He nods. “I’ve been thinking about what you said. About how I’m being a hypocrite, using other people’s fame to get ahead and—”
I make a hissing sound as I draw in a breath along with a wince. “That was too harsh.”
“No,” he says quickly. “You were right.”
I was? I clamp my lips together to keep from saying that aloud.
He takes a step closer and drops his voice. “You were right,” he says again. “I can’t judge everyone around me for taking advantage of the perks that come their way when I’m making a living the exact same way.”
I let out a slow breath. “You know,” I say. “I’ve been thinking about what you said, too. You were right to call me out on the advantages I have.”
He gives me that wary look again, like he’s afraid of where this is going.
“For a little while there, I thought that meant I needed to give up the idea of trying to be normal, because…well, I don’t think I’ll ever be normal. Not unless I get plastic surgery and a new name and flee the country or something.”
His lips twitch up into a little smile, but he sobers quickly. “I don’t want you to leave. That’s not what I meant.”
I nod quickly. “I know. And I’m not going to.”
His shoulders slump, and I hope it’s with relief. I hope he hated the idea of me leaving as much as I hated walking away from him. I shift slightly so I’m closer to him and he does the same. “I don’t know how to walk this line,” I say. “I don’t want to be treated differently, but I am. I probably always will be.”
He nods. “And I’m not sure how to take advantage of this gift I’ve been given,” he gestures vaguely to the school around us. “It’s a great opportunity to make the right connections and get noticed…”
“But you don’t want to be a hypocrite,” I say.
He nods. “Much as I agree with you that connections and favors are how the world works, believing in that makes me feel too…” He throws his hands up, at a loss for words.
“Jaded?” I provide. “Cynical?”
He gives me a small smile. “Yeah, something like that.”
I nod. “Well, maybe it’s not quite so black and white.”
He gives me a quizzical look, and I shift uncomfortably. Because the truth is, he’s touching on a topic I’ve been hesitant to bring up. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. When I’d made the phone call back in LA it had seemed so right, but now…
I pull my hands out of my pockets and clasp them in front of me like I’m about to say a prayer. “For example, I’m wary of people trying to befriend me to get something from me…”
His eyes narrow a bit, and I know he’s wondering where this is going. I also see a flash of indignation on my behalf, as if the thought of people using me is enough to piss him off. The thought warms me and I force myself to hurry on. “But there’s a difference between people trying to get something from me and me wanting to help a friend…right?”
He tilts his head to the side, his gaze filled with suspicion. “Avery…” he says slowly. “What did you do?”
I swallow down a rush of nerves. “Well, you see, I figured you might be looking for a job now that the producers have canceled your next book, and…”
“And?” he prompts.
“And I, um—I sort of asked the casting director for the next Pixar film to give you an audition?”
It comes out as a question, and as he gapes at me I realize how high my voice had gotten. I clear my throat and bring it back down. “I know you have issues with the idea of getting a leg up, but—”
“Avery,” he interrupts with a sigh. The mix of emotions on his face is adorable—he’s all teacherly disappointment, yet sweetly thankful for the sentiment—the boy is a conundrum wrapped in a riddle.
“I know, I know,” I say before he can argue. “But here’s the thing. I would have done the same for Trent if it was really him behind the mic. Because the guy who does those voices is talented. He is crazy talented.” I add that last part with as much dramatic emphasis as I can emote. “That guy deserves a chance to be heard by everyone.”
He crinkles up his brow and rubs his forehead like this whole thing is more confusing than he can handle. But it’s not. It’s all really quite simple.
“You got me a voiceover job?” he asks.
“No,” I say quickly. “I got you an audition. And that’s a very big difference. I’m just doing the casting director a favor by introducing him to an incredible talent. The rest is up to you.”
He blinks a few times. “I don’t know…”
I heave a sigh, relieved now that the hard part is done. Planting my hands on my hips, I give him a challenging look. “What if it was one of the acting teachers here who recommended you? Would that make it different?”
I see him wavering, but then he takes a different tack. “I don’t even know if acting is what I want to do—”
“Huh-uh,” I shake my head as I rudely cut him off. “You’re too young and don’t have enough experience to know what you do or do not want to do with the rest of your life.”
He opens his mouth to protest, but I hold up a hand to silence him. “I’ve been giving this a lot of thought lately, Seth, and I’ve come to a conclusion about you and your acting reservations.”
He smirks at my know-it-all tone. “Oh yeah, and what’s that? That I’m a snob?”
I return his smile. “Yes. But also, you’re scared.”
He arches his brows and widens his eyes. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” I say. “You’re scared of being in front of the camera. Of being a star. Of being the center of attention, of—”
“I get it,” he interrupts.
“You like to look at life from the sidelines,” I say. “You like to be able to judge from a safe distance behind the camera, from off stage. You’d rather criticize than participate.”
He blinks at me, and for a second I fear that I’ve crossed the line. That maybe I’m being way too presumptuous considering we haven’t known each other that long.
“You’re right,” he finally says.
I let out another quieter sigh of relief and bite back the answering, I am?
