“She’s already on the way to school. She rides with the Baxter boy.”
“She’s not getting struck on him, is she?” Jay frowned.
“I don’t think so, but she’ll get struck on some boy someday. I did.” She grabbed his hand and kissed it. “On you.”
“Not when you were fourteen.”
Kate laughed. “When I was fourteen, I would have probably told you to get lost unless you were good at playing ball or catching frogs.”
“We’d have been okay. I was a world champion frog catcher when I was a kid.” Jay leaned down to kiss her head. “You take care of my girl and boy today.”
When she gave him a puzzled look, he pointed at her middle. “The twins.” Then he grabbed his jacket and was gone.
He didn’t go out to the kitchen to grab anything to eat, and Kate felt guilty all over again for not getting up. Her mother always got up and fixed breakfast. Always.
Maybe not when she was expecting, a little voice whispered in Kate’s head. Three babies. And the one she’d lost. The first one while Kate’s father was in France fighting World War I. Kate slid back down in the bed and pulled the cover over her head. She didn’t want to think about that. Not today.
Instead she’d think about Jay warming up to the idea of being a father. Talking about twins. She smiled a little and pushed the cover off her head. Another reason she couldn’t tell him her worries. But was that really right? Her smile slid away as she stared up at the ceiling and tried to ignore the pain in her back.
Why didn’t she tell him how bad she was feeling and how scared she was? Why didn’t she at least tell him to stop by the store and let her mother know she wasn’t feeling well? Her mother would check on her no matter how busy the store was.
She might need somebody to check on her. She might need her mother. Or Aunt Hattie, but Aunt Hattie couldn’t walk down to see her. She looked as weak as Kate had ever seen her yesterday, but not too weak to pray for Kate’s baby. Aunt Hattie’s prayers were powerful. But your will, not ours, Lord, for you knows best.
“Dear Lord, please.” The longing in her heart reached toward the Lord.
Once, when she was Lorena’s age, she’d been so angry at God that she turned her back on him, but the Lord hadn’t turned his back on her. He’d simply waited until she came to her senses and opened her heart to him again.
Since then, Kate thought her faith couldn’t be shaken, but perhaps she’d been coasting along thinking that because she hadn’t been challenged with hard times. She hadn’t had to read a telegram from the War Department the way Tori had about Sammy. Tori was going through a valley even now as she searched for answers to why her fervent prayers hadn’t brought Sammy home. Aunt Hattie would tell her, and had, that everybody had dark valleys to walk through. That wasn’t the Lord’s doing. It was just the way of the world.
“But please, Lord.” Kate closed her eyes. More words weren’t necessary. The Lord knew what she wanted.
Trust him. He knows best. Aunt Hattie’s voice sounded in Kate’s head almost as if she were standing beside the bed.
Kate woke a little after noon, feeling better. She sat up and ate a few crackers and drained the water glass. Then she had to get up for the bathroom. Since she was feeling better, she washed her face, combed her hair, and got dressed. It just seemed what she ought to do. Kate Tanner didn’t stay in her nightgown all day long. She could lie on the couch the same as the bed. Aunt Hattie hadn’t said she couldn’t use her eyes to read. Plus there was still that article for the newspaper to finish up.
Graham showed up just as she was settling on the couch with extra pillows and some cheese and crackers. Mothers-to-be had to eat whether they felt like it or not.
When Graham asked why she was lounging around, she told him the truth. “Aunt Hattie said I should lie down for a while.”
Graham’s face went from teasing to worried in an instant. “Something wrong?” he asked as he sat down in the chair closest to the couch.
Then she wasn’t quite as truthful. “My back’s been hurting some and Aunt Hattie told me it might be a good idea to take it easy. She knows a lot about babies coming.”
“You’re right there. She used to be the nearest thing to a doctor Rosey Corner had and a comfort to a woman carrying a child.” His frown got a little tighter. “But Hattie’s why I came by. Thought I ought to let you know she’s not doing good.”
