by Joe Kuster
“Oh! Tax stamps… yes, uh, we know all about those,” the one in front lied.
Shifting to put himself between the guards and the thief, he declared, “Please relay to the guard captain that I’ve captured the criminal and will keep her in my custody until the matter can be resolved.”
“I, uh, think we need to take her with us, Count. She’s got other bounties,” one tried.
TJ raised his chin, trying to put on airs of importance. “I have secured her cooperation, enforced by divine covenant. That takes precedence. That is, unless you’d like to argue with a deity about it.”
Eyes wide, the men looked to the ground muttering various things that ranged from “fuck no” to “not on Timarat’s swollen ball sack.”
The one in front cleared his throat uncomfortably. “I’ll, uh, let the guard captain know and send a runner to the castle to let them know of your… investigation. I’d expect them to send someone to verify matters and pick her up later today.”
Doing his best to pretend to be a pompous ass, he dismissed them with a wave of his hand and strode into the front room of the inn. The woman, not being a complete dolt, pretended to be his shadow and slipped in close.
Chapter 27
No one was behind the bar as the door closed, but TJ took a table in the common room anyway. He dragged a chair into place to announce their presence. After a few moments, a very sleepy-looking boy strode into the room.
Rubbing at his eyes, he asked, “Yeah?”
TJ fished out a handful of coins and dropped them on the table. “We need food. Lots of food. Enough for four… no, better make that six people.”
The boy’s eyes widened with a sharp inhale as he spotted the fistful of silver. TJ winced, realizing he’d misjudged. He needed to figure out this money thing. The few things he’d paid for in Larton had involved tall stacks of copper coins equivalent to several silvers each, mostly because he’d wanted to lighten his unwieldy purse. When he’d parted with a gold piece for the room, he assumed things were just more expensive in the city. That apparently didn’t apply to food, or at least not at the same ratio.
The boy left at a sprint and returned with a water pitcher and some day-old crackers. As he set them down, he swept the money into his pocket in a practiced move.
“I’ll wake the cook,” the boy said, then dashed away.
“Are all of the guards corrupt jackasses?” TJ asked as he motioned for her to sit.
The woman frowned. “Corrupt? I dunno about that, but they are all assholes.”
“They were going to put you into the stocks to be sexually abused and then hanged TJ said bluntly.
She scoffed, “Are you dense? Fucking with the nobility at all is treason, but stealing their royal seals and shit is high treason, ‘cuz those come from the King. Those are the sentences handed down to keep us rabble from staining their shoes as we bleed to death. I’d sure as fuck not taken the job if I’d have known. I was just going to melt that metal thingy down. Now you’re just gonna kill me the moment you get what you want.”
TJ poured her a cup of water and slid the plate of crackers her way. She glanced down and grimaced. She begrudgingly picked up her drink and carefully negotiated a sip over her collar. As she swallowed, her hand found her side as she grimaced in pain.
He said, “I didn’t give you my only food just to have you killed. I could be way off, but I don’t think you’re a criminal mastermind. You’re only a day or two from starving to death. I’d rather help if I can.”
“A bit of fish doesn’t mean I’m going to fall to my knees, eager to take your load,” she said defiantly.
TJ groaned. “Ugh. Look, you’ve got a pretty face, but I was hoping you could tell me how you knew to rob me for starters. I suspect that wasn’t an accident. There are a few other arrangements I’d consider as well.”
“Arrangements with nobles don’t usually work out so well for gutter rats,” she said coolly.
TJ took a bite of one of the stale crackers and then put it down. “Look, just like earlier, I can back it with a divine oath. You know Serina is listening, so I can’t scam you, and there is a lot I could offer. I might be able to keep you from being executed. I could heal all your current wounds and give you as much as you can eat and a safe place to sleep too. It’s a bit trite to say it, but… help me help you.”
“Trite,” she snorted. “How about you swear to fuck off?”
