Kate smiled as she washed the knives. “That’s a seed I want to swallow.”
She hadn’t told Evie about her suspicions of maybe already having that seed growing inside her. She wanted to be sure.
And now as she leaned against her porch post, she looked to the west, toward Louisville. Her child and Evie’s child would grow up together. Playing here in Rosey Corner. Exploring Lindell Woods together. Letting Aunt Tori bait their hooks. Perhaps fussing like sisters. Maybe being terrified of Fern appearing out of the gloaming the way Kate and her sisters were as kids.
In fact, at that very moment she spotted Fern across the field behind the house. On her way to the woods. The woman had to wander, perhaps searching for her more. Could it be that every person always wanted more the way Evie said she and Kate did? Even Tori, in spite of Evie saying all she wanted to be was a wife and mother. That could be her more right now. She needed more to happen to be a wife again.
Kate stared out at the field. Fern climbed over the fence and disappeared into the trees. Fern needed her solitude. Tori seemed to need that solitude now too. She slipped off to Graham’s pond every time the sun warmed the day the slightest bit. While Kate hated to think about it, she had to wonder if Tori wanted to shut out the world the way Fern did.
Clay Weber was in love with Tori. The man’s longing for Tori was almost palpable, but she would barely give him the time of day. Samantha loved him and ran to him with her arms stretched up every time she saw him. That seemed to make Tori want to push him out of her path even more. He was a good man. A perfect solution to Tori’s need for more, but love couldn’t be orchestrated. Kate sighed.
Evie was right about her. She did want to fix the world and make everybody happy. Especially her sisters. She wanted Evie to embrace becoming a mother. She would. Already Kate could see a different look on Evie’s face when the baby moved inside her. Kate was so ready to feel that quickening of life. A smile slid across her face. That would be worth tossing a few breakfasts.
Since she was thinking on fixing the world, what else could she want? Tori to fall in love again. Not to forget Sammy, but to open her heart to new love. Then there was Lorena. Her little sister was growing up. Soon she might have her own heartaches. Perhaps she already did. Kate remembered the snow family they made at Christmas. Lorena was right. No matter how much she loved her family now, she couldn’t block out her first family.
Lorena treasured the memory of her mother’s love and her promise to someday come back for her. That was why she said her name every night. My name is Lorena Birdsong. Her name was her connection to the mother whose memory was fading in Lorena’s mind.
Kate leaned her head against the porch post. She’d been glad when the snow family melted away after Christmas. Lorena’s eyes were too sad when she looked at the shrinking mounds of snow.
Right now, Lorena would be at school in Edgeville. Fourteen. Beautiful without trying. With a natural voice that got stronger the more she sang. A church in Edgeville had asked Lorena to sing at their services a few Sundays ago. Kate and Jay had taken her.
Lorena sang all the time at their church, but seeing how her voice reached out and grabbed the attention of a congregation that wasn’t all family and friends opened Kate’s eyes to the passion Lorena had for singing.
Jay had felt it too. On the drive back to Rosey Corner, he said, “Wow, Birdie. Someday I’ll get to say ‘I knew her when.’”
“When what?” Birdie said, although it was obvious she knew what he meant.
“When you were just a curly headed little kid who sang at her sister’s wedding.”
“I didn’t sing at your wedding,” Lorena said.
“But you did at Evie’s. You and Kate both. Remember? That sweetheart song.” Jay reached over to squeeze Kate’s hand. “Made me want to have a sweetheart.”
Lorena burst out singing right there in the car. Then they were all singing, even Jay, though he was a little off pitch. That made Lorena laugh and lean her head on Kate’s shoulder. She was happy with them. She was. And she’d be ecstatic when Kate told her about the baby.
First Kate had to tell Jay. Tonight. She’d make a pie to celebrate her news. It didn’t matter that the very thought of pie made her queasy again. Jay would like the pie. She wanted him to be happy too. She wanted him to be as happy about the baby as she was. He would be. Of course, he would be.
