Alice chalked it up to the fact that, maybe, he just wasn’t there yet. That didn’t mean that what they had together wasn’t real. He had even come to the house, sharing Sunday dinner with the family. And it had been nice. Then they snuck away and made love afterward, their passion intense as ever.
The truth was, she regretted bringing it up. Their afternoon together at the picnic had been a lot of fun. They had been relaxed, playful and happy. She wasn’t sure how things would go, whether Billy would be comfortable with Amy or not. She wondered if he would be able to accept the fact that she was a mother. They had undeniable chemistry together, no question, but she was curious if that would translate outside of their sexual connection. Would he fit in with her family? He seemed to blend in perfectly, showing no signs of discomfort. Just the opposite. That was the only reason she found the courage to press him.
Alice pulled into the long driveway, passing by Joe who was walking up the lane way. She slowed down the truck and stopped beside him.
“Hey there, what’s up?” she asked through the open window.
Joe threw her half a smile and walked up to the truck.
“Nothin’. I just went over to the Ferguson’s farm. They are having some issues with one of the horses we sold them a few months back. Big Damien. He wanted my opinion on a lame foot. Sam dropped me off at the end of the road on his way into town,” he shared, lighting a cigarette.
“Everything ok?” she asked, hoping it wasn’t serious.
Joe nodded, taking a long pull off his smoke.
“He’s fine. Just a sub-solar abscess, as near as I can tell. They are calling the vet in to fix him up.”
“Do you want to hop in, I’ll drive you up to the barn?” she asked kindly.
Joe shook his head.
“Nah, I don’t mind the walk. You go on,” he said, banging the side of her truck.
Alice waived at him and drove on, grateful that things weren’t awkward between them. Although they had seen one another plenty of times since she turned down his proposal, and he hadn’t brought it up again, he had still been somewhat distant. She had tried to be discreet, but it was no secret that Billy was being attentive. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him. Truthfully, she didn’t know where things stood with Billy anyway.
She pulled the truck up to the barn and made her way around to her office. She looked around for Billy, wondering if he was nearby. She wanted to share the good news with him. He was right, there were no issues with the bank. She had nothing to worry about.
Later that afternoon Billy came to find her. She was working on updating the website, deep in concentration when he came strolling in. He was covered in sawdust, apparently putting his carpentry skills to work.
“Hello, Beauty, you look like you are buried in work,” he said, kissing her on the top of the head.
The fine dust from his hair rained down on her like confetti. Alice giggled and ran her fingers through his hair.
“You look like you were buried, too,” she teased.
“I just finished some trim work in Joe’s living quarters. It is coming along nicely,” he explained, pulling up a chair beside her. “What are you working on?”
“Just adding some information on the website. As soon as the arena is done, I’ll hire someone to come and take some professional shots and then I’ll include them here, and here,” she said, showing him her work.
“That’s great,” he said, passively. “How did it go at the bank this morning?”
“No problems, just like you predicted,” she said smiling. “Thank you for staying so calm and keeping me focused.”
Billy shrugged his shoulders and looked away.
“Let me just check my account and see if the loan was processed,” she said, bringing up her banking website.
“I’ll move to the other side of the desk and give you some privacy,” he said, shifting his chair.
“Don’t be silly, I trust you,” she said, placing a hand on his arm.
Billy looked away anyway, out of respect. She typed in her password and pulled up her account.
“Yup, we are good to go. Let me send you the transfer right now,” she said manipulating the mouse.
After a minute or two she looked up and him nodded.
“There it is! We are almost done! I can’t tell you how relieved I am,” she said, kissing him on the cheek.
Billy accepted her kiss but seemed indifferent. Alice wondered again if something was wrong.
“What is it?” she pressed softly, placing her hand on his.
Billy shook his head and smiled.
“Nothing. Everything is good,” he assured her.
Alice looked at him skeptically. He seemed so unsettled lately, and she wondered if it had anything to do with her, but after what happened the last time they talked, she wasn’t about to pressure him.
“Seriously. No worries,” he said, squeezing her finger tips.
He leaned in, placing his fingers under her chin and raising her lips to meet his. He kissed her ever so softly. It was one of the sweetest kisses she had ever received.
* * *
Billy threw his bag into the cab of the truck. Alice smiled at him sadly. He had not given her an exact date when he would be back, saying only that it wouldn’t be long. She was going to miss him, whether he was gone for only a week or the whole month.
“So, the crew will be back Monday?” Alice asked, hoping he would offer information about his own timeline.
“That is the plan,” Billy agreed, meeting her eyes. “Don’t look so sad, Alice,” he said, putting his arms on her shoulders.
Alice could have said the very same thing to him. He was anxious and fidgety. She couldn’t explain it, but she had a strange feeling about the whole thing. She tried to ignore it, chalking it up to her old triggers. Every time she was happy, something bad happened. She sighed deeply, and forced herself to smile.
“Billy!” Amy yelled, running across the yard, her curly pig tails bouncing up and down.
He looked at Alice and grinned.
“Don’t leave without saying goodbye to me,” she said, throwing herself around his legs.
