I pull at the blanket, but she holds on tight from beneath it. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”
“The Amazing Aiden saw you up close and personal.”
“Yeah, but I’ve never tried to impress him.”
“You impressed me when we were ten years old, and I’ve been under your spell ever since.”
“We both know that’s not true.”
“Straight for the jugular, huh?”
“It’s a gift.”
It’s also another part of her shield. “Come on, let’s get to the shower,” I say, tugging on the blanket again.
She lets me pull it off this time, and I force myself to look only at her face. I’ll have to look at her when I’m cleaning her off, but she needs to know that I only see her right now, and not what those little pricks wrote on her. I pull her up until she’s sitting on the side of the bed. After handing her the giant bottle of sanitizer and some wash cloths I brought with me, I pick her up in my arms and carry her to the small bathroom.
The shower is the type you can walk right into. I’ll turn on the water once we need it, but for now I just lower us down to the floor, sitting crossed legged with Tegan on my lap. She hands me the supplies and I pour some liquid into my hand before reaching forward to rub it into her skin. It takes a little work, but the first word starts to disappear as I go over it with a washcloth.
“I need you to do something else for me, honey.”
“What,” she asks, her face buried in my shoulder so she doesn’t have to watch what I’m doing.
“I need you to cry.”
She rears back and looks at me, searching my eyes for the joke. When she sees that I’m serious, she tries to pull away from me. I’m not letting that happen. “Let go of me, Cal.”
“No,” I say pulling her face back up to mine. “I promise you that I will never ask you to cry for me again. I know I’ve caused too many of your tears in the past, and I’m going to do everything I can to not make that happen again after today. But you need to cry now.”
“I-I don’t want to.”
“Yes. You do. You just don’t think you can. You’ve had to be strong for so long because you didn’t trust anyone else enough to allow yourself to show weakness. You love your friends, but you’re scared of being weak in front of them. I’m letting you know that you can trust me to be strong enough for you, to never hold it against you. Let me hold you while you break. Break, Tegan. Not for me, but for you. Cry for you.”
I can see the moment when she believes my words, when she believes me. It’s right before the first sob escapes from her throat. Within seconds, she’s heaving as she cries hard. I keep one arm around her as I continue using my other hand to remove the words from her skin.
“What am I, Cal?” she asks me, tears flowing down her cheeks. “If not these, what words are me?”
“Beautiful, brilliant, loving, compassionate, kick-ass, sensual, loyal, and thousands of other words that people would love to be called,” I tell her, punctuating every word with a kiss.
“You really think so?”
“No. I know so.”
Chapter 17
Caleb
We’re lying in her hospital bed now, after I got all the words off. Our conversation hasn’t ended yet, though, and I’m holding her in my arms as she continues to get out everything she’s been holding inside for too long.
“I feel like such a failure sometimes, Cal. Like I don’t know what I’m doing. With Ethan, with my friends, with guys. I just feel like I can’t juggle it all. I’m afraid Ethan’s not getting what he needs. That I’m letting him down. I’ve never admitted that to anyone, but I can’t help think that it’s true.”
“Aww, Teeg. Our son is the most well-adjusted kid I’ve ever met. He’s ornery as fuck, but he hasn’t missed out. At all. The kid has the best of the best in almost every field supporting and helping him. You have a great support system in place. Not all single moms are that lucky, but I would guess that most of them feel like a failure sometimes. You’re all just doing what you need to in order to provide for your kids, sacrificing your own life for theirs. As for ‘guys’, well, there’s only one of them from now on. Me.”
“I think you’re going to be the hardest to juggle.”
“Is that a metaphor for sex, since you know, most people juggle balls?”
“Jack-ass,” she says, slapping my arm. “I just mean that I’m going to want to be with you all the time.”
“Yeah?”
“Uh-huh.”
“If you’re looking for me to complain, that’s not going to happen.”
“So I can come down to your lab and get on my knees to suck you off while you’re working on your formulas?”
“If you want me to blow up the building when I mix something wrong, sure.”
“See? It’s going to be a problem.”
“No sexy times while working, but I can take breaks. Lots and lots of breaks.”
“I don’t want to quit my job.”
“Good thing you have a built in babysitter now. I’m not gonna lie, Teeg. I’ll miss you like crazy and sleep like shit because I’ll worry about you while you’re gone, but I’ll deal.”
“I’ll make it up to you when I come home.”
“Just knowing I get to be there with you, and Ethan, is more than worth the times we have to be apart.”
“When the guys had me, I thought about a bunch of bad things for a while, but then I thought of good things. The doctor here said I was using them to cope. He wanted me to get everything out.”
“Are you saying I could be a doctor since I knew that’s what you needed, too?”
“No. I’m saying that I have some hard things that I need to say to you.”
“Go ahead. Say whatever you need to. I’m not going anywhere.”
“You hurt me so much, Cal. I loved you, only you, for so long, and then you called me the same words you just removed from my body. You moved on immediately with another girl, and you did everything you could to tear me down. All because you chose to believe something that wasn’t true. Without asking me yourself. You said you loved me, but how is that love?”
