"You want to be my friend?" Clearly, that was my only takeaway.
"No. I lied. I want more than that."
"Oh?" My voice was coming in raspy breaths now.
I could hardly breathe. I pulled away and looked up at him. Was this really happening? Was this the same guy who had ignored me when I first got here, who had been so rude to me in the dining room that night? The guy who took me around Swansea so begrudgingly? Less than two months ago, I was still with Harry. I had wanted to fight for our marriage. Lainey was wrong, I’d told myself. But then, everything, quickly, fell into place. Lainey talked about destiny. Was that what this was? I couldn’t imagine my life in Los Angeles. I couldn’t imagine not being here, working at Parc-Le-Bouveret, not knowing Alec, or Henry, or Mary, or Katie, or Helen, or George. It felt like the Tetris blocks had stopped falling in my life, and this was where they were going to end up.
"Scarlett is nothing. Natasha is nothing."
"And Gemma? Mary told me she broke your heart when she left."
"Gemma was fun, but it ended when it was supposed to. She never had the ability to break my heart. That ability lies solely in you, Charlotte. I’m afraid you might actually break my heart."
I pulled away and looked at him. I knew he was right. I knew he was telling the truth. I could see it in his eyes. He reached out and pulled me into another hug. I stood there, in a warm Alec embrace for a few minutes, just breathing him in and trying to figure out what was happening. My emotions were going crazy. I wasn’t sure if I could handle much more of this. He reached back and stroked my hair gently. I felt him kiss the top of my head, and in this moment, I was in heaven. He slowly reached his hand down to my chin and drew it up so that I was looking up at him.
"This is crazy," I said, shaking. What had my life turned into? And why did Alec have to look so damn good right now? He was wearing a plaid shirt, worn out jeans, and his facial hair had grown out a bit, giving him a wild look. He looked like he walked right out of a "Hot Outdoorsy Men 2014" calendar. His eyes were swimming with emotions.
"Come with me," he said, tenderly grazing his finger down my arm. "I want to take you somewhere."
I was in a fog from his touch. Oh. My. God. I had to get a hold of myself. I couldn't lose my shit every time he touched me. I had to exercise control over my emotions.
"OK."
Alec grabbed my hand and dragged me to his room. I almost fainted when I thought he was taking me back to his room, but he ran in and grabbed a jacket before dragging me out to the stables.
"Are you ready for this?" Alec asked, as he untied a horse.
The butterflies in my stomach were going crazy. My legs felt like jello, and the air had cooled significantly in the last few minutes, making me glad I'd brought my new parka. I threw it on as Alec tended to the horses. To my surprise, he only brought one around... and it didn't have a saddle.
"Charlotte, this is Nigel. He's 'my' horse, the one I keep for personal use. I never use a saddle on any of my horses. Hop up with me?" He asked, as he lifted himself up into a sitting position on top of Nigel.
"Are you serious?" I asked, as I reached my hand up.
"Grip onto Nigel's mane. I will pull you the rest of the way up."
I lifted one arm up and held on to Nigel's mane with the other. Alec lifted me up onto the horse, and before I knew what was happening, he placed me in front of him. I was the one in control now.
"Alec, there aren’t any reins," I pointed out, trying to hide my horror.
"Charlotte, trust me. OK? I believe in you. You can do this. I am behind you. I can take control if I have to. Nigel knows my every move, but I want you to experience this up front."
"Experience what?"
"Hold on tight," he said, bringing his arms around my waist, and with one sudden, swift kick, Nigel was off at a trot.
I screamed as we moved forward, holding on to Nigel's mane for dear life. I felt Alec's arms wrap around me tighter, and I tried to relax as Nigel trotted forward, onto the driveway and out onto the road. With another sudden kick on Alec's part, we were cantering. The progression of speeds wasn't so bad, I thought to myself as we cantered along the side of the road, Nigel's muscles moving free beneath me. It seemed OK, because we went from slow, to a little faster, to a little faster. It was much better than going from zero to sixty in about five seconds, like with Bo. We covered a lot of ground cantering and, once we got into the meadow, the same meadow as last time, Alec kicked Nigel one last time and suddenly we were galloping.