“She looked tired yesterday, but not that bad.” Kate raised up off her pillow, worry poking her now.
“I don’t know about yesterday, but Fern says she’s laying abed today. Not wanting to eat. Barely awake enough to pray.”
Kate remembered her prayers that morning and the ones circling in her head even now about her baby. Prayers she’d thought Aunt Hattie would be saying too, and now Aunt Hattie needed prayers for herself.
“I could take her to the doctor.” Kate sat up.
Graham waved her back down. “She wouldn’t be happy about that if she told you to rest. Besides, a doctor can’t do anything for what’s ailing Hattie. Age. You know yourself she’s been ready to go for months now. Eager even.”
“I’m not ready for her to go.” Kate stared toward the window. She couldn’t lose Aunt Hattie today.
“And she may not go just yet. Just because she’s ready don’t mean the good Lord’s ready for her. She’s had these sinking spells before and come out of them.”
“But one of these days she might not.” Kate looked back at Graham, wanting him to tell her this wouldn’t be that day.
Graham blew out a breath of air and leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “One of these days she won’t. That’s true for us all.”
“Do you think we all have our time already set when we’re born?” Kate sank back on her pillows.
“That question’s too hard for this old man to answer.” Graham stared down at his hands. “But the good Lord knows all the answers. And with Hattie, he might be thinking she’s more than earned her rest. That he needs her good sense up there with him.”
“Young people die too. Even babies sometimes.” Her heart felt heavy at the thought. “There are a lot of babies’ graves in the cemetery at church.”
“You’re right about that.” Graham looked up at her. “Fevers of all sorts had a way of carrying off the little ones in the earlier days.”
“And then there are wars. Sammy would still be with us if not for the war.”
“Sammy and a lot of others.” Graham rubbed his hands up and down his thighs as he considered her words. “Hattie would be a better one for you to ask this. Or Mike. I ain’t no preacher.”
“But what do you think? You’ve always told me what you think about things.”
“Maybe so, but you used to ask easy questions about how many leaves were on the maple tree in your yard or if toad frogs really could give you warts. Your questions have gotten some harder over the years.” He smiled at her.
“But you still know the answers.” He’d been her best buddy since the day she could toddle after him. The same way Samantha loved him now. He was a favored uncle, best friend, and grandfather all rolled into one. A man who would run through fire for her. Who had, in a way, picked her husband by giving Jay a place to stay in Rosey Corner. Who would answer her questions whether they made any sense or not.
He pulled in another deep breath and blew it out slowly. “Okay, the way I see it, even if the good Lord does know our ending day, he might not have picked it. He set the world in motion and then us folks down here shook it up a little. I’m thinking the Lord would be just as happy if we didn’t get into wars or have fevers and accidents that steal some of the seven-score years the Bible allots to folks.” Graham peered over at her. “That make any sense to you?”
“You always make sense to me,” Kate said.
“All right, so that’s my answer. But you know the rules,” Graham said, harking back to when Kate was a little girl. “You asked a hard question. Now you’ve got to ask an easy one.”
When Graham’s dog whined and scratched at the door to make sure Graham hadn’t forgotten him out on the porch, Kate had her question. “I’ve got one. Do dogs go to heaven?”
“Whew! That is an easy one.” He made a pretense of wiping sweat off his forehead. “Course they do. What would heaven be for me if old Poe wasn’t up there waiting? I figure he’s got us a spot picked out on the bank of a pond where the fish are biting and the coons come down out of the trees to play.” Graham stood up.
When Kate started to get up too, he held his hand out to stop her. “I know where the door is. You don’t have to show me. You rest like Hattie told you to.”
“All right.” Kate dropped back down on the pillows. “Thanks for letting me know about Aunt Hattie. I’ll be praying.” For Aunt Hattie and for herself. Her hand drifted down to touch her belly.
Graham stopped before he got to the door. “You need me to send your mama down here to see about you?”
“No, I’m feeling better. Really. I’m going to the doctor tomorrow. I’ll stop by the store on the way home to let her know what he says.”