“I wouldn’t do that,” he said, picking her up.
Amy gave him a hug, wrapping her arms tightly around him, pressing her cheek firmly against his. Billy looked genuinely touched. He tried to peel her away, but she tightened her grip. He looked at Alice with his brows raised, as if to say, ’Help me.’
Alice shrugged as if to reply, ‘No way ,Jose.’
“Thanks,” he said flatly, but his smile said otherwise.
Finally, Amy gave him a kiss on the cheek and released her grip on his neck.
“See you later, Alligator,” she said, touching his nose with her tiny index finger.
“Gotta go, Buffalo,” Billy replied, poking her in the belly.
Amy giggled and he set her back down on the ground.
“Now, what do you say you run and play so I can say a proper good bye to your mommy.”
“Ok, see you soon, you big Baboon,” Amy teased.
She ran back to the house, turning around just once to wave goodbye again.
“Take care,” he said, pulling Alice into his arms.
She searched his eyes, looking for something else. Reassurance, comfort, answers? He closed his own eyes and kissed her, which seemed to be his way of distracting her.
As far as distractions go, there were worse things, she thought, enjoying his affection. She parted her lips, inviting in his tongue. He groaned softly in her mouth, as his passion heightened, their kiss long and delicious. Alice pulled back and smiled at him, leaving him wanting more.
“There is more of that waiting for you when you come back,” she offered, grinning playfully.
Billy nodded, his eyes glazed with arousal.
“Seriously. I’m going to miss you,” she said sincerely.
“Me too,” Billy said, pulling her in for one more hug. “More than you will ever know.”
He released her reluctantly, slipping into his truck. He offered her a short wave as he drove away. Alice watched his truck until it disappeared down the driveway. She held back her tears, not wanting to give in to her uneasiness.
* * *
Several days had gone by and she still hadn’t heard from Billy. She tried casually texting him once or twice, but he hadn’t responded. She tried not to worry, assuring herself that he was busy and that he would reach out to her soon. She tried to preoccupy herself with tasks around the ranch, but everywhere she turned there were reminders of him. She was dizzy with the memories they had shared over the past several months. She didn’t anticipate missing him this much.
It was so quiet, a stark contrast to the activity and construction noises that had recently filled the ranch. It felt like a ghost town to her and she looked forward to the chaos resuming.
She had the whole weekend to occupy before that happened, but it wouldn’t be too difficult, if she could just keep herself focused.
She hoped it wouldn’t be too long before Billy returned. She was confident that when the crew returned to work Monday, they would be able to carry on without him. Even still, she would feel a whole lot better if he were there to supervise them.
Alice was in the barn finishing mucking the stalls, when Joe walked in. He came up to her, his hands in his pockets, looking like a man that had something to say. She could smell bourbon on his breath, and it struck her as odd. It wasn’t like him to drink during the day.
Alice set the broom against the wall and wiped her hands on her jeans.
“Do you have a minute to talk?” he asked her apprehensively, slurring his words.
“I was just heading over to the arena to tidy up the construction site. Do you want to join me? We can talk over there,” she suggested.
Joe nodded and gestured for her to lead the way. When they got there, Alice looked around, a huge smile on her face. She could see the possibilities in front of her and couldn’t contain her excitement.
“Doesn’t it look fantastic in here?” she asked him, trying to share her enthusiasm.
Joe shrugged and took a cigarette out of the package, placing it in his mouth. Alice frowned.
“I wish you wouldn’t smoke in here, Joe. Will you wait until we are back outside?” she asked, not wanting to offend him, but worried about safety.
There was a lot of debris and sawdust around, too many flammables littering the area.
“Sorry,” he said, placing it back in the pack.
He looked around pensively.
“Looks like there is a lot left to do. Doesn’t make sense to me that Billy and his team would leave now. Seems a little ill-timed,” he observed skeptically.
“Yes, there is a lot left to do,” Alice agreed, looking a little more critically around the space, “but Billy told me that it would be fine. He’s assured me we will hit our timelines, even with this time off. It is Labor Day weekend and they have all been pushing so hard, Joe.”
“Hmm,” he responded, looking around.
Alice chose to ignore his cynicism, afraid his negativity would rub off on her. It would be far too easy to let her worries consume her. She changed the subject.
“What did you want to talk to me about?” she asked, turning to face him.
Joe shrugged his shoulders, inhaling deeply. He looked like he would feel so much more relaxed with a cigarette in his hand.
“I thought maybe this would be a good time to talk to you about what I asked you before,” he said, hesitation in his voice.
Alice tried to read his expression, to gauge his feelings, but he kept his eyes on the floor.
“I figured with Billy gone, you might have had time to give it some thought,” he said quietly.
Alice sighed deeply, knowing that it was just a matter of time before the subject came up again. She knew she needed to be as clear as possible, and let the chips fall where they may. She didn’t want to hurt him, and worried that he would pick up and leave, but there was nothing she could do about that. She wasn’t going to marry him and could do nothing to spare his feelings.
He had asked her to think over his proposal, and she did offer him that courtesy. The truth was, even if Billy wasn’t in the picture, Joe would never be someone she would consider as a romantic partner, let alone her husband. She felt the emotion rising in her chest, her tears dangerously close to spilling.
