by Lesley Crewe
David was numb. Was this her life? Why hadn’t he noticed?
“Look honey, all teenagers go through difficult times…”
“The only time I’m happy is when I’m out in Round Island but you and Mom are always too busy to go! I don’t count! Now I know how Frankie felt when we moved. Not listened to!”
She grabbed her coat off the hook and yanked the back door open, leaving it to bang shut.
David tried to gather his wits. He needed to talk to Kay. Did she know this was going on? He turned around and there was his mother-in-law, Virginia, leaning against the dining-room door.
“Your family appears to be going down the toilet.”
“What do you know about it? How can you see through that haze of booze?”
“I may be a drinker, pretty boy, but I’m not blind. This is going to blow up in your face, and I’ll be here to take Kay home when it does.”
“What are you talking about?”
Virginia uncrossed her arms and came towards him. “It takes one to know one, David. I visit—what, three times a year at the most, and I can smell it the minute I walk in the door. I see your guilty looks and I hear your excuses. You’re not fooling me.”
“Why don’t you tell Kay, then, if you’re so smart?”
She pointed at him. “Because you forget one thing: even a bad mother will protect her child. I love Kay and there’s no way in a million years I’d tell her about you. She doesn’t trust me. She’ll have to find out for herself.”
Kay and Annie walked into the kitchen still laughing. Annie looked at them and scrunched up her face. “Jesus, what have you two been up to? Lighten up! It’s 1970! The next ten years will be the best of our lives!”
* * *
When it all came tumbling down a few months later, it happened so quickly that no one had a chance to stop it. It was almost effortless.
David told Kay he had a meeting in North Sydney. Lila told Ewan she was taking the truck to North Sydney to meet the owner of a craft store who was interested in selling her braided rugs. Kay’s friend Linda asked Kay to keep her company while she drove to North Sydney to pick up her sister-in-law’s enormous tea urn. She needed it for her daughter’s baby shower.
Poor old Linda was oblivious to the couple walking towards the motel room with a key. She was watching the road. Poor old Kay did a double take before she sat back, frozen in her seat. She stayed in the car while Linda ran her errand but had one request when Linda started for home.
“Let’s go for a drink.”
* * *
When David got home, Colleen met him at the door with a tear-streaked face.
“She’s drunk! She promised me she wouldn’t do it again but obviously booze means more to her than I do.”
David knew he was caught. He put his hand on Colleen’s shoulder. “Your mother and I love you more than life itself. Believe me when I say that this has nothing to do with you. I want you to take the car and go over to Aunt Annie’s, please. I need to be alone with your mom.”
“Don’t you go anywhere!” Kay slurred.
David and Colleen turned around at the sound of her voice.
“You see!” Colleen cried. “I hate her like this! Stop it, Mom!”
“I think you mean stop it, Dad. Stop fucking the crazy lady who lives on a farm.”
“Why are you doing this, Mom? Stop swearing. You’re hurting me.”
Kay emptied her wineglass. “I don’t hurt you. That’s Daddy’s job. He hurts people all the time. He’s hurt me for years and what do I do? I believe him when he tells me there’s nothing going on. What a dope! What a stupid fool! My husband spends his days in bed with another woman and then comes home for dinner like it never happened. Who does that?!” She threw the wineglass at him and narrowly missed hitting Colleen before it broke on the wall behind her.
Colleen looked at him. “That’s not true.”
He couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t protect her. “It’s true.”
The look on his daughter’s face told him what a bastard he was. Never in a million years would his father have done that to Annie. Colleen took the car keys and walked out the door. He knew she’d be safe with his sister. He turned to look back at Kay.
“I’m sorry. It’s my fault. You did nothing wrong, Kay. You fell in love with a guy who doesn’t deserve you.”
She walked up to him and slapped him across the face. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to make love to a man who never stops thinking about another woman? Even when he begs you to believe him and you want to believe him but you know. You know. You crawl into bed every night so he can love your body but not you. I’m your whore, David.”
“Don’t say such awful things. You’re not a whore.”
She poked him hard in the chest. “I feel like one, and that’s your fault.”
* * *
Colleen had to go somewhere before she went to Aunt Annie’s. The roads were slick and she wasn’t used to driving at night, especially on such dark roads. She skidded a few times, which gave her a fright, but she didn’t slow down. It’s not like anyone would notice if she ran into a ditch.
She missed the driveway and had to turn around, which wasn’t easy because she couldn’t see the edge of the road in her father’s car. Luckily another car wasn’t coming the other way. She fishtailed into the farmer’s driveway and gunned the engine up the hill, nearly smashing into the back of their truck.
Dogs started to bark and she saw a shadow look out the window. Colleen wasn’t sure which door to use, but it didn’t matter. She wasn’t going to knock.
The back door opened just as she got there and a man stood peering out into the night with two border collies at his feet.
“Can I help you? Did your car break down?”
“My car didn’t break down. My whole life did.”
“Who is it, Ewan?”
