‘Are you ready for our mad few nights in the big smoke, Connolly?’
‘You’ll be the one going mad Mc Carthy. I’ll be the one carrying you home. Wait and see’
She could see it now and it wouldn’t be the first time she had to haul him home after a night out.
‘Whatever Connolly…Whatever!’ Grinning from ear to ear.
The flight was uneventful, although the hen party on their way to Faro in the airport were a sight to behold. ‘Nadia’s hen 2019 Faro’ plastered all over the t-shirts. The 15 women in their thirties, got a smirk from even the most serious of creatures. It wasn’t so much that they were a hen party as one hen party is the same as the next. Each hen was a carbon copy of the other. Platinum blond hair, fake tanned to San Tropez and back, neon pink and green nails finished off with hoop earrings and blinding white runners. This, Amy was convinced, was not part of the uniform. Sean agreed.
Thinking back to the days when she had her own hen party, she smirked to herself at the thoughts of her night to Cork with her friends. Sharon had organised a rip roaring session around the pubs of the city after a dinner to a dingy restaurant down by the docks. The table was littered with chocolate willies, bollox in a bag, packs of granny knickers and other novelty treats. It was by far, the worst hen party ever organised but could have won an award for one of the funniest.
After their God awful dinner, they took to the pubs where after a couple of hours of cocktails and shots, Sharon was arrested for getting into a brawl with a number of big haired blondes from Knocknaheeny. Not having a clue as to what or who had started it, the police were called by pub security. Amy and Liz attempted their very best to talk Sharon out of custody but with no chance of getting her out, they ended up leaving her there for the night with her newfound friends. Too tired to consider joining the rest of the group at the nightclub Sharon had chosen, they made their way back to Jury’s and collapsed on their beds. It was definitely a disaster but every time she thought of it, it made her smile.
Amy laid back and closed her eyes thinking of how much her life had changed since Frank had left. There was no way that she would have been going to Dublin with Sean of all people if Frank were still in the picture. He would never have told her she couldn’t do anything, but it would be an unspoken rule all the same that hanging out with other men was not appreciated. Frank had never liked Sean, but it didn’t matter who it was. Her husband did not like her spending time with anybody that wasn’t him.
‘You ok?’ Sean asked his eyes focused on hers.
‘I’m grand. My head is just a bit on the tired side’
‘Well loose the tired head Connolly and get your drinking head on!’
Amy laughed at his choice of words. He always had a way with them.
‘I’m not sure about it tonight. It’s been a long day and I think I’ll head to bed once we get to the hotel. I’m wrecked’
‘Bed… I don’t think so. We get in at 8.30 and that’s hardly what I call bedtime unless other activities are involved’
Amy gave him a sideway glance with a bit of a smirk.
‘You can go where you want. I’m going to bed’
‘We’ll see about that young lady’
Since they had met in college they had become firm friends. Not always seeing eye to eye, Sean had always been a constant in her life. He was there for her whenever she needed him. It didn’t matter that Frank didn’t like him, he always made time for Amy.
After they got to their hotel, Amy said goodnight to Sean, much to his distaste. He did seem a little put out but Amy was sure he would get over it by tomorrow. She hung up her clothes for the few days and put her toiletries in the bathroom. This really was a nice choice. It was right in the city centre and it over looked the river Liffey. It amazed Amy how much money you could save by using last minute websites. She settled herself onto the bed inspecting what she would order for room service when a knock came to the door.
‘Open up Missey'.
Clearly, Sean decided that Amy’s bed time routine was not cutting the mustard tonight.
‘You are banned from going to bed’
Thump thump thump came the continuous knocks on the door.
‘I’m in my jammies. Go away’ she retorted.
‘Indeed I will not go away. There’s a drink or two to be had!’
‘The bar is downstairs…press ground floor when you get into the lift. Then turn right when you get out. You can’t miss it’ she laughed to herself.