When Graham still looked worried, Kate added, “Jay will be home in a little while. It’s already after two.”
“Is it that late? Well then, I guess it’s about time for Chaucer and me to take a nap.” When he opened the door, the dog slipped through it to lean against Graham. Graham put a hand on the dog’s head. “It promises to be a nice night, and while old Chaucer here’s no Poe, he don’t mind sitting with me in the woods on a good night to see what we can hear.”
“Sounds fun,” Kate said.
“You get to feeling better, you can go with us sometime.” Graham smiled over at her. “Later on, when you get that young’un here, you can bring him too. He’ll need a proper introduction to the woods the way you got when you were a little tyke. You were wanting to go with me before you could climb the fences.”
“I had you to help me over them.”
“You might have to help me these days.” Graham chuckled and pointed Chaucer out the door.
He was getting older. Age had rounded his shoulders a bit, but his step was still lively as he went outside. He had plenty more nights to enjoy the woods. After she fluffed her pillow, she lay back and shut her eyes, letting the memory of Poe baying as he chased after raccoons play through her mind.
She had so many memories of Lindell Woods. Some bad, like the terrible fire there years ago. Some wonderful, like dancing with Jay under the old growth trees when they were falling in love. It would be good to walk in the woods with her son and make new memories.
With those peaceful thoughts she drifted off to sleep, after sending up a prayer for Aunt Hattie.
A gripping pain jerked her awake and stole her breath.
27
Kate sat up and gasped. The cramp wasn’t only in her back now but instead was a giant fist grabbing her belly. Could she have eaten something that was working on her? But all she’d eaten since she came home from Aunt Hattie’s was crackers and cheese. It couldn’t be that, but something was wrong. Very wrong.
It wasn’t until she was in the bathroom and saw the blood that she knew. She was losing the baby. No vague fears of it maybe happening. This was real. She hadn’t been strong enough to protect her baby. Her head started spinning and dark edges pushed in on the sides of her vision.
This couldn’t be normal. Not this much blood, but she didn’t really know. She hadn’t asked Aunt Hattie what would happen if she did lose the baby. She hadn’t wanted to need the answer to that.
She struggled up from the commode. She had to have help. Why had she told Graham not to bother her mother? She grasped the edge of the sink as the pain gripped her again. What was it she and Graham had said? Everybody had a time to die. Whether appointed or not.
Her heart pounded in her ears and her stomach went queasy on top of the gripping pain. Kate stared at her pale face in the mirror and spoke out loud. “It is not your time.” The pain got stronger as though defying her words. She shut her eyes and leaned against the wall next to the sink. “Please, Lord,” she whispered. “Please, let it not be my time.”
Time. She had no idea how long she’d slept after Graham left. Jay could be on the way home and then it might be an hour before he came. How long could a person bleed without losing consciousness?
“Jay, please come home.” Her words were swallowed up in the silence. If only she knew what time it was. She breathed out another prayer. “Lord, let it be time for him to come home.”
She folded a towel to staunch the blood. Maybe if she could make it to the couch, lie back down, then she’d be all right until he came. She could do that. She could. She took one step and the room went black except for the sharp image of the doorknob in front of her. She reached for it. But her knees buckled and she sank to the floor and curled up in a ball. The linoleum was cool against her cheek. All she could do was hope Jay came in time. Or her mother. Or anyone.
She was drifting in a fuzzy world of pain when she heard the door. “Jay.” She pushed the word out with all the force she could muster, but it was little more than a hoarse whisper.
No answer came from the front room. Instead the movements sounded unsure, almost furtive. Definitely not Jay. He always burst in from work ready to use up the rest of the day. But it was someone.
“Help me.” This time her voice was stronger.
“Where are you?” The voice was familiar but somehow not right. Low with an uneasy edge.
“In here.” Kate tried to sit up, but she was too weak. “Please.”
