Deceitful Choices

by C. A. Harms

  She seemed happy with that as she stepped back and opened the front door of her Camry. “I’m gonna hold you to that.”

  “Okay,” I replied. I knew she would too.

  I stood in the driveway waving as she backed out and drove down the road. I already began to miss her and it had only been seconds.

  I knew that I would visit Roanoke again. I just had to work myself up to it. And I wasn’t sure how long that would take.

  Chapter 11

  Zack

  I’d been in Illinois for less than twenty-four hours, and already I wanted to go back to California. But for Haven I’d try. It wasn’t love, I knew that, but it was like. You would think by now she and I would be more than we were, and if she had it her way, we would have been.

  I was trying though.

  I told myself that this trip I would let my guard down a bit more. I wasn’t sure what would come of it, but I’d give it a shot.

  Her brother picked me up from the airport, and the guy was almost the male version of his sister. It was a little eerie how much they looked alike. But he was an all right guy, a bit immature for a twenty-three year old, but we were raised differently; that much was obvious. I started my training at an early age, not only for the Navy but also in respectability.

  I had him take me to the nearest car rental company, because the last thing I wanted was to be forced to rely on others. With Haven in class daily, I would most likely be exploring. I looked out the window wondering what the hell I would explore in this area, but hell—why not, right?

  After I was given the keys to a Dodge Charger, I used the GPS to scan for the nearest place to eat. The options were nothing compared to what I was used to. Pizza it was.

  I felt like a circus exhibit walking down the streets of this small town. People watched me closely, as if I was about to rob their bank or worse. I didn’t take much time to offer pleasantries, because I worried they would attack or something. I walked straight ahead until I saw the red sign hanging in the window with the name of the pizzeria.

  The moment I entered, I found the booth hidden in the back corner and practically dove into it. These next three days were sure to be three of the longest of my life. I found myself wishing I was back in Coronado doing a two-mile swim.

  My phone vibrated in my back pocket, and I reached around, pulling it out to find a text from Haven.

  Where are you? I’m so excited to see you I cut class this afternoon.

  Suddenly spending a few hours wrapped in the sheets sounded better than pizza.

  Zack: At some pizza joint in your Podunk town. I’m sure you know which one since you only have a few places to eat here.

  Her response came quickly.

  Haven: Be there in five.

  Well, all right then.

  I sat my phone down on the table and picked up the menu. I knew from the many times out with Haven that she was picky as fuck. She didn’t eat much of anything, and ordering for her was pretty much impossible. On most occasions I fought the irritation in me as she would tell the waiter all the things to remove from an entree.

  So I played it safe; I’d just go with half and half.

  “What can I get ya?”

  I looked up with the full intention to order, but instantly froze when I found myself looking at a girl I once met on a beach in Alabama. A girl who brought back memories of Lindsay full force.

  It was her best friend, Taylor.

  I saw the moment recognition of who I was struck her. That smile she wore only moments ago instantly shifted to one of anger, or maybe disgust.

  “What? You didn’t crush her enough already?” she spat. “Come back to finish the job?”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked.

  I wasn’t the one who fucking lied.

  “Well, she’s not here, so you can save yourself the trouble.” Taylor leaned in and brought her face closer to mine. “And just so you know, he’s happy and healthy, no thanks to you. They’re better off without a scumbag like you.”

  “Hey.” Taylor spun around at the sound of Haven’s voice.

  When the two were face to face, I could only see the back of Taylor but from the look on Haven’s face I knew she, too, was getting the same death glare I had only moments ago.

  “Well isn’t this cozy,” Taylor said, her voice full of hate. “The two people who single-handedly broke my best friend. You both should be so proud of yourselves.”

  “Can someone tell me what the fuck is going on here?” I asked as I stared back at the two of them who were now looking directly at me.

  I was so damn confused right now. The last time I saw Taylor was the night I met Lindsay. She was spunky and fun, unlike the version she was today.

  “Let’s just leave,” Haven said as she moved around Taylor to grip my hand and tug. “The service sucks.”

  I allowed Haven to lead me toward the door as Taylor stood back with her arms crossed over her chest. Part of me wanted to turn around and figure out where in the hell her attitude came from, but another part told me that a pizza joint was not the place to have a battle with that girl.

  “What was that all about?” I asked Haven as I stopped outside the pizzeria. “What the fuck is her problem?”

  “She doesn’t like that we’re dating.” Haven laced her hand on my arm, stepping in closer. “After I went to California that first time to meet up with you, she and Lindsay found out. Ever since then she’s been a total bitch.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “It’s just the way they are,” she replied. “They play these types of games all the time.”

  It still made no sense. The words Taylor spoke about me breaking Lindsay’s heart hit me in the gut. I knew she was upset that day I left the Shores, but it was expected; after all—she lied. And who the hell was healthy and happy?

  “Let’s just order something and go back to the hotel.” Haven stepped up closer to me, circling her arm around my waist and pressing her tits against me. “We can spend the afternoon making up for the time we’ve been apart.”