TJ rolled his eyes, ignoring the insult. “I don’t know your situation, but you seem like you could use a helping hand. It’s all negotiable. I’m not some prideful lord that works in black and white. I’ve done things I’m not proud of just for a warm place to sleep and a meal. I’d guard over you myself or go buy a cow at the market for you if that’s in our bargain.”
There was a growl from the other woman, but this time it was the rumble of her stomach. He glanced over, and she shifted uncomfortably. She asked, “A cow?”
There was a strange tension in her words with an undertone of excitement. She worked her lips, and he caught the bulge in her lips shift before she dipped her mouth below her collar. He knew that look—desperate, needful hunger.
TJ had run into all sorts of races. People who subsisted exclusively on sunshine and soil. He had met those who could only eat grains and even briefly fooled around with a woman that drank blood. The realms were full of options, and the only constant was that people had needs. Whether they were mental, magical, or physical, everyone needed something.
He offered, “Uh… sure, if you want. Live, butchered, buckets of blood, or just find a restaurant and tell them to feed you until you pop—your call. I just want information, and we can start with your name. Surely there’s no harm in me knowing that.”
Her shivering intensified, and she nodded. “Kallista. No surname that I know of.”
“Well, Kallista, why steal from me?” he asked.
Kallista sighed. “If I tell you, the guild will kill me.”
TJ scrutinized her expressions. She might not know it, but that small piece of information was an important tidbit. If a guild was involved, that confirmed his suspicion that she’d been sent.
TJ replied softly, “They are already killing you. Bit by bit. I wasn’t kidding; you really aren’t far from starving to death. Whatever you’ve been eating might fill your stomach, but it isn’t what your body needs. You only have a few days before your kidneys shut down. It’ll go downhill quickly from there.”
She looked down at her feet. “Sorry, I can’t.”
“What do I need to do to change your mind?” TJ tried.
Kallista replied, “Snitches get ditches, and I don’t know you. Got no reason to trust you. You could be worse than the guard.”
TJ worked that through his head, then shrugged. This realm was full of odd sayings.
“Hold out your hand,” he requested.
Her black eyes peered into his for a long time. After a bit, she slowly held out her hand.
Taking a single finger, he pressed it to the back of her thumb. He then pulled on his healing, starting with her ribs. There was an audible pop as they knitted back together.
Kallista’s eyes went wide as she sucked in a sharp breath. She then patted her side in astonishment. Ever so slowly, she eased back into her chair as her eyelids drooped, and her expression glazed over. Rachel had compared the touch of his magic to being pleasantly intoxicated, and that lined up with how Kallista was reacting.
TJ pumped just a little extra into her as he temporarily deadened her nerves. It was far short of fixing her problems, but it would give her some relief from the constant aches and pains. She gave a sigh and closed her eyes for long moments as she processed the sudden absence of discomfort. Once that was done, he eased back but left his healing connected over the oath she’d made.
“Wasn’t kidding about the healing. I can do more than fix the new stuff. I could make you whole again,” he said.
She swallowed audibly and looked away.
H
e continued, “The whole package is a big ask, though. You’ve got a lot going on. Enough that it’d take everything I’ve got for days on end. I’d also need help from others to power the spell, and it’d probably involve a celestial contract on your part. I’d have to check on how big. We’re dancing into miracle territory here. You’ve also got some weird broken magic thing going on, and that might take longer for me to figure out.
“Regardless of all that, you need protection, and I need information. I’d talk to the guards on your behalf, but I doubt they’ll just let this go. I think I only bought you a bit of time, to be honest. I’ll need something to work with if you’re going to live through this,” TJ said.
“If I talk, I sure as hell can’t stay here. They said you’re a Count. That true?” she asked.
He nodded. “Yeah, but I think it’s some sort of a convoluted test or trap. I think if I started doing something the Duchess objected to, I’d be out on my ass in a hurry and possibly hung alongside you to boot. It’s all tied up in mystical deity stuff from what I can tell. I think she gave it to me because it gets her something she wants, but I don’t want anything to do with it.”
