Chapter 28
The car arrived late Sunday afternoon to take Sandra and her children back to Brooklyn. The nannies helped her pack up, carrying suitcases down and getting kids buckled into car seats. Pam hid in her bedroom during the chaos, not able to force one more second of insincere dialogue with Sandra.
When she heard silence, she tiptoed out to the kitchen and looked out the window, shocked—Jason was helping Sandra buckle the car seats into the limo. Where did he come from? And then she realized he must have been watching for the car from Jeff’s house next door and hurried out to assist her. Rage filled Pam’s chest, having never felt so angry in her life.
Watching the two of them, he held the door for Sandra, and when everything was in the car, she kissed his cheek, gave him a sultry look Pam was familiar with, and waved before he shut the door. Standing at the curb, he waved good-bye and then turned to go back to Jeff’s, not even looking over at Pam’s house. She was filled with disbelief, sure it was an overreaction on her part. Jason bent over backwards for Pam all weekend, attentive, affectionate, generous.
On Saturday night when the children were sleeping, he got down on one knee in front of everyone and proposed again. But this time, he had a ring, and although Pam would have thought she was too old for such displays, it thrilled her to see that it was a ring worthy of her finger, a big, ostentatious, custom-made, five-carat, square-cut diamond. Everyone gasped, especially Bernice and Lisa, who positively trilled they were so moved.
Thinking about the moment now, Pam wasn’t sure Sandra even acknowledged what Jason had done. She already knew about it, the first person Pam told Friday night. Then a thought occurred: Did Sandra congratulate Jason privately?
“Pull yourself together. Your imagination is going wild. Start cleaning up; that’ll get your mind off fantasies.” She put an apron on and started to clean the gigantic mess her guests left behind. She remembered how Brent used to love the aftermath of entertaining; he’d put her full-frontal apron on and sweep everything into giant trash bags. All the guest bedrooms were stripped bare, bathrooms, too. He’d even fill toilets with blue cleaner, saying he couldn’t stand the thought of all of those foreign asses plastered on their toilet seats. Pam laughed out loud, thinking about it.
“Someone’s happy,” a voice said.
She looked up, and Jason was standing in the doorway to the veranda. Smile disappearing, she didn’t want him to know she’d witnessed the good-bye, but her anger was making it difficult.
“Oh, hi. I didn’t hear you come in.”
“The door was unlocked,” he replied, a hint of admonishment in his voice.
“Yes, well, Sandra just left.” As you well know. “I was making my way out there to clean up.”
“So that went well,” he said.
There was a tone of expectancy in his voice, she couldn’t place it exactly, but she knew something was coming, and that it wasn’t going to be good. If he dared to criticize her in any way, she’d let him have it, even touching her ring to make sure it was in place in case she needed to give it back to him.
“Did it?”
“Yes, it did. You were taking care of everyone so probably didn’t notice. Delicious meal, by the way.”
She wanted to say was it? but let it go, walking into the pantry to get a broom. “How’d you like the lemon cake?” she asked, teasing him to ease her anger.
He laughed. “Oh, it was very nice. Very potatoey.”
Leaning against the counter, she thought it odd that he wasn’t offering to help her clean up. “So did you need anything? I’m sure you didn’t drop by to watch me clean.”
“Actually, I do have something I wanted to say to you, but I need you to stop doing that and come over here.”
She wondered if he was going to embrace her, kiss her, ask her if he could stay the night. Lovemaking would certainly go a long way toward healing the pain she was in. She remembered a Bible study she’d attended during her newly married days in which an Old Testament scripture related the marriage relationship. “David went in to Bathsheba and lay with her and comforted her.” Sighing, it was so true, a woman just needed her man’s attention once in a while and all would be well.
Setting the broom aside, she went to him and smiled, circling his waist with her arms. “Here I am,” she said, smiling up at him.
He didn’t reciprocate the hug, stiffening up and pulling back slightly, frowning. It took Pam a second to realize he wasn’t there to make love to her.
