There’s something here between us that I don’t have a name for, but it feels fragile and sweet and delicate and intense. I don’t want it to break. I don’t want it to fly away. I don’t even want it to lighten so I can breathe easier.
I want this, whatever this is. It’s like I can feel a bond forming between us, pulling us together even as it makes my heart race with fear and excitement. So this is what it feels like to open up to someone new. To trust them with your secrets and to hope that when they see you, the real you, they don’t run and hide.
Or call a reporter and spill all your secrets.
I’m terrified but I can’t seem to stop. “That’s the same year I got my big break.” My tone drips with sarcasm. “A role in a Lifetime movie. They needed a kid who could cry often and on demand.”
He arches his brows in surprise, no doubt trying to picture me, the reigning queen of ice letting loose with the waterworks.
“Yeah, well…” I shrug as if that’ll help to ward off that memory. “My dad’s timing turned out to be pretty great. He left us the day before my audition and when the director said ‘cry,’ I just let loose with the tears I’d been trying to hold back all day.”
That’s a memory I’ll never forget, no matter how much I try. It’s a memory I hate, and one my mother and I studiously avoid when questions come up about my start in the industry.
There’s sympathetic, and then there’s pathetic, my mother had once said.
I suppose eight-year-old me fell into the latter category.
Seth is watching me closely, but I don’t feel pathetic around him. His gaze isn’t pitying, and he doesn’t even tease me for being the poor little rich girl, which I probably would have done if I were in his position.
“Do you still draw on real life when you’re acting?” he asks.
I blink at him a few times. That was definitely not what I’d been expecting. “Sometimes,” I say. “Not typically to that degree, but I think it makes my acting more genuine when I can find something in my own experience to draw on.” I give him a little smile, hoping to ease the heaviness in the air. “Sometimes I think that’s why I read so much. Every new book is a chance to live another life, experience new emotions. It’s that much more ammunition for me to draw on.”
He nods as if that totally makes sense to him and something in me leaps in response. I’ve never met anyone I felt I could say that to. No one would understand. I’ve never even tried to explain that to Gabe, but with Seth, it’s so easy. Every once in a while, it feels like we’re speaking our own language that no one else can understand.
“Since Trent is such a great voice actor,” I start. I immediately pause to regret that decision. Seth stiffened at the mention of his roommate and I feel like a moron. We’re having a moment here, and then I go and bring up his roommate? My date?
Way to go, Avery.
But he cocks his head a bit, prompting me. I’m an idiot for bringing this up, but at the same time, I hate how I must look in Seth’s eyes for having such a blind crush on a guy like Trent. “I guess I assumed if he was such a good actor, he had to have some complexity to him. Some life experience, at the very least, that would make him…”
I search for the right words but it’s fruitless.
“Not a shallow ass?” he suggests.
“Something like that.” My laugh sounds breathy. “Optimistic of me, I guess. And probably insane of me to think that I could know all that about him from hearing his voice.”
He doesn’t disagree.
“I suppose I should have known by the fact that he’s an actor that he’d be looking for a leg up.”
He doesn’t respond, but he’s watching me closely. I shift a bit under that single-minded attention. I sound too bitter and jaded again, but then I remember who I’m talking to. This guy’s almost as cynical as I am.
“What about you?” I ask. “Why are you so jaded about people in my world?”
I used air quotes around ‘my world’ because I’m still a little annoyed at the way he’d said that. He smirks at the air quotes but doesn’t comment. He throws his hands up and his tone is too casual. “I’m the school’s token scholarship kid, which means I’m both grateful and resentful.” He shrugs, and it’s hard not to laugh at his wry expression. “What can I say? I’m complicated.”
“Yes,” I deadpan. “You’re very deep.”
He gives me a lopsided grin.
“And a cliché,” I say.
He arches his brows. “Look who’s talking, poor little rich girl.”
