Blossom hesitated, but only for a moment. “Then, what’s stopping you, Mandy?” She fought the urge to cry. More than she wanted Amanda to be close by, she wanted her to be happy. She deserved it.
“Alex. Elisa. You. Hilary. My niece. Need I go on?”
“Yes.”
“I own my house. I struggled to buy this house, all on my own. I’m proud of that.”
“And?”
“I love my job.”
Blossom grunted. “No you don’t. You complain about it incessantly.”
She laughed. “So, I still love it. I love Mariah, and my friends there. They’re my inner circle.”
“Well, then I think the question you have to ask yourself is what’s more important to you, all that, or a life with Ray?”
“My kids are always going to be more important than anything, Blossom.”
“Yes, I know that. What about when they branch out on their own? That’s what they do. Do you think they’re going to give a second thought about you, living alone in that house you claim to love so much? No, they want to leave. You’ve raised them to do that. It’s not that far off, Mandy.”
She thought about Elisa getting married and moving to Boston. Blossom was right, she’d not given her a second thought; she just had wanted her support. She had no idea what Alex planned to do, but she was sure leaving was in the plan somewhere. “I don’t know, Blossom, you’re probably right. I have to think this out some more, but you’ve really helped. Thanks, hon, I knew I could count on you.”
“You can always count on me, Mandy. Whatever you decide, I’ll support you ninety-nine percent.”
“Why only ninety-nine?”
“One percent will be the part of me that is sad because you’re moving. I reserve the right to have at least that!”
The girls both laughed as they signed off. Amanda was glad she’d called Blossom. She’d given her a lot to think about before Ray called her later. She had made some good points. Maybe their relationship wasn’t as hopeless as they thought. Although she didn’t want to admit it to anyone, not even herself, she hoped they’d find a way.
~~~
Ray had made out his own pro and con list, only he titled his move and no move. Under move, he had several entries in the column while under no move he had girls.
He concentrated on the pros for a minute. His first entry was in large letters; Mandy. That was a given. He loved her. He wanted to be with her, he wanted to make it work. He knew he could be happy with her, and he wanted them to have a life together. They both wanted it. His second entry was fresh start. Getting away from all that was evil in Maine seemed like the right thing to do. That would primarily include his ex-wife, his ex-in-laws, and all the bad memories that Maine held for him from the past twenty years. His job was no big deal, so number three was new job. A fresh start would include that, and he’d probably find something he liked better.
The fourth entry was happiness. He considered this word for a while. This was not something that came easily to him, except when it came to his daughters. He circled his only entry under no move. He kept circling it repeatedly while he contemplated how he could justify it to them. His circling became faster and harder as he became frustrated with the fact that he couldn’t. He knew that they wanted him to be happy, but he didn’t think they’d be alright with him moving so far. He got up and crumpled the list, throwing it in the trash. He had to figure out a way to make everyone happy. He went to the fridge and grabbed a beer. He knew it wouldn’t happen because no matter what he decided, someone was going to get hurt.
~~~
Amanda was devastated. The conversation with Ray had not gone exactly as planned. There was no compromises, no rationalizations. Ray still was sticking to the fact that he couldn’t leave his daughters for now. He said maybe in four years when Nikki graduated from high school. Four years! It seemed inconceivable.
They talked about her leaving El Paso. She’d told him she was going to try to think about it with an open mind and heart. It seemed fairer; her children were, well, no longer children. She didn’t concede to the fact that they didn’t need her, but they were about to embark on their own adult life where her role would be different. She wished she knew what that meant, but since her own mother had died when she was twenty, she really wasn’t sure.
Amanda poured herself a glass of wine and considered the possibility. She’d lived in El Paso all her life. Her life of late had been so dramatic; it played like a Lifetime movie. Maybe a change was exactly what she needed. Her house that she claimed she loved so much was becoming a ball and chain. Without anyone there to help her fix it and take care of it, it was becoming too much of a burden, not to mention that financially, she wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep her head above water. She had already missed mortgage payments, and then trying to catch up was almost impossible.
She would miss her family and friends so much, but then again, would she? After all, Hilary was married and she got tired of being the third wheel all the time. Most of her good friends were married, and her single friends were busy playing the single scene that she wanted no part of anymore.
The front door opened and Amanda went to see who it was, hoping it was Alex. She’d let him take the car to work today, he’d left work two hours ago, and she hadn’t heard from him.
“Hi Mom.”
“Don’t ‘hi mom’ me, where have you been?” She looked at him noting the bandage on his eyebrow. “What happened to your eye?”
“Mom, don’t wig out, but I had a little accident.”
Despite the warning, Amanda wigged out. “What? When…what happened? Are you all right…why didn’t you call me?” Amanda was beside herself. “Where’s the car?”
“I’m fine. It was just happening so fast. A trailer hit the side of the car, it wasn’t my fault.”
“Was anyone hurt?” Amanda’s heart was beating so fast, she had to sit down. She felt as if she was going to black out.
