“Hey,” Finn said, his voice taking on an angry tone. “You’re not stupid and I don’t want to hear you ever say that about yourself again.” His nostrils flared. He pulled me from my chair onto his lap.
“Josh, can you do us a favor? Can you go to the general store and…”?
“Already on it,” Josh called from the front door where her purse was already slung around her shoulder. “Be right back,” she called and then she was gone.
“I don’t really know what to say,” I confessed. “But it would explain why these shorts don’t fit anymore.” I looked down to my unhooked button.
Finn smiled. “We’ll get you some new ones.” His smile dropped as he snaked his hand up my thigh. He made his way to my stomach where he pushed the material of my t-shirt up and placed a hand on my belly. “I hope you’re in there,” he whispered.
My heart fluttered in my chest like it grew wings and was trying to escape. That’s when I realized. I hoped there was someone in there too. A little person that Finn and I created together.
“I am sorry though that I was so naive. I should have known more than I did.”
Finn growled. “No. You don’t get to be sorry. This was entirely my fault because I DO know better. I do know how all this works. I could have used a condom. Told you about pills. But I didn’t.”
“Why? Did you forget?” I asked.
Finn shook his head. “No, I didn’t forget, Say. I’ve never forgotten since the day I lost my virginity at sixteen. Not one single time.”
“I don’t understand.”
“We belong together, Say. The idea of you pregnant with my kid is...everything. If I’d have known you weren’t aware of what could happen, I would have talked to you about it. That’s on me. But I still don’t regret it. Not one bit.”
“So, what you’re saying, is that this is all your fault?” I asked, looking up into his handsome face. I reached out and cupped his face in my hand, his stubble scratching the inside of my palm.
Finn laughed and held me tighter. “No. This is nobody’s fault. I don’t want either of us to think of it that way. If we’re having a baby it’s something to celebrate. This is fate. This is us.”
I exhaled and relaxed against Finn who kissed my forehead. “I love you,” I said.
Finn murmured against my hair and his words shot straight through to my very core. “Fiercely. Possessively. Crazily. Always.”
Josh came back in record time with a bag of several different brands of pregnancy tests before getting a call about a stranded vehicle and having to leave.
Finn stayed in the bar while I was in the bathroom, carefully following the instructions on the back of each box.
When I came out of the bathroom Finn set the timer on the stove for three minutes. He pulled me against him and whispered reassurances against my forehead as we waited. When the timer dinged he looked down at me. “Do you want me to check?”
I nodded. He was in the bathroom for longer than it would take to glance down and count the lines.
“And?” I called out.
Finally, after what seemed like eons, Finn emerged with a huge smile on his beautiful face. Tears in his blue eyes. He stalked over to me and lifted me up in the air. “Baby?” he asked, planting kissing across my eyelids and down my cheeks.
“Yeah?” I asked, breathlessly.
Finn’s smile grew even wider. He looked deeply into my eyes and whispered, “We’re having a baby.”
“We are?” The happiness warmed my body from the inside out. I was tingling all over.
Finn and I had created life.
Together.
Chapter 19
Sawyer
There is something about impending motherhood that creates a shift within you. A shift toward the future. It also brings out the most protective parts of you. I spent every waking moment thinking of how best to protect this baby.
I’d gone to the doctor with Finn shortly after I’d taken all the tests. The doctor confirmed I was more than two and a half months along which means I’d probably gotten pregnant immediately after Finn and I had gotten together. If I’d have found out any later it would have been my belly that would have tipped me off. It was like the second we found out I was pregnant it popped out like the baby got word we knew and it was okay to show people now.
Which reminded me of the other thing is something else impending motherhood changes.
It takes your current patience level and shreds it.
I was on edge like never before.
I was in the library trying to write to ease my mind, but only two words came to me. Protect. Defend.
I wasn't a real poet by any means, but even I knew that two or three words still wasn't enough to string together something that made any sense.
Frustrated with writing I gave up.
I decided to read the poem The Caged Bird by Maya Angelou.
Each time I’d read it in the months I’d been in Outskirts I’d felt either sad or angry or powerful, depending on my mood.
I read it again and again.
Nothing.
I sighed and closed the book. I reached for a rag and began to clean the outside layer of dust from the tattered cover. I might as well get some work done if I couldn't concentrate on anything else.
Maddy was standing guard outside. Since my mother didn’t require full time care anymore she volunteered to stay with us and help protect us until this business with Richard was over.
If it was ever over.
I really want it to be over.
The bells above the library door chimed, pulling me from my inner thoughts. Maddy peeked her head inside the door. "Josh called, said this one was on his way."
"Thank you," I said, grateful that she decided to stay on with us although I found it odd she still wore her pink smiley face scrubs.
In walked a young thickset man who I’d never seen before. He was in his early thirties and no more than five and a half feet. The gleam from the overhead lights shone off his completely hairless head. His clean-shaven cheeks were as round as the rest of him, giving him an additional air of youth. The sleeves of his untucked white shirt were rolled up to his elbows. The collar stained with sweat.