I gasp and try for outrage, but I ruin it with a laugh and quote one of the best movies ever made. I throw up my hands and do my best Carrie Fisher. “You’re right, you’re right, I know you’re right.”
“When Harry Met Sally,” he says with an approving nod. “As far as rom coms go, that one’s a classic.”
I gape at him for a moment. “The fact that you recognize that quote makes me unbelievably happy,” I say. “The fact that you admit to its greatness even though it’s a romantic comedy starring Meg Ryan…”
I trail off with a shake of my head.
“It’s hot, right?” he finishes for me, his smirk sexy and dorky all at once.
I focus on the latter because yeah…it’s freakin’ hot. “You’re such a dork.”
“Yes, but a dork who knows his romantic comedies, which makes me—”
“Hot,” I finish. “Yes, it totally does.”
He thinks I’m teasing, I’m sure of it, but I’m not. This guy is hot. Dorky? Yes. A hipster? Undoubtedly. But something about his sarcasm and his honesty is unbelievably appealing. Combined with the self-deprecating humor and that sexy grin… I’m pretty sure this combination is my own personal kryptonite.
The atmosphere shifts once more between us. We’ve gone from intimate to teasing and now we’re back. Again. But this time it feels more physical. There’s no way he doesn’t feel it too. The air is thick. It’s hard to breathe.
He shifts ever so slightly toward me, a mischievous light in his eyes making my heart jump. “You kind of want to kiss me right now, don’t you?”
I cannot breathe for the life of me. I’m caught between an inhale and an exhale, and time seems to have stopped. My heart is thumping painfully in my chest. I hear my voice coming out all breathy and weird because I no longer know how to use lungs. “I kind of do, yeah.”
I’d meant to be teasing, because he’d sounded teasing. I know I failed, though, because his eyes darken. The moment goes from lighthearted to meaningful. It goes from joking to serious, and from innocent to dangerous.
This could go so many ways right now. We’re standing on a precipice—the line between friendship and…something more. We could ruin a friendship, or we could make things even better between us.
But do I want that?
I mean, do I want something more? What if this is just alcohol talking? What if this is a side effect of my disappointment in Trent and my first date?
What if—
He leans in slightly, and my brain stops functioning altogether. I know I must be breathing because he smells so freakin’ delicious, but I’m now in danger of hyperventilating because I can’t seem to get enough—of him, his scent, or the oxygen in the air.
I don’t know if I lean toward him or if he leans toward me. Our eyes connect and we’re moving and then his lips are pressed to mine. That first touch shocks me with its completeness. I’ll never know how one press of his lips to mine could convey so much. It’s sweet and tender, it’s hot and sexy, it’s utterly consuming. My mind shuts down, and all of my senses are fixated on that kiss. The warm, soft caress of his lips over mine, of the way his breath mingles with mine, and the way the leather of the couch creaks softly beneath me as the kiss intensifies and we shift together, our movements in synch as though we’d practiced this.
We come together like we’ve always done this, his arms wrapping around me as I sink into his chest, our legs tangling, our hands searching. I run my
hands up his chest to his neck, his shoulders.
He’s so warm everywhere I touch. He’s a furnace of my very own, and I want to get even closer to that warmth.
His arms tighten around me, shifting me so I’m even closer, half leaning against him and half against the couch as he deepens the kiss. Tilting his head slightly so his mouth covers mine completely.
I know what’s coming—it might be my first real kiss, but it’s not the first time I’ve been kissed. Still, when his tongue teases my lips, I’m stunned. The sensation is so hot, so intimate, my mind can’t function and I’m trembling in his arms.
I’m stunned for so long that I’m passive. I’m too overwhelmed by the feel of him, by this crazy level of closeness. But when his tongue teases mine, stroking lightly, I wake from the stunned stupor and I kiss him back.
Oh man, do I kiss him back.
The kiss turns wet and hot and messy. That sweet tenderness is still there, but it’s overshadowed by frenzy, as if we’ll never have enough time. As if we’ll never get close enough.