  I hesitated for a moment, because Taylor’s words still filtered through my mind, but eventually gave in and followed her to the parking lot.

  ***

  Two days in a row I went back to the pizza joint in hopes of talking to Taylor. I don’t know what it was I expected to happen, but I didn’t like the way things were. Something felt off about the way she acted the moment she saw me.

  Both times I was told she was not on schedule that day. Something told me the young girl behind the counter was lying, but I walked away each time with a knot in my stomach.

  I spent my nights attempting to pound out my frustration by using Haven’s body. She didn’t seem to mind.

  I had originally planned to make this trip about a little more than just sex, but after my encounter with the pissed off best friend, that idea quickly faded. But no matter how many times I fucked Haven, nothing made me feel better. If anything, it only made me feel worse.

  “What you didn’t crush her enough already? Come back to finish the job?”

  Over and over those words ran through my mind.

  On my last day I decided to give it one last attempt and after throwing my bag into the rental car, I drove straight to the pizzeria. If Taylor wasn’t there, maybe I could convince the girl behind the counter to give her my number or something.

  As I rounded the corner from the parking lot, I spotted Taylor. She was just about to enter the restaurant and I hollered out her name as I began jogging in her direction.

  “What do you want?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

  “I just wanted to talk to you about the other day,” I said as I stepped to the side, allowing an older couple to pass as they exited the pizzeria.

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” she shrugged it off. “You’re an asshole and I don’t care to waste any more of my time talking to you.”

  “Why am I the asshole?” I asked. “Lindsay lied that day, not
me.”

  “You’re a piece of work you know that?” She uncrossed her arms and stepped closer, her nostrils flaring in anger. “I know she lied; we all pretended to be older than we were that weekend. I understand you had to walk away that day because of the age difference; I’m not for a second blaming you for that. But walking away when she needed you most is what I am blaming you for.”

  I tried to speak only to be cut off when she came at me once again.

  “And sending that bitch money so that you could say you attempted to make things right was heartless. It was the coward’s way out and never once had I ever taken you for a coward.” Taylor’s cheeks reddened with anger, and we had gained the attention of a few people who strolled by.

  “Taylor, I know you’re pissed, I can see that.” I tried to calm her. “But I honestly don’t know what you’re referring to.”

  She took a few moments to breathe through her anger. Her stare locked on mine without breaking as the silence stretched out between us.

  “What money?” I whispered, hoping she believed me when I said I didn’t know.

  She fisted her hands and her cheeks reddened as her nostrils flared with anger. “The money you sent to Haven for Lindsay to abort your child.”

  I felt like my legs had just been swept out from beneath me. It was like some fucked up out of body experience as I reached out to brace myself against the side of the building.

  A sense of loss filled my stomach and my heart raced.

  I tried to speak but the words wouldn’t come.

  My child.

  I was like a fish out of water, each time I opened my mouth. My throat was dry and my fucking heart ached. I felt like my body weighed the equivalent of a thousand pounds, the buildings around me were closing in, and I was suffocating.

  “She never told you,” Taylor said, causing me to look up and meet her stare. “Haven never told you?”

  “Did she do it?” I asked, the words finally able to spill from my lips. “Did she get the abortion?”

  “No,” Taylor whispered in response. “She kept the baby.”

  It was strange, but I felt a huge sense of relief.

  I turned around and pressed my back to the brick of the building as I sagged against it. Still feeling a little unsteady, I thought I could use the extra support.

  “Do you wanna see a picture of him?” she asked, and if I thought I was unsteady moments ago, it was nothing compared to the rush of shock I felt now.

  “Him?” I could hear the shakiness of my own voice.

  She nodded as she pulled her phone out of her bag and began tapping away at the screen. “Here,” she said as she held it out toward me.

  The moment I saw him I just knew. His eyes were a duplicate of my own, with their shape and the swoop of his nose.

  My legs gave out as I slid to the ground beneath my feet and just held Taylor’s phone close.

  His cheeks were full and chubby, a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. It was almost as if he was posing for the camera, hamming it up.

  “He’s a happy baby,” she added as I swiped the screen to the left bringing up the next photo. Each one showed more and more of just how true her statement was. He was happy. I stopped suddenly when a picture of Lindsay and my son filled the screen.

  She held him close as she pressed a kiss against his forehead while he slept in her arms. It was a beautiful picture.

  “Can you forward this to my phone?” I asked her without looking up.

  “Yeah,” she replied. “I can send all of them to you if you’d like.”

  “Please.” I could feel the burn rise in my chest. “I didn’t know, Taylor.”

  That deceitful bitch intentionally kept it all from me. “She used this whole thing to her advantage. Playing it all out on both sides.”

  “What do you mean?” she asked as she knelt beside me.