“No. But even though it wasn’t my fault Mom, they ticketed me because I have no insurance. The trailer guy heard that and started talking about lawsuits, even though the police officer told him it was his fault.” He went on to describe the details of the accident.
Amanda was speechless. She’d forgotten Alex had no car insurance. She couldn’t afford it; in fact, no one could afford the ridiculous amounts they charged for new male drivers. She’d been irresponsible allowing Alex to drive her car without it, and now she was going to pay the price. “Where’s the car Alex?”
Alex hung his head. “Outside. It’s still drivable. Mom, I’m so sorry.” He watched as his mother walked to the door and looked out at her car. He’d never forget the look of her face crumpling when it registered.
“Oh Alex, how is that drivable?” She went out to take a closer look. The whole front fender on the passenger side had received the most of the damage, with the door following. She tried to open it. It only opened about six inches. She noted the wheel rubbed against the metal where the rim was crumpled. She tried to pry it apart. It helped some, but not much. She didn’t know what to say, or what to do. She was as much to blame as Alex was. She looked at her son who looked as crushed as the car. She went and put her arms around him. “You’re all right and that’s what matters. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but don’t worry, it’s all going to fall on me, because I’m the owner of the car. I should have never let you drive it with no insurance, Alex. I thought you were a good driver, which is why I did, but I guess I never thought about what somebody else could do. One thing is for sure, you’re driving days are over until you get your own car.” She stood with his arm around him, looking at the car. She felt defeated.
“I have a court date in two weeks. What’s going to happen there?”
Amanda looked at her son who sounded so young at the moment. It was surprising how different he was without his tough façade. “I guess we’ll find out when we get there.”
They went in and Amanda sent Alex t
o soak in a hot tub before going to bed. She went back to her wine, the problem of moving forgotten. What was she going to do if the other driver sued her? How was she going to pay for his damages? What would she do if her car weren’t drivable anymore? She still owed money on it. She buried her face in her hands giving in to the inevitable tears. It was always one problem after another, and she was tired of dealing with them alone.
~~~
Amanda finished with the car dealer, trying to get an estimate as to how much it was going to cost to get her car fixed. Her insurance had been no help, not only were they not going to pay for the damage because Alex was driving, and an uninsured driver, they were going to cancel her policy too. The estimate was for five thousand dollars.
Amanda sat in her car staring into space. She’d cried when they had told her. The mechanic had sympathized with her, and had pulled the rim out so she could drive it, so that helped, a little. She felt inundated with problems she couldn’t solve.
She started up the car and flinched when she put it in drive, listening for the rubbing wheel. Thankfully, there was none, one thing in her favor today. She still felt like driving it directly to the junkyard. She felt like a loser driving this beat up car around. She sighed knowing that she should just be grateful that she had a car to get her to work.
She drove over to Hilary’s, having the need to vent. She breathed another sigh of relief when she saw her car in the driveway. Hilary came running out when she saw her car.
“Oh no, Mandy, what happened?” She looked at her sister, “Are you alright?”
Amanda stepped out and went straight into her sisters’ arms. “I’m fine. I didn’t wreck it. Alex did.”
“Alex? Oh no! Is he hurt?”
“No he’s fine too. He’s at work.”
“Thank God. Then, why so blue? Your son’s fine and by the looks of it, you’re going to get a new car in the process.”
Amanda stared at her sister for a minute before filling her in. “So see, life isn’t so rosy, is it?”
Hilary was in shock. How many things could go wrong for her sister? “What are you going to do?”
Again, Amanda stared at Hilary wondering what the hell she was thinking when she had decided to come over here. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. What can I do? I can’t afford a new car, I can’t afford to fix it, and I won’t be able to afford insurance. Hmmm…I should punt.”
Hilary took her sister inside and started a pot of coffee. “We have to put our heads together here and figure something out. Make Alex pay for it! He broke it, he should fix it.”
Amanda laughed. “Yeah, I wonder how long it would take to save five thousand dollars if he handed over all his tips to me.”
Hilary glared at her. “I’m just trying to help. Are you going to drive that thing the way it is?”
“Well sis, it looks like I have no choice. I have to get around. Speaking of which, I better get going.”
Hilary walked her to the car. “I’m sorry Mandy; I wish I could help you more.”
“I know you do. I’ll be fine; aren’t I always?” She gave her little sister a hug. “Don’t worry.” Amanda got in her car and drove away, wishing she felt as confident as she had sounded.
~~~
Elisa was waiting for her when she got home. Her eyes about bugged out of her face when she saw the car.
“Mom! You said the accident was minor. This isn’t minor! How are you even driving this?” She tried to open the passenger door. It opened six inches. “You can’t even get in over here. Mom, this is ridiculous, I don’t think it’s safe to drive.”
Amanda was seconds away from tears. “I really don’t want to have this discussion, Elisa. I have to drive it; it’s all I have. I just got back from getting an estimate to how much it would cost to fix and that’s no longer an option. I just got it, so I still owe a lot. So unless you can think of another plan, I’m stuck.” She gave in to her tears.
