by C. M. Lally
I don’t want to tell him I’m even entertaining this idea. I don’t want to give Zeus back, and I don’t want to have to explain my lack of enthusiasm for stardom. I don’t even know if I could explain it. It’s just not something I’ve ever strived for. I haven’t pinned all of my hopes and dreams on it, or set a course for achieving it. There’s nothing I’ve ever done that for. I don’t seem to want things, or I don’t want them badly enough to plan for them.
My phone buzzes across the counter, interrupting my thoughts. He’s right on time, on the dot. Damn, why are suits always so punctual?
“Hello. This is Jenna.”
“Hi, Jenna. This is James Weaver. I see you got my letter.”
“Yes, I did. This is about the twentieth one I have received. Could you remove me from your mailing list?”
”Surely you didn’t call and make an appointment to talk about being removed from our mailing list?”
“No, actually I didn’t, but I figured I would get that request out of the way first, depending on how the rest of this call goes. I actually made the call because I don’t want to live with regrets. So, what do you want, so that I can do it, say I tried it, and move on without looking back?”
He laughs loudly. It takes him a minute to compose himself and I can still hear the chuckle in his voice when he says. “Okay, I like you, Jenna. You get right to business. We love your demo tape and I want you to come in and do background vocals on some studio sessions for my new star. I have to be honest with you though—we have several people coming in for this, so if you aren’t up for a little competition, I understand. I can tell you that you’re highly regarded around here, so we’re both surprised and thrilled that you responded. What do you think? Are you interested in seeing where this goes?”
“Well, I’m not sure what to say. I’m nothing special, so I guess I’m confused, but I started this and I intend to see it through until I lose interest. What do you need me to do?” He laughs again.
We hash out the details and he says he’ll email me the finer points of what needs to happen before I arrive in Los Angeles. I give him my email address and confirm that this number is my cell phone. He tells me to expect to hear directly from his assistant.
Well, that’s that, I guess. I feel sick to my stomach. It’s not nervousness; it’s plain old ‘I don’t want to do this.’ I’ll wait to hear from them via email before I divulge any details to Nick and my parents. Maybe things won’t work out. Maybe they’ll find the one they want before my arrival. I mindlessly cross my fingers on both sets of hands, and look towards Heaven. I’ll leave it up to fate. It’ll take me as far as I need to go.
Chapter 16
Nick
When I wake up, my body hurts so badly that my muscles burn just thinking about moving. I feel like an old, dried-out piece of wood. One more dent and I’m gonna split and become kindling. The recent forest fires that have broken out are wearing me and everyone in this town thin. They’re only thirty percent contained and moving quickly to populated areas. It just needs to rain.
It’s time to get moving. I can’t lay around all day while fires are spreading. I’ve got clients to help protect. I move quickly from the bed, jumping up to avoid drawing out the pain. It’s like ripping off a band aid—the quicker the better. I stumble groggily towards the kitchen, but stop at the mirror and look at the blue note cards taped to it.
I flip through them, reminding myself of the words and thoughts conveyed. Smiling at them, I suddenly realize that I haven’t gotten any more of them since I started seeing Jenna. Wait. No, she can’t be the one giving them to me? No way. Maybe it’s someone who knows we’re seeing each other and they stopped because of it. The notes were never flirty, but uplifting and inspiring. That sounds like Jenna, but she never had time for that. Anyway, that’s a mystery for another time. I’m not awake enough to piece this puzzle together.
I start the coffee maker and look around my lonely kitchen for something to do while I’m waiting for the brain juice to brew. I miss Zeus and our morning routine. Things have calmed down for Jenna over the last few weeks, and she probably doesn’t technically need him anymore. There hasn’t been any sign of her idiot ex-boyfriend. He even stopped coming to the bar. I hate the thought of separating her and Zeus, but I miss my buddy.