I take a deep breath. I can do this, I can give her the truth. “I loved you, Tegan. Have no doubts about that. But I let my insecurities and fear become more important. For about six months before the…incident, I had started having crazy feelings when we were out. Especially when we were in Houston. I saw how the college guys were looking at you. Hell, why wouldn’t they look at you? You were brilliant, and gorgeous. Plus you didn’t try to bring attention to yourself like so many of the other girls did. You wore plaid shirts, jeans, and boots to the parties, not short skirts.”
“I did that to try and let them know I wasn’t looking. I wanted it to be clear that I was off the market.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I only had eyes for you. Always.”
“I was too dumb to realize that. I just kept thinking about how we were each other’s first, and that you would want someone with more experience. Someone who could please you better.”
“Better? Did we not just recently talk about the barn, and how I screamed so loud the ranch hands came running?”
“I never said I was smart back then. Well, not more than book smart, at least. I just figured we’d been together too long. As friends, and then more. Why would you want that when you could have a shiny new guy?”
“Despite how I decorate my places, I’m not all that fond of new and shiny in other parts of my life. I like old-school and muddy.”
“I couldn’t see that then. I was just too scared. So when Greg said you’d slept with him, it made sense to me in a weird way. It validated all the insecurities I’d been feeling and obliterated my pride. I had to get at least that back, so I started dating Dee and did everything I could to tear you down. I wanted you to hurt like I was hurting.”
“I was sixteen and pregnant, watching the guy I loved kissing the girl I hated. Believe
me, I was hurting.”
“I’m so damn sorry that you had to go through all of that alone. I should’ve been there with you, going to your appointments and holding you hand. I would’ve been there if things hadn’t gone down the way they had, I need you to know that. I would have fought your parents and brought you to the safety of our ranch.
“I would’ve kissed your belly. God, I wish I could have seen it all round with our baby inside of it,” I tell her as I run my hand over her now flat stomach. “Did it get really big?”
“Yeah. My breasts got huge, too.”
“Torture a guy, why don’t you?”
“You’ll see them next time.”
I sit up and look down at her, what I know has to be a crazy smile on my face. “There can be a next time? Really?”
“Yeah. We’re still young, and Ethan has always wanted a brother or sister.”
She looks sad again, and I’m not sure why. “What’s wrong?”
“I shouldn’t have kept him from you, Cal. I thought you hated me for so long, and then I was scared you’d try to take him. But what I did wasn’t right, for either of you.”
“I’ve already forgiven you, Teeg. Neither one of us made the choices we should’ve. I’m just glad to have him—and you—now. I’m pretty sure that he’ll let me teach him stuff now that you and I are good.”
“He wouldn’t let you teach him things at the ranch?”
“No. I told you the kid’s ornery.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. I know you well enough to know you would’ve told him to be nice to me.”
“I really would’ve.”
“Knock, knock,” Stella says, walking in the door.
“Bestie,” Tegan says with a smile, sitting up to hug her friend.
“Is this okay? I mean, I know you two were probably talking about serious shit. I just couldn’t wait any longer.”
“It’s fine. We have the rest of our lives to talk. How about I leave you two alone while I go pick up Ethan? I promised to bring him by tonight.”
“Thanks,” Tegan says, kissing me like she means it.
“I’ll be back soon, and I’m staying the night.”
“I can take Ethan back to the house, or ranch.”
“That’d be great, Stella. I’ll see you ladies soon.”
* * *
Tegan
“You two looked extremely cozy,” Stella says. We’re sitting cross legged on my hospital bed across from each other.
“We were.”
“Oh no. You are not going to doge the big elephant in the room.”
“We’ve both done things wrong,” I tell her, looking down to play with the edge of my hospital gown.
“You saved his ass and he asked for a divorce.”
“I know.”
“What if you accidentally burn dinner? Or forget to wash his shorts? Is he going to be all like ‘sorry, Teeg, but I’m out’ again?”
“I certainly hope not.”
“I’m serious.”
I look back up at her. “So am I. I’ve loved him most of my life. Back then, I thought it was the best thing ever. That he was the best thing ever. He wasn’t then, but I know he is now.”
“And when did you have this great epiphany?”
“When he removed all the words from my body while telling me that I needed to go ahead and cry. That he would be my strength while I let myself break. And then washed my hair for me.”
Her eyes widen as she looks me over. “Oh my God. I didn’t even notice that your skin was unmarked. And those things he said? Plus, washing your hair? Okay, I’m firmly Team Caleb. He’s a keeper.”
“Yes, he is, and I think he’s finally going to let me do just that.”
“Good. Then I won’t need to shoot him.”
“Please don’t.”
“Buzzkill.”
“Trigger happy.”
“Besties.”
“For life.”
We talk and laugh until Caleb gets back with Ethan. My boy jumps on the bed and tackles me backward when he sees me.
“I was so worried, Mama.”
“Honestly, I was too.”
“I knew the SoSh would get you back, but I didn’t know how long it would take.”
