by A. K. Morgen
Freki. I don’t know why I said her name, or what I even expected to happen, but she opened her eyes, and looked right at me. Before I could say another word, she rose, tearing against her chains as my anger swept into her, breathing life and power into a soul weakened into silence for too long.
Growls tore from that deep down space where she lived. She surged forward, straining to cast off her affliction and defend her mate. She attempted to claw her way through me, but, even with anger urging her on, she was too weak to do anything but rage inside my body.
Pain shot through me, so intensely that black spots danced behind my eyes.
I doubled over, retching as every inch of my body began to scream its protest. I heard my dad calling my name, but a thousand miles of lava separated me from him. I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t even answer Dace, whose thoughts swept into my head in a frantic burst.
My blood boiled in my veins, turning my insides into corroded ruins as Freki attempted to fight her way to the surface and force a change neither of us was strong enough to endure. I couldn’t shift anymore, but that didn’t stop her from trying to make me. Her mate had been attacked, and she was determined to respond.
Please, I screamed at her, anger vanishing beneath fierce waves of pain. Please stop!
She didn’t listen to me.
Geri launched himself into my mind, rattling me with the force of a sonic boom. He felt Freki, and he wanted her. As much as she fought to surface, he fought to get to her; both of them shredded me from the inside out in their attempts, neither thinking clearly beneath the animal instinct that made them such fierce and fearsome warriors.
I screamed aloud, pain ripping my head wide open. Everything hurt, as if my skin was being peeled off strip by strip. My bones vibrated, long ago memories of shifting urging them to take a different shape, a shape long lost to them. Freki screamed, the sound human, as my pain hit her, funneling into her along the thread that bound us one to another.
She fought harder, pushing with everything she had, determined to fight through it.
I sobbed, begging silently for relief, for death… for anything to make her stop trying to do the impossible. We couldn’t shift. All we could do was hurt, burn… explode into nothingness.
Stop.
Dace’s command pounded through me in a powerful roar.
Freki froze.
So did Geri.
And, just like that, the rage vanished.
Freki stopped fighting, falling back into that void where she lived, years and lives like weights tied to her paws. Geri howled one more time before Dace somehow jerked him from my head. He slammed walls between us, completely severing our connection for the first time since I woke in the hospital.
I slumped against him, sucking in great, gasping breaths. My lungs were on fire. My head felt ripped apart. My body ached so intensely that tears ran down my face. Death truly would have been preferable to the abject misery being alive presented in that moment.
If that’s what shifting felt like, I never wanted to do it.
But, despite the agony, threads of silver wove through me. I had never felt Freki so fully before. Not even when I first met Ronan had she reacted so powerfully.
Dace kept telling me she woke up a little, that she was the one who saved my life, but, until tonight, I hadn’t really understood what that meant because she’d been little more than a flutter of consciousness, a heartbeat in the back of my mind. She was so much more than that, though. Powerful, and very much alive, even if she was stuck. And, somehow, she heard me. She responded to me.
“What happened?” Dad demanded, sounding slightly hysterical.
“Freki,” Dace said to him, and then, “Are you okay, love?” He ran his hands all over my body, checking for physical damage. The walls were still in place, but I heard the frantic edge to his question.
I attempted to nod, but ended up moaning. Moving. Bad plan. Check.
“Answer me,” he whispered, cupping his hands around my cheeks. He brushed his lips across my eyelids, my temples, then into my hair. His breath shuddered in and out of his lungs. “Please, answer me.”
“Mother hell,” I mumbled, the only words my brain seemed capable of producing.
Dace’s entire body relaxed beneath mine.
“Thank god,” my dad whispered.
I focused on breathing. The pain receded in increments. Less agonizing feeling returned to my toes, then my fingertips. I twitched, sighing in relief as knotted muscles unwound and the pain in my head trickled away.
Relief didn’t last long, though. As the seconds ticked by, no one in the room saying a word, the memory of what started the entire battle for dominion began to return. Dace’s house was destroyed, burned down. I cringed, waiting for Freki to react again, but she didn’t. She didn’t even flutter.
I blinked my eyes open slowly.
“I’m so sorry.” My throat felt raw, the words ragged.
Dace’s sad smile broke my heart all over again.
Dace waited until Professor Edwards’s wife, Naomi, got to the house to babysit me before he and Dad left, a squad car following behind them. I stared out my window, my hand pressed to the glass as their taillights faded into the murky pre-dawn light.
“What does he have to do now?” I asked Naomi.
She stood across the room, watching me with her vivid, shifter eyes. Despite it being five in the morning, she was fully dressed in a subdued pantsuit and stood as regal and confident as ever. Her expression told a different tale, though. She appeared haggard, so much older than she had even two months ago. Thin lines were evident around her mouth, and familiar dark shadows swelled beneath her eyes.
Everywhere I looked these days, I saw those puffy bruises. Dace, my dad, Chelle, even Ronan’s face seemed carved into perpetual exhaustion. No one slept anymore. How could we when the things lurking in the dark wanted to kill us all?
“Now he talks to the fire department,” Naomi said, walking across the room toward me. Even exhausted, she moved as gracefully as Dace, barely making a sound. She stopped beside my bed and began to straighten the blankets. “You should rest.”