He runs a hand through his hair. “I mean, maybe you have a point.” He shrugs. “At the very least, I shouldn’t rule anything out, right?”
He looks like he’s really asking me. Like he honestly wants my opinion. And I can’t help myself. I throw myself at him, leaping up so I’m clinging to his neck. His arms wrap around me and he holds me tight, so tight I can hardly breathe. When he buries his head in my shoulder, I feel my chest squeeze in response.
“What’s that for?” he asks.
“I’m just happy, that’s all.” That comment is kind of ruined by the tears that are clogging my throat.
“You don’t sound happy,” he says softly as he runs a hand over my hair.
“I just…I thought maybe you hated me,” I say. Man, I truly do sound pathetic. “Between the things I said before I left, and the things you said, and then I was so sure that you’d blame me for your secret coming out.”
“Never.” I hear his laughter, a low rumble in his chest. “I could never hate you.” He’s turned his head slightly so his mouth is right next to my ear and I shiver at the sound of his gentle tone, so filled with affection it makes my heart hurt.
He pulls back slightly and I do the same so I can see his face. His gaze moves over my features, and I can’t read what he’s thinking. “You know,” he says slowly. “I came to your room for the same reason you came back.”
I sniff back tears as I try to make sense of that. “You got me an audition?”
He laughs and his grip tightens. “No. I came here to make sure you knew that it wasn’t me.”
His voice is so earnest, his gaze so intense, for a moment my brain can’t function because all I can think about is kissing him. Slowly but surely his words register, but they still don’t make sense. “What wasn’t y
ou?”
His gaze is wary again. “Avery…”
Oh no, his tone is killing me. I shield myself for the worst, though I can’t even imagine what that is.
“An article came out today,” he says. I can feel his hands clenching and unclenching behind my back as he tries to figure out how to break this to me. “It’s about you and your dad and—”
I let out a short, breathless laugh. “Oh, that.” I drop my head on his chest for a second. “I thought you were going to drop another bombshell on me. I seriously can’t handle another big revelation today.”
He stills beneath me. “You saw it?”
I nod, my forehead still pressed to his chest.
“And you’re…okay?”
A shaky laugh escapes from me again as I shrug. “I guess so.”
His hands move up until he’s gripping my shoulders. Holding me away from him so he can see my face, his expression is so grim it makes me want to laugh all over again.
It’s possible I’ve entered into hysterical mode. Or maybe I’m just so happy to be here with my new favorite person that I don’t give a crap about anything else going on outside these walls.
“I need you to know that it wasn’t me,” he says. “I know you haven’t shared that story with many people and I wouldn’t blame you if you thought—”
“I didn’t.” I don’t mean to cut him off, but the truth just slips out. I’m more surprised than he is, I think, because it just occurs to me right now that it would have been a logical assumption. I probably should have at least suspected that he was behind this.
But I didn’t. Not once.
“I know you didn’t,” I say now, reaching out to touch his chest, to feel the heart that beats beneath so steady and sure. So very much in synch with mine.
I shake my head as I smile. “I didn’t even think of it, to be honest.”
He arches his brows. “Seriously?”
I nod. While he looks surprised, the realization nearly knocks me off my feet. I know it deep in my bones. It would never be Seth who betrays me. He would never hurt me—not intentionally, at least. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.
Holy crap, the throbbing in my chest is crippling in its intensity.
“I trust you.” The words come out softly because my throat aches with unshed tears. The happy kind, though, because I’ve found someone I trust, as a friend and as so much more.
After a shocked beat he grins, and that familiar lopsided smile makes my heart do a backflip in my chest. “I trust you too.”
I smile up at him, and I suspect that we look like lovestruck fools smiling all giddily like this. “You do?”
He nods. “It never even occurred to me that you would have spilled our secret either. I know you wouldn’t do something like that.”
Yup. We are officially grinning like two fools in love.
In love. In…love? Oh, holy crap. And now I can’t breathe. Dammit, brain, did you have to go and throw out the L-word? Now it’s all I can think about. It’s flashing through my mind like a fluorescent sign, tacky and impossible to ignore.
Luckily Seth chooses that moment to kiss me.
And oh, what a kiss. His mouth is hot, his lips firm. He covers my mouth as he pulls me tightly against him, exactly where I want to be. I lace my fingers behind his neck and hold him to me. I blissfully allow my brain to shut off so my body and my heart can revel in this. In coming home. In finding someone who sees me, who trusts me, and who I can be myself with…whoever that is. Whoever that ends up being.
I don’t know how long we kiss, but the only reason we stop is that we’re interrupted by Charlotte. “Sorry,” she squeaks.
We break apart, and I stop her before she can run out again. “This is your room, too, Charlotte. You don’t have to leave.”
Seth links his hand in mine. “We’ve got to get going anyway.”
“We do?” I ask as I let him lead me out into the hallway. “Where are we going?”
I’m not going to lie. I kind of hope he suggests his room. Or maybe the common room if it’s free. Pretty much anywhere we can be alone sounds good to me and my raging hormones.