He looked around the room from the walls with a curiosity and wonderment in his eyes. He was adorable in a way I never thought an adult man could be.
I painted a smile on my face to cover the worry. “Hello. We’re not quite open just yet. But feel free to look around. Can I help you with something?” I asked.
The man looked at me and instantly smiled, showing off two bright white front teeth that were slightly longer than the rest. His voice was smooth and high-pitched, almost feminine. “Why hello there, cutie-pie. O.M.G. I love your hair. So fierce. I want to scalp you so I can make me a wig out of it.” He looked at the confusion I could feel written all over my face. “And yes, that was totally a compliment.”
“Thank you?” I responded to this odd yet wonderfully strange man.
“I am Wilfredo,” he said, holding his hand to his chest, bowing at the waist. “My friends call me…Wilfredo.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle. His personality was huge and took up most of the space in my tiny library. “I’m…”
“Sawyer, I know. Joshy-boo told me. She said you reopened the library so I had to come check it out for myself.” He looked around from shelf to shelf, running his hands across the spines of the once dusty books that between Finn and myself were nearly all clean and restored into lendable condition once more. “Bravo, my dear. Well done. This place doesn’t look nearly as condemned as it used to."
“Are you from here?” I setting down the book of poetry on the table.
Wilfredo nodded. “Born and raised in the mud, but I moved out to California a few years back after meeting the man of my dreams online.” He blinked rapidly and looked wistfully into the fluorescent lights overhead.
“Sounds romantic,” I commented, finishing wiping off the book and setting it on
its usual spot on the shelf.
“Yeah,” he sighed dramatically. “It was. Until I got out there and alas, my Justin Bieber look-a-like was a lot less Biebs and a lot more…Lyle Lovett.” He scrunched up his nose so I took it as a bad thing.
“That’s a shame.”
“Not really. I may not have found my dream man, but I fell in love with Cali. Been out there ever since. What about you? Josh says you haven’t been here too long. How are you liking our little backwards town in the middle of nowhere USA?”
“Actually, I love it here,” I said, but the feelings that normally came with that statement were nowhere to be found. "It's home."
“Yeah, I get it. I want to hate this place, I really do. But it really is a great town.” Wilfredo pulled out a chair and sat down, fanning himself with a yellow pamphlet. He chuckled. “I mean, if the homo population ever increased from say…one, and by one I do mean THE one, being me, then I’d move back here in a heartbeat. Living with my beautiful ripped swamp-boy in overalls. Watching him de muck things or pick up heavy things, or whatever it is they do around here that could be sexy if I think about it hard enough.” He smiled. “I’d be living my own little gay redneck fantasy. Ah, that would be the life.”
I laughed and sat down across from him. “I think I like you, Wilfredo.”
“I like you too, Sawyer. So, what’s your story? How did you end up in Outskirts?”
“It’s a very long story,” I said with a sigh.
“Give me the short version of your long story. I’ve got time. My sister is still at the Dr. Maloy’s down the road getting her last check up before the baby is born. That’s why I’m back in town. To spoil my new niece and nephew. The newest members of my sister’s ever-growing litter of human cubs.”
“Congratulations.”
“Thank you. Now, back to your story. Short-version. Go.” He snapped his fingers and closed his eyes.
“Well,” I thought for a moment on how to shorten my story and not drag my new friend into the heaviness of my life. I liked having someone new ask me about my relationship with Finn it reminded me that we were still new. It was like having a secret that only I got to decide how much or how little of us I would share with others.
“I needed a change so when I found out that my mother owned land here I decided that I wanted to come check it out for myself. I took her old camper and truck and I’ve been here ever since.”
“I have a feeling your short version is like the CliffsNotes of the CliffsNotes of your story.” Wilfredo wiped the sweat beading up on his forehead with a handkerchief from his pocket.
I leaned forward and whispered. “I would say you’re right.”
“You got yourself a man, Red?” Wilfredo asked. “I know the pickings are slim around here but…” he paused when he saw my hand drop to my burgeoning baby belly.
He gasped. “Spill girl. Who is he?”
“If you’re from here then you probably know him," I said, biting my lip. "Finn Hollis?”
Wilfredo’s mouth dropped open and his eyes widened. He squealed so loud I had to cover my ears. He then hurriedly made a backward sign of the cross. “Sweet baby Jesus, you bagged the lord of the swamp?”
“Uh, he’s. Well, We…”
“He knocked you up. OMG I would KILL for that man to knock me up." He held out his hand, palm side facing me. "No, my sweet red one, not another word. I just need to sit here and let all this sexiness sink in for a moment.” He closed his eyes continuing to fan himself with the paper turned fan in his hand until his phone rang. “That’s my sister I’ve got to help her back into the car before she tips over." He removed his legs from the table and stood up. "It was nice to meet you Sawyer, I hope to see you again before I go back to Cali.”
“I’d like that very much.” I said, and I meant it. Wilfredo brought with him a bright light I wouldn't mind having around more often.
