by Lesley Crewe
Ewan, thankfully, was still as robust as ever, a few aches and pains on rainy days but nothing serious. But he was leaving a lot of the work to Duncan and Duncan’s young nephew who lived down the road, because Ewan’s mind wasn’t on work. He saw Lila failing every day and the doctors basically said there was nothing more they could do. At one point years ago she could’ve had a heart valve repair, but her trauma in the hospital before and after Caroline was born put her off hospitals forever. If she was going to die she wanted it to be right here, and he knew better than to argue with her.
He saw Hilary and David as they left. They waved at each other. There weren’t many young girls who would spend their mornings with a sick old lady to help him out. Frankie must have done something right to have a daughter like that.
He walked over to the garden and Lila was in her chair, head to the side away from him. It gave him a fright. He fought to stay calm. Bending down, he touched her face.
She turned and opened her eyes. “Hi, sweetheart.”
Relief flooded every inch of him.
“Having a nap?”
“Yes. I dreamt that Annie was weeding the garden and David came along and told her they had to go. I saw them as plain as day.”
“That’s nice.”
“I miss Annie.”
“I know you do. Let’s go in and I’ll give you a little soup.”
“That would be nice.”
He carried her into the house and propped her up on the couch. She liked to stay there and look out the window at her hummingbird feeders. Colleen had a tray of soup and tomato and cucumber sandwiches ready, the same meal that Lila served to her so long ago. Ewan wanted to feed her today. He sat in a chair beside her and gave her a spoonful when she nodded her head. It was like feeding a baby bird.
He’d once found a mother robin dead under a tree and heard chirping from the nest above. He climbed the tree and found four baby robins, so young they had no feathers, opening their beaks, wanting their mother. He waited to see if the father would come back, but he didn’t want to wait too long or they’d die. It took a ladder to get them down from the tree, and he devised a system where he had the four of them in a box that he divided in half with a piece of cardboard. Whenever they soiled the paper towels he’d lined the box with, he’d gently push them to the clean side and cleaned up the mess. He also fed them dog food every two hours. He’d put a little on a small flat stick and push it down their throats like their mother would. He’d whistle to them while he fed them and they grew up healthy and strong. When they were first learning to fly they’d land on his head. They even landed on the dog, who was so used to them he’d sleep right through it. When they finally flew off for the winter, he missed them, and then one summer morning the next year, he heard a commotion on his bedroom window ledge. There they were. They didn’t jump on his hand like they used to, but it was enough to know that he’d taught them well. One of the barn cats managed to kill one of them because they weren’t as afraid as wild birds, but the others were there all summer teaching their own young. Privately Ewan always thought it was his most impressive accomplishment.
He tended to wander back to old memories when he fed Lila, just so he didn’t have to acknowledge what was happening in front of him. The looks on Colleen and Duncan’s faces were enough to tell him he should be worried, but he refused to believe it would be today. He’d been saying that for weeks.
Not today.
That night in bed as he heard her ragged breath get weaker and weaker, he held her close. And then she spoke softly. “I want to see the stars.”
It was happening, but he couldn’t think about that. She needed his help, and he had spent his whole life helping her. He put on his clothes and a jacket, wrapped her in Aunt Eunie’s quilt, and took her outside to sit on his lap in her old weathered Adirondack chair. He watched her look up at the Milky Way stretched across the night sky.
“It’s beautiful…” she whispered.
He nodded.
“…my life with you.”
“Lila…” He couldn’t continue. He held her tight in his arms and rocked ever so gently. She sighed and he waited for the next breath, but it never came.
He sat out there in the dark with her the whole night. He had to. There was a cricket chirping, keeping him company.
Ewan did what he had to do. He endured them coming to take her away. He consulted with the funeral home and when they asked what her religion was, he said she was a tree fairy. He talked and shook hands and kissed people at the service. He had to endure all this so that she could be cremated.
All of the Macdonalds were there and there were a lot of them. He and Lila had had each other. That was it. That’s all they needed.
When the ordeal was finally over, Ewan told Duncan and Colleen he wanted to be alone, if they could just make sure all the chores were done before they left. They did as he asked and hugged him goodbye, saying they’d see him in the morning.
He took Lila’s ashes and walked along the very familiar path to the ballerina tree. He stood awhile and looked out at the water. This was a good place to be. The only place he wanted her to be if she couldn’t be with him.
He opened the small container and looked at her ashes. They were exactly like the white sand on the beach below. She belonged to nature now; to the trees, and the wind and the ocean she so loved. He took her in his hands and gently scattered fairy dust around the base of the ballerina tree. She vanished into the ground, hiding under leaves, moss, twigs, and grass. That’s what life is in the end.
You disappear into the earth.
Ewan stayed there until he was sure that Lila was safe. Then he walked back to the house and got all his papers from the locked drawer of his mother’s desk and put them in order on the kitchen table. There was the deed to the house and land, papers listing the value of his property, the petting zoo and his animals, the shop, his and Lila’s wills, his new truck keys and ownership papers. Everything had been dotted and signed with lawyers in Sydney, leaving Colleen as their heir. It would all be hers.