His hands are buried in my hair, at the nape of my neck, holding me close like he can’t get enough. I’m clutching at his T-shirt, dragging him to me as I press against his body, desperate to feel more. I want to lose myself in him, in this kiss, in this moment.
And I do.
I lose track of time, place, and the fact that there’s a world outside of this room. Nothing matters but this.
This is everything.
This is heaven.
Heaven comes to an abrupt halt as the muffled music stops, and that weird silence is followed closely by shouting.
I pull back, breathing heavily, happy to see that Seth looks just as dazed and confused.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
He lifts one shoulder and I see him trying to shake off the haze of desire just like I am. “Someone probably called the cops.”
I stare at him for a moment as the words register. Once they do, I jerk back with a gasp. “Seriously?” It comes out squeaky and weird because panic has my throat closing up.
Seth frowns as I scramble to my feet, tugging my sweater back into its proper place and running fingers through my mussed hair.
“Relax,” he says, looking content to sit there and watch me. “It’s not a big deal. All of Dorman’s parties end in cops showing up.”
I stare wide-eyed, not sure if he’s joking or just completely insane. “You knew this would happen?” I demand.
He shrugs. “I figured, yeah.”
“Did Trent know?” Oh no, Trent. He’s still out there, and I’m in here making out with his roommate. Selfish narcissist or not, he doesn’t deserve to have his date run off with another guy.
I am a jerk. A jerk who is about to get in so much trouble.
“I have to get out of here,” I mutter as I snatch up my bag, groping my own butt to make sure my phone is in my back pocket.
“Hey.” Seth comes to a stand and walks over to me, his hands reassuring on my shoulders. “Seriously, there’s no need to panic.”
I shake my head and gape at him. He doesn’t get it. Of course, he doesn’t get it. “If anyone knows I’m here…If the tabloids get a picture of me at a house party getting busted…” I can practically see the photos now. I’d seen some of the less subtle partygoers snapping pictures of me as I sipped my beer.
I’d ignored it. I always do. I’m seventeen and have been making the rounds at Hollywood parties for the past three years. No one would blink an eye that I’m having a beer. They’d be more interested in how I fit in with the normal kids.
Badly. The answer would be badly. I do not fit in. At all.
And all that’s fine. I can handle some catty remarks from that chick Vanessa and her crew getting splashed across the headline of a blog. I don’t care at all that people will know that I did what a lot of normal teenagers do and went to a party.
Nope. The only thing I cannot allow is the cops to be involved. That is my limit. That is the line in the sand that I drew a long time ago. I’m not going to be one of those child star warning stories. I won’t be the one with the mug shot or the embarrassing photo as I’m being led to a car.
“It’s not going to go on your record or anything,” Seth says. He’s squinting at me like he’s never seen me before. And he hasn’t—not this side of me, at least. Not many see this side. It’s way too human.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “You don’t understand. It’s not the getting in trouble part I’m worried about. It’s the fact that my entire reputation will be affected because I stupidly thought it might be fun to go on a date with Trent Wagner.”
He winces slightly, and I’m guessing he also feels bad about the fact that we just made out on a couch while I was technically on a date with Trent. But then he’s back to the issue at hand, and he still doesn’t get it. “No one knows you’re here, it’ll be fine.”
I let out a sound that’s part amusement and part derision. “For a guy who’s so cynical, you sure are naïve sometimes.”
One corner of his mouth quirks up as he studies me. “Glad to see you’re back, Barbie. For a second there, I thought I’d lost you to your paranoid delusions.”
That gets a huff of laughter from me. “I’m not paranoid. I guarantee at least a few of my illustrious peers out there have been posting pics of me on social media. If the paparazzi who’ve been haunting the front gates of Trudale didn’t follow me as soon as we left, they’re definitely here by now.”