‘Look it here smarty pants. I don’t really feel like having a full scale conversation through a hotel door and I would have brought Patty if I’d known you were going to be a hermit for the weekend, so open up’
Sean would never have brought Patty if she were the last person on the planet.
Amy almost felt sorry for him. She knew that he wouldn’t let her forget it if she didn’t move it.
‘Fine, gimme a second and I’ll be out’
She threw on her jeans and a jacket and grabbed her bag.
‘Are you satisfied now?’ Amy declared as she sauntered past him in the hallway.
‘We’ll see about that later’ He gave her a wink.
‘Sean Mc Carthy, I’m turning around if I hear another remark like that, do you hear me’
She stuck out her tongue as he walked in front of her towards the lift.
‘Now, where did you say this bar was?’
Two hours later the hotel bar was in swinging form. So too was Sean but even more so Amy. It seemed to Sean that she was finally letting her hair down but he worried that she might have been using the alcohol as a band aid. His knowledge of her marriage breakdown was limited. Sean knew that Frank left her for no apparent reason but Amy never talked about it. Tonight the seal was breaking.
‘Why did he leave me Sean?’
Amy twisted a lock of hair around her fingers, her nails done to perfection.
Sean’s eyes scanned the pub around him. He didn’t know what to say to that.
‘He was an idiot. Is an idiot’
Sean knew this for a fact.
‘Whether he is an idiot or not is beside the point. My question is why? I did everything a good wife should. I made dinners, cleaned the house, catered to his every need. I was faithful, even though God knows I had offers’
Sean smiled at Amy a little redness appearing on his neck. Amy felt that he might have been a little embarrassed. She didn’t mean to make him feel like that but she was just telling the truth. Sean was so easy to talk to. In Amy’s eyes, he was safe. Joking aside, and even though he would never admit it, he was sensitive. It didn’t always present itself but it was there. His lady friends on the other hand might argue with that but Amy was glad she had him as a friend.
‘Look Ame, assholes will always be assholes. I wish I could explain it away for you but I have no idea. Obviously he hadn’t a clue what he had and the idiot let you go’
The feeling was always mutual between the two men. A general distaste for each other seeped into any interaction they had. It was always uncomfortable to be around, so Amy orchestrated it so that they rarely saw each other. She organised group events when Frank was working. It seemed better than sitting in the middle, sweating with anxiety about what they would say to each other next. It wasn’t worth it.
‘I just don’t get it Sean. We were happy. I thought we were happy. Then one Sunday Afternoon out of the blue, he announces after dinner that he wants to talk. Fine, I say to him. 'Let’s talk’
Remembering back, the wounds she felt were just as raw as they were that day. Her world crashed around her. Tumbling and falling in front of her eyes, she was powerless to stop it. There wasn’t any physical pain that could possibly feel worse than the pain in her heart that day.
‘I’m sorry Amy. I just can’t do this anymore. I’ve been pretending for a long time and it’s not doing me any good anymore’
‘You…it’s not doing you any good’
Amy was so angry she was not abl
e to breathe properly. She leaned on the counter for support waving her hands in despair, the inability to believe his words clouding her senses.
‘Where has this come from?’
She practically screamed at him feeling her body shake.
‘You can’t tell me you didn’t see this coming?’ came his reply.
‘WHAT are you on about Frank? SEE THIS COMING!’
The tears started. This was the last thing she wanted. Once the tears started with Amy, she knew it would be a while before she could compose herself. Wanting to smack him across the face, she held back. She needed to hear him explain himself. Swinging for him later would be an option.
‘Look it. I’m sorry but I need space and I need to get away from here. From you’
‘From ME….’
She could barely get the words out of her mouth
‘What did I do?’
Her voice was no more than a whisper now, as she fell towards the hall. Following him, she rested her arm on the wall for support, he grabbed a bag from under the stairs and moved to open the door.