But when she opened the refrigerator to see if she had enough milk for the pie, her stomach flipped and she had to run back out on the porch. Some things were better about being in the family way than others.
17
Are you sure?” Jay asked Kate.
When he had gotten home from work, candles were on the table. Already lit. More telling, she had a glow brighter than the candles. Something was definitely up.
After she sliced the pie, she reached across the table and took his hand. Even before she said anything, her news was plain on her face. He was going to be a father. And though he was expecting them, the words still slammed him right in the chest and made it hard to breathe for a few seconds.
“I’m sure,” she said.
He managed to whisper, “A baby.”
Kate giggled like a little girl, happiness bubbling up out of her. “You’re happy, aren’t you?” She looked at him, her heart in her eyes.
“How could I be anything else?” His pie forgotten, Jay kissed her, then put his hand on her flat belly. Inside her, his baby was growing. A baby she already loved. It didn’t matter that there was nothing there to feel. Soon there would be. Soon he’d be a father.
“I’m so glad you’re happy.”
Her words poked him. He tried to ignore the tremble in his fingers as he gently smoothed down her hair. “Did you think I wouldn’t be?”
She looked up at him. “You did keep telling me not to be in such a hurry. To live in the moment.”
“The moments have been good. Very good.”
“I know. That’s why I thought maybe you didn’t want the moment to change.”
“Why would you think that?” He kissed her forehead and wished she’d been satisfied with his embrace and kiss. But that wouldn’t be Kate. She wanted to examine every word sometimes as if looking for worms under rocks.
“I love you, Jay, with all my heart. I believe we were meant to be together, but there’s a lot I don’t know about you.”
“And that I don’t know about you, but what I do know, I love.” Jay tapped her nose with his finger. He wasn’t ready to pick up the rocks of his past. Maybe someday, but not now with the news of his baby on the way fresh in his ears. He tried to ease away from her questions. “But we’ll have years and years together to find out all those things.”
“You already know everything there is to know about me. It’s all here in Rosey Corner. Family, friends, places I love.” She touched his cheek. “But you? You never talk about your family. You don’t talk about the war.”
“Some things are better forgotten.”
“But can you forget?”
“Not everything. Not every day. But right now, this moment, I can. A very happy moment.” He held her close and kissed her hair. He did love this woman so very much.
He was happy. He really was. The trouble was he was also terrified. Absolutely terrified he wouldn’t be a good father. He thought of Sarge. Married with two kids. He tried to think about him at home in Michigan. Out of uniform. Going to work. Loving his kids. Doing what had to be done. Jay could do the same.
Kate breathed out a long sigh. “Do you hear music?”
He smiled with not the slightest tremble in his heart. This part of loving Kate had ever been easy. “I’ll always hear the music with you.” He held up his hand. She took it and they waltzed around the kitchen.
Kate laughed when they bumped into a chair. “We need a bigger kitchen.”
“Or a bigger dance floor.” He led her out the kitchen door into the backyard. The sun had already headed down to the other side of the world, le
aving a rosy afterglow to mark its passing. The twilight air wrapped around them like a well-worn cloak while a chorus of tree frogs added to the music of their hearts. He’d dreamed of dancing with Kate like this as he huddled in foxholes. Dreams and prayers.
“Good that you haven’t forgotten how to dance.” Fern’s voice stopped the music.
“Fern like the plant.” Jay looked around at her. He had no idea how long she’d been there by the fence.
Enough light remained for him to catch the woman’s near smile as she inclined her head in acknowledgment of the memory of the first time she’d appeared out of the shadows to poke him with her words. “Jay like the bird.”
Jay kept his arms around Kate. The evening air was cool and he wanted to protect her from the chill. And from Fern.
“Yes, Fern.” Kate’s voice was soft. “You told us about the music. Do you remember?”
“You think I’m a doddery old fool who can’t remember what happened yesterday?” Fern snorted.
