Heartfelt

by Danielle Allen

  “I don’t know…” She shook her head, unable to finish her sentence.

  Reaching up, she placed her hands on the side of my face. Her eyes searched mine and my heart stumbled. Standing on her tiptoes, she stretched up to kiss me.

  “Thank you,” she whispered against my lips. “Thank you for everything.”

  “You don’t have to thank me. We’re in this together. I told you. You mean everything to me. I’m never going to let anything happen to you.”

  Bianca wiped the tears from her face, staring at me in awe. “How did this happen?”

  “Well Keisha approached me and—”

  “No, not this.” She gestured to the apartment. “This.” She gestured between us. “How did this happen?”

  “You came back from Italy and I realized that I never wanted to be away from you again.”

  Her face didn’t move, but I heard her exhale, long and deep. “Your lines are getting better.”

  “You know I don’t use lines.”

  She rolled her eyes as the smile engulfed her face. “Ro, this is amazing. This is crazy, but this is amazing!” She ran out of the room and into the living room area.

  I followed behind her, laughing. “I’m glad you like it because this is where we live.”

  Standing at the doorway, I watched her. She danced around the space before turning to face me, grinning. “Holy shit. This is where we live. Together.”

  Stepping into the room, I confirmed, “Together.”

  Jumping up and down, she took off running and leaped into my arms, almost knocking us both down.

  Grabbing her ass, I secured her in my arms and looked up at her. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

  She rained kisses down on me. “You make me happy.”

  “Since I’m here earlier than we anticipated, I can start moving your stuff up here tomorrow, if you’d like.”

  “You are amazing.” She paused and I saw the question flash in her eyes before she started to ask it. “Wait, how did you sell your house so fast to get this place? The rent here is crazy.”

  “I haven’t sold it yet. But when the houses in my area go on sale, they go pretty quickly. I don’t think it’ll be long before mine is sold.”

  “But how do you have the money for this?” Bianca asked point blank. “I don’t want you to put yourself in a financial bind because of me. Your art is amazing and everything is selling so quickly. But as a curator and your best friend, I know how many pieces you have completed and I know how much you sell them for, the rent here will drain your account.”

  Here goes.

  I cleared my throat and tightened my grip on her.

  “I have access to a good little bit of money.”

  Her eyebrows came together in confusion. “What does that mean?”

  “It means that I have access to a lot of money.”

  The crease between her eyebrows deepened as she stared at me. “What do you mean access? What are you talking about?”

  My heart thumped loudly with uncertainty. “It means I have a trust fund.”

  Bianca’s eyes widened. “What?”

  “My biological mother and her parents…they um, they apparently had a pretty substantial amount of money from some oil investment. I don’t know the whole story. But when she died, all of her money went to her only child.” I took a breath. “Me.”

  Pushing out of my arms, Bianca looked horrified as she backed away from me. “What?”

  “Yeah…” I didn’t know what else to say.

  My eyes followed her as she paced back and forth.

  “So, you have what? Thousands? Hundreds of thousands?”

  I swallowed hard, unable to move a muscle.

  She stopped in her tracks and her eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her skull. “Millions?!” Her whisper scream echoed through the apartment.

  I nodded imperceptibly, nervous about her reaction.

  We stared at each other for a second and all of the air left the room.

  “No, no, no, no.” Her voice sounded resigned. “Ro, I don’t want to live off of you. I don’t want to live off of my parents. I can make a living on my own. I’m fully capable of supporting myself.”

  “I know you can, B,” I said earnestly.

  Shaking her head, she mumbled under her breath, “First Nina treats me differently because of you. And now you’re leasing property for me.” Sighing, she set her sights on me. “I have to do this on my own. I don’t want to live off of someone else’s name or money. Do you remember what I said to my parents? That still applies. I need to stand on my own two feet.”

  “You can and you do. Nothing about that has changed.”

  “Everything about it has changed.” She shook her head and cast her gaze downward.

  “In the last two minutes, what has changed? You were so excited a few minutes ago.”

  “A few minutes ago, we were going to be a couple sharing an apartment together. A few minutes ago, we were going to be coming into this apartment as financial equals. Now it just feels like I’ll be living in your apartment. How is that any different than the situation with my parents?”

  I took a step toward her, but without looking up at me, she put her hand up, stopping me. Just like that, I felt like I’d been punched in the gut.

  “B… look at me.” When our eyes met, I found the strength to continue. “The difference is that your parents only offer you financial support. That’s the difference. This isn’t about financial support. I support you in every possible way. I support your drive and your passion. I support your dedication. I support you, B. In any and everything you want to do. I want to help you accomplish your goals just like I want you to help me accomplish mine. I want to be here with you and for you. I want you to be happy so I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy. Renting this apartment isn’t about me wanting to control you, financially or otherwise. Renting this apartment is about me trying to spend every waking moment knowing that at the end of the day, I come home to you.”

  She deflated as if all the fight drained out of her. I couldn’t read her expression, but her mouth opened and closed a few times. No words ever passed her lips, but I felt her energy. I felt everything she didn’t say.