‘Please Frank. Don’t go, PLEASE. We can work it out. I can’t live without you. I just can’t...I....I just don’t understand’
She just couldn’t make sense of it. This was coming out of nowhere. Yes, things had been a little strained now and again but what relationship didn’t have ups and downs?
‘You married me Frank. God damn you. Do vows mean nothing to you? You promised. YOU PROMISED...’ Her knees came to the ground as she sobbed.
‘For, for…better…for worse’
What was the point she remembered thinking. He had made up his mind and that was that. The world was in slow motion, as he threw the bag into the back seat. He didn't even say goodbye. A stray cat fled from under his car as he started it up. She could see him in the mirror almost hesitating. Then, he was gone. Her head pounded as she stepped back into the house. Looking around her she had no idea who to call. What to say. Or where to go. The only thing she could do was send a text to Liz
‘Frank is gone’
When Liz turned up at the door a few hours later, Amy just got out of bed to open the door and threw herself back under the duvet again. Liz was worried and had no idea what to do. She checked on Amy every half hour until she knew that she was asleep.
For weeks after, Amy wasn’t able to function properly at all. Even though Sharon and Liz were not on speaking terms, they decided that they would alternate weeks with Amy. At least until she was human again. Amy didn’t mind. So long as she wasn’t alone. Both came and went, Amy hardly speaking at all. One syllable answers were the order of the day.
Eventually, she perked up but it took a lot of effort on both Liz and Sharon’s part. They ensured a continuous supply of all the essentials, wine, Ben & Jerrys, crisps, pizza & Netflix. They were available on command and didn’t leave her side. She knew she had two very good friends. Without them, she realised that she would never have gotten through it. Life, she finally concluded after three weeks of torture was actually not that bad. She knew it would take a while to be ok, she was alive, she was healthy and she had some very good friends. There for her, with a constant supply of positively and humour, she would have been lost without them.
‘Well I think you doing great my love’ said Liz after Amy had hauled herself out of bed for some pizza and wine late one evening. Liz had spent the day tidying and cleaning and had the home back to some resemblance of normality. It had taken a while to rid the house of a squatters look, but Liz ploughed on and had the place in tip top condition by the time the pizza arrived.
‘Do you know...’ said Liz taking a sip of merlot ‘for someone who was with her husband for so long and for him to just up and leave like that. You did… you are….phenomenal’
Amy looked to the ground a tear springing up in the corner of her eye. Phenomenal was not a word she would use to describe herself, but if she was to think about it, maybe it was somewhat true. She was so grateful for Liz right now. Amy didn’t know anyone else that would just drop their own life like that and help someone as much as Liz did.
The bar had become considerably louder and the wine was flowing. They ended up slightly squashed, up against the bar. Sean, sitting close to Amy now, moved a little closer to her, guiding a stray piece of hair out of her eyes. This caught her off guard a little but the wine had a calming effect.
‘You should be proud of yourself. Some people don’t react to hurt as well as you’
‘Oh really…hah well you didn’t see me on my death bed for three weeks now did you!’
‘Well no, but I know what it’s like you know’ Sean stopped himself and looked away.
‘Know what what’s like?’
‘Ah you know…’ he retorted vaguely.
‘What? Someone leaving you?’
‘Well no...But I know a lot about loving someone and them not loving you back’ His eyes were sad, something that he rarely let anyone see.
‘You do?’ Amy wasn’t sure if he was saying that to empathise with her complete despair but there was a time after college when he had travelled to Australia and came back after a year, somewhat a shell of his former self. At the time, everyone said he was worn out from clubbing around south east Asia on his way home. Amy had a feeling there was something else behind his skeletal frame and quiet demeanor but he never said anything and she didn’t push it.
‘Yeah’
‘God, I’m sorry Sean. I had no idea. Jesus, how come I don’t know about this?’
Stabbing a guess at his downturned face ‘Was it in Austrailia?’
