by Mia Faye
But before I could dial Yvette’s number, I heard the clacking of heels on the concrete floor, and I whipped around to see her walking up to me.
“Hey, what’s going on?” I asked her. “Where is everybody?”
It wasn’t until she got to me that I registered her expression. Horror, mixed with dread, and the puzzled look of someone who doesn’t know what to do or say. I grabbed her by the shoulders, almost instinctively, because it looked like she was going to fall down.
“Meredith is looking for you,” she said.
“What’s going on?” I asked her again. I could feel my pulse quickening, the slow spread of tension through my body.
“Most of the staff are gathered in Boardroom A3. I’m not sure I’ve heard it right, but someone was talking about Wyatt Banks… something about…”She trailed off, unable to finish. But she didn’t need to. I put two and two together easily enough, and the blob of horror that had been building up in my chest sank with a thud into my stomach.
I sidestepped Yvette and walked to Meredith’s office, eventually breaking into a run. I turned the corner, pushing the door and bursting in a bit more forcefully than I would have liked.
Meredith was seated on her desk. On her desk, not a chair; she was perched precariously on its edge, her hands white as they clasped a phone she was speaking quickly into. Her eyes shot up when I barged in, and she lifted her eyebrows to acknowledge me, then she went back to her phone call.
I stood there, listening to her speak, and I knew from her voice that the worst had indeed happened. I couldn’t standstill. My legs wouldn’t let me standstill. I walked to one end of the office, turned, and paced to the other. I thrust my hands in my pockets, then pulled them out and started to crack my knuckles.
Meredith’s phone call seemed to take forever. She did eventually hang up, and she turned a gaunt, pale face toward me.
“Why didn’t you call me?” I asked, walking up to her. I reached out and hugged her. I thought she felt lighter than usual, a little weaker, maybe.
“I meant to,” she said. “I’ve been on the phone the whole morning.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“Brain aneurysm. This morning. Completely out of the blue, although according to the doctor, his brain was deteriorating really fast.”
“I’m so sorry, Meredith.”
Meredith nodded. Her head dropped. When she spoke again, her voice broke, but she powered through.“This is the worst thing about Wyatt’s condition. You know it’s coming. It’s like this giant cloud, looming in the distance. And you don’t know when it will swoop down and engulf you in darkness. But you know it will, one day, maybe today, maybe six years from now. You allow yourself to hope, to dream. One morning, he’s completely lucid, and he remembers everything, and you think, maybe we’ll have more days like these. But the next day is bad, and the one after that even worse, and you have to realize all over again that he isn’t going to get better.”
It was gut-wrenching hearing her talk. Particularly because I had always known Meredith to be a very strong woman, and this had clearly undone her.
“Does it make me a bad person,” she went on, “that I’m relieved? I’m devastated, of course. Wyatt was the love of my life. But I’ve been preparing for this moment for months now. Dreading it. Waiting for it. Running from it. And now that it’s finally happened, there’s a part of me that just feels relief. At least he isn’t in pain anymore.”
I put my hand on her shoulder and gave it a little squeeze.
“You shouldn’t be here, Meredith,” I said.
“What?” she frowned, her misty eyes searching mine.
“You should be at home. I know you have a lot to do, people to speak to…”
“Are you kicking me out of my own office, Cameron Palmer?”
“I’m saying you shouldn’t be working, Meredith. Let me handle all this, and you go home and get some rest, okay? There’s nothing urgent enough for you to be here.”
“But… I have to…”
“No, Meredith. You don’t have to do anything but take care of yourself.”
“The staff?”
“I’ll deal with them, don’t worry.”
She looked down again, this time for so long I almost thought she had fallen asleep. Then she nodded slowly, and after a brief hesitation, she held out a hand, and I helped her off the desk.
“I’ll call you a cab to take you straight home. I’ll come to see you as soon as I’m done here, okay?”
“Thanks, Cam. Really.”
The meeting with the staff was easily the hardest thing I had ever had to do. I dreaded walking into that boardroom. I felt like it would be inauthentic to do so without first processing my own feelings about what had happened. I just didn’t know if I could do that in the thirty minutes I was expected to.
In many ways, Wyatt was the role model I had always needed at work. From the moment I joined Penguin Publishers, he took me under his wing and showed me the ropes. He had a perfect understanding of who everyone was and their unique abilities, and he spotted my own strengths right away. It was because of him that I rose through the ranks so fast. It was his vision that had inspired the Penguin to get to where it was now.
Meredith had been one hundred percent right about his death. We were always aware of it looming around the corner. Almost expecting it and yet never ready for it. I had never really thought about it happening, even though Meredith kept telling me the prognosis was getting progressively worse. This was sudden and shocking, even though it shouldn’t have been.
I felt someone slide up to me. Felt, rather than heard, because my mind was too far away. There was that familiar scent I knew and loved. There she was, showing up just when I needed a little push.
“I know he meant a lot to you,” Yvette said. “I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t know what to say to them,” I said. “I thought I did. But I don’t think I’m ready.”