“SoSh?” Caleb asks him, looking confused as Stella and I smile.
“Yeah. The Society of Superheroes. Mama and her friends.”
“He started calling us that a couple of years ago,” I explain.
“Way to go, E. Already charming the ladies.”
“You know it.”
I roll my eyes and hug him again. “Are you staying at the house tonight, or the ranch?”
“The ranch, if that’s okay. Grandma wants to spend more time with me.”
“Of course it’s okay. As long as you let your dad show you some stuff tomorrow,” I tell him with that scary “mom” look on my face. Well, at least I hope it’s scary.
He sighs. “I figured he’d tell you.”
“Sorry, but your mom and I are trying to not keep secrets from each other anymore.”
“Don’t apologize to him,” I tell Cal, and then pin Ethan with another look. “Your father describes you as ornery? Is that how you really want him to think of you?”
“Maybe.”
“Ethan Caleb Hall.”
“No. I don’t want him to think of me that way.”
“One more sigh, and I swear that I’m spanking your ass.”
“You’re going to be the fun parent, right Dad?”
“I’m going to be the parent who tans your hide for sassing your mom. And then takes you out to a ball game after because I feel bad.”
“Nice.”
“Give your mom another hug, and then we need to get going,” Stella says.
“Oh. Jade gave me a bag she said you needed,” Caleb tells her.
“It’s for Tegan. You two can go wait in the hall for a few minutes.”
“Don’t look at me like that. I have no clue,” I tell Caleb.
“You’ll be home tomorrow, right Mama?”
“That’s the plan.”
“Okay. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
He turns to Caleb and hugs him. “I love you, Dad.”
“Love you too, E.”
Stella shoos them out of the room and then turns to me. “I had Jade pack up your recent Victoria’s Secret purchases.”
“I’m in the hospital, Stell.”
“With just a few bruises on your face, and emotional scars that are healing. Tell me you don’t want to do that sexy hunk of man.”
“I’m hooked up to machines.”
“I’ll tell the nurses to ignore your heart monitor.”
“I already have a bad reputation in this town.”
“Exactly. Why shouldn’t you use it to your advantage?”
“Give me the damn bag.”
“Gladly.”
I decide on what to wear and put it on while Stella tames my hair as best she can. Once I’m as good as I can get while in the hospital, I stretch out on top of the blankets and wait for her to send him in.
“Hey, Teeg…whoa…I…damn, honey.”
“Thanks for bringing this for me.”
“If I’d known what was in that bag, I would’ve kicked them out earlier,” he says as he walks over and runs a finger up my bare leg.
“No you wouldn’t have.”
“You’re right. The kid comes before the sex. Oh damn, that sounded so wrong.”
“Yes, it did,” I say with a laugh.
“I seem to have left my suave at home.”
“As long as you didn’t leave your yummy cock there.”
He looks down. “Nope, that’s still attached, and growing by the second.”
“Just like I love it.”
He moves his finger between my legs, pushing the lace of my thong aside, and dipping his finger into me. He pulls it out and sucks it into his mouth. “You pussy’s ju
st how I love it as well.”
I almost came right then. Seriously. That was so fucking erotic. My nipples are straining against the sheer fabric covering them, and I can feel myself getting wetter. I need him now.
“How do you want me, Cal?”
“I should be asking you that.”
“I want whatever you want. Please. Don’t get used to it, but right now I want you in charge.”
“I won’t refuse you. Now or ever,”
He lowers the side rails on the bed and then reaches down for the buttons that control it, lowering it until it’s just above his knees. I watch as he whips his shirt over his head and pulls his jeans and boxers off together. He almost trips when he forgets that his shoes are still on, and I smile knowing that I’m the one who’s made him so crazed.
He straddles the bed, moving my legs up, and sitting down before angling the lower portion of the bed up with the controls. “Turn around, scoot up, and hold on to the top of the bed.”
I do as he says. Moving my I.V. line over my head to get it out of the way. Once I’m where he wants me, he throws my legs over his and lowers the top of the bed almost to the ground.
“Put your head back so you don’t get lightheaded,” he says as he rips my thong apart, grips my hips, and thrusts into me.
I arch my back and throw my head back without even having to think about it. “You feel so good.”
“You said we could make another baby, so we’re not using condoms anymore, even once your birth control wears off. I want to feel you, and know I’m leaving myself in you every time.”
“Yes. So much yes.”
I let go of the top of the bed to brace myself on my hands as he thrusts harder and harder. It’s perfect. He’s getting deeper with every stroke, and I think I may go crazy with pleasure. When one of his hands moves below me so that his fingers can circle and then pinch my nipple, I do. I come so hard that I don’t think my orgasm will ever stop. I’m still clenching his cock inside me when he shakes in me.
As soon as I collapse back onto the bed, he raises the top back up and the bottom back down. We silently put a few clothes back on, climb under the blankets, and fall asleep with our arms around each other. The nurses wake me up to check my vitals every hour, but I snuggle back into Caleb when they leave again.
Uncovering His SECRET Page 15