  “Haven,” I said as I looked over at her, finally taking my eyes from the phone. “She told me that after you all got back from Alabama, Lindsay hooked up with some guy. She’d tell me story after story of all the times she would bounce from this guy to that guy. She’d tell me that Lindsay lied to all the men and it was some kind of game she liked to play.”

  “None of that’s true,” Taylor assured me.

  “I know that now. But her lies have cost me memories I never got. She planted all this doubt in Lindsay’s head while planting a different version in my own.” The reality of everything Haven had accomplished over the months hit me.

  She knew I was a father all this time, yet she hid that from me.

  “Where are they?” I asked.

  “She left Roanoke shortly after she found out she was pregnant and went to live with her grandmother in southern Illinois.” I knew there was more to the reasoning for her move, but I would worry about that later.

  “I have to fly out in a few hours,” I said, as I finally regained my bearings and lifted myself from the ground. “But I can’t leave and go back to California without seeing him. I’ve got to make this right, Taylor.”

  She watched me for a moment before she held out her hand for her phone.

  I waited in silence as she dialed a number and lifted it to her ear.

  “Hey, Lulu,” she said with a shaky voice. “We need to talk.”

  Chapter 12

  Lindsay

  I was pacing the floor as I listened to Taylor tell me about the events of her morning. My stomach felt as if it grew tighter with each word.

  Tears fell as she told me how Zack had no idea about my pregnancy or the money order. A part of me wanted to believe he was just putting on a really great show for her, but when she explained his reaction to the news, something told me it couldn’t have been faked.

  “He wants to see him,” she stated. My stomach plummeted and felt as if it hit the floor. “He’s supposed to fly out at three, but decided he is going to change his flight to tomorrow night. It’s all the additional time he can get before he’s due back on base.”

  I nodded my head as I stared at my son who was sleeping in his crib. He was curled on his side, his pacifier hanging out of his mouth, resting on his lip.

  “Lindsay, did you hear what I said?” she asked.

  It was then I realized I hadn’t responded with words. It felt like they were lodged in my throat.

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  “He’s right here, Linds, and he wants to talk to you.” I felt my heart beat faster. “Is that okay?”

  Once again I nodded my head.

  “Linds?”

  “I’m here,” I said a little too quickly.

  “Will you talk to Zack?”

  I wanted to say I couldn’t. I knew it would hard, but I also knew I had to.

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  I placed my hand against Camden’s back as I closed my eyes and felt the rise and fall against my palm. Each breath he took, I calmed just a fraction until Zack’s voice echoed through the phone.

  “Lindsay?”

  I tried to speak but it came out sounding more like a squeak.

  I took a moment to clear my throat before making a second attempt. “Yeah, I’m here.”

  We both sat in silence for a moment before he spoke again. “I didn’t know; she never told me.”

  I closed my eyes tightly as a tear escaped and trailed over my cheek before dripping from my jaw.

  “Had I known, I would have been there for you,” he assured me. “For both of you.”

  “I tried calling the base after Camden was born, but I only had your first name.” I thought it was important he understood I tried.

  “Camden?” he repeated, and the sound of our son’s name coming from him hit me hard. It was something I had told myself I would never experience.

  “Camden Zachary.” Even though I thought Zack wanted nothing to do with his son, I still wanted him to have a part of his father.

  “I need to meet him, Lindsay,” his voice was barely above a whisper. The longing, and despera
tion was rolling off of him like a tidal wave. “I can’t go back to California without seeing him.”

  “Okay,” I replied.

  I couldn’t deny him this.

  I couldn’t deny Camden.

  ***

  When the doorbell rang I jumped.

  “You knew he was only ten minutes out,” Grams stood and shook her head, obviously enjoying my nervous state.

  She was right; he texted me only moments ago to inform me he was in town, but it didn’t settle me in the least bit. I had been a ball of worry since the moment he hung up Taylor’s phone only a few hours ago.

  I was a damn mess.

  “Well, let the man in.” She motioned toward the door as she carried her cup of tea toward the back doors. Apparently she would not be sitting at my side through this visit.

  I tucked the blanket around Camden and straightened his little shirt as if it mattered. I had not remembered a moment I had ever felt so nervous.

  A second knock made me jump almost as much as the first announcement of his arrival. I took in one last deep breath, and looked at my little guy who at the time was slobbering all over his rattle, the wetness dripping from his chin to my arm. “You ready to meet your daddy?”

  When he looked at me and continued to gnaw away I couldn’t help but laugh. His happiness always made things feel so much better.

  I could see Zack’s silhouette as I approached the front door, and my heart lurched within my chest. He overpowered the entrance as I pulled the door open slowly, then felt my mouth go completely dry.

  He was still so unbelievably unattractive. He had that self-assured, confident feel about him that made me feel safe all those months ago. It still seemed to have the same affect.

  “Hi,” I whispered. It sounded stupid the moment I said it, but standing in the doorway watching him stare at his son felt even more ridiculous. “Come in.”

  Stepping aside, I waited for him to enter. As he slowly stepped into the living room, his eyes never once left Camden. “This is unreal.”