  I took another step toward her. “Bianca, I love you. I’m not going to apologize for wanting to take care of you or wanting the best for you or wanting to make you happy. I do that because I love you. I’m here because I love you. I signed this lease because I love you.”

  She was quiet for a long time. I didn’t know if I should go to her or give her space.

  I gave her space.

  “I know. I’m sorry. I love you,” she said finally, breaking the still air. Her eyes watered as she chewed the corner of her lip. “I just feel like I have so much to prove.”

  Pain lanced through me as I searched her eyes. My heart ached for her. “You don’t have anything to prove. Not to me or to anyone else. Every single day that you go out there and do what you know you are meant to do, you’re showing everyone everything they need to know. The only person you have to prove yourself to is you. Don’t let what your mom said get in your head.”

  She nodded, swiping at the corner of her eye. “You’re right.”

  “Besides, I never said we weren’t going to split rent,” I joked.

  The corners of her mouth twitched as a ghost of a smile graced her face. It was small, but it was there.

  Finally.

  Relief flooded my system and I felt myself starting to relax.

  “I know your parents gave you a complex about people with money, but I’m still the man you fell in love with, B. And despite your trust fund, you’re the woman I fell in love with. The money doesn’t matter. It didn’t matter then and it doesn’t matter now.”

  She seemed to consider what I said. “So you and I will continue to be equal partners?”

  “Always.”

  “Our trust funds will be our in-case-of-emergency funds? And what we make from our a
rt will be what we live off of?”

  “Absolutely. Honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. If I buy this place, it would be an investment. Just like my place in Richmond.”

  Covering her face, she dropped her chin to her chest.

  Frozen in place, I just stood there.

  Is she crying? Dear God, please don’t let her be crying.

  I watched her shoulders tremble silently before I made my move. As soon as I took the first step in her direction, laughter rippled across the room. I stopped again.

  My gut twisted, unsure of what was happening.

  Bianca’s head lifted slowly. “This is crazy.”

  “What do you mean?” I tried to keep a serious tone, but her laughter always did something to me. I shook my head. “What’s so funny?”

  “My parents, specifically my mother…” She fell into a new fit of giggles, making her entire body shake.

  Even though I didn’t know what she was about to say, it took everything in me not to start laughing along with her.

  “She said…she said you were, you were a starving artist!”

  I felt the chuckle bubbling up inside of my chest as she barely got the sentence out. My eyes started watering while I strained to keep my composure.

  “She called you my starving artist beau!”

  Unable to hold it in any longer, I joined her. I laughed so hard, my stomach hurt.

  When our laughter died down, we were left smiling at one another separated by a few feet.

  Bianca wiped the corner of her eye and then made her facial expression serious. “So let me get this straight. Instead of being a starving artist, you are a trust fund baby?”

  I studied her expression. “I wouldn’t say that,” I replied slowly.

  Light flickered in her brown eyes as she put her hands on her hips. “You mean to tell me that you are some spoiled little rich kid?”

  “Well since I didn’t find out about the money until I was an adult, I technically don’t qualify as a kid.”

  She laughed at my quip. It was the type of laugh that always made me feel funnier than I actually was. Her perfect mouth turned up into a smirk.

  Taking the final steps toward her, I continued. “And since I haven’t touched the money in that account since grad school, I technically couldn’t be considered spoiled.”

  She narrowed her eyes into little slits and her mouth turned into a scowl in a failed effort to hide her amusement.

  Grabbing her waist, I pulled her into me, closing the gap between us. “And you know nothing about me is little.” I grabbed her hand, running it down my abs toward my dick.

  She snatched her hand away, backing away from me.

  “Stop trying to distract me!” Bianca giggled, swatting at my hand as I tried to grab it again. “I’m trying to wrap my head around this.”

  She looked up at me with an expression I couldn’t read.

  “Are you okay? With this?” I cupped her cheeks with my hands. Letting my thumb move across her satiny skin, I waited. Our faces were close and I could feel each breath she took against my skin.

  “Am I okay with the fact that you rented the apartment I wanted in order to be close to me? Yes. Absolutely. Am I okay with the fact that you kept things from me?” She shook her head before continuing. “No. I’m not.”

  My heart sank so suddenly it hurt. I resisted the urge to massage the pain out.

  “Roman, you have to trust me. You have to trust that there’s nothing that would change how I feel about you. I’ve seen you at your worst. I mean, angry rant asshole professor worst. And I’ve seen you at your best.” She put her hand on my chest. “I know your heart, Ro. You just have to trust me with it.”

  “I do trust you, B. I do.” I pressed my lips against hers. “That was just a difficult part of my life and I didn’t ever feel like it was the right time to share that with you.”

  “We can’t keep things from each other. Good, bad or indifferent. We have to be honest with each other. You have to trust me. So no more secrets.”

  “No more secrets.”

  ----------

  Chapter Twenty

  “Well it’s about damn time,” Brad sighed, falling back on the couch.

  Malik handed him his fourth cold beer. “I’m just glad it’s done.”

  “It was a few boxes,” I replied, letting out a short laugh. “You two act like I didn’t help your asses move three times in the last couple of years.”

