by Helen Gosney
SOMETIME LATER STILL… the days have merged into a horrible blend of rain, pain & dying men. We have lost more of our troops each day & all I can do for them is record their names [lists attached]. It seems very little to show for their courage & suffering. If it wasn’t for Sgt. Nils & his men I’m not sure we could have ever done this, in spite of our wounded troopers’ courage & determination. We’re almost within sight of Den Siddon now & I’ll send those brave men back to barracks soon & pray to the Gods I cannot believe in that their friends have managed to cover for them & that they will be safe from the Commandant’s wrath.
It seems so long since our 2000 men left Den Siddon, and now there are only 129 of us left. It’s hard to believe that any of us are still alive, but I hope that all these heroic men haven’t suffered & died in vain. I don’t think that Cpl. Shenn of Den Ree & Tr. Ross of Den Mellar will make it home after their long brave struggle. Some of us will get home tomorrow, but there are simply too many who will not & too many who might have if we’d had more help. It haunts me. The screams of the injured & the dying haunt me & the silence of the dead does too.
The men who were at Trill suffer even more torment than the rest. The horror of Trill will not leave them. They do their best, but for the most part their eyes are empty & they cannot speak of their anguish. The pain of their wounds is as nothing to this. For me, as for them, I can’t bring myself to even think of Trill, but yet I cannot stop thinking about it. It haunts me as everything else does & the futility of it all haunts me even more.
I can’t remember how anyone could ever have thought that war was “glorious” or “honourable”. All that has come of the battle at Messton is that far too many good men have been killed and injured, good men of both sides. Of course most of Rollo’s men weren’t murdering brutes. Many were our friends or relatives, like us caught up in a nightmare not of our making. There is no glory & no honour save the honour of these brave men who have struggled so hard to get home.
Rollo is dead, yes, but the price of his greed & brutality has been too high.
As for the Commandant, it is beyond my comprehension why he’s chosen to desert his injured troops like this. I find I no longer really care to know his reason. No reason will ever be good enough. Hanging is too good for him, and all of my men would do terrible things to him if they but could. It shames me that I would too, but I truly think this is all that has kept any of us going at times. Maybe it’s just as well that none of us is physically capable of much at all, for it would be wrong to be hanged for treating this callous bastard as he deserves to be.
Signed this day near Den Siddon
Rowan d’Rhys del’Quist
Captain of Guard, Den Siddon
***
Report from Messton-near Edge
Cpt. Del’Quist has left the camp with a small troop of volunteers in an effort to capture Duke Rollo of Plait before he can escape from Wirran territory and I, Lt. Idris Cholli of Den Farrar, have taken command of our few remaining troopers encamped at Messton-near-Edge.
The Captain has twice requested assistance from the troops held in reserve at Den Siddon and both he and I expect them to arrive here within a few days. By the time he returns, we should be well on our way home. We have about 150 seriously injured men and a little fewer than 200 men who are less badly wounded. Of course there will be more deaths, particularly among the badly wounded men, but with help from Den Siddon we should certainly be able to get many of the troops home.
Later
Cpt. Del’Quist and his men have been gone for 7 days now & I fear they may not return. Injured as they all were, it is possible, indeed probable, that they have not survived an encounter with Rollo & his men, but I commend them all to you for their courage and devotion to duty in attempting to capture him.
We continue to lose more men each day [lists of names attached], and still there has been no word from the Commandant. Certainly the backup troops should have reached us by now, but there has been nothing. I have sent another request for assistance 4 days ago, but again have heard nothing from Den Siddon and there is nobody fit enough now to carry another message. I have moved the camp about half a mile to the east, as conditions were intolerable. It is not much better where we are now, but it is as far as we could manage to move our injured men and two men died on the way. The healers report that the supplies of medicines and dressings are running low and some of the men have contracted lung fever. A couple of them have already died of it.
The morale of the troops is very low as they feel they have been abandoned by the Commandant, left to die in this hellhole from which they can see no escape. I fear that they are right. It is fast coming to the time when we must simply leave the most badly injured men to die, or we will all die here, but that is a terrible decision that I cannot make. Cowardly and shameful though it is, I pray that Cpt. Del’Quist may yet return to relieve me of such a dreadful responsibility. Certainly we cannot transport our very sick & injured men home in their present condition… we simply do not have the resources to do it. We have plenty of troop horses, but a lot of the men cannot ride, and even those who can will struggle. I don’t think they even have the heart to try, sunk as they are in misery and pain.
Later
Cpt. Del’Quist and his troop returned to camp today against all expectation. After an absence of 11 days, we thought that they must have succumbed to their injuries or, more likely, been killed by Duke Rollo & his men. Even his own Den Siddon troopers here had all but given up hope. Yet here they are, bedraggled, exhausted and distraught, but alive. The Captain reports that Tr. Donal Fergusson of Den Bissen was killed at Trill while bravely doing his duty and that most of the other men have sustained further wounds, including himself. He further reports that Rollo and all of his remaining followers were killed in a short battle after they had refused to surrender. They had committed unspeakable atrocities at Trill, and the entire population of Trill had been killed in dreadful circumstances before our Wirran troops could arrive.
