By this time the other passengers were aware there was some type of distress.
“Where’s the box?” Suzy chimed in and swiveled around from the row in front of us. I rifled through my handbag and produced the Ear Planes box and handed it over.
“There’s your problem,” she announced.
“What?”
“These are designed for children’s ears, not adults.” She tapped on the letters stamped on the packaging. Not helpful at this point.
Panic gripped me. Could this thing be excised? If we kept on fiddling with it, would the plug go further into the canal and require surgery? Why didn’t I notice the “for children’s ears” wording when I bought them in the airport shop?
The plane came to a stop, we unbuckled our seat belts, and the others began to retrieve their luggage from the overhead bins. Clara and Suzy conferred and motioned for the rest of us to stay seated until we could have a moment with the flight attendant.
With help from the crew, Amy, Suzy, and Hattie were transported to a waiting area. Clara and I were whisked to the Miami Airport Medical Center. We were surrounded by equipment that looked like it was donated from an ancient vessel previously commandeered by Noah. Clara did her best to calm me. Finally a technician arrived. He was a non-English speaker so there was nothing left to do but pantomime my predicament. He motioned for me to lie down on the examining table while he peered into the ear canal with a flashlight. I could hear Clara chanting or hopefully praying. Her cell phone rang, she said a few words ending with “okay.”
Meanwhile tears flowed down my cheeks and onto the examining table. The errant ear plug began to throb in the canal. The door flung open and I was relieved to hear Suzy’s voice.
“Let me see,” she ordered the clinician. “There you are you little bas….. I mean baby. Give me that,” she jerked the flashlight from his hand. He hovered in the corner and made the sign of the cross.
Then in typical Suzy fashion she took control. Chanel No.5, her signature fragrance, reassured me that everything would be okay.
“Do you trust me?” she whispered.
I nodded.
“Then lie very, very still,” she ordered.
A hypodermic needle glinted in the light. I closed my eyes.
“All done,” Suzy announced as she speared the offending ear plug. I think I fainted for a few seconds. The attendant uttered something in Spanish and crossed himself again. We probably didn’t need a translation.
On the taxi ride to the port of Miami, Amy was still in a drug stupor so Suzy retold the ear plug story with flair and embellishment. I silently vowed that no matter what, I would never use ear plugs again. Clara dutifully rounded up our passports in the taxi. She wasn’t about to take chances with the TSA again. I prayed the taxi driver didn’t understand English.
After a decade the taxi exited onto the C terminal and headed for the SS Royal Norwegian that we had tagged the “black pearl.” I couldn’t wait to get aboard. For ten glorious days, we would live in an enclosed environment where the girls could carry on their mischief only so far. With a finite number of decks (as Suzy had taught us not “floors”) and two in our group needing handicap accessible features, Suzy, Clara, and I could breathe easy.
Our cabin on Deck 9 was a customized mini-suite with handicap accessible bathrooms and sleeping facilities. The cabin contained a dressing area complete with full length mirror, a desk area, and spacious balcony. It was near to the elevator with only one floor from shopping on Deck 8 and two floors from the Casino on Deck 7. We were excited to have a refrigerator filled with goodies (compliments of our casino host), a coffee maker, a large balcony, and a flat screen television.
First order of the day was ship exploration, sail away cocktails, and a review of the week’s itinerary. Suzie and Amy held platinum status which afforded them a lot of free stuff, a complimentary ship’s tour, and invitations to numbers of cocktail parties, meals at the higher end restaurants, and even a special dinner with the captain. I was duly impressed. Hattie muttered something about Norwegians being communists, but she wasn’t indignant enough to pass up the Godiva chocolates on her nightstand.
“Last one in the pool is a rotten egg,” Clara challenged as she emerged from the bathroom wearing her new bathing suit. We stopped unpacking and turned to see Clara arrayed in an animal print number.
“Just hold on Missy,” Hattie said. “You can’t do anything until after the emergency drill. See on your key card. Right here, we are designated to Assembly Station D8 that’s a restaurant. When the announcement for the drill is made, we go to our assembly station, get checked off the list, and witness a demonstration in case there is an emergency. My God, woman. Didn’t you see Titanic?”