Colleen pushed past Ewan and walked into the living room where Aunt Annie’s best friend sat with her knitting. A look of fright crossed her face.
“Excuse me,” Ewan said. “What are you doing?”
Colleen had a hard time catching her breath. She wanted to yell at this woman, but she kept gulping for air and no sound came. Her heart was beating too fast, so she turned around and tried to run out of the kitchen. Both the farmer and the farmer’s wife told her to sit down and breathe slowly. They pulled up a chair and sat her in it. The woman—she couldn’t remember her name—poured her a glass of water. She didn’t want it. What was she doing here? Where was she? She needed to get home but then she remembered what was going on at home and got too hot. Her fingers clawed at her neck. The woman helped her open her coat and unbutton the top of her blouse.
“You’re going to be fine, Colleen. I know it feels like it but you’re not going to die. You’re not having a heart attack. It’s a panic attack and it will subside in a minute.”
Colleen didn’t want this woman to be nice, but her words helped. She wasn’t going to suffocate in a stranger’s house after all.
“I need to go,” she croaked. Colleen felt tears roll down her face, but it didn’t seem like she was crying.
“Is this David and Kay’s daughter Colleen?” Ewan asked. “What are you doing driving out here alone at night?”
Colleen looked at the woman. The woman answered.
“She’s come to tell you that David and I are having an affair. She’s come to tell you that she hates me and she hates her dad. She’s come to tell you that her mother is hurting and she’s hurting and she wants you to hurt too. Have I got that right, Colleen?”
Colleen nodded.
The man didn’t say anything. The only sound was the clock ticking.
“I think this little girl has been through enough tonight,” he said. “I’ll drive her home in her car and you follow me in the truck.”
&nb
sp; And that’s what happened.
He didn’t say anything on the way back, other than to ask if she was cold and would she like him to turn up the heat. She nodded at that. Colleen turned around and looked at the truck’s headlights glaring behind them. The man was calm and that made her calm.
She asked to be dropped off at her Aunt Annie’s. When they arrived, he took the car keys out of the ignition and gave them to her.
“I’m sorry you’ve had such a bad day, Colleen. I hope tomorrow is better.”
“You’ve had a bad day too.”
He smiled sadly and got out of the car. Then he went to the truck and got into the driver’s seat as the woman slid over to the passenger side. Colleen watched their headlights disappear in the dark.
Through the door she saw Aunt Annie sitting at the kitchen table with curlers in her hair, flipping though a magazine. She licked her fingers and then picked up another sugar doughnut. When Colleen opened the door she looked up, startled.
“Hi, honey,” she mumbled before she swallowed her mouthful. “I didn’t know you were coming. Would you like a doughnut?”
Colleen couldn’t hold it in any longer. She covered her face with her mitts and wept. Aunt Annie hurried over and held her in her arms. “There, there, pet. Whatever it is, it’s going to be all right.”
Colleen shook her head. Nothing was going to be all right ever again.
* * *
Henry said he’d sit with Colleen while Annie went over to David’s. She didn’t take the car, choosing instead to walk over and try to let off steam, completely forgetting she had a head full of curlers. She was so angry at David and Lila that she wanted to spit. So she did, right in the street. She didn’t realize she was marching up the middle of the road until a car honked at her to get out of the way. She moved aside but gave the driver the finger as he went by.
She barged into the house without knocking and threw her coat on the floor. “Kay! I’m here, Kay!”
On her right was her brother, sitting on the living room sofa, his hands at his sides, looking at nothing. He didn’t seem to notice her so she walked across the rug and shoved his shoulder so he’d look at her.
“Hey there! How are ya, you no-good, dirty rat? If you’re worried about Colleen, she’s bawling her eyes out at my house. Apparently she drove to Lila’s, by herself, in the dark, on icy roads, because her father destroyed her family. And good old Ewan…kind, trusting, wonderful man that he is, drove his wife’s lover’s daughter home because he wanted to know she was safe. I’m wondering if you’re picking up on what I’m trying to tell ya here. You, on the one hand, are a selfish bastard, while Lila’s husband is a prince. I hope he walks out on her and never comes back. In the meantime, I’m going to take the mother of your children with me so she doesn’t have to see your stinkin’ face, and I will do everything in my power to get her and Colleen packed up and moved out of Glace Bay before the end of the week. Have fun sitting here by yourself, you goddamn loser.”
“Oh, Annie,” Kay cried.
Annie hadn’t realized her sister-in-law was in the room. She hurried over, picked up her coat off the floor, and put it around Kay’s shoulders. “I’m here. You’re going to be fine. Where are the car keys?”
Kay was crying too hard to talk, but pointed to David’s keys on the side table.
Annie took Kay by the hand. “We’re getting the hell out of here.”
She slammed the door shut and for good measure, opened it and slammed it again. She bundled Kay into the car and then drove her to her mother’s house. When they walked in, Mom was in the living room watching television. She stood up. “What’s wrong?”