Kallista cocked her head to the side, looking at him like he was utterly insane.
He explained, “I was only made the Count of Skyridge yesterday. It’s a week to the south, a bit west of Larton, from what I understand. Haven’t even been to the county seat yet, and probably won’t for a while. I’m on a divine quest to ramp up my magic, so I’m stuck roaming around. I’ll stop in if given a chance, but I’m no leader or schemer. I’ll leave the nation-building to mentally unstable headcases with names like Alexander.”
The thief huffed. “You’re complaining about being made nobility. Landed nobility. Cushy manors, servants, and generally get to do whatever the fuck you want. Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?”
TJ shrugged. “I’m on a divine mission. I can’t just put that on hold, and I suspect the Duchess knew that before she made the offer. My magic would dry up in a hurry if I didn’t do what my patron needed, and it’d mean severe repercussions for people I care about. I think that’s why the Duchess did this. She made me a Count so I’d carry the blame if something goes wrong, but she can keep her people running it. I think it’s one of those layers upon layers plans. And really? I don’t care enough to try to pick it apart.”
She seemed to digest what he’d said for nearly a minute before she spoke. “But you’re still a noble, right? Even if it’s only in title. You couldn’t pardon me, because this is the seat of the Duchess’s territory, but you can claim a noble writ of justice because it was a crime against your person. Nobility can do shit like that.”
TJ tapped at finger at his lip. “I’m new here. I have no idea how things work, but a woman being… used poorly goes against my nature, crime or not. Pretty sure Serina would ram a lightning bolt up my ass if I let that happen. If it works like you say, I don’t really have a problem with that. I don’t know what that writ thing means, though.”
She grumbled, “It means that I can’t fucking stay is what, asshole. My options are execution for high treason or slavery. I’d basically be your property until five years is up. That’s the minimum sentence for a writ.”
TJ’s eyes widened. “Five years?”
The thief nodded. “I knew someone who was caught nicking a noblewoman’s purse. She demanded a decade of hard labor for him lifting twelve silver pieces. Of course, as property, I can’t just fuck off and head out of the city. With the way the King does his paperwork at every city gate, unless I want to live in the woods for the rest of my life, I’d have to serve you, your county, or leave the kingdom entirely until the time is up.”
“I, uh, feel like I should probably get Rachel down here. That’s not exactly a short time. I guess we could make employment part of your deal if that helps. The idea of owning someone hits an ugly chord with me,” he said.
She chewed on her lip for nearly a minute and cocked her head to the side. TJ spotted the exact moment she decided to work him into some sort of scam. She’d probably taken his kindness as gullibility. “A writ alone won’t get me out of the city. I’ve got bounties and debts. I’d need them paid before they’d let me through the gates. I’ll also have to buy out of my guild obligations. Eleven gold in total.”
TJ couldn’t help but smile. She’d finally hit on something he knew at least a little about, and frankly, if that was what angle she wanted to play this, it would put a ding in his purse, but it was certainly doable. He needed to know for sure this was divine bullshit bleeding over, if the Duchess was working to double-cross him, or if he had other mundane enemies to worry about. There was no way she just happened to stumble into his room.
This was just a roundabout way of buying a lead. Eleven gold wasn’t something he’d even notice parting with if the costume jewelry were worth as much as everyone was telling him it was. Still, he’d want to make sure he bartered well out of principal. That was his drinking money, after all.
Leaning into the best approach to negotiation he had, he swept his blond hair back and gave her firm eye contact as he pushed his magic into her body. He could feel her hammering heart speed up in her chest as he gave her a warm smile and leaned close. With her senses deadened, it would be unlikely she could tell he was using his healing to read her reactions. She was nervous, incredibly so, but he couldn’t tell from looking at her icy expression. She’d make a fantastic poker player.