“Now Hattie, let’s don’t get dramatic,” Suzy intervened. “It’s just a drill. Better to be safe than sorry. Right? Besides when Amy and I did our first cruise, we had to put on life jackets and stand in the sun. Now it’s so much better.”
Amy nodded in agreement and reiterated, “so much better.”
“Okay,” Clara pouted. “But I’m leaving on my swimsuit just the same.”
“Sure dear. Whatever you want. Just slip on a cover up and remember to take your key card with you at all times. When you purchase something you don’t use cash, you use your key card. Your extras will go on an account under our master bill. Just pace yourself. You have ten days and a lot of ports to go through.”
We all said “yes” obediently to Suzy, our acknowledged leader.
We stowed our belongings, placed our suitcases out of sight, and I for one drew a breath of relief. It wasn’t long until an announcement came across the loud speaker for everyone to go to their assigned assembly stations. Hattie slipped into her chair. Amy chose to use her hot pink cane instead of a walker. Physical therapy had bolstered her confidence and we were all pleased. We boarded the crowded elevator and made our way to our assigned assembly station inside Sauces Restaurant. One of the ship’s employees checked us off the list and pointed us to a corner booth. When the list was complete, the drill began with a demonstration of how to put on the life preserver, where the life preservers are located, and how to use the light and whistle. While we were waiting to be dismissed, Suzy unfolded today’s shipboard news so that we could plan our evening. A distinguished looking gentleman asked if he could join us.
“Of course,” Amy responded. Did I denote a glitter in her eye?
When we were dismissed, Mr. William Dylan introduced himself. We were excited to make our first new friend. The fact that he was handsome and apparently single didn’t hurt a bit.
The drill ended and the all clear whistle blew.
“Well I’m headed to the pool,” Clara announced.
“I’ll join you, Clara” I said. “I just need to go to the room, change into my swimsuit, and grab my Kindle.”
“Any others?” Clara looked in Amy’s direction but got no response.
We all said the polite ‘nice to have met yous to Mr. Dylan.’ Suzy and Hattie were off to play bingo. When barely out of earshot, Hattie mouthed “gigolo.”
Apparently Amy and “Will” had a lot to talk about. We made a plan to meet up at the Anchors’ Away Party.
The pool was crowded and we had to take lounges in the back shaded area. This was fine for me. My pale skin freckled and burned. Besides, the shade was better for reading. James Patterson had my attention at present. I was deep into an Alex Cross mystery. As it neared time for the Anchors Away party, Clara and I had moved to a table. It was great to be where you could wear your bathing suit pretty much everywhere.
William was still at Amy’s side when they joined us. William escorted her to our table and procured a tray of champagne for a sail away toast. The Thursday Club girls were determined to get this vacation off to a grand start.
I for one looked forward to no meals to cook, no rooms to clean, and virtually no responsibilities unless of course you count keeping up with a ninety-year-old who likes to play pranks,
a senior citizen with a school girl crush on a stranger, an inquisitive retired reporter, and a woman who could talk anyone into anything. This vacation would surely be exciting but restful? Not so sure.
~2~
The sea air gave me quite an appetite. It didn’t help that everything from filet mignon to lobster was up for grabs eight times a day. Elegance in air travel may have declined, but it thrived on the cruise lines. I could get used to it. I loved being called ‘Madame’ by the staff. I felt elegant.
“The fare here is wonderful. Would you like any recommendations?” William offered. Our reservations were for Bugsy’s Steak House, one of the high end restaurants open to Platinum members.
“Oh yes. Please.” Amy responded. Did she just bat her eyelashes at him?
Clara looked dismayed. Was that a whiff of jealousy in the air?
“The filet with blue cheese is wonderful and so is the Argentina skirt steak,” he suggested. “But I do admit the filet is my personal favorite.”
No one could decide right away so we ordered shrimp cocktails and wine to begin. I wanted to warn the poor waiter that he would need the patience of Job to help Hattie decide on an entrée.