"Don't fight it," Alec yelled. "Find the rhythm and follow it. Lose yourself in it."
I was still holding on for dear life. I felt the bumps underneath me, moving quickly and haphazardly. Like when we were walking, I tried to let my hips move with Nigel. It took a few seconds, but pretty soon, I felt OK and in control. I was galloping. On a horse! I was doing it bareback!
I felt my hair fanning out behind me as Nigel galloped along the shore, the moon lighting the way. I felt so beautiful right then and there – galloping on a horse on a beach. I felt so invincible, almost forgetting Alec was behind me. I laughed as Nigel ran through the water, splashing us as he went. I could see the happiness in the horse’s eyes, and I felt jubilant too. I realized that Alec hadn't taken me here tonight for his personal gain or to try and woo me. He brought me here tonight to connect me with my stagnant happiness, to show me sheer joy. I understood how he could love riding horses so much. The feeling was incredible. It was like the time I went skydiving in college, but less terrifying. I felt myself, deeply and wholly, for the first time in a very long time.
We galloped down the shore, further into the rural areas of Gower, and the moon disappeared as we ran through the forest in almost complete darkness. I felt Alec clutch me tighter, and I relaxed into his warm torso. He was so sturdy, whereas I felt like I was flopping all over the place like a fish out of water, just trying not to fall off. We were galloping uphill, and Nigel obviously knew where he was going. I felt Alec reach his arms around me and pat Nigel on the neck as we ran on, and soon, Nigel stopped suddenly, atop a cliff overlooking the ocean. The moon was so bright that it acted as a street light, illuminating the tan wheat grass in the field we were now on, and the green of the rolling hills surrounding us. The water below us bounced beautifully with the moon's reflection.
Alec dismounted and helped me down, making sure to lower me down by my waist like in the olden days. For the millionth time tonight, I felt as though he might kiss me, but he set me down, tied Nigel to a tree where he could eat the wild grass, and walked over to the edge of the cliff. He sat down and patted the spot next to him. I approached slowly. I was a little afraid of heights (skydiving, like I said, had been absolutely terrifying for me) and sat down a foot behind him. He had his legs dangling over the edge of the cliff but I didn't dare do that, as I figured I was much too clumsy and more likely to fall to my death than he was. I snuck a quick peak at the rocky ocean beneath me and a wave of nausea mixed with vertigo overtook me.
"Come, sit closer than that," he said as he scooted me closer by reaching an arm out and pulling me in towards him.
"I'm... I'm a little scared of heights," I admitted.
I could feel my cheeks flush. I'd just galloped bareback on a horse, but I wasn't going to dangle my feet from a cliff?
"I'll hold on to you," he said as he adjusted his arm around me. "Just like this. I promise, I won't let go."
I succumbed and scooted closer as we watched the waves lap up the rocks below us. It was cool out, but I was comfortable in my parka. Still, Alec offered his coat, which I refused. To be honest, the more I sat there with him, the hotter I became. He sat back on one arm, the other around my waist. He really had the grungy-chic look working well for him. The breeze was tousling his hair nicely. I liked him scruffy.
"Do you come here a lot?"
"Not a lot. More so in the beginning, after I moved here, when I was still dealing with some very raw feelings. But now, I come here to relax
."
"I have a spot like this in Los Angeles."
"Oh yeah?"
"It's in Malibu. It's kind of a drive from where I live now, but every once in a while, if I'm in the area, I'll stop by. It's on a beach, like this, and there's this giant rock jutting out into the ocean. I park in the lot, go down to the sand, and climb onto the rock, going as far out as I can. No one else is ever there; possibly because it's slightly dangerous, but it doesn't scare me. It's not high up like this. The waves break all around me, and I love the feeling of being out in the ocean, alone, with only water ahead of me."
"Well, I hope I can see it someday," he said genuinely. The thought of Alec in L.A. made me laugh. I stifled a giggle. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing. It's just... I can't envision you in Los Angeles." He gave me a stern look. "I just mean you're this hulking Irish guy who tends to horses. I feel like you're straight out of a historical romance novel. I can't imagine you on the freeway fighting traffic or drinking a latte at Starbucks," I explained. "I hope you know that I would love it if you came to visit."