“Ted was really upset that you admonished him in front of everyone. And the way you ignored my brother-in-law all weekend was very childish. I’m not happy.”
Pam took a step back and turned away, taking a deep breath. This was going to take some finesse on her part not to destroy their relationship, if they even had one.
Turning back, she looked at his face, trying to get a read on where this was coming from. Was he making excuses to end it with her, or was he justified? “It was a lot to deal with early in the weekend. I should have canceled right after your faux pas about Sandra. That would have warranted the end of any gathering, let alone an entire weekend.”
“So, you’re blaming me,” he said, with attitude.
“In a word, yes. You know, I am exhausted, Jason. I just entertained thirty people, half of them ungrateful, disloyal gossips. If you want to be included in that group, go for it.” She took her apron off and hung it in the pantry.
Turning to him, she twisted her ring off her finger and held it up for him. “Please leave. Everything I’ve been through, the betrayal of my husband and friends, the death of my son, all of it, I never felt as shitty or as disgusted as I do right now.”
“I didn’t want to make you feel bad,” he said, backing away from the ring.
“What did you think it would do to me? I don’t need to be treated like a child, corrected for my behavior, or told not to feel pain when people I’ve trusted with my secrets betray the hell out of me.” She was on a roll and could feel herself getting shrill. Stop, Pam, or regret it later.
“I’m sorry, but don’t give the ring back. Maybe we have the kind of relationship where we do better alone than we do in a crowd.”
“Maybe we do,” she replied. “Look, I’m really tired. Let’s pick this up next weekend.”
“I thought I’d stay for a few more days.”
“Well, be that as it may,” she said, nonsensically, having to stifle laughter.
“Can I see you tomorrow? Things will have cooled off by then.”
“Okay,” she said, looking at the floor.
He never tried to kiss her good-bye. Taking a deep breath, Pam wondered if cooling off was the best term to use.
Traffic into Brooklyn from the beach was a typical Sunday night horror show, but they finally arrived in time for a snack and bedtime. Putting herself into high gear, Sandra fixed Miranda an orange and slices of cheese, sitting with her while she gave Brent a bottle. She was in a trance when she bathed the children, Brent in the kitchen sink and Miranda in the tub. Jammies and bedtime story and both children were out cold, exhausted from a full weekend at the beach.
After she got her own pajamas on, she noticed the answering machine light on the phone blinking. It was so odd; almost everyone she knew called her cell phone. She got it out and saw that she hadn’t missed a call. Frowning, she pressed the message button. It was Tom. Sandra, I wanted to let you know I’m getting married next weekend. Nothing you need to do, I just wanted you to hear it from me. Hope all is well. I miss Miranda, but understand it’s better this way. See ya.
“What the hell!” She sat on the edge of the bed, staring off into space. A summer sure had the power to change everything, and she wasn’t sure it was always for the best. Confused by her emotions, she didn’t love Tom at all, wasn’t even sure she liked him anymore. Several times since they’d split up, she’d seen him in his police car while she was on the streets, and all it did was annoy her. Why would she care he was getting married? She wasn’t even curious
about who it was. She made a mental note that next Saturday, she’d be walking past his church with dark glasses and a trench coat on to catch a glimpse of the bride.
Thinking it was amazing she’d spent years of her life with a man and his unbelievably boring family, and not one of them would attempt to contact her or Miranda. Poor Miranda.
Thoughts switching gears, Pam entered her mind. What a hell of a weekend. She hardly saw the hostess. But the other guests had loads to say about her; even Sandra felt defensive and loyal when Jeff started in.
“She’s bent out of shape that I mentioned you and Jack to Jason,” Jeff had whispered to Sandra.
“Why would you?” she asked, annoyed.
“Well, it’s not like I was the only one who knew the story. Ted put his two cents in, too. He knew it from Ashton’s perspective. So why Jason had to blame it all on me, I’ll never know.”
“She tells people you are her best friend, Jeff,” Sandra replied. “One of the men she dated broke up with her because he was jealous of you.”