“Yes, you are. Meredith trusted you to lead because she knows you can. I trust you, too.”
I glanced over at her. Somehow, her assurance seemed bigger, broader in context. “You do?”
She nodded. “They need to know what’s happening. They’ve been getting snippets from random people, from obscure contacts in the publishing world, and that uncertainty is only making them more anxious.”
I took a deep breath, let it sit, and then blew it out in a long, slow exhale. Yvette snuck her hand into mine and gave me a reassuring squeeze. It was weird to think that an hour ago, we had been so worried about being seen together. Now, we walked into the room together. It was the only way I was going to get through this. With her by my side.
Chapter 24
Yvette
Wyatt Banks was an incredibly popular man. He was well-loved too if the attendance of his funeral was anything to go by.
The ceremony was held in his home, a large, sprawling estate with lush vegetation and a haunting feeling of emptiness. It was ideal for so many reasons, primarily the size being perfect for the sheer number of people who came to say their last goodbyes.
I arrived early to help Cam, and for the better part of two hours, we were walking around saying hi to the guests. I had never been more in awe of Cam than when I was watching him walking around, clearly in his element, aware of every single person and intimately familiar with them. When he introduced me to the former COO, for example, he remembered that the man’s daughter had been doing some work with underprivileged children in Africa, and he wanted to know how she was doing.
With another board member, he was quick to bring up a long-standing bet as to which department would contribute the most to the annual profit margins, and the two had a lighthearted exchange about it.
Cam was completely at ease as he waltzed around, meeting and greeting, sharing in the collective grief of those who came to celebrate Wyatt.
In the course of one week, everything had changed between us. I could point to the exact moment when it did, too,
outside the boardroom at Penguin, just before he officially informed the company employees that Wyatt had died. There was a moment when he was as vulnerable as I had ever seen him. I had reached out to comfort him, to let him know I was right there with him. It was a simple gesture, me holding his hand. But it had endured to this day. Since then, Cam had no problem showing me affection, even in public. He didn’t care anymore if people saw us together, or if they whispered to each other when they did.
Today, it felt like I was on his arm. He introduced me by name, or in some instances as the person who would be stepping into head Editorial. But his arm was never far from mine, or from my waist, and I got the sense he was being possessive without saying it outright. I felt like he needed me, and he was refusing to let me go.
And I was totally fine with that.
“Okay, okay.” Cam put a hand on the small of my back and steered me slowly around. “This is a big one. You see that lovely couple over there?”
I followed the direction he was pointing. A tall, handsome man with thick gray hair was lost in conversation with a woman just as tall and regal.
“Yeah?”
“Those are my parents. Wanna meet them?”
“What?”
“You’re right. I shouldn’t have to ask.”
He gave me a little push while I protested, and he kept up the pressure, leading me slowly toward the couple, my weak protests falling on deaf ears.
His parents were stylish and beautiful; there was no other way to put it. His mother was beautiful in a simple but elegant black dress and a hat with a large white bow tipped to the side. She had an easy smile that reminded me of Emma, and she seemed to radiate kindness. Her husband was a greyer, gruffer version of Cam. He was pleasant and conversational, even while being somewhat aloof.
“It’s a shame Cam hasn’t brought you home to meet us sooner,” his mother said. Sheila, she insisted I call her. “And that we’re meeting under such circumstances. But Richard and I are thrilled to meet you. Aren’t we, darling?”
“Oh, absolutely. I’m afraid my son hasn’t told us all that much about you, my dear.”
“Come on, Dad. You know how busy I’ve been at work.”
“So you’ve said. But surely, even a phone call would suffice?”
Sheila grabbed my hand and led me away from the two men. She had a broad, friendly smile on her face as she led me to one of the food stands.
“Once those two get started, there’s no telling how long they’ll be at it,” she said.
“They’re a lot alike, aren’t they?” I said. “Like two bad copies of each other.”
“Very astute, dear. And yes. Quite right. They’re both stubborn and frustrating and set in their ways. But they’re also soft little puppies, even if they don’t like to show it.”
I let out a reluctant snort.“Not Cam,” I said when Sheila raised her eyebrows at me. “I don’t think I would ever use the word puppy to describe Cam.”
“Are you sure about that?” she asked me. “Because I’ve watched for over an hour while my son worked the room, and I saw the way he waltzed with you, leading but never allowing you to fall behind… how he presented you every time he introduced you to someone. I saw the stolen glances, the way his gaze lingered on you long after you looked away. That, my dear, is what I’m talking about. They’re subtle men, these Palmers, but they don’t hide their emotions very well.”
I wondered what I looked like when I was with Cam. I felt like I was the one who was always stealing glances at him, staring longer than I should, like I was constantly conscious of touching him. My God, I hoped I didn’t look that lovestruck.
The ceremony started shortly afterward. I lost the Palmers as I went to look for my seat. Cam had wanted us to sit together, but he was right at the front row with Meredith and Wyatt’s friends and family, and I insisted I would feel out of place there, so he reluctantly agreed to let me sit in the back with the some of the people from work.