I didn’t want to rest. I wanted to wait for Dace to return. I couldn’t keep from yawning at her suggestion, though. My rage, and Freki’s, had sapped what little energy remained. My body felt heavy, too heavy for me to move it easily. It no longer hurt, but a dull ache seemed to emanate from every inch of me.
I had no one to blame but myself. Somehow, I reached Freki. My hatred gave her strength. That scared and thrilled me in turns. She was so much more frightening than I expected. And so much closer than I dared hope.
“Here,” Naomi said, holding out a hand to me, “I’ll help.”
I took her hand reluctantly and allowed her to pull me to my feet. She supported most of my weight as I shuffled toward the bed, another yawn tumbling out. The bed didn’t look nearly as inviting without Dace. It didn’t feel anywhere near as comfortable when I slid between the sheets, either. I allowed Naomi to pull the blankets up around me, though, knowing there was nothing I could do for Dace right now. My dad and Professor Edwards were with him. All I could do was wait for him to come back.
Naomi pulled my desk chair closer to the bed, then settled down.
I stared up at the ceiling, not really interested in talking. My heart hurt for Dace. I’d been so afraid of what Sköll and Hati might do yesterday, but I never imagined this response. Not once had it crossed my mind that they might burn a house to the ground. The act seemed so… sinister. So evil. And I didn’t really know why that bothered me so much after everything else they’d done. They killed, tormented, and tortured without remorse. Why should they hesitate at arson?
The loss of Dace’s house did bother me, though. In one fell swoop, they took away everything Dace built for himself. And I think they knew that. I think they wanted to twist the knife a little deeper. They didn’t want to kill us yet; they wanted to break us first. And, little by little, they were breakin
g us.
I’d never seen that as clearly as I did right then. That was why they didn’t attack us directly. Not because they were too cowardly to face us, but because they didn’t need to come for us when they could hide in the shadows and watch us crack under the pressure.
We were playing right into Sköll and Hati’s plans because they knew us better than we knew ourselves. They remembered what we forgot long ago. They knew us: our weaknesses, our fears, and doubts. And we made it so, so easy for them to exploit those weaknesses and play on those fears. A few well-aimed blows, taunting flowers here, a body there, a destructive fire… and our house of cards was ready to come tumbling down. All they needed to do was wait for us to break under the strain, wait for Dace to break under the strain.
Soon, too soon, he would snap. And nothing I said would stop him.
I understood the anger in him better now. An hour ago, I felt the same anger myself, the same hatred. There was nothing rational in that damning emotion. There was no talking it down or controlling it. For a minute, I let it consume me entirely. I wanted to be consumed.
Because of me, Dace felt that same thing day in and day out.
Realization struck like a hammer blow to my heart.
Turns out, Ronan was right all along.
Dace couldn’t do this with me here, because I was his weakness. I was the thing threatening to get him killed. The one who turned him into the monster chained beside Fenrir.
Sköll and Hati knew it. They’d always known it. In fact, they were counting on it.
Depression yawned like a bottomless pit before me.
Dace returned four hours later, streaked with soot and far too quiet. The stench of smoke hung heavy in the air around him when he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against his chest. I curled into him, tears burning in my eyes. His body trembled faintly. He took a deep breath, trying to rein in emotions too great to be easily contained.
“How bad is it?” I whispered, clinging to him with as much strength as I could muster.
“Completely destroyed,” he said. “There was accelerant everywhere.”
“Oh, Dace.” I hugged him harder.
He sighed. “I can replace everything I lost. I have insurance.” Something dark vibrated in his voice, seething right below the surface.
“What can I do?” I asked, hopelessness stabbing like a knife in my chest.
“Stay safe,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “I can’t lose you too.”
I pressed my lips to his chest, over his heart, biting back the urge to sob in his arms. He sounded so broken, felt so small in my arms. And I couldn’t help him.
He held me tightly for long moments, rocking us back and forth. I melted into him, doing my best to comfort him. I knew what it was like to lose everything, and it sucked. But this… this sucked more. Dace had nothing left. No family. No home. Nothing but a messed-up destiny threatening to rip apart the rest of his world. And me. He still had me.
“What happens now?” I asked when his arms loosened around me.
“I have to go make a statement to the police.” He brushed his lips across my forehead. “Are you okay with Naomi here?”
“That’s not what I meant,” I said, ignoring his question although talking to the police again worried me. How much longer could we convince them all the horrible things happening in their little town were mere coincidences?
They weren’t stupid. Sooner or later, they’d stop believing bad things kept happening to the same people through simple happenstance.
Dace stared down at me, not speaking.
“Dace?”
“Now?” he asked, that same dark emotion in his voice floating through his expression, twisting his face into something foreign and unfamiliar to me. Something cold. “Now I do what needs to be done.”
I wasn’t brave enough to ask him what that meant.
He dropped his forehead to mine and stood there for a minute before he sighed. “I love you.”
“Promise me you won’t do something stupid,” I blurted.
He pulled back. “Stupid?”