I have read the Captain’s report & it makes chilling reading. It is not surprising that the men have been so badly affected by their experiences, & I’m sure the Captain is too, but he is a very strong man who will remain strong for his troopers. He is shocked & appalled to find us still here at Messton. He’d expected that the reinforcements from Den Siddon would have arrived here days ago & that the wounded men would be almost home to Den Siddon by now.
He, like all of our few remaining officers, cannot believe that at least one of our requests for help has not got through to the Commandant and he is furious at such an incomprehensible betrayal of our injured men. He will not rest until he can find a way to get his troopers home and for the Commandant to be brought to account for his actions. His own men of Den Siddon say, with much affection and pride, that he is considered stubborn even by Siannen standards, & it seems they are right.
This morning Cpt. Del’Quist came to my tent to tell me that he intends to transport all of the men back home to Den Siddon, leaving none behind to die here, not even the most seriously ill as I’d thought we must. The troopers who are more or less able to ride must ride, as we have plenty of horses still – in fact more horses than men. It seems an impossible task & I doubt that even he can persuade the men to make such an immense effort, sunk deep in despair & misery as they are. But he is right. It is better to die along the track as men, at least trying to get home, than to simply sit here in this ghastly camp & wait to die, for die we all certainly shall. He believes at least some of us might get back to Den Siddon, back to our families, & those few can present our reports & hasten the Commandant’s downfall. This in itself will be a great incentive for the men.
Cpt. Del’Quist has spoken to the men & outlined our options:
[1] Stay here at Messton & we will all certainly die of our wounds & the diseases that are starting to appear.
[2]Try to get home to Den Siddon. It will be a very difficult, painful journey & the healers have few potions left
to ease our way. We will undoubtedly lose more men on the way, probably many men, but it’s possible that at least some of us might survive to return to our families & ensure the Commandant will face the consequences of his betrayal of us all. And this seems to be the only way that justice might be done for all of our lost troopers.
And then, perfectly calmly & with complete confidence in his ragtag, dispirited troops: “Up off your backsides, lads. We’re going home tomorrow. All of us.”
The troopers were stunned. They stared at their brave young Captain, as battered & filthy & exhausted as any of them, probably more so, & more badly injured than many by the careful way he moved & held himself, but still fiercely determined to at least try to get his men home or die trying.
They stood and saluted as best they could & cheered him to a man. “Red Rowan”, they called him. For a moment I thought that he would break down, but no. He is so strong, in spite of everything that has happened.
I think the idea that the Commandant might somehow yet be held to account for what he has done is a great motivating force for the men, but the sheer courage & indomitable character of our Captain is truly inspiring.
The Captain has taken a few troopers who can drive a cart to a farm he saw on the way back from Trill, to procure carts or drays or whatever the farmer can spare to transport the badly injured men. It won’t be a comfortable journey for them, but it is certainly better than being left behind to die here, as they’d surely expected. Unbelievably considerate under such grim circumstances, he will not take the farmer’s working beasts. He is sure our troop horses can pull the carts etc. as they are well rested now and we have enough of them to be able to change the teams regularly & still continue on our trek.
To everyone’s amazement he has returned from the farm with 3 carts & a dray filled with hay, 2 strong farm lads to help us, as much food as the family could spare, & some clean sheets for the healers to use as bandages. He left several troop horses with the farmer in appreciation of his generosity.
Somehow he has had the most badly hurt & sickest men loaded into the carts, the wounded men who can probably ride are mounted & the healers are packed in among the men on the carts or on horseback. Sometimes they trot up among the riding wounded to check that all is well. The farm lads are a bit overwhelmed, but they are willing to help in any way that they can. And we are on our way home. We follow the trail that we made on our way here, our vehicles & spare horses spread out so that the track does not become impassable. We are all truly on our way home.
I cannot believe that this quietly spoken young Captain has been able to do this.
He & his troopers from Trill are struggling with what transpired there & most of them have sustained further wounds, but they are startlingly determined to try & get home, or die trying. Somehow he has instilled the same sense of determination and purpose in the rest of us too. Certainly the general feeling among the men is that if the Captain can try and get home, injured as he obviously is, then so can they. And they all say that they won’t let their Captain down; they will keep going for as long as they can. I find myself in awe of this man. It is little wonder his troops from Den Siddon believe he can do anything.
It shames me that I doubted him when I first saw how young he is, but his youth is irrelevant. He is truly a great leader, as he proved on the battlefield and has just proved again. Somehow he has forged this mixed troop of men from so many different garrisons into a single troop of his own. I truly believe they would follow him anywhere he asked them to go.