  “Well we didn’t have all this heavy art shit. Who the fuck knew that a metal box of brushes weighed ninety-seven pounds? I dislocated my shoulder,” Brad grumbled, rubbing his shoulder for emphasis.

  Laughing, I threw a balled up piece of paper at him. “Easy, shut the hell up!”

  Malik pointed at him. “Don’t listen to his shit, Roman. I saw his ass lift up the couch just now when he thought his phone fell behind it.”

  We laughed, enjoying our beers.

  “So this is how the upper echelon lives,” Malik remarked, walking around the apartment Bianca and I shared.

  Looking around, our stuff filled the room in perfect harmony, making it appear as if we had always lived together. Everything from our furniture to our art work complimented each other. We hadn’t even unpacked all the way, but I could see how our lives easily coexisted.

  It’s going to be okay. This is going to be good.

  I told her I wanted us to move in together on Monday morning and five days later, it was official. While Bianca worked, I moved her stuff upstairs. On Thursday night I drove down and enlisted the help of my best friends. With my car and a moving truck loaded, we drove back up the next morning. Hours later, we had transported everything from my bedroom and home office to New York.

  Sweeping my gaze over the room once more, I smiled.

  “What the hell are you smiling about?” Brad yelled jokingly. “I’m over here in pain, thinking I’m about to sue you and B for the injury I sustained. Malik is over there yammering about the view. And you’re just sitting there, smiling.” Brad stood up and jogged to the home studio where Malik was admiring the window wall. “Roman’s eyes just glazed over and turned into hearts. I swear to God. This dude sighed happily just now. Like B just asked him to prom or some shit.”

  Chuckling hard, my overworked muscles cried out in pain. The deep belly laugh may have been good for my soul, but it was hard as hell on my ab muscles.

  “Easy is full of shit,” I clarified as I entered the room.

  “The only thing full of shit is this big ass chair with boxes in it.” He pointed for emphasis. “I have a dislocated shoulder and I have to stand so your art supplies can have a seat. What kind of shit is that?”

  The three of us laughed and joked back and forth for a while before we fell into a comfortable silence as we looked over the city.

  Malik was the first to break the silence. “Can’t believe you won’t be in Richmond anymore, man.”

  “It’s the end of an era,” Brad added.

  “I know. All my life, Richmond was more of a home than anywhere.”

  Well, until now. Now home is where Bianca is. Home is Bianca.

  “So after two months of dating, you and B are living together. I’m not judging. But damn, that’s quick,” Brad mentioned. “I mean, if you’re going to move in with a chick, Bianca would be the one to move in with. She’s like one of the guys. Except her body is dope. Her ass—”

  I pushed him before he could finish his sentence.

  Malik turned and moved out of the way just in time for Brad to fall onto the floor.

  “Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” I barked.

  My immediate reaction was an overreaction, but when it came to Bianca, there was no other reaction. The thought of someone disrespecting her infuriated me. My hands balled into fists as I stared at him sprawled out on the floor.

  When I saw the amused look in his eyes, my secondary reaction was annoyance. Brad knew the ways to push my buttons and he did it for fun.
/>   Especially when he’s been drinking.

  Although my fists uncurled, I was still aggravated.

  Malik pushed his sleeves up and shook his head. “You have to chill out with that, Easy.”

  Brad picked himself up off of the ground and looked between us. “Come on, I was joking. I mean, I do think she’s hot, but she’s obviously yours and…”

  His voice trailed off and he looked between me and Malik.

  “Oh no, don’t stop on my account,” Bianca’s throaty voice emerged out of nowhere.

  My head swiveled around to face her. Wearing jeans, a cream sweater and knee high brown boots, she looked incredibly sexy. She had her hands on the wide span of her hips and her eyes were narrowed and focused on Brad.

  “Go on, Easy. I’m hot. I’m obviously Roman’s. And what else were you about to say?”

  Brad laughed easily. “Listen, here’s what happened. I was just commenting on what a nice rear end you have and Roman got all bent out of shape. You know he doesn’t appreciate my appreciation of you and your ass...assets.”

  I knew what he was doing, but I still felt the tension in my body.

  Bianca wandered further into the room and put a hand on my arm, instantly calming me.

  She wrapped her arms around me, hugging me close as she spoke to Brad. “I don’t know why you insist on riling him up.”

  “Because it’s so easy!”

  Bianca turned her sights on me. “Hi,” she whispered, kissing me chastely.

  Letting go of me, she quickly gave Malik a hug before standing in front of Brad. “You know, this is why you don’t have any female friends.”

  “I have you and Courtney. I don’t need any more female friends. Unless they come with benefits. I’m all about benefits.”

  With a laugh, she gave Brad a hug. “You need to get your life together, Easy.”

  We talked for almost three hours as the sun set over the city. Ordering pizza, we stayed in our not-yet-put-together office and we talked. When it got dark, we relocated to the living room. It wasn’t long before a ridiculous argument broke out between B, Malik and Brad. I couldn’t help laughing at their points. None of them made sense, but they were funny.