Since our server was from the Philippines, he couldn’t possibly understand that in the south, we take eating most seriously. We don’t allow any funny business when it comes to food. A Southerner’s view on food is that if we can’t pronounce it and we’ve never seen the item on a menu, then it is not going to appear on a diehard rebel’s plate.
While we waited on our entrees, Suzy tapped her wine glass to get our attention. She passed out four little white boxes tied with different color ribbons. Then on her signal, we opened then. She and Amy had purchased each of us a pendant inscribed with our initials: C, R, A, S, and H. It was an inside joke that we were the CRASH sisters.
“Beautiful, just beautiful. Thank you.” Clara, Hattie and I responded.
“But wait that’s not all. Tell them sister dear,” Amy added and turned her attention to Suzy.
“Encased within each pendant are a portion of Mitchell’s ashes. These pendants are an exclusive creation of the pet cremation jewelry line specially made for each client. It’s our way of saying thank you for all your support when we lost Mitchell.” With that Suzy dabbed her eyes and took a seat.
William had a look that said ‘Did I just arrive in crazy town?’
Amy whispered, “I will explain later.”
I tried to feign a smile but wearing a pendant with pet ashes was not what I expected. It was a lovely silver pendant with my birthstone —an emerald. Still I’d rather not think about the contents. I had no choice but to wear something that expensive. After all, it was a gift. We dutifully put on our pendants and before long we were eating, drinking, laughing, and plotting (I mean planning) our sea days. William suggested that we join a group called the Cruise Critics. They host get acquainted parties, slot pulls, tours, white elephant gift swaps, and more. He guaranteed that we would meet a lot of interesting people—just one gentleman Clara’s age would suit me.
Tomorrow was a sea day. I read in the ship’s newspaper that there would be shopping workshops before we reached port. Swimming, perusing the library, movies, duty free shopping, the beauty parlor, bingo, and the spa were other options. Of course, the casino would be open, but I wasn’t sure if any of us would be interested in gambling.
William was being quite attentive to Amy. I hoped he wasn’t one of those types who wined and dined single ladies with means. Amy wasn’t naïve and with Suzy around, I probably needn’t worry.
After dinner, three of us were off to the Blue Man Group performance. Hattie said she was going to explore the ship and have an early night. William assured us he would escort Amy wherever she wanted to go. All I know is that when Suzy, Clara, and I came back to the room our two errant roomies weren’t there. We were on the verge of panic when Amy entered on William’s arm. They exchanged good nights and we were anxious for her to “spill.” But before we could begin our interrogation of Amy’s evening with William, the cabin telephone rang. Suzy answered.
“Yes. This is Miss Langford. Of course, just give me a few minutes.” She put her finger to her lips as a gesture for us to be quiet. “Please repeat that,” she said, nodded, and replaced the telephone receiver.
“To the casino, girls. We have a winner!”
On the way, Suzie explained that Hattie tried her luck at blackjack and won to the tune of $20,000. Go Hattie! As thrilled as I was for her good fortune, it also made me a little nervous. Where would we stow that much cash? When we arrived in the casino, photos were being snapped left and right. Mr. Harrison, the Casino Manager, gave Hattie a tee-shirt claiming – I’m a Big Winner. Mr. Harrison and Hattie clinked champagne flutes as dozens took pictures. There was more bubbly plus the Casino Host handing Hattie big check. Our girl was all smiles sporting her tiara. What else?
When the excitement died down a bit, I asked Suzie about the cash.
“Hattie had most of it placed into the ship’s vault. She kept back a little gambling and walking around money for port shopping. Don’t worry I won’t let anyone take advantage of her. Besides Hattie isn’t your typical not-quite-sure-what’s-going-on ninety year-old. She doesn’t miss much.”
I had to agree. Still all the magazines cautioned about those who took advantage of seniors. Suzy and I made a pact that from this point on, one of us would have to accompany Hattie when she went to the casino. That would be a feat in itself. Tomorrow was another sea day. That meant the casino would be open.