‘Yup’ he looked around the bar sheepishly ‘Oh it’s ok. I wasn’t married to her or anything and it’s not like it lasted long but I loved her. I loved her like nothing else’
He raised his hands to massage his temples. The feelings coming back to him making him feel more strongly than he’d like.
‘What happened? I don’t mean to pry but if you feel like talking about it...’
‘I never feel like talking about it. I generally don’t, so I make up for it in other ways…if you know what I mean!’
‘I’m thinking I do….em Sharon…Liz…etcetera’
‘Bingo’ He smiled shyly. ‘I have calmed down, really I have’
‘Listen, you don’t have to justify yourself to me’ Amy said her palms up.
‘I know, but I don’t want you to think I’m another one of those assholes’.
‘Sean, I have never nor will I ever think of you as an asshole. I may have on occasion used some other choice words to describe you but that was not one of them’ Amy declared, chuckling to herself.
After talking for a little while longer, they realised that it was quite late and they had a full on day tomorrow. It was time to go to bed. Their rooms were on the same floor just down the hall from each other. Coming out of the lift, they both lingered outside Amy’s room.
‘Thanks for a nice night, Ame’
‘Thanks yourself’
‘Well, I suppose I should let you get to bed. We’ve a big day tomorrow’
‘Yeah…I’m looking forward to it now….well… g’nite then’
Amy had had such a nice time with Sean. She didn’t know if it was the wine or that they were alone without work colleagues but it was clear that Sean had let down his barriers. He had been hurt too and like her, had the scars to prove it.
‘Good night’ Sean turned and walked back in the direction of his room. Amy, turning the lock in her door glanced back at him. Just as she looked towards him, he turned and smiled at her. Amy’s heart did a little flip. She returned the smile and entered her room. Closing the door behind her, she rested against it.
What was that? She thought to herself. Clearly, it was the wine. Yes, it was the wine. This was Sean. SEAN! She never felt anything like this before. What feeling was it anyway? This couldn’t be good. She worked with Sean. She had known him for years. Yes, he had made passes at her before but that was all in good fun. This, even t
hough there was absolutely no come on whatsoever, was more powerful. It was the look he gave her. The smile. No, she had definitely lost it. He was just being friendly. They were after a deep conversation. It was only a friendly smile.
3
Waking up in a strange place the next morning, Amy was confused. Her head pounded from the extra few drinks she shared with Sean and she wondered, fumbling for her watch, what time it was. Her efforts to retrieve her watch being without success, she reached for the TV remote. The news droned on in the background as Amy made her way to the bathroom. She showered slowly lapping up the luxurious power of the massive showerhead above her. Why didn’t she have one of these at home?
There was always something special about hotels. She wasn’t a seasoned hotel goer so when she stayed, she enjoyed all the little things that came along with the 99 Euro per person sharing. The little soaps, the fresh lightly scented bed linen, the little biscuits that came with mini cappuccinos and the yummy breakfasts. That reminded her, she was actually starving. What was new, she laughed to herself.
After throwing on the jeans she had worn yesterday and a fresh top, she applied a little mascara and lip-gloss. Standing in front of the mirror, she eyed herself critically. What it was, she couldn’t put her finger on but she thought she looked different. Shrugging her shoulders, she made her way to the lift. Sean was to meet her in the breakfast dining room where she had no doubt he would be tucking into a full Irish. The man had a massive appetite. Where he put it, she had no idea.
Turning the corner into the dining room, she spotted him. He was looking out through the window at a corner table, in what seemed like a quieter area of the otherwise busy room. A newspaper lay on the table under his elbow, accompanied by a plate over flowing with food. She smiled to herself as the memory of their somewhat awkward good night last night. She knew it was nothing and put it to the back of her mind. Too long in the tooth now for messing about like that, she had just split with her husband very suddenly. The last thing she needed now was more complications. Sean was her friend. He would probably laugh his head off if he knew she was even going there.
Whiplash Hotel Page 3