“That’s a lie!”
“No, it is not,” Sandra said, indignant. It was stretching the truth, but Dave was jealous of Jeff. “You ask her!” So now, Jeff had two people refusing to speak to him, adding to the general uncomfortable vibe in the house.
She spent the rest of the weekend schmoozing with Jason Bridges, flirting with him, saying things that would appeal to his ego, even playing footsie with him under the table. Not to try to break up Pam’s engagement, Sandra was just amusing herself at another woman’s cost, and unfortunately, it often was Pam who’d be targeted.
Lying back on the pillow, Sandra forgot she wanted to read from Marie’s diaries that night, falling asleep after midnight.
After Jason left, Pam picked up her phone and called Nelda’s number. “Did I wake you, Mother?”
“No, I’m awake,” she said. “Are you too lazy to walk six feet to my bedroom door?”
Pam laughed out loud. “No, I just didn’t want to disturb you know who.”
“Well, what do you want?”
Someone tapped her on the shoulder, and Pam screamed, throwing her phone in the air. It was Nelda with the phone still to her ear.
“Mother! For God’s sake, you just scared the shit out of me.”
“I guess you want me to help clean up this god-awful mess,” she said.
“Something like that. Actually, I need to be around you, if you don’t mind.”
Nelda looked at her daughter, concerned. “All those ingrates finally gettin’ to ya, huh?”
“Pretty much,” she replied. “I really think that was the last time. Even Dan wasn’t as annoying as Jeff.”
“Ugh, now that says a lot,” Nelda answered.
Pam told her what had happened with Jason, how he repeated what Jeff had said, and then the good-bye she’d witnessed in front of her house.
“I’ve always said she was a snake.”
“Mother, I think it was Marie who said it. And now she’s raising Marie’s child. I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling a little nervous. I was thinking of asking Lisa if she’d consider taking over custody of Miranda.”
Nelda’s eyes glazed over, a look of pure terror replacing the previous derision about Sandra. “Oh my God!”
Pam grabbed her arm. “Mother, what is it!”
“I can’t believe I’m only remembering this now,” she said, lips trembling. “All of Marie’s diaries. I left them with my other belongings when I fell at Sandra’s. She never returned the books to me.”
“What are you talking about? What books?”
“I never wanted to tell you, honey. I read them. Marie’s life. The details of her life with you and Jack. It was horrible. I meant to get rid of them, but then when I fell, I forgot they existed.”
Pam started to pace. “Should I just come out and ask her to give them back? I mean, why didn’t she do so right away?”
“I don’t know. Maybe she never noticed them. Maybe she thought she could use them as leverage, just in case.”
Sandra did have a lot at stake. Even the house she lived in was owned by Pam. And now Brent’s flesh and blood…
“Mother, we have a lot to think about. I hate to say it but I’m calling Dan the snake right now. Now that I can’t trust Jeff, we need to keep this in the family.”
Chapter 29
The following weekend, church bells rang out over Williamsburg as one of New York’s finest married his beautiful bride. Sandra waited on the sidewalk across the street, hoping a disguise of scarf, dark glasses, and a winter coat as protection from the blustery fall day would be enough. Back at the brownstone, the nannies, with Nelda supervising, were taking two bundled-up children out for a stroll to the park while their mother spied.
The attendants lined the granite steps from the wide double doors, officers in dress blues and beautiful girls in form-fitting plum velvet, dresses never to be worn again. Then the groom, gorgeous and familiar, and his bride, tiny and voluptuous, the antithesis of Sandra, who felt like an amazon standing across the street, conspicuous and silly.
Tom and his bride disappeared into a long limousine that quickly pulled away from the curb. The paper said the reception was at a country club in Bayside, must have been one his father and Gwen belonged to. But it was the guest procession that took her breath away. Heart thumping, Sandra couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Among the stragglers at the end, a resplendent Pam Smith in a beaded full-length dress, posing like a statue for paparazzi, and Jason, glorious in black tie. They must have been preparing to go somewhere else, unless the reception was black tie. Why in the hell was Pam there? And why didn’t she tell me?