“You know what I mean. Promise me you won’t go after them alone. Let Ronan help you.”
“I don’t need his help.”
“Yes, you do.”
“I have the pack.”
“Dace, don’t do this. Not like this,” I said, searching his face for some sign he had heard me. Some sign he’d actually listen to me and not do something that would only end with him or someone else dying. His expression was closed off, mutinous. He wasn’t going to let this go.
“Fuki could have died yesterday. Putting him and the rest of the pack in danger again isn’t right.”
“Nothing about this is right, Arionna. This whole situation is just―” He shook his head, the movement sharp and angry. “I’m done waiting for Sköll and Hati to come to us. To come for us. When I find them, and I will find them, I’m ending this no matter what it takes.”
“They’ll kill you.”
“So be it.”
I cringed at how easily he accepted that possibility. He didn’t even hesitate. “Ronan will stop you. He’ll kill you before he lets you do something stupid.”
Dace’s eyebrows rose, and then he narrowed his gaze. “He can try,” he muttered.
“Dace, please.”
“I’m done talking about this,” he said with another sharp shake of his head. “No more.”
“No,” I said, glaring up at him. “You don’t get to shut me out because you don’t like what I have to say. I won’t watch you kill yourself. I mean it, Dace. I’ll leave before I watch you do this.”
“You’ll leave?” He stared at me for a long moment, his eyes wide and surprise written all over his face.
“Yes.” I held his gaze, praying he saw the truth somewhere inside me. Praying he knew I meant it. That, somehow, those words would be enough to snap him out of it.
His expression twisted as he searched my face. Whatever he saw there gave him pause. For a minute, for just a minute, I thought he intended to back down. But then he squared his shoulders and nodded once. “Maybe that’s for the best,” he said, the look on his face hardening. “You do what you have to do.”
That was it.
He didn’t try to talk me out of leaving. He didn’t ask me to stay. He didn’t argue or fight me. He simply agreed. And then he turned and walked away.
I stared after him, tears blurring my vision, but he didn’t look back or stop walking.
He disappeared through the doorway, and my heart shattered in my chest.
he next two days were utter hell. A never-ending stream of people came to talk to Dace, and each little lie he told them turned his eyes to opaque, emerald stone. His answers were short, clipped. Fury seethed beneath the surface, keeping him rigid, restless. The walls he built to keep me out remained in place, standing impenetrable and imposing between us.
I cowered in my room, miserable, hurting, and too afraid to try to breach those walls again. Whatever he hid behind them would break us entirely, and I couldn’t face that when I was already bleeding. The sight of him chained beside Fenrir haunted me, hovering like a specter on the edges of my vision every waking moment. The memory of him walking away hurt worse.
At night, that memory attacked, twisting my dreams into a demonic wasteland where Sköll and Hati ruled, manipulating us like puppets on marionette strings. Dace walked away from me in those dreams, hatred shining in his bright, emerald eyes.
Fenrir looked on with pride as Dace picked up a chain and clasped it around his own neck.
When I woke screaming from those nightmares, Dace didn’t come to comfort me. I heard him pacing outside my door every time, but he never once crossed the threshold. He never once asked me not to go, either.
Every time he looked at me and then turned away without speaking, the chasm between us grew. It kept growing, wider and wider, until I was no longer sure we could ever bridge it. And still, I hesitated to go, praying Dace would ch
ange his mind and try to stop me. I kept praying until, finally, I could take no more.
I sat in Dr. Guerin’s office on the third day, shivering in my paper gown. Dace and my Dad sat on metal chairs, both of them staring off into the distance, lost in their own thoughts and waking nightmares.
“Miss Jacobs,” Dr. Guerin said, sweeping into the sterile exam room with my chart in hand. His lab coat flapped about him like in one of those hospital dramas playing on repeat on TNT. He was nowhere near as good looking as Dr. McSexy, or whatever the gossip magazines called the young doctors on those shows. Dr. Guerin was pushing seventy and had the bushiest eyebrows I’d ever seen. He was also rail thin and about four inches shorter than me.
“Morning,” I mumbled, shifting this way and that on the exam table. The thin paper crinkled beneath me, but I couldn’t find a warm spot.
“Alex, Dace,” he said, nodding to my dad and Dace without looking in their direction. He scanned my chart before setting it on the edge of the sink to rub his hands together briskly.
I didn’t bother telling him that wouldn’t help. No matter how much friction he got going between his palms, they still felt ice cold when he lifted my gown to examine my now healed wounds. It wasn’t his fault though.
If love was flame, fear was ice.
Dace and my Dad both murmured their greetings.
“How are you feeling, Ari?” Dr. Guerin asked. He motioned for me to lie back on the table.
I eased myself down, wincing when my back came in contact with the cold metal through the thin paper sheet beneath me. “A lot better,” I said.
“Any pain?”
“Not really.”
He gave a nod, pushing gently on my abdomen, prodding at the jagged scars where Hati sank his teeth into my flesh, and poking at the places where the surgery team stitched me back together beneath fluorescent lights and Dr. Guerin’s own watchful eyes.
Dace and my dad both looked away. Even though the scars appeared months old now, neither of them could face them yet.