Fern was the last person she expected to step into the bathroom, towering over Kate. The woman didn’t have on her usual overalls, but somehow she looked even odder in a flowery dress that hung off her shoulders without touching her body anywhere else. Her steel gray hair was yanked back from her face and held there with a red kerchief. As she stared down at Kate, fear mixed with panic crossed the woman’s face. Kate had never seen Fern look afraid. It was plain she wanted to turn and walk away. Kate didn’t blame her. She wanted to get up and walk away from it too, but she couldn’t.
“I lost the baby. He’s gone.” The words ripped through Kate’s heart. “Gone.”
“Hattie said you would. She prayed for you.”
“It didn’t help. I prayed too, but I still lost him.”
“She didn’t pray for the baby. Prayed for you.” Fern’s voice was harsh as she finally let go of the door and stepped closer to Kate. “Hattie sent me.”
Katie looked up at her and the room started spinning. “Why?”
“An angel told her you needed help.”
“You should have told Mama.”
“Didn’t think of that.” Fern’s face looked set as she crouched down beside Kate. “Never put much stock in angel messages, but for Hattie, I said I’d come. Hattie’s sinking.” Fern’s rough fingers pushed down on Kate’s wrist for her pulse. “You’re sinking too.”
“I prayed, Fern.” Kate grabbed Fern’s arm. The room was going black, but maybe if she stared at Fern’s face she could keep from passing out. She didn’t want to faint. She needed to do something. “I prayed for Aunt Hattie. I prayed for my baby. But he’s still gone.”
Fern made a noise Kate wasn’t sure was disgust or sympathy. “Prayer don’t change what can’t be changed.”
“Then why pray?”
“To endure what has to be endured.”
“Can’t stand it.” Kate gasped as a new pain struck her. When the pain eased a bit, she asked, “Am I going to die, Fern? Like my baby?”
Fern pushed her arm under Kate’s shoulder and raised her head a little. “Don’t know. Hattie’s angel didn’t tell her that.”
“Angels.” Kate shut her eyes. “Lorena thought I was an angel. Do you remember that?” She was drifting away from the pain now. Away from everything.
“I remember.” She lifted Kate up. That brought the pain back.
“But I wasn’t.”
�
��You were her angel.”
Kate stared at Fern’s face as things came back into focus. Weathered skin splotched from too much sun and wind. Eyes forever sad. Lips not smiling. Lips that rarely smiled. “Are you my angel?”
Fern snorted as she lifted Kate up. “Been called lots of things, but never angel.”
“My angel,” Kate murmured, trying to get her legs under her. She could feel life pouring out of her. “Tell Jay I loved him.”
“Tell him yourself. I hear his car.”
“Jay,” Kate whispered, but then the darkness won.
The front door was wide open. It wasn’t that warm, Jay thought as he pulled in the driveway. But Kate could be letting smoke out after burning their supper. It wouldn’t be the first time. She’d put something on the stove and then start writing. He needed to buy her a timer.
That could be it, but worry that something was amiss had the hairs up on the back of his neck as he pulled into the driveway. He’d been home for months and out of the fighting longer than that, but his nerves stayed on edge.
The empty open door wasn’t right. Kate should be standing in it, ready to greet him with a sheepish grin about having tuna sandwiches for supper again. Then he had left her in bed that morning. Not normal either. He should have insisted on taking her to the doctor.
He ran across the yard and up the steps into the house. The smell hit him. A smell he knew but didn’t expect to confront in his own house. Blood. Death. He had to be having a flashback to the war. He stopped and took a deep breath.
Someone yelled from deeper in the house. Not Kate’s voice, but a voice he knew. Fern. He had to be wrong. Fern wouldn’t come inside their house even if a thunderstorm was raging.
“Jay Tanner.” The name was almost a bark, definitely an order. Something like Sarge would have said it, but not Sarge. Fern. Inside his house. Beyond the front room. Where was Kate? His heart hammered inside his chest as he moved toward the sound of Fern’s voice like he was approaching battle.
“Kate?”
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