Maybe we could interest Hattie in a tour of the ship, a cake decorating class, or even a spa day. On a cruise ship, there was always an activity going on. Perhaps we could talk her into a trivia contest, a giant chess match, towel folding, flower arranging, or watercolors. Even as I listed them, I couldn’t picture Hattie doing any of these. I felt like we were babysitting without her permission, which of course we were.
The next morning, Hattie donned a new caftan with matching straw hat. She announced that she would be ordering breakfast on the balcony if anyone cared to join her. Clara, Amy, and I declined. We planned to check out the buffet next to the pool. Suzy and Hattie placed their order and relaxed in the sun while waiting for room service. The rest of us took the express elevator to Deck 19. After our appetites were sated, I asked, “So how did last night with William go?”
Amy blushed, “Will is a very interesting gentleman. He is a widower, has adult children, no grandchildren, and knows a lot about cruising. He obviously has a lot of free time, but he never used the word retired. From what I can tell, he either is in business for himself or semi-retired from a corporation. He did ask a lot of questions about us and Clara in particular.”
“Me?” Clara asked.
“Yes, when I mentioned the newspaper he became quite talkative. He asked all about Athena and if any of you were married.”
“I knew it.”
I clanked my coffee cup as a sign of indignation.
“He’s one of those professionals who go on cruises just to attract ladies with money. Hattie better watch out! It’s only a matter of time that he finds out about her winnings and then he’ll drop Amy like a hot potato.”
“Excuse me,” Amy interrupted. “I DO hope you didn’t mean that like it sounded.”
“Oh Amy, dear. You know what I mean. Guys like that are only interested in one thing and I don’t mean sex.”
Amy thought about my comments for a moment and then said, “There was something suspicious that happened that I didn’t mention. When we were waiting for you at Bugsy’s bar, the bartender handed William a note. He read it, then folded it and put it away. When I asked if anything was wrong, he answered ‘no’ but he seemed rather annoyed.”
“Well I don’t think we will solve this mystery man’s backstory in one sitting. What do you say? Watercolor class, towel folding, Zumba, or a stroll through the shops? We agreed on shopping and made a haul at the Tradewinds’ Bargain Blowout. W
hen we returned to the cabin, Hattie and Suzy were still on the balcony. Suzy was listening to a book on tape. Hattie was making a list of what she intended to do with her monetary blessings. We showed them our treasures and joined them on the balcony.
Hattie finished her list and wheeled into the bedroom. She grabbed her tote and turned to Amy, “Ready for Mambo lessons?”
“But, Hattie. You can’t Mambo,” Amy said and then blushed with embarrassment.
“Oh this?” Hattie motioned to the chair, “Of course I know that, but I can heckle you and William while you try not to look like giraffes entangled in a banyan tree. Besides I promised pictures to the girls back at Golden Palms. They will just die with jealousy to see you with a handsome man in your arms.”
Amy reached for her cane. “Okay. I’m coming. We’ll be back in time to change for dinner and Midnight Madness at the Casino.”
Suzy reminded, “We have reservations at the New York Supper Club tonight so don’t hold us up. We can add one more to the reservation if William wants to come.”
“Of course he’ll be coming. Why do you think we’re taking Mambo lessons?” Amy giggled like a smitten teen.
The door clicked shut. But within seconds a knock came.
“What did you forget sister dear?” Suzy said as she opened the door but not to Amy as she expected but to a steward bearing wine and a selection of cheeses courtesy of the Latitudes Club.
“Looks like we will be enjoying plenty of extras between the casino host and the captain not to mention the cruise consultant. Let’s see if I can make room in the frig for this bounty,” I said while rearranging yogurt and orange juice from breakfast. “We definitely will not be hungry this trip.”
I chose a navy t-strap dress with my silver shoes for the supper club. Suzy and Clara both wore pants suits. Hattie elected to wear her water silk green caftan and with pearls and a headband with faux emeralds and pearls. I do think she has grown younger since winning at blackjack. If she could walk, I’d say there was a definite spring in her step. Amy donned a purple chiffon gown before going to dance lessons. She is definitely giddy about this new man in our lives.
Thursday Club Mysteries: All 7 stories Page 8