Later
I saw our Captain in the healers’ tent, having his wounds attended to. His shoulder wound isn’t healing well & the chest injury sustained at the hands of Duke Rollo is definitely not the relatively minor wound he would have us believe. Indeed, he should be travelling in one of the carts as the healers wish him to, but this is an argument that the healers simply won’t win. Having driven the dray back from the farm, he says it hurts his ribs less if he rides and that is the end of it. While he is impossibly stubborn on the question of riding in a cart, he certainly expects those of us who can to do our jobs too. And of course he is right to expect this; he already bears a far greater burden than is right. We will all simply have to do as much as we can to ease it. He has asked us not to speak of the severity of his latest injury, as he fears it will undermine the new-found confidence & determination of the men if they should hear of it. And, without arrogance, he believes that the men need to see him at the front of the line, struggling as they do, leading them home. I truly believe that he is right in this. The Captain has motivated these men when nobody else could. He is an indomitable, inspirational man of true courage but I fear we don’t have anyone who could possibly replace him if he is simply unable to continue. Certainly we have nobody who is as admired, respected & even revered by the men in the same way as he is.
The healers fear, as many of us do, that if his strength fails and he cannot continue or worse, if he should die of this wound, then all of the men will simply give up in hopelessness again, stop moving towards home & stay where they are until they all finally die.
Later
We have been struggling in the rain for 2 days now, & against all expectation a small force of Den Siddon troopers has joined us. The newcomers are appalled at our situation but amazed that we have managed to get ourselves this far. Sgt. Nils & his men are here despite the Commandant’s orders that any who leave the garrison for any reason are to be hanged. This only adds to our complete incomprehension of the Commandant’s actions towards us. Nevertheless, we are overjoyed to see them, with their two wagons of desperately needed supplies, including as many healing supplies as they could lay their hands on. Their bravery in defying the Commandant & their obvious concern has brought tears to the eyes of many and we all thank the Gods for Sgt. Nils & his brave men.
Our Captain’s determination to get us all home somehow has only been strengthened by the arrival of his men. Exhausted as he is, he still refuses to travel in a cart & rides at the front of our little convoy with those who can still ride, even walks through the thick mud in an effort to spare his horse a little if he can. His men from Trill stay close beside him & help him to conserve his strength as much as is possible. They are haunted by their experiences but they are united by them too. The courage & determination of these men who have been through even more than the rest of us is truly humbling.
Sgt. Nils has told me of the very recent deaths of Cpt. Rowan’s wife & newborn son. I weep for his loss & his courage in spite of it.
The Captain frets for his injured men and the poor souls that we have lost on our way, and even for our brave troop horses, but he will let nothing stop him in his attempt to get at least some of us home to our families. And his determination to see the Commandant face justice burns brightly.
He doesn’t worry about his own wellbeing, but we can see that he is in a lot of pain with his chest and he struggles to breathe at times. The healers are also concerned that his shoulder is not healing as it should and he has little movement in that arm. All the same, he is truly unstoppable.
Later still
I truly am in awe of this man, Rowan Del’Quist. He is struggling now, weakened & exhausted as we all are, but his determination is undiminished & he still leads us home. He simply will not give up, no matter how much pain he is in, and this encourages the men to continue on too.
His bravery & heroism on the battlefield were truly remarkable, but I think they are overshadowed by the sheer courage & determination he’s shown as he’s fought so hard to keep these men going. If any of us do survive to reach our families, as now seems likely, it will be due solely to Captain Rowan Del’Quist.
We are within sight of Den Siddon now, and Cpt. Rowan will send Sgt. Nils & his brave troopers back to barracks soon. They are very confident that their friends will have been able to hide their absence. None of us can believe that we have survived, and our brave, stubborn Captain has truly got us home. He is beyond exhaustion &
in great pain, barely able to keep going at times, and he frets for all the men we have lost since leaving Messton. I pray that he can find peace of mind when he is rested and recovered from his wounds.
Nevertheless his fury at the Commandant’s betrayal is undiminished. I truly would not like to be in the Commandant’s boots when our brave leader confronts him, as he surely will, and all of us will be with him when he does.
The streets of Den Siddon are eerily quiet, lined with townsfolk who are shocked into silence by our filthy, exhausted, ragtag convoy of men who they’d believed to be dead. We are almost at the garrison Gate, and I can see the backup troops that were never sent to help us, drawn up in neat array, and there is the Commandant. Cpt. Rowan is swearing with great virtuosity and his eyes burn with fury. May his anger give him strength.
Signed this day at Den Siddon
Idris Cholli,
Lieutenant, combined Wirran troops under command of Cpt. Del’Quist
***
(It strikes me that if all Siannens are as strong & stubborn as this man it is probably a good thing that they rarely take up arms. They would be an unstoppable force if provoked. It is little wonder that Sian has never been taken by invaders. I.C.)
***
Request for aid from Lt. Cholli at Messton
I write this report from our camp at Messton-near-Edge.
I, Lt. Idris Cholli of Den Farrar, am in command of our few remaining troops in the absence of Capt. Del’Quist who has left the camp 4 days ago with a small volunteer force, the intention being to capture Duke Rollo of Plait before he can escape from Wirran soil, if possible.