Then, the final humiliation—Pam and Jason, synchronized, looked up from the cameras and spotted Sandra. Later, she’d think they knew she was there all the time, but chose that moment to expose her. Pam waved to her, but Jason just looked, stony. Why? The cameras followed the wave, but Sandra was too fast, ducking in the local coffee shop, begging to go through to their alley door. “Is she famous?” someone at the counter asked.
When she finally got to the safety of her house, the door was wide open, the interior ransacked.
Chapter 30
It would be a year of the heaviest snowfall on record for the month of February. Another snow day for the shore towns of Long Island, Dan was cuddling in bed with his family when the phone rang. It was the jail. He spoke for a moment and then hung up from the call.
“Are you ready for this?”
Lisa grasped his hand, knowing what was to come. “Is she in labor?”
“Nope, she already delivered. We can pick him up now if we can get there.”
Lisa didn’t realize she was shaking until she tried to speak. “We can’t leave him in a prison nursery. Can you go?”
Dan thought for a second. “I’ll call my brother-in-law. He’s got a big truck with a plow over at the farm. We can just plow our way through.”
“Don’t forget to take the car seat! I’ll get the diaper bag.”
He came to her and embraced her. Lisa had never seen Dan cry, but this was over the top, even for Lisa, who was the kindest woman he’d ever known. She pulled him from her, looking into his eyes. “Are you going to be okay? Maybe you should get Catherine to go with you.”
“That’s a good idea. Lisa, thank you so much. I know what I’m asking of you.”
But she shook her head. “No, you really don’t, but that’s okay. Just be warned, I don’t think we need any more kids for a while.”
Lisa was excited, and she knew it was so perverse that no one would understand. But her mother did. Pam knew because Lisa was made of the same stuff she was made of, long-suffering, tough, forgiving. She wasn’t going to miss out on one second of her life because of what other people thought of her decisions. Married to an infidel? Oh well, he was trying to change, and she wasn’t giving up on him because people thought she was a fool.
“Come on, kiddos, let’s get ready for baby br
other!” She carried Marcus while Megan followed, holding on to Miranda’s hand.
Resigned, Sandra knew it was the best thing for everyone after all. When Pam told her what the plan was, she didn’t even fight it. Miranda should be with Lisa’s family. She still had Brent’s flesh and blood. Just let them try to take him away.
Baby Brent was napping. She was snowbound with hours of peace ahead of her. Making tea, she finally had a second to pick up where she’d left off reading Marie’s diaries months ago, before so much had happened. Going to her closet, she opened the box and discovered…they were gone. After the break-in, she was so upset about her jewelry box and photo albums, her keepsakes and memorabilia that she never even gave the diaries a second thought.
The fire pit provided damage control since Jack had died. But on this day, it was more about protecting the dignity of a little girl. The last book to go in the flames had its vinyl cover removed first. Placed in Miranda’s keepsake box, it depicted a childhood icon wearing a pair of mouse ears.
Pam threw the last page into the fire. I will always love Jack, the written words of Marie, curled and turned to ash, gone forever.
<<<<>>>>
Also by Suzanne Jenkins
The following are available on Kindle and in paperback on Amazon.com. Click the titles to follow the links to Amazon.
#1 Pam of Babylon Long Island housewife Pam Smith is called to the hospital after her husband Jack suffers a heart attack on the train from Manhattan. It is the beginning of a journey of self-discovery and sadness, growth and regrets, as she realizes a wife and mother’s worst nightmare.
#2 Don’t You Forget About Me The family begins to sift through the evidence of a life of deceit, putting together the pieces left behind by Jack.
#3 Dream Lover A gritty, realistic portrait of the aftermath of deceit, more pieces of the puzzle come together as the women each attempt to go on living in the wake of despair. More characters are introduced, including Ashton.
In Memoriam Page 24