“I thought maybe you wouldn’t think it important enough to remember.” Kate stiffened against Jay. Bracing for the battle she and Fern always seemed to have when they talked.
Jay tried to head it off. “Good to see you haven’t forgotten how to sneak up on people, Fern.” He’d make the woman battle him this time, but instead she surprised him by making a sound that could have been a laugh.
“I don’t sneak,” she said. “People just don’t use their eyes. Or ears.”
“But you do,” Jay said.
“Remember Fern like the plant. Ferns grow in the shade. They don’t make noise even when the wind is blowing. Little things hide under them. They tell no secrets.”
“Secrets? Do you know secrets?” Jay narrowed his eyes to see her better, but the day was losing its battle with night. He couldn’t tell what was behind her words.
“Fern knows everything,” Kate said.
“Not everything, but enough.” Fern stared at Kate a moment before she turned away.
“Goodbye, Fern like the plant,” he called after her.
She looked back over her shoulder at them. He couldn’t see her face, but he could hear her plain enough. “Better keep on dancing before the baby bump gets big and keeps you apart.”
Kate pulled away from Jay to run after her. The woman’s words obviously surprised her. “How did you know?”
Jay followed Kate to the fence.
Fern kept walking, but again there was that sound that passed for her laugh. “You said I know everything.”
“You saw me.” Kate looked at Jay to explain. “Fern was passing by in the field this morning when I lost my breakfast out on the porch.”
“So that explains that.” Jay put his arms around her again. She was shivering.
“I use my eyes.” Fern stopped then to look back at them. “I see that little sister too. Not the one that likes me, but the other one. The one that’s afraid. See her fishing.”
“Tori likes to fish,” Kate said.
“Too much. Could end up like me. Packing a fishing pole instead of a hatchet.” She held up the little ax she used to chop down cedars.
“No.” Kate spoke the word too loudly.
Jay tightened his arms around her. Her trembles now weren’t completely because of the night air.
Kate’s voice softened as she added, “She has Samantha.”
“But something could happen. Something can always happen.” Fern turned away from them to head on toward Rosey Corner.
“Good things too.” Kate seemed to push the words through the night after Fern.
This time Fern gave no sign of hearing.
Kate shivered against Jay again. He rubbed his hands up and down her upper arms to warm her. “That’s just Fern. She forgot how to be happy a long time ago.”
“I know.”
“But you haven’t. We haven’t.” He pushed cheer into his voice. The woman’s words had cast a pall over him too, because he knew it was true. Things did happen.
Kate turned toward the house. “What if she’s right? About Tori. Lately she seems to want to get away from us all.”
“Maybe because you keep pushing that Weber guy at her.”
Kate looked up at him as they went back into the kitchen. The candles, still burning on the table, cast flickering shadows on the wall. “He’s a nice guy. Samantha likes him.”
“It’s not Samantha he needs to like him.” Jay shut the door behind them and reached for the pull string on the overhead bulb. The light glared brightly after the soft darkness outside and candlelight inside.
Kate blew out the candles. “I like him. Mama and Daddy like him. He won Lorena over with that sled he made for Samantha. Even Scout likes him.”
“Scout likes everybody, but the name you didn’t say is the one that matters. Can he get Tori to like him?”
“I don’t know. He keeps trying.” Kate sighed as she began to clear off the table. “I just don’t know. She won’t talk about it. Fern’s right. She goes fishing.”
“You could go with her.” Jay sat back down at the table to eat the last few bites of his pie. “Keep her company.”
“You know I hate to fish. Squishing worms on hooks and getting fishy smell all over your hands.” She shuddered and shoved her untouched piece of pie toward him as if even the thought of fishing had turned her stomach. Then she got a funny look on her face. “You did know that, didn’t you?”
“Nope, I don’t think the subject has ever come up.” He dug his fork into the pie. “See, there’s something I didn’t know about you.”
“I don’t know if you like to fish either.”
“I went with Mike some when we were kids.”