He and Lila had discussed it one night sitting in front of the fire. It made them feel good that they were leaving everything to someone who would love it as much as they did.
Once that was settled, he went into their bedroom and took Lila’s housecoat off the hook on the back of the door. As he lay in their bed he held it in his arms. He didn’t think he’d be able to sleep, but he heard Lila tell him she loved him. It gave him the peace he needed to close his eyes.
In the morning after Ewan had washed, dressed, and had a quick bite to eat, he took an old suitcase out of their closet and started to pack. After he’d packed all his own clothes, he took Lila’s slip out of a drawer. He opened her jewellery box and took her wedding ring and the gold heart-shaped locket with their picture in it. Colleen had taken it years before, capturing their image from afar as they walked arm in arm out of the barn, both of them in rubber boots.
He walked over to her bedside table and retrieved the journal she kept there. Ewan had given it to her thirty years before, when the map on her wall was so covered with pins it was in danger of falling apart. Written on the inside cover was Wonders of the World.
She had quite a list of places she thought were marvellous—the rainforests in South America, the Great Wall of China, Egyptian pyramids, the Cabot Trail, the St. Lawrence River, the swamps of Louisiana, and volcanoes in Hawaii.
“You and I are going on an adventure, old girl.” He wrapped up the journal, ring, and locket with Lila’s slip and tucked them into one of the mesh enclosures inside the suitcase. The last thing he packed was the picture she’d drawn for him of his animals looking out of the barn door, the one he’d kept with him during the war. It was his most prized possession. Then he went outside and walked around the farm and said goodbye to all his friends, touching them gently, kissing them on the nose, breathing i
n the wonderful smells that were so familiar to him, the horses and the big warm cows. He was sorry he wouldn’t see the miniature pigs that were coming. They were awfully cute. He even picked up every chicken and thanked them for their years of service.
These creatures were his family. All his life his comfort had come from them. When he was lonely growing up, they had listened to him and kept his secrets and were always glad to see him. They took care of him.
Ewan was at the kitchen table holding his airline ticket when Colleen and Duncan arrived. He smiled at them.
Colleen took everything in at once. “What’s this? Are you going somewhere?”
“Yes. I’m taking Lila on a trip. Our first stop is an African safari. We can’t wait to see a real lion and tiger.”
Colleen’s face crumpled. She fell into one of the kitchen chairs. “But we’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too.”
She pointed at all the paperwork. “And this?”
“I’m leaving you the farm. Everything.”
Colleen and Duncan looked at each other.
“That’s not necessary,” Duncan said. “We’ll look after this place as long as you need us to.”
“I’m not coming back.”
“Not coming back!” Colleen cried out. “But you have to! The new pigs are coming!”
Ewan reached over and patted her hand. “And they are very lucky pigs. Take care of them for me.”
Duncan cleared his throat. “Uh, I hate to ask you, Ewan, but do you have the money for this? The world is awfully expensive these days.”
“I have a little nest egg that should hold me over for quite awhile. If not, I can always get a job cleaning out barns.”
Colleen jumped out of her chair. “You’ll do no such thing! Wait here.” She hurried out of the kitchen.
Ewan looked at Duncan. “I hope you both have a very happy life here. I know I did. There’s something magic about this place.”
Colleen came back in with an envelope. She stuffed it in Ewan’s pocket.
“What’s this?”
“Never mind what it is,” Colleen sniffed. “But you better use every bit of it.” She grabbed him around the neck and hugged him tight. “You have to promise to stay in touch. You can’t disappear off the face of the earth. It’s not fair to those of us who love you, and we do love you. We’re your family.”
Ewan kissed her cheek. “Yes, you are. Don’t worry. I’ll call you.”
“Promise me that if you get sick, you’ll come home to us, or get us to come to you. Do you promise?”
He patted her back. “Okay, I promise.”
A car horn honked outside. “That will be my brother taking me to the airport.”
Ewan gave Colleen one more kiss and then shook hands with Duncan. Petting the dogs one last time, he took his suitcase and walked out to the car. He waved at the wonderful couple who gave him the peace of mind to take his sweetheart on her journey to see the world.
He was in the air when he remembered the envelope. It held a cheque for a hundred thousand dollars.
That crazy girl. He knew she had money but he couldn’t take this. Just as he was about to rip it up, he paused. A few weeks before he’d seen a documentary on television about an orphanage for baby elephants whose mothers had been killed by poachers.
“That’s what we’ll do, Lila. We’ll spread this money around as we travel.”
The passenger beside him gave him a quick glance. “Pardon?”
“Don’t mind me,” Ewan smiled. “I’m talking to my wife.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
2000
Hilary knew her mother was ready to pull her hair out. Her grandmother had gone off the deep end. She stayed in bed all day ordering things from the shopping network. Like she didn’t have everything she could possibly need in that apartment. The worst was her obsession with skin care products. She had every item, of every cosmetic line, of every actress in North America. They arrived by the boxful and then kept coming because she didn’t cancel the order. Every three months more cleanser, toner, and moisturizer arrived to be piled on top of the pile that was already there.