Jenna. That woman. She consumes my every waking thought like no one ever has. No other woman has even entered my mind in the nine months since I first laid eyes on her. That dark hair with those bright blue tips and morning glory-blue eyes. She’s mesmerizing to look at. She takes my breath away, and then she opens her mouth to sing and it’s like a hammer hits my heart.
I literally feel it bump against the wall of my chest like it’s trying to escape just to get closer to her. She’s funny and sassy and opinionated. We’ve had some great discussions about music and flowers of all things … the stupidest conversations, but they’ve been enlightening. She doesn’t back down. She lays it all out there. I love how she has a simple mindset: be happy. It draws me to her and frankly, it turns me on. I’m in a constant state of arousal around her. I don’t even try to hide anymore how hard she makes my dick. I want her to see it, and she does with constantly grabbing at me. I want her to know she did that to me. And then I want her to take care of it like only she can, with that luscious mouth of hers.
When I get out of the shower, I see that I missed two calls from her. Damn it. I try to call her back but she doesn’t answer. I look at the clock and realize she’s probably already at work and I don’t want to bother her. It must not be important because she didn’t send a text. Maybe I should drop in there on my way out to Discovery Bay and surprise her. I’ve never been there before, and maybe she wouldn’t like me just showing up at her work place. She never talks about her parents to me, so I’ll call her back in a little while or wait for her to call me back. I am not invading her family business just because I missed her call. There must be a reason why I haven’t met them yet and I know there’s a reason she hasn’t met mine.
I head to my office first to rearrange a few work schedules, since some of the guys can’t make it in. The fires have spread near their homes and my motto is always ‘family first.’ They’ll be busy protecting their own properties and won’t have time to be out working. I grow impatient and try to call Jenna back but she still isn’t answering. I hope nothing’s wrong. What if something’s happened and she can’t reply? My heart starts beating faster and I can’t breathe. That fucking ex-boyfriend had better not have come back. That’s it—no more waiting. I’m driving to her work and checking on her. I grab my keys and head out the door, racing through yellow lights and rolling through stop signs.
I walk through the door and wind chimes tinkle, announcing my arrival. It’s a cute store with cheerful floral displays everywhere. They must be busy because the coolers are full of bouquets and arrangements. I wait for a few moments, and finally an older lady comes through the door and asks if she can help me.
“Um, yes ma’am. I was wondering if Jenna was here. I’m Nick.”
“Well, Nick, she isn’t here today. She’s leaving to go out of town for a few weeks. Is there anything I can help you with? Did you place an order or have questions?”
“Leaving to go out of town? Where?” I demand. “Does she still have my dog?” I try to calm myself down, look her dead square in the face, and see my own bewilderment registered in her eyes. This lady is confused. I scrub my hands over my face and straighten my ball cap on my head.
“I’m sorry Nick. I’m her mother, but I don’t know anything about a dog. I’m not comfortable telling you where she’s going, since I don’t know who you are. Have you tried calling her or going by her apartment? She wasn’t going to leave until around noon.”
My heart sinks in my chest and hits the pit of my stomach. I’m ready to panic, and shout that I’ve called her with no answer, but I can’t raise my voice to this woman who obviously doesn’t know her own daughter. Surely Jenna wouldn’t take Zeus w
ith her. She did try to call me, but with these fires popping up and the late nights I’ve been putting in, I haven’t actually spoken to her in a few days. “Thanks, ma’am. I’ll swing by her place right now. Have a good day.” I shove open the door and practically run to my truck. I can still hear the clacking of the chimes banging against each other as I pull away from the curb.
What the fuck is going on? This is too sudden. Is she running from someone? Her Mom didn’t seem panicked. Maybe a friend is hurt or sick and needs her for a while. I have a thousand scenarios going on in my mind, but none of them make sense enough that she wouldn’t tell me about leaving town. And why doesn’t her Mom know about Zeus—or me?