For the first time in forever, I think about how Gabe has a team of bodyguards and how he’s always on my case to get some too. I’d never seen the need before because I’m normally too much of a homebody and the last thing I want is more random people in my face. But now…
Well, now I’m starting to see his point. I’m warily eyeing the windows to make sure the curtains are all drawn shut, and I suddenly know exactly what it feels like to be prey.
Seth’s gaze is following mine, and while his expression is skeptical, he doesn’t give me more grief over my alleged paranoia.
“Okay, fine,” he says, turning to face me again. “So we make sure you don’t get seen as we make our great escape.”
I make a noncommittal noise, because as far as plans go…it’s not really much of one. But as I don’t have anything at all in mind, I figure his plan is my best bet.
He grabs my hand and leads me toward the door. “Come on, let’s tell Trent we’re ready to head back.”
Except, the living room is in a state of chaos when we get back to where Trent was formerly hanging out with his buddies. He’s now nowhere to be seen, and crowds of giggling girls and laughing bros rush past us in every direction, the air filled with a sort of giddy excitement. Like being caught drinking underage by the cops is one big joke.
And I guess it is for them. The worst that’ll happen to them is they’ll have to explain it to their parents. I’ll have to explain my actions to the world.
I’m nearly caught up in the crush of people, and I hold onto Seth’s hand for dear life or risk getting carried away with the tide.
He leads me over to a safe corner. “Wait here,” he says. “I’ll find him.”
I wait. And then I wait some more. Some of my panic eases as I watch the people around me, but I won’t truly be able to relax until I’m out of here and safe from the police and any more camera phones.
When Seth returns to me, he’s alone, and his expression is wary as he scratches at the back of his head. “Uh…”
“He left.” I’m kind of joking with my guess, but when he winces, I have a mini freak-out. “Wait, seriously? He left? My date left me here when the cops showed?”
He shrugs. “It looks that way. Our ride isn’t parked out front and I don’t see Trent anywhere. So…”
My stomach clenches at his apologetic expression. “There are some photographers out there,” he says. “And some of our classmates are standing around talking to them.”
; I shake my head and take a deep breath. It’s what I expected, and that much I can handle. “I just need to get out of here before the cops show,” I say.
As I’m speaking, I hear the brief squawk announcing the arrival of a cop car out front and the frantic urgency around us goes up a hundred notches as people head for the back door and the front.
“Come with me,” Seth says. Once again I’m being led away from everyone by my friend.
Wait, is he still just my friend?
Okay, brain, now is so not the time to try and define the relationship. Focus. But all I can focus on is the way his grip is warm and strong, and the way I follow him instinctively, without a hint of doubt that he might lead me astray.
That might not sound crazy for anyone else, but for me? It’s a big deal. There aren’t many people I trust blindly in my life. My mother—and that’s mainly because my best interests align with hers. And Gabe, because he’s my very best friend. But that’s it. So, to find myself trusting this guy so completely after knowing him such a short time…
My heart hurts. That’s all I can say about it. It makes my heart ache, and I’m so distracted by that odd sensation that I don’t even notice where we’re heading until we’re nearly there.
“Does this even open?” I ask, eyeing the cellar door that looks like it’s never been opened to the light of day.
“Of course,” Seth says. He has to push his weight against it to get the bolt to unstick, but he gets it open and we sneak out in a way that’s at once terrifying and kind of hysterical because Seth is intentionally trying to crack me up with his over-the-top tiptoeing even though there is clearly no one around.
It’s a short sprint from the door to a cluster of trees that divide Dorman’s backyard from their neighbor’s, and in seconds we’re on the neighbor’s lawn and then the next.
“How did you know about that door?” I ask.
Seth shrugs. “It’s not the first time I got dragged along to a party at Dorman’s. I get bored easily, so I explore.”
“You snoop, you mean,” I clarify.
“Potato, potahto.”
Audible Love: A Young Adult Romance Page 11