eyes and rest. I know that I’ll be up at least two times tonight to feed her and I need to be up early, I’m planning on beginning my search for an apartment first thing in the morning. Before long both Lily and I are fast asleep.
I don’t know why I thought that finding an apartment would be easy. We don’t need much room for now, a studio or a one bedroom apartment will work. I’ve been searching for days but the places I’ve seen within my budget dangle on the disgusting and unsafe side.
I’m running out of hope by the time I go to see the last apartment on my list. It’s on a busier street but the building is clean and well maintained. A tall and slender middle aged woman meets me out front. She looks at me as if though she’s surprised someone as young as me is here alone with a baby and looking for an apartment. I can tell she’s not judging me, I think she’s probably more concerned than anything else. She stares at me for a second with her kind eyes.
“Are you Kelly?” She questions.
I didn’t want to give anyone my real name in case my family really is looking for me. When I called to set up appointments I used the first name that popped into my head, Kelly, the name of the nurse who helped me get myself and Lily out of the hospital. “Yes, I’m Kelly. You must be Janet.”
She extends her hand and I reach out and take it. “Yes, I’m Janet.”
She shakes my hand and quickly releases it. “Thank you for meeting me today.”
“Of course. Come on in and I’ll show you the apartment.” She opens the front door and allows me to walk in ahead of her. “It’s just down the hall and to your left.”
When we reach the door she puts the key in the door, turning the knob but stopping just before she opens. “I’m sorry Kelly, I don’t mean to pry but what is a young girl like you doing looking for an apartment? Shouldn’t you be at home with your family?”
I know she means well but I’m not prepared to answer this question. I answer the best way I can on the spot and what I come up with is not a complete lie, just an altered version of the truth. “My family kicked me out when I got pregnant. I was staying with a friends family but it’s time for me to find a place of my own.”
“Oh honey, I’m so sorry to hear that. Forgive me for asking.” She pushes the door open and allows me to walk through.
“It’s alright. I understand what it must look like, an eighteen year old and a baby.” I give her a small smile and quickly walk away from her, moving to stand in the middle of a small living room. I look around at the bare white walls and though it’s small, it’s by far the nicest place I’ve seen. It’s sparsely furnished with a worn old blue couch and chair.
“The bedroom is through that door over there,” she says pointing to my left. “It’s pretty spacious…big enough to fit a full size bed and a crib for the little one.”
I try not to read into it but her words give me hope. “Does that mean you’ll rent it to me?”
“We normally require a credit check but I’m assuming since you’re so young you haven’t built up much of a credit rating?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“And you have no furniture?”
“Not yet, no ma’am.”
“And can you afford the security deposit and first months rent?”
“Yes I can.”
“Alright then, I have the lease with me, if you want the apartment it’s yours. You can use the furniture that’s here too if you’d like and I’m pretty sure I have some old baby things that you can use. I don’t live too far away. I can have my husband drop it off and set it up this weekend.”
I look up at her wide eyed, stunned and seriously trying not to cry. “I don’t know how to thank you. I promise you I won’t be any trouble.”
She simply smiles and nods at me.
By the time I leave the building, I have a lease, a set of keys, and permission to move in right away. I grab my belongings, and check out of the hotel. By nightfall Lily and I are all moved into our new apartment.
Unspeakable Truths Page 25