But my…boyfriend? Yeah, we’ll call him my boyfriend. He has other plans. He leads me toward the elevator banks and hits the button for the ground floor.
“Where are we going?” I ask again.
“We’ve got work to do, slacker,” he teases. “Or did you forget that we only have one more month to impress the hell out of those judges for the Highlights Ball?”
I smile up at him. “I thought I was off the project, you know because of my name and all.” I pretend to scowl. “You wouldn’t want to be accused of using your connections, now would you?”
He grins. “Don’t worry, I won’t be giving you credit.”
I laugh, but he’s serious as he explains. “You want to learn, right? Be exposed to different aspects of the film world?”
I nod.
“Then we’ll tell Mr. Anderson about your role in filming, but we’ll keep your name off it when it comes to the judges so no one can accuse either of us of cashing in on your fame.”
I feel a surge of excitement at the thought. A new challenge. Not an easy A, not even a little bit. I’d be trying something new, something I could very well fail at…
I stop in the lobby, and he turns to face me.
“Wait,” I say. “So I’m not going to star in this video?”
He grins and looks unbelievably cute as he gives me a boyish look. “I was thinking this could be a good opportunity for me to try acting in front of a camera.”
“So I’ll be the one behind the camera,” I add. I’m trying not to gloat over the fact that my little lecture seems to have gotten through to him. And I absolutely refuse to start daydreaming about how huge of a star he’ll be in his own right once the world sees his talent.
Nope. I’ve got bigger things to focus on. Like, how on earth I’m going to learn to work a camera in time, and what kind of director I’ll be. It’s new and it’s exciting and…I cannot wait to get started. “Come on, diva,” I say as I grab his hand. “We’ve got a film to make.”
He’s laughing as I pull him along behind me, and we only stop three times to make out on the way to pick up the camera.
At this rate, we might never finish the video. But we’re going to have a hell of a lot of fun trying.
Epilogue
Seth
Here’s the thing they don’t tell you about the Highlights Ball. I’m pretty sure the whole thing is one big popularity contest and a chance to preen in front of some celebrities.
It’s ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. I can see that now…you know, now that we’ve won. But don’t tell my date, she’s more excited than I’ve ever seen her about anything, and this is a girl who won an Emmy earlier this year.
“Can you believe it?” she asks. This is the third time she’s asked since we found out we won the main competition.
Yes, even the Highlights Ball itself is a competition. Trudale never wastes an opportunity to sic us at one another’s throats. But then, as my cynical-but-trying-not-to-be girlfriend likes to point out, that’s the way of the world.
Maybe she’s right. Maybe they’re just doing their part to prepare us for the great wide world of the arts.
Or maybe they’re just a bunch of sadists.
I’m also working on my cynicism, by the way. We both have a ways to go.
But I can’t hang onto any sort of jaded bitterness as I hold my girl in my arms. I can say without a doubt she is the most beautiful girl here. I know this because a national magazine you are all aware of will be featuring her on the cover next month with the headline saying that she’s a goddess among women…or something like that. I can’t remember the exact wording.
“Trent’s dad raved to me about the framing and the use of color saturation,” Avery says breathlessly, leaning in to add with an excited whisper, “And he has no idea that was all me!”
I
lean down to give her a kiss. I can’t help it. She really is too cute when she’s geeking out over film terms. She took to being behind the camera as well as she did the whole acting thing, and trust me when I say she’s the best actress I’ve ever seen.
I helped her run lines for her new movie—the indie feature she’s so nervous about shooting this summer. But she’s got this. Just watching her rehearse is humbling, and I can say without a doubt that she’s the one responsible for helping me see that there’s a beauty and an art to acting that goes beyond a pretty face and a hot body.
I mean, she’s got those too, but she’s so much more than that.
She’s smart and she’s funny and she’s a little weird, and she might be the strongest woman I know. I’ve met her mother and the fact that Avery stood up to her makes me want to bow down and pledge my allegiance to Avery. She could be my queen. Seriously. You’d feel the same if you met Shirley.
See, Avery knew right away that her mother was the one behind the story that had leaked about her father leaving. I’d have been pissed. I honestly don’t know if I could have forgiven that kind of betrayal. But Avery had been…resigned. She seemed to get where her mother was coming from. She’d explained to me about how her mom was always trying to control her reputation, how the way she was viewed was the most important element of her brand.
But not anymore. Avery had called her mother that very night and given her an ultimatum—you can be my manager or you can be my mother, but you can’t be both.
Her mother, shocked out of her skull, I imagine, opted for the latter.
I’d been heartbroken on Avery’s behalf when I’d seen how relieved she was by her mother’s response. It was only then that I’d realized she hadn’t been sure of her mother’s answer.
That’s messed up, am I right?
Anyway, the two of them have been working on their relationship after Avery pretty much fired her, claiming control of her own business decisions and how she wants to be seen, in the media and by the people around her.
“You did it!” Charlotte comes running up to us and gives Avery a hug. Then she turns to me with a grin, smacking my arm in an uncharacteristically outgoing gesture. “You were amazing on-screen, Seth. You should try acting more often.”
Audible Love: A Young Adult Romance Page 17