I guess she doesn’t want them to know about me. Am I a dirty little secret? Jenna’s dating Nick the Dick and she doesn’t want her parents or friends to know. I’m confused as fuck, and pissed as hell.
I want to race over to her house—but now, of all fucking moments, traffic is heavy. My thoughts are my own enemy. Maybe we aren’t seeing each other. Maybe this is a casual fucking relationship. So casual, I’m unaware. I’m a fool.
I guess I mean so little to her that she just flits and flutters out of town when the mood strikes. Is that why so many boyfriends come and go in her life? I guess I’m just another number in her cell phone.
This is crazy bullshit.
I pull into her drive and burst out of the driver’s seat, slamming the door behind me. I ring the doorbell and pound on the door, but there’s no answer. I bang on the door again; my fists are scraped up and bleeding from pounding so hard. Is she hurt? Did she leave already? She never got a fucking car, so I can’t tell.
I try calling her phone, and can hear it ringing on the other side of the door. She would have taken her phone with her. I turn the knob, but it’s locked. I realize I don’t hear Zeus barking either. It’s almost 11:00 am. Where the hell is she?
I go out back, thinking maybe they’re out there and just can’t hear me, but the backyard is quiet and empty. I notice Zeus’s lead line is gone. Maybe she took him to my house and forgot to grab her phone.
Damn it. This cat-and-mouse game of find my girl and my dog is really pissing me off.
I come around the side of the house and see them coming down the street toward me. She took him out for a walk. A fucking walk. I panicked for nothing. But why is she leaving town suddenly?
They spot me, and Zeus starts barking. Jenna releases her grip on his leash, and he bolts toward me. I open my arms to accept the massive furball into my arms. He licks my face, covering me in drool kisses while climbing up my chest, trying to gain a foothold on my body so he doesn’t slip.
I can hear Jenna laughing like nothing’s wrong, but I’m seething with rage. I step back and try to control it, but it’s a burning blaze of hot words exploding from my mouth.
“What the fuck, Jenna? I try to return your calls, and you don’t answer your phone. You didn’t text me. I fucking panicked that you were hurt.” She tries to respond, but I am so mad at this point, I just roll right over her words and keep on yelling. “I stopped by your parents’ shop and your Mom tells me you’re leaving town for two weeks. What the fuck is going on?” I walk Zeus over and put him in the truck, just to get him out of the way.
I need free hands, because this is going to be a fight. I already know it and I can’t stop it.
I turn around and she’s standing there with her arms crossed. Her face is raging red, and there’s a flush creeping up her chest and spreading between the straps of her tank top. “I tried calling you! You’re the one who didn’t answer first,” she screams right back at me. “I am leaving town. I’m going to Los Angeles. I have a meeting with Media Music, and I’ll be there for two weeks doing some work. I would have told you sooner, but it just happened so fast. You were working late, and I had a million things to do before leaving. Zeus was my last errand, and I wanted to get him fed and walked before I brought him back to you. Why the fuck am I even explaining myself to you? So there, now you know. Don’t be an asshole about it. Go. He’s yours and he’s ready to go now.” She loses all of her piss and steam on her last sentence, and her voice cracks.
I watch her run into her house, head down so that I can’t see her face, but I heard her sniffling as she darted past me. I’m still pissed, and can’t seem to make myself run after her. What the fuck just happened?
I hear the front door open and turn towards it. Her face is still down so I can’t see it, but she opens her arms and just drops Zeus’s bag of dog food and toys outside, then runs back inside.
They both landed with a loud thud. There was a finality to that noise that made my heart hurt.
She returns again with his soft bed and literally throws it at me. I watch it fly through the air and land—just like this whole situation—backwards and upside-down. The next noise I hear is the slamming of the door and the lock turning.
I have been dismissed.
I pick up everything and place it in the bed of the truck. I wrap the seatbelt around Zeus and roll his window down, so the air can blow in his face. As I back out of the driveway, I hear him whimper. I look up to see Jenna’s living room curtains fall back closed.