“Mom, this woman needs looking after. I want you to take her upstairs and get her in the tub, then put her in pyjamas and give her some strong tea and a hearty sandwich. I’m going back to my place to pick up Colleen and we’ll do the same thing for her. Once they’re taken care of, I’ll tell you all about it.”
Mom immediately took the sobbing Kay and started to lead her up the stairs.
“That’s what I love about you, Mom. You listen the first time.”
When Annie got home, Henry was giving Colleen a bowl of cereal, while Robbie, holding a sleepy Leelee, gave her a what’s going on look. “Do you know you have curlers in your hair?”
Colleen glanced at her with reddened and swollen eyes.
“Finish your cereal, honey, and then you and I are going over to Grammie’s house for the night. Your mother is already there having a bath. You’ll be feeling better in no time. That’s a promise.”
“I love you, Aunt Annie.”
“Of course you do. I demand it of all my relatives.”
In the end, Annie didn’t have to tell her mother anything, between Kay’s garbled tale of woe and Colleen’s tearful description of the night’s events. She and Mom finally got Kay and Colleen into Annie’s old bedroom, where mother and daughter held onto each other for comfort.
Annie and her mom collapsed onto either end of the sofa and looked at each other.
“What’s going to happen?” Mom asked.
“We’re going to call Virginia and Louis tomorrow and they’ll come and take Kay and Colleen back to Halifax with them for the time being. Frankie’s there and they need each other right now. The movers will do the rest.”
“They could stay here with me.”
“Mom. I know you mean well, but they don’t want to be within a hundred miles of David right now.”
“Do you think this is the end of their marriage? Those poor girls. I can’t imagine anything more horrible than your family breaking up.”
“I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
Mom turned her head away and when she did, she absent-mindedly rubbed the deer antlers on Dad’s ashtray with her hand. “I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I’m glad your dad isn’t here to see this. It would’ve broken his heart. I can’t understand it. David was brought up better than that. Do you think I did something—”
Annie put her hand out to stop her dead. “Don’t even say it. The blame is his and his alone.”
“And Lila’s, I suppose, but she never was a stable girl.”
“We’ve been giving her the benefit of the doubt her whole life. It’s time she grew up. Now let’s go to bed before we pass out.”
Kay, Colleen, and Mom were still sleeping at five-thirty in the morning, but Annie was wide awake. And she knew that Ewan would be awake too. She called their number and he answered the phone.
“I’ve been thinking of you all night.”
“I knew you’d call, Annie.”
“I can’t tell you—”
“—don’t feel sorry for me. I’m a grown man.”
“As well as the nicest man. I wanted to thank you for taking care of my niece. It was beyond the call of duty. You should’ve called us to come and get her.”
“No, I think it helped to sit for a while with someone who understood.”
“If you ever need a place to go, Ewan, our door is always open.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ve had words with David. I can’t face her yet, but I think I need to say something to her over the phone.”
“I’ll get her.”
Annie waited and waited.
Her soft voice was barely audible. “Hello, Annie.”
“You’ve betrayed us, Lila. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“How you could do this to me? Never mind hurting Ewan and Kay and my nieces and Mom. How could you do it to me?”
“I wasn’t thinking about you.”
“Exactly. You’re so wrapped up in your own misery you’ve forgotten how to think about anyone else.”
“Annie—”
“I have to go, Lila. I’ve been up all night dealing with heartbroken people, mys
elf included.”
She hung up the phone.
* * *
If Ewan wanted to make her suffer, he was doing a good job. He didn’t scream, or yell, or even talk.
He completely ignored her. And he kept it up. It had been six weeks since that terrible night and he didn’t even open his mouth when she was around. He’d talk to his animals, and the neighbours, and the families who came to their petting zoo, but not her. He wasn’t cross or impatient; he didn’t make faces if she came near him. He slept in their bed beside her as usual, but it was as if she wasn’t there.
Of course, she deserved it, and accepted that this was his way of working things out, but as the months went by, the isolation made her crazy. This must have been how everyone else felt when she stopped talking after Cricket’s death.
She sent them all letters of apology, even though she was sure Kay and her daughters would tear them up. It was hard to bear the lack of communication from Abigail, but it was Annie’s silence that hurt the most, and she was desperate to see Leelee again.
One day she showed up at Henry’s office. His mother frowned when she saw her, and Joy never frowned.
“Hi, Joy. I wondered if I could see Henry.”
“You’ll have to see him outside office hours. He’s much too busy.”
Henry came out and called the name of his next patient before he saw her at the desk.
“I told her, Henry. I said you were much too busy—”
“That’s okay, Mom. I’ll handle it. Come in, Lila.”
There were a few annoyed glances from his patients before she disappeared down the hall with Henry leading the way. He gestured to one of his examining rooms and said, “I’ll be with you in a minute,” before he entered another one and said, “How are we today, Mr. Cathcart?”
Anyone who didn’t know Henry thought he was a hen-pecked husband because Annie had centre stage. But Lila knew that Henry was Annie’s rock and that Annie relied on him to pull her back when she spun out of control. He was calm and wise and strong.