It was probably for the best. I got emotional as soon as the service started. Every person who spoke about Wyatt did so in glowing fashion. The tributes poured in, each more heartfelt than the last, and every one devastating. My eyes kept misting up, and when it was Cam’s turn to speak, I felt the lump in my throat finally morph into an actual sob.
“A lot has been said about Wyatt Banks,” Cam said. His delivery was slow and measured, his voice low. I knew it was his way of keeping himself under control.
“And rightly so. He was a giant among giants. Every single person in this room has experienced Wyatt’s kindness, brilliance, and generosity of spirit, directly or indirectly. So, I know you all understand me when I say that he was the best man I knew. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for him. Nothing I can say will ever be enough to convey my gratitude to him. I can only hope to one day inspire someone as he did me.”
I was completely gone by the end of the speech. The tears came freely, thick and fast, and try as I might, I couldn’t get them to stop. My poorly stifled sobs were starting to draw attention, so I got up and walked from the place as fast as I could.
I quickened my steps as soon as I turned the corner. I didn’t stop until the sound of the microphone was too far in the distance for me to hear. I found a wall and leaned on it. Only then did I allow me to let go.
It took some time for me to get myself under control. Slowly, gradually, the tears slowed and stopped, and by then my handkerchief was drenched. I was sure I looked like a total mess.
“Here,” a voice said from frighteningly close by.
I jumped, startled, having been sure I was alone. Someone was handing me a handkerchief… someone who I realized a moment later was Vicki Marsh, the person I least wanted to see at that moment.
“No thanks,” I said.
She gave the handkerchief a little shake as if to ask, ‘Are you sure?’ I shook my head once again.
“It’s heartbreaking, isn’t it?” Vicki said.
I wondered how long she had been standing there, watching me. I felt violated like a private moment had just been stolen from me.
“He was a visionary; there is no doubt about it,” Vicki went on, seemingly unaware of just how much I didn’t want to hear from her. “But a lot of this bloviating is pretentious and selfish. As most funeral speeches are. Anyone who actually knew Wyatt would tell you he was actually—”
“You need to shut the fuck up,” I said. My voice was low, and I didn’t say it with any real conviction, but it still cut right across what she was saying, and effectively shut her up.
“I beg your pardon?” Vicki said, and her eyes flashed.
I turned to her, all restraint I had been holding on to disappearing.“I said that you need to shut the fuck up. What are you even doing here? I’m sure you met Wyatt once, at best, and I doubt you were memorable enough to warrant your presence at his funeral. And yet you feel entitled enough to badmouth him? At his own funeral? You’re unbelievable.”
Vicki bristled.“You know nothing about me,” she said through gritted teeth.
“You know what? You’re right. I don’t. Because I don’t care. You’re nothing to me.”
She shook her head.“You think you’re so smart, don’t you? You think you have everything figured out, huh? So, you’ll know, then, the story of how Cam and I met? Has he told you that yet? How he helped me steal clients from Penguin for years, right under his beloved Wyatt’s nose. Did he tell you we fucked in every room in that office? Or maybe you’re laboring under the impression that you’re the first office romance he’s ever had?”She laughed, a loud, cracking sound that was unnerving and irritating. I felt the air begin to grow thin.
“That’s just what Cam does, sweetie. He finds the most gullible little women, and he charms them into thinking he’s in love with them. He used me to climb that ladder, leveraged our relationship and my contacts to convince Wyatt to promote him. Then as soon as I was no longer of any use to him, he dumped me. With his baby. You didn’t know tha
t, did you?”
I shook my head, refusing to believe any of the things she was saying. I knew Cam. I had lived with him, worked with him. I had been intimate with him. There was no way he was the person Vicki was describing.
“You think you’re different, huh? You think he isn’t doing that with you. You’re probably telling yourself that he loves you, and the two of you are going to get married and build a life together… I saw through your pathetic married act in a second. I knew what Cam was doing, and I thought you were smart enough to realize it on your own. But I see you’d rather fool yourself that he’s in love with you even though the truth is right in your face. You know he’s using you. Deep down, you know it. And you know what’s going to happen when he gets done with you.”
I didn’t realize the tears were rolling down my cheeks again until Vicki got blurry, and I felt the wetness on my face. I blinked them away furiously, determined not to let her see me cry, but it was too late. I brought the handkerchief up and tried to dab my eyes.
Vickismirked, sensing victory.
I was convinced she had said all that to mess with me. I knew it. But there was a sliver of doubt, a fragment of truth in her allegations, and it stuck, even as I actively rejected it. It had been Cam who came up to me with the plan to play married. On my first day at work, he had tried to sleep with me in my office, and even after I asked him not to, he went on seducing me at work. All of which culminated in me almost getting fired because of him.
I wanted so badly to focus on the time we had spent together, and the man I had come to know at that time. But there was a niggling question mark, and Vicki had pushed it out and made it impossible to ignore.
“What do you want?” I heard myself say. I hated that my voice had dropped back to a tame, almost mewling quality. “Why are you telling me all this?”