“Mom, don’t cry. I’m sorry. I guess I just didn’t realize how bad this situation was.” She hugged her mother. “Anyway, I came over to give you some happy news. It looks like you could use some.”
Amanda smiled at her daughter. “I sure could.” They went into the house and she went into the bathroom so she could blow her nose, take a deep breath and try her best to shake off how defeated she felt.
She poured herself a glass of water. “Okay, happy news time!”
Elisa held out her left hand. “It’s official!”
Amanda couldn’t help but focus in on the rock that was sitting on her left ring finger. “Holy cow, Elis, it’s beautiful—and enormous.” She took her daughters hand, truly in awe.
“I know, huh? I was so surprised Mom, and Tom was so romantic.” She went on to tell her all the details which included being picked up by a limo, flowers and a fancy restaurant, where he finally proposed.
Amanda was elated for her daughter. “So, is there a date?”
“Next year. So we have to start planning right away.”
“This should be fun! I can’t wait.” She squeezed her so tight; Elisa finally laughed and pulled herself free.
“Mom, there’s one thing. Tom said he wants to be part of the planning. He wants us to do everything together. From picking out the invitations, the cake, flowers, the location, all the way down to the dinner; everything, except for my wedding gown. We’ll do that part! He said unlike most guys, he has also always wanted the perfect wedding.” She hesitated for a moment, noting the shocked look on her mother’s face.
“That’s okay with you, right Mom? I mean, I know it’s usually the bride and mother-of-the bride who does all that, but isn’t it better if the groom wants to be involved?”
Amanda had always dreamed of the day her daughter got married. The planning, the bonding, she knew it was a special time in a mother-daughter relationship. Her own mother had been gone by the time she got married, so she had missed out on that end, which is why she thought she and Elisa would make up for it. Amanda squelched her feelings immediately. “Of course it is. I think it’s great. Okay, I’ll admit I feel a little disappointed because I always imagined that I would be a part of it, but it’s good that Tom wants to do it. I take it you’re having a big traditional wedding; although I thought you didn’t want that.” Elisa had always told her mother she wanted a small wedding. She’d felt that big weddings were a lot like three ring circuses. “What happened to being barefoot at the beach?”
Elisa laughed. “I was a kid then. Tom says that I would regret not having the princess wedding. I decided he was right. I want to be the fairytale princess, Mom.”
“So, who’s paying for the ball, Cinderella?”
It was Elisa’s turn to look shocked. “Well, traditionally, it’s the parents of the bride.”
. Amanda fought every muscle in her body to keep her face straight and not burst out laughing. She thought of her car outside and wondered where her daughter could even imagine she could pay for such an event “? Oh Have you spoken to your father yet?”
“No, Mom, you know I always tell you everything first. You’re not going to help pay for my wedding?” The grown-up Elisa suddenly turned back into the child, eyes wide and full of wonderment.
“I’ll try, honey, that’s all I can say right now. The wedding you just described will cost ten thousand dollars, at least.”
Elisa’s eyes brimmed with tears. “But I’m only going to do this once, Mom. It’s forever, not like you and Dad. I want it to be perfect.”
“Of course you do; every bride does.” She wondered briefly if she thought that she and Randy had gone into their marriage planning their divorce. “I can only promise you so much, Elis. You and Tom are going to have to take in some of the cost too. I promise you I’ll do my best.”
“Okay, Mom.” She hugged her and turned to go. “I’m meeting Tom, I have to go.”
“Well, thanks for stopping by and telling me. I love the ring. Congratulations Elisa; I am so happy for you.”
“Thanks, Mom, see you later.”
As the door shut, Amanda’s feeling of defeat surged through her body once again, only now it was double the amount.
She went over to the phone and blindly dialed Ray’s number. He answered on the first ring.
“What’s up, buttercup?”
Amanda smiled briefly at the corniness of that line, and then burst into tears. She brought him up to speed on her life of the last few days and ended by saying she was done. Literally. She was to the point where her plate was full, overflowing really, and she didn’t know how to fix it, or where to go from here. “In other words, I’m asking for your help, Ray. Help me fix my life.”
Ray smiled. “If that’s a marriage proposal Mandy, and as tempting as you have just made it sound, I’m going to have to pass.” He sighed and continued before she could take that the wrong way. “I want to help you honey, really I do, but I’m not sure what you’re asking me. Do you want money? Do you want me to come down and take matters into my own hands? Would you like to move in with me? I don’t know what you need right now. I do know this Mandy, I do not want you to decide you want to move to Maine so that you can run away from your problems. I want it to be because you want to be with me, not hide from everything. I just wanted to say that upfront before you continue, because if you did say to me that you were moving here, I could and would only be able to say, ‘Woohoo!’” He laughed before adding, “Is that what you’re saying?”
It was Amanda’s turn to laugh. “Wow, you can really take things and run with it, huh?” She laughed hysterically until tears were running down her face. “You are too funny!”
Ray rolled his eyes annoyed because she was laughing at him, but before too long he was laughing right along with her, her laughter contagious. “Well if laughter really is the best medicine, you must be cured!”
When You Least Expect It Page 39