“Joe,” she began, smiling warmly at him, “I have given this a lot of thought. I promise you I have, but I still feel the same way. I’m sorry but I can’t accept your proposal.”
He grimly shook his head, refusing to meeting her eyes.
“Please look at me,” she encouraged kindly.
He looked up at her like he had just had the rug pulled out from under him. Alice continued cautiously.
“You deserve a wife who adores you Joe. You’re a good man and I know that you will make another woman really happy. Maybe this is a good time for you to put yourself out there, try to meet someone. You’ve been sequestered here since my parents died, and I know that in some ways it might be my fault. I have relied too much on you and I’m afraid I may have kept you from enjoying your own life,” she explained as gently as she could.
Joe shook his head, the significance of her words not landing on him.
“You haven’t kept me here, Alice. I wanted to be here, to take care of you. I love you and I know you love me too. Everything was fine before he got here,” he said, shifting closer to her.
“No, Joe, I’m not in love with you,” she said, a little more firmly.
She held a hand in front of her, signaling him to respect her space.
“You’re in love with him,” he said, his voice deep with contempt.
Alice didn’t care for his tone. He made it sound so dirty. She shook her head, not in denial, but in disbelief.
“Do you think that drifter cares about you, Alice? He waltzes around here like he owns the fucking place, doing whatever the hell he wants, taking whatever he wants and you are so fucking blind. I know you have been fucking him. Don’t you have any common sense, woman? Any self respect?” he spat, his words cutting her.
Alice felt her breath catch in her throat. He had never spoken to her so harshly before, or been so cruel. Was it his anger talking? Had she hurt him so deeply? She had no idea how to respond.
“Oh, don’t look at me like that. How do you think it makes me feel, seeing you piss away your parents’ blood money so carelessly. Building this arena like it’s the fucking Taj Mahal, altering everything your daddy worked so hard to build. Letting that fucking ingrate come in here and manipulate you. Your daddy would be so disappointed in you. Why have you forgotten your place around here?” he growled, grabbing her shoulders forcefully.
Her place?
Alice pulled herself back but he refused to release his grip. Shock and betrayal rattled her to the core. She knew he was enraged, but his words were so deeply offensive. How could he confess his love for her yet speak to her so hatefully?
“You naive, little girl,” he continued. “This ranch is mine as much as it is yours. I’ve invested my blood, sweat and tears into this place and you’re dismantling it, bit by bit. I won’t stand by and let that happen,” he slurred, tears in his eyes.
She forcefully knocked his hands off her shoulders, driven by her own anger. He staggered back a few inches, but his body language was still aggressive. Alice put more distance between them, moving further away.
“This ranch is mine, and I’ll do as I please with it. You don’t love me. You want my land and you think that by marrying me, it will finally be yours,” she declared, piecing it together.
It was suddenly becoming so clear. Joe looked down and spat, evidence of his contempt, but not denying it.
“I’m disappointed that it has come to this, Joe. I’m sad that you think I’m a complete fuck up, but I think it’s best if you leave. This isn’t your home anymore,” she offered flatly, doing he
r best to control the emotion in her voice, although she could do nothing to stop her hands from shaking.
“Pack your things and be gone by Sunday,” she said, walking past him.
He grabbed her arm and forcefully pulled her back, his face contorted with spite.
“Take your fucking hands off me,” she hissed, throwing her shoulders back, suddenly fearful that he might harm her.
His expression slowly turned from anger to regret, as though he suddenly realized the consequences of his actions. He released her and held his hand up in front of himself, gesturing for her to relax.
“Shit, I didn’t mean half of what I said, it was my ego talking. I let my anger take over,” he said, clearly back pedaling.
Alice shook her head, considering her reply.
“My daddy used to say that angry people always reveal their deepest truths,” she replied, her confidence returning, “and, Joe, I’ll always wonder which half of what you said was true, and exactly what you did mean.”
She turned her back on him, quickly exiting the arena before her tears escaped.
* * *
“Mommy, what day is tomorrow?” Amy asked, just as her mother was tucking the blankets up under her chin.
Alice sat down on the mattress beside her.
“It’s Saturday, baby. Why do you ask?” she said quietly, brushing the hair from her child’s eyes. She needed to find the time to cut Amy’s hair soon.
“Will Billy be here Saturday?” Amy asked hopefully.
Alice offered her a sweet smile.
“No, honey, I’m sorry. How about you and I go to the pond to practice your swimming tomorrow, before it gets too chilly? It is supposed to be hot. Would you like that?” Alice asked, changing the subject.
“Will he be home on Sunday?” Amy pressed.
Alice shook her head solemnly. Amy had grown so fond of Billy. She wished she had clear answers to offer her, but he left things so vague, promising to update her as soon as he could. She still hadn’t heard from him, and she was starting to get antsy herself.
“I’m afraid not, but remember that Sunday Aunt Lisa is taking you to Jody’s house to play for the afternoon. Won’t that be fun?” she asked, hoping to give her daughter something cheerful to think about.
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