“I did know Mike liked to fish. He used to go with Tori and Lorena on Saturday afternoons before the war. He talked Evie into going with him a few times too.”
“I’m guessing that was a disaster.”
“You might think so, but actually Evie sort of likes to fish.” She looked up from putting the leftovers into smaller bowls to fit in the refrigerator.
“You Merritt girls are full of surprises. Have you told them? The sisters?”
She shook her head. “Not even Mama. Nobody knows but you.”
“You’re forgetting Fern.”
“I’m trying. I’m definitely trying.” The sparkle came back into her eyes. “I can’t believe she saw me heaving up my breakfast this morning and figured out I was expecting.”
“A lucky guess. She likes to keep you off balance. It’s a game with her.”
“A game.” Kate carried the plates to the sink. “Funny to think about Fern playing a game, but you’re right. She does like to aggravate me, but then she tells me things I need to hear sometimes too. Things she sees that I don’t want to see. Or I’m too blind to see.”
“What things are you talking about?” Jay forked in the last of the pie.
“Lots of things. She used to warn me about maybe ending up like her too.”
“Never.” Jay looked up, surprised. “I can’t imagine you hiding out in the woods and popping out of shadows to scare the fainthearted.”
“When you put it that way, it sounds sort of fun.” Kate laughed, but then her smile leaked away. “But she’s right about Tori.” Kate tightened her lips as she stared at the dark window over the sink.
“Uh-oh.” Jay cupped his hands around his mouth and pretended to yell. “Look out, Tori. Sister Kate is ready to come to the rescue.”
Kate balled up the dishrag and threw it at him. “You’re the one who just got through telling me to go fishing with her.”
He got up and exchanged the dishrag for a dish towel. “Tori will figure things out. Right now she’s sad, but she’ll be okay.”
“If something doesn’t happen.” Kate sounded worried.
“Don’t borrow trouble, Kate. Remember, we’re living in the moment. A moment that’s good, with nothing happening except the dishes getting done and bedtime coming.”
“And a baby on the w
ay.” Kate smiled over at him, as beautiful as he’d ever seen her, even in the harsh overhead light.
Later, as they lay in bed with her head resting on his shoulder, she asked him again, “Are you happy? Really happy?”
“I told you I was happy about the baby, Kate.” He rubbed his cheek against her head. “Very happy.”
“Not just about the baby. But being married and living here in Rosey Corner? With your job and everything?”
Jay didn’t let himself hesitate. “You make me happy, Kate.” And there was no reason for him to hesitate. She did make him happy.
She snuggled closer to him, her body relaxed and content there beside him. “But the other things. Are you happy about them?”
“Do you want me to make a list, Kate?”
“That might be good,” she murmured.
“Let me count the ways.” He held up his fingers and began counting them off. “Alive. Home from the war. A job. A beautiful wife who makes pies almost as good as her mother’s.” She roused enough from her sleepiness to laugh at that and try to poke him. He caught her hand and kept going. “A baby on the way. Rosey Corner as my address. Fern like the plant to tell me what’s going on. Birdie to make me laugh. Scout to make me happy we don’t have a dog.”
“Scout’s not that bad.” She laughed again the way he’d intended. Then she was sleeping in his arms. He looked down at her peaceful face in the dim moonlight sneaking through the window and his heart swelled.
A baby. Mothering would be easy for Kate. As natural as the sun coming up in the morning. But would he be able to pull off being a father? And how about all the bills? He didn’t mind the work at the feed store, but the pay wasn’t great. They just squeaked by now.
He knew other men home from the war who were going to college on the GI Bill. He hated school when he was a kid, but he wasn’t a kid anymore. College sounded like a good thing now and a path to a better job. Plus, Kate once told him she dreamed about going to college. With the GI Bill paying his way, he’d been thinking of ways both of them could go. He hadn’t mentioned that to Kate. He wanted to plan it all out and surprise her. But a baby changed everything.
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