"I'll have you know that I've had my fair share of lattes from Starbucks. We had one in Belfast and we have them in Swansea. It’s not like I’m living in the dark ages. I even have email." He nudged me playfully.
We sat there for a few minutes quietly, as the waves crashed below us in cascading patterns. First a soft crash, a medium crash, and then, a giant, water-spraying crash. It repeated several times before Alec began talking again.
"I like you, Charlotte. And it scares me."
"Why does it scare you?"
"Because we just met. And you're going through so much. What if I'm just a fling you have before going back home to your husband?"
I sighed.
"First of all, Harry and I are done. We've been done for months, if not years, and we just didn't realize it. We grow complacent with people once we’re comfortable with them. But, hanging onto someone for the pure sake of it and because you don’t know anything else isn’t a good enough reason. So you don't have to worry about me going back to him when I go home. And as for whether or not you're just a vacation fling... I don't know. I honestly don't know. I am going through a lot, but I also feel more open and like myself than ever before. I don't want to rush into anything... but I think if there's something here, there's a reason. And we should pursue that reason."
"I agree."
"Good. I'm glad we're on the same page. Because I like you, too. More than I’d like to admit."
He squeezed me tighter as I rested my head on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry I was such an ass when we first met," he said.
"Yeah... you were an idiot," I teased.
He laughed.
"I know. I'm sorry. It's not that I didn't like you..." he broke off.
"Really? Because for a while there, I thought you hated me."
"If only you really knew what I was thinking," he explained sadly. "I was worried as hell when Bo ran off with you. My heart was pounding. Let’s just say, it shocked me how much I cared. Once I realized how I really felt about you, I was scared. That night on the porch, when I was drunk… I was afraid of my feelings. I didn't know what to think. I didn’t know how you felt about me, so I tried to act nonchalant, and it just came across as…"
"Rude."
"Yes. Rude. Forgive me?" He looked at me hopefully.
"Fine. But only because you're hot," I said, smiling mischievously.
"You think I'm hot?"
"Well, duh," I said, trying to be casual. "Look at you."
"No one's ever called me 'hot' before," he explained.
"Not to your face. Trust me, everyone's thinking it."
He smiled at me.
"I want to get to know you."
"I want to get to know you, too. But I'm scared," I whispered honestly. "I'm scared of what this could mean. It feels bigger than I am able to comprehend. You know?"
"I know."
"Do you often fall for guests?" I asked. It was a reasonable question.
"Nope. Never."
"You mean you aren’t in love with Scarlett, from Georgia?" I quipped in my best impression of a southern accent. I laughed. He laughed too, leaning into me. We sat there for a minute before he looked over at me.
"Can I say something, without sounding insensitive?" he asked. I nodded. "You don't want to rush into anything, and yet you show up in the kitchen for Mary’s party looking... well... like you did, and it drove me bonkers. Then you ignore me for weeks, which, by the way, drove me completely insane. Then we go riding, and now we're at this romantic spot overlooking the ocean and… it's really, REALLY hard not to grab you and kiss you right now."
"Well, why would you deny yourself? You have me, Alec."
I sucked in a shallow breath as I felt Alec’s body come closer to me. My breath caught in my throat as I looked up at him.
"Charlotte," he purred, and my heart thrashed in my chest, "May I kiss you?"
Why the hell was he asking me?
"My god, of course," I breathed.
I was practically panting at his touch, and I could feel myself subconsciously moving closer to him. Why did he have to smell so damn good? It was his scent that drove me crazy. He brought one finger down the length of my arm, and I shuddered. Fuck. His breath lingered on my neck as he bent down. I felt my entire body shiver at his warm breath. I looked him in the eyes. It was crazy how many emotions could be splayed across his face in a matter of seconds. It went from happy to sarcastic to serious, to... animalistic. His eyes now looked down at me with pure... lust? I wasn't sure. But it was my favorite look of his so far.