“That’s a pretty big bounty. You’re not a mass murderer, are you?” he asked with a grin.
She sighed and looked at the ceiling. “Bounty is for pawning stolen goods. It’s only fifty silver. Another fifty for personal debts to people that would track me down to make a point of it. The rest of it is for the guild. They plan on taking half of what I get for the rest of my life. So, it’s gotta be a big enough amount that they’d look the other way. I’ll also have to return every piece of gear I’ve got.”
He poked at her reactions as she spoke, but the only part where she’d tensed up was the personal debts. That might be something she planned on skimming off the top, but his magic told him that everything else was on the level. In terms of being grifted, that was minuscule. That or she’d been on hard times for so long that fifty silver felt like a fortune.
He decided that wasn’t enough to get bent out of shape over. If a little bit of pocket money made her feel more secure, he’d play along.
“Gear is replaceable, but I didn’t notice any weapons on you. Any good with a blade?” TJ asked.
She gave a small nod. “I’m decent with daggers and throwing knives. I’m no duelist, but I know to keep the pointy end of a short sword toward the assholes. I don’t bring weapons on jobs, though. If I need them, I’ve screwed up. That and it’s a death sentence if I were caught. Unarmed, I could just pay a fine. Normally, anyway.”
“I could pay your bounties and file a writ, but I’d want more in return,” he said.
Her eyes narrowed. “Speak plainly, asshole, or I’ll take my chances with escaping the guards after I convince them to force your hand. Screaming my head off about wanting to be moved to the Duchess’s jail wouldn’t be considered escape.”
TJ couldn’t help but be impressed by her logical jump. He touched his magic, and it seemed to agree with her. Since TJ wouldn’t consider her free, she wouldn’t be risking divine retribution.
He explained, “Fair enough. I want you on retainer for your skills, not as a slave, but as an employee. I need to break into somewhere. I don’t even need to steal anything, but I need in and out without being seen. If we stumble into trouble, I could use another hand in a fight. Once we do that, we are heading north and generally bouncing around while I try to find interesting tidbits of magic.
“If you’re willing to sign on as our rogue on retainer, I’d cover your costs and equipment as well as room and board. Before you ask, I can promise to keep you as well-fed as we can realistically manage.” TJ pursed his lips,
considering the scope of what he needed. He doubted he’d be done in ten years, much less five. That and even as fast as the woman was, she might end up dead weight quickly if the rest of the group kept growing their powers. Even Abby would be a powerhouse once she mastered the songs he’d given her.
He decided to dangle a bit more bait. “If you’re willing to think longer term than five years, I could put you back together and give you access to divine talents that would boost your skills, but those cost a lot more than following me around as a bodyguard and thief. I could probably stop you from aging while you’re with me too.”
She leaned forward and put her chin on her hands. “Shit, now that’s an offer you don’t hear every day. You kinda hid the lead there. I’ve heard of masters who can become invisible in daylight or make plain daggers sink through plate steel. And ageless on top of that? Let’s just say you’ve got my undivided interest, Count Asshat. Now how much more are we talking?”
TJ shrugged. “I can check. For others, it required swearing life and soul to me through my patron. That sounds harsh, but she doesn’t ask much other than tagging along with me and helping fulfill my oaths. So, it’d probably look a bit more like a lifetime contract for employment. Lady Serina also tends to promise a pretty cushy afterlife.”
“Oaths? Shit, I’ve heard about warlocks. I don’t have to help you murder children or anything, do I?” she asked with a sour look on her face.
He shook his head. “Nah. Generally, it means I end up carousing and being a bit of a drunk.”
“I’m not going to trade one horny asshole for another,” she said with steel in her voice.
TJ waved off the objection with a small laugh. “The worst you’ll probably have to deal with is that I tend to give lots of hugs when I’m tipsy.”
“Ah, you’re one of those,” she said with distaste. “I get it, but you pull that shit when naked or get too handsy, and I’m breaking your hand, oath or not.”