“Are you still working at Critter’s?” he asked. “Josh said you guys were helping him out a bit.
“Yeah, sure am. Dinner shift tomorrow if you want to come by.”
“I’ll be there!” Wilfredo looked down at the paper in his hands like he was just remembering something. He set it down on the table. “Here, I almost forgot, this was in your door when I got here, but I’ve been using it to fan myself. It’s as hot as the bowels of hell in this town. I guess some things never change. See ya, Sexy, Sawyer! Take care of that baybay! See you tomorrow. Save me a place under the Sandy Bennett.”
Did he just say what I think he just said?
The bells above the door chimed again. Wilfredo was gone just as quickly as he appeared. Blowing through like a multicolored tumbleweed of fun.
I was rolling around his words in my head when I went to toss the flyer Wilfredo had handed me. I’d just released it into the trash when my heart seized.
It wasn't just a fan or a flyer. It was thee flyer. The one for God's Light.
A shiver of dread rippled through me. The sharp spike of dread pinched my spine, the one I’d always felt when my father was near.
I covered my mouth in a silent scream as my blood ran cold. My head spun. It wasn’t the flyer itself that had me holding onto the table for support. It was the note on the inside, handwritten over the print in thick bright red ink.
Like mother like daughter. -Ezekiel 16:44
Chapter 20
Sawyer
In the animal kingdom, when a mother feels like her young is in danger, she does whatever it takes to keep them out of harm’s way. Even if that something seems ridiculous or illogical to anyone on the outside looking in.
Even if that means sacrificing her own life for theirs.
A giraffe will try to ward off a hungry pack of lions by kicking and attacking.
The usually docile elephant will suddenly and aggressively charge at a human for getting too close to her baby while it drinks from a stream.
An alligator will carry its young in its mouth for up to a year to keep them safe and make sure they will survive to adulthood at all costs.
A brown bear will raise her cubs near populations of humans, their biggest enemy, to ward off adult male bears who are known to kill cubs who aren’t theirs.
Human mothers are very much the same. We are animals after all. Our very nature screams at us to protect at all cost.
Call it hormones.
Call it instinct.
It’s nature— written in our very DNA, it surfaces once we become mothers. We will do impossible, sometimes crazy things to keep our children safe.
But what those on the outside don’t understand is sometimes that kind of protection comes with a whole lot of crazy. Because if crazy is what it takes to protect my child.
Then so be it.
If it came down to it I’d be the giraffe charging at the lion.
Which was why I felt an eerie sense of calm washed over me as I made my way over to Critter’s Bar and scanned the thousands of picture frames covering the walls. When I didn’t find what I was looking for I dragged out a ladder from the store room and began to read every single ting hanging from the ceiling. It took me an hour before I found what I was looking for. Two tings, with strings a little lower than all the others, hanging directly above the big corner table in the back corner by the window.
I had a date with Sandy tonight. I think she’s the one.
-Bennett
This might go down as the worst date in history.
-Sandy
Not knowing what I was searching for I stood on my tip toes and poked my fingers around on the rafters. Sure enough, sitting on the top of the rafter between the two tings was a cell phone. I turned it on and almost fell off the chair at what popped up on the screen.
“What are you doing up there?” Finn asked, as he came in the door. He grabbed me by the legs and lifted me off the chair. Gently setting me on my feet. “You could hurt yourself.”
I held up the phone.
“What is that?” he asked.
Know
ing that what I just saw could change everything when it came to Richard, I handed it over to Finn carefully like it was a precious stone although in my eyes it was much more valuable. “I think I just found Sandy Bennett.”
Chapter 21
Finn
I was going to be a father. I was already so in love with a child that I'd never even met yet because it was mine.
Even better, it was ours.
Which was why I had to have patience and standing there on the Brillhart County fairgrounds under the tent was proving to take every ounce of patience I had and more.
There I was. Standing beside an open tent flap, looking right at the man we'd all spent way too much time fearing. Hating. I couldn’t say that I was nervous. It was more like I was nervous for him. He was only a few feet away. All I had to do was close the flap, reach across the desk and wrap my bare hands around his…
"Can I help you?" Richard asked, finally acknowledging my presence.
This man had laid hands on Sawyer.
He’d hurt her.
He… I had to stop thinking about it before my plan crumbled before my eyes and I wound up the one in jail for murder.
Richard was shorter than I thought. Smaller than the huge persona that preceded him. I imagined him to be huge. Muscular. Menacing. This guy was five foot nine at best. He wasn’t a large man. I would even go so far as to call him skinny.
“Yes, I think you can, help me” I finally answered. “I wanted to know more about the church. I saw your flyers.”
“What would you like to know?” he asked. “Do you currently belong to a church?”
I shook my head and looked around the bare office space. “No, I don’t. Unless you consider being dragged to Easter and Christmas Mass by my parents every year as a kid as belonging to a church.”
The Outliers: (The Outskirts Duet Book 2) Page 11