How much longer could I resist him? How much longer could I resist what was happening here? A part of me was scared to lose the life I'd had previously. I had been a certain type of girl back in L.A., with a totally different life. By kissing Alec, what was I opening myself up to? What kind of girl would I become? What kind of life would I lead? If it was anything like this past six weeks, I wanted THAT life, this night, these friends, and this guy... I wanted it so badly that my bones hurt. I felt like I fit in here. I felt like myself here. But what about everything I was leaving behind in L.A.? You must find your swims when all you can see is the roads.
We sat there, our mouths inches apart, breathing heavily. I could smell his breath, sweet and milky. Suddenly, he leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips. It was slow and sweet, sensual and soft. I felt my heart burst into flames, and suddenly my entire body came alive. In just a matter of seconds, my entire body lit up, combusting in on itself, over and over. My nerve endings fired – everything from my neck to my fingers to my toes. Everything was on fire. I hadn't experienced this when I'd kissed Harry for the first time. In fact, with Harry it had been fast and sloppy before we had sex. With Alec… this felt like what a first kiss should feel like.
I began to kiss him faster but a second later it was over. I could still taste him in my mouth, and I craved more. I certainly did not kiss like THAT anymore. Kissing usually led to other things, but this was stand-alone amazing. It was gentle, sweet, and short. I wanted more, but I knew that if I actually wanted to take things slow and not rush into anything, I should hold off on the more passionate kissing. I closed my eyes to block the waves of pleasure out.
"I've been wanting to do that ever since you showed up late to the first dinner," Alec said.
"I'm glad you did."
"I hope you stay," he said, looking at me earnestly.
"I hope I do, too."
It was true. All week I’d been thinking about my life here, and what I was going to do once Helen and George didn’t need me anymore. Going back to my life in L.A. made the most sense. Harry wouldn’t be a part of the picture. Maybe I’d move to New York, like I'd always wanted to. My dad was Irish, so I could get dual citizenship and move to Dublin. The world was my oyster. Where did I want to end up? How did I want my life to go? Just like a few moments ago, before I had kissed Alec, I wasn’t sure where my lif
e would take me. But now I wanted to stay as long as it made sense. I wanted to have fun, to kiss Alec, to ride horses, to drink beer, to eat Welsh food, to hang out with Mary, to run along the Welsh coast. I wanted all of that right now. I didn’t have to decide for my whole future right now. I could live in the moment. I could do this. I was happy. I was so happy.
We talked for hours about everything, from our childhoods to our love lives. He filled me in on Natasha, and I confided in him that Harry and I were officially pursuing a divorce. I held nothing back. I mean, why would I? I felt like I’d known him for years. Suddenly, meeting Alec six weeks ago seemed like forever ago. There was a time when I didn’t know him? It seemed unrealistic and odd. I still felt the electricity from the kiss. It was there as we talked, and every time he touched me, I’d catch on fire all over again.
It got colder and colder, and even though I had his jacket on, I was still cold from not moving and just sitting on the beach. We got up and headed back on Nigel. I was happy, content… and tired. Alec sat up front this time, and we walked slowly the whole way back to the Parc. Neither one of us wanted this night to end; it had been truly magical. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d felt this happy. I was so excited for the future. I was excited to wake up, full of life, ready to discover new things or try something different.
I leaned my head against Alec’s back, and kept my hands clasped around his waist. Nigel was much smoother than Bo, in my opinion, but maybe I was biased. Before long, I’d dozed off. I awoke to Alec unclasping my hands from around him. It was light out. We’d stayed out all night talking. I felt him gently pick me up in his arms and walk through the front door. I felt him reach into my parka for my keys, and the last thing I remember was Alec kissing me on the lips softly, before putting me in my bed, taking off my jacket and boots, tucking me in, and leaving.
***
I woke up the next day around noon, feeling sluggish from going to bed so late, but also… so exuberant and happy. I was legitimately happy. It was a weird feeling, this feeling of happiness and sense of belonging. Somehow, I was being tethered to all of this. I had to succumb. I felt like some force out of my control was in charge. Like Alec had suggested, I just had to keep doing things that made me happy.
The Foretelling (Charlotte Bloom #1) Page 18