I swallow the tight lump in my throat. “We’re both mad right now, but it’s going to be okay, buddy.” I hope I don’t sound like a country song, lying to my dog about when my woman is coming back.
Chapter 17
Jenna
What an asshole.
I spend the entire ride to the Livermore airport pissed as hell at Nick. I can’t even piece together why he was so mad. He said he thought something had happened to me. So why is he mad? If I had found someone that I worried was hurt or lost, I would be hugging and kissing them with every ounce of happiness I had.
But not Nick; he was smoldering mad. Is that why they call him “Nick the Dick”? Now that I know his dick intimately, I thought I knew where that nickname came from, but I know better now. Men are fucking morons at times … but what a sexy moron he is when he’s mad.
I could feel the heat and energy pouring out of him. It hit my body like a hot furnace door being opened in my face in the middle of August.
My thoughts are rolling back and forth from enjoying the sexiness that was flowing out of him to hating myself, too. Why the fuck did I actually explain to him what happened? He didn’t deserve an explanation, not after raging at me. I never wanted to be mad at him or have him mad at me.
I don’t think he heard a word I said, either. I hope I didn’t ramble it, because I want him to think back on that argument and feel like total shit—but for the life of me, I can’t even remember what I said. It was all his fault. Whatever was going on in his mind consumed him. I saw veins popping in his arms and forehead and thought he was going to explode, so I ran away. I don’t ever want to see him like that. Deep down in my heart, I know he’s a good man. I feel it in every bone in my body.
I skip through security and walk through the airport to the private shuttle area. Media Music sent their jet for me, but I’m not going to let that impress me. This is all just part of the ass-kissing that is about to commence. I feel like a fish out of water; I need to learn to breathe air quickly, before I suffocate.
My chest is tight already, and I feel unsettled. I’m not sure if it’s leaving Nick behind mad, or the uncertainty about this trip to Los Angeles. The timing just doesn’t feel right. I need to get this over with, though, or my parents are going to drive me crazy.
I hoist my carry-on over my shoulder and walk up the stairs to the plane. I’m instantly greeted by an overly friendly stewardess with the perfect amount of makeup and brilliant white teeth. She’s gorgeous, and I find myself staring. She’s just another reminder of why I don’t like the big city and all of its clichés.
She gives me that very big please-take-your-seat smile in greeting and sweeps her hand towards the interior cabin, Vanna White style, like it’s a showcase prize for me to choose. I take a window seat, dump my bag of flight ente
rtainment goodies onto the seat next to me, and buckle up. I’m ready to take off, and zoom into this crazy endeavor of a joke at 600 mph.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I take a quick glance at the stewardess. She watches me pull my phone from my pocket and gives me a knowing look that says Don’t answer that, since we’re about to taxi down the runway and take off.
It’s Nick actually calling me, but I can’t talk to him now. My temper is still boiling. If I talk to him, I’ll regret anything I say—or, more likely, give in to him now. I let him go to voicemail. Another flight attendant walks through the cabin, closing doors, drawers, and anything else that needs to be shut tight. She stops by my seat and asks if I need anything before takeoff.
“No, I’m good, thanks. But can you tell me how long the flight is?”
“We should be landing in Los Angeles within 90 minutes,” she says as she blasts her Hollywood-perfect smile at me. I give her my best thank-you grin and go about checking my phone again.
I have a voice message. I punch in my mailbox passcode as I mentally chastise myself for listening to whatever Nick has to say. I bring the phone to my ear and hear the deep timber of his voice simply say “Jenna.” He breathes out my name with an elongation of the middle N’s and pauses, causing a heated shiver to move up my spine. Even mad at him, my body still wants him. The phone line is silent for way to long. I remove the phone from my ear in a panic and look at the screen making sure the timer on voicemail is still ticking away at the seconds. Did he lose his connection during the message? The timer is still counting upward though.