Her mom would call Aunt Colleen up and bitch about it, but she never had time to talk.
“How did my sister end up on Noah’s Ark? I called her the other day and she was on her cell phone in the barn. I asked her what she was doing, and do you know what she said? Waiting for a placenta to drop.”
That morning her mom put Aunt Colleen on speakerphone so they could say howdy to each other. Mom started up again and Colleen told her off.
“Look, you’ve got Mom down there and I have Dad up here. You think it’s easy for me to be taking him to endless doctor’s appointments? He won’t drive the car anymore, and he won’t live out here with us so that’s an hour’s drive to get him and take him to Sydney and then another hour to deliver him back home and back out here again. At least Mom is ten minutes away. Consider yourself lucky.”
“You think it’s lucky that I have to go into that apartment? She won’t have a maid service. She says they rob her blind, which is ridiculous because even if they did, it would be a huge help.”
“Welcome to middle age. It’s nothing new. We’ve been silently losing good women for centuries, trying to take care of children, grandchildren, men, and parents all at the same time.”
“Don’t talk about children.”
“What did the poor girl do now?”
Hilary slurped the last of the milk out of her cereal bowl. “I didn’t do anything! Can you believe it?”
“It’s Mark. He says he’s gay. He wants to go live with his Uncle Louis and Stephens.”
“Well, they are experts on the subject.”
“And then last night Adam told me he accidently knocked up Lisa and would I be available to babysit five days a week until they both finish their degrees. Apparently they don’t believe in daycare and her mother is too busy. I have to tell Edward tonight that his twenty-one-year-old son is going to be a father, and he’ll naturally blame me.”
“Oh my god, you’re going to be a grandmother!”
“Don’t call me that. I can’t deal with it right now. It has to sink in.”
“I’m going to be an aunt!” Hilary shouted.
“I feel sorry for the kid. Gotta run. The pigs are on the loose.” Click.
Hilary got up from the table and put the cereal bowl in the dishwasher. “I have to get ready and pick up Grandma.”
“Thank you for doing this. If I hadn’t waited so long for this mammogram, I’d reschedule.”
“That’s okay.”
“How does someone get a girl accidentally pregnant? Did he slip it in when she wasn’t looking?”
“Eww…Mom!”
“And how do I tell your father about Mark?”
“Everybody knows about Mark, including Dad.”
“They do? He does?”
“Mom, I have to go.” Hilary gave her mom a hug. “Can you believe that I’m the good child now?”
Frankie patted her back. “You were always good, just bad.”
“I’ll be back soon.”
“Good luck with that.”
* * *
Hilary ran upstairs to get dressed and Frankie sat at the table. Her miniature Yorkshire terrier jumped up on her lap. Everybody knew about Mark? Edward knew? What gigantic umbrella of ignorance had she been living under?
* * *
Hilary got off the elevator on her grandmother’s floor and was just getting to the door when it opened.
“Where were you? I’ve been waiting a good half an hour. We’ll be late for my eye appointment.”
Her grandmother was still a handsome woman, but seemed to be shrinking every time Hilary saw her, and her addiction to makeup became more and more obvious with each p
assing day. Her lips were pink, glossy, and sparkling. Something a twelve-year-old might love.
They took the elevator down to the street and had to walk to the parked car.
“Could you have parked any farther away?”
“Sorry, Grandma, there were no other spots available.”
Hilary got her into the car and started off. They weren’t one minute down the street before her grandmother complained about the sun being too bright, and then the radio was too loud, and the wind from the open crack of the window on Hilary’s side was too cold on her neck. She fiddled with the heater and put on the defroster instead, then blasted the air conditioner. Hilary tried to fix it at a red light. When she didn’t start the instant the light changed green, her grandmother shouted, “Go!”
There was no parking in front of the medical clinic and the parking lot was full. “I’m going to have to let you out in front while I find somewhere to park. Stay at the door and wait for me.”
Grandma got out of the car and started up the stairs. Hilary zoomed around the block and around again and again, until finally she caught a break and saw a car attempting to pull out. She waited for the woman to manoeuvre her steering wheel back and forth, trying to not hit the car ahead or behind her. It took forever.
Honestly. Old people.
Hilary zipped into the parking place and fumbled around for change in her purse for the parking meter, then charged up the stairs to find her grandmother wasn’t there. She looked around, back outside and then went to the lobby. She definitely wasn’t there. Hilary didn’t know the name of her doctor, which she realized too late, was a dumb move. There was a big sign listing all the offices in the building so she looked at it thinking she might recognize a name. Nothing rang a bell.
It took Hilary twenty minutes to find her. She ran into countless medical offices and quickly looked at their waiting rooms before heading back out. When she finally did track her down, looking small and anxious in a chair, Grandmother wasn’t pleased.