by C. A. Harms
“Do what?” she asked.
“How do you keep yourself from going insane with worry?” I asked as I leaned back in the chair. “I’ve tried not to focus on everything he may be going through, but my mind won’t shut off. I even wake up in the middle of the night fearful that something happened. It’s maddening.”
“Oh sweetheart, I worry. I worried every single day my husband was deployed, every day Quinton was gone, and now Zack.” It did make me feel a little less insane to know it was normal to feel this consumed. “You just can’t let it take over your life. You have to build up a thick skin, and know that what Zack is doing is something he was built for since birth. My boys ate, drank, and slept the Navy; it’s their passion. They are strong and they’re doing what they love. We just have to stay strong for them, even if it drives us crazy.”
I could sense her smile.
“I’m trying,” I told her, because I was. I was also terrified.
***
“We’re going to lunch, why don’t you come with us?” Wendy, a friend from school, asked. She was someone I met months ago and after talking one day, we realized our grandmothers had known one another for years. Since then she and I developed a closeness I was thankful for now. She had really helped with the distractions I needed to remain busy.
“I could text Grams and tell her I’ll be another hour or so.” I rarely went out and did anything. It was school, work, home. A little time away from my everyday life would be a nice change.
So for the next hour and half, I got lost in gossip. I was introduced to a couple of other girls, and instantly they accepted me into their little group, without hesitation.
I shared pictures of Camden and in turn pictures of Zack.
“That smile could be dangerous,” Fiona said, with a gleam in her eye as she stared at my phone and a picture of Zack holding Camden close as he smiled that drop-to-your-knees-and-pant grin of his. “And if Camden inherits that grin, watch out, man. You’ll be having little girls beating down your door just for a chance to witness that smile.”
“It is dangerous, and Zack knows it. He uses it to his advantage, I assure you.” Whenever he smiled at me, I found myself being unable to say no, or hell, even think straight. “I have a feeling Camden will be just like him.”
That thought was reassuring. I hoped daily that our son turned out just like his father. Honorable and strong, dedicated and compassionate.
I lost track of time and once I realized it, I rushed home to find Grams baking cupcakes while Camden sat in his highchair gnawing on the rubber spatula covered in icing.
He was a chocolate mess, and it probably wasn’t the best form of a treat, but he seemed to be enjoying it.
“How was your date?” Grams asked.
I looked up at her in confusion as I lifted Camden from his chair, not caring if he covered me in his slobbery mess.
“Not a date, like you’re thinking. Girl date with friends,” she said in correction, only it didn’t sound any better than the first time. “Oh dear lord, you kids and your imaginations,” she huffed as she cocked her hip out and placed her hand on her side. “How was your lunch with friends?”
I laughed this time when she arched her brow, just daring me to question her again.
“It was good,” I assured her, hiding my laughter the best I could. “It felt nice to sit with girls and talk for a while.”
“You don’t do it often enough,” she told me. “You do know that you deserve some time alone too, right? Camden is good here with Grams, every day but every third Tuesday. Granny can’t miss her bingo day.”
I swear she lived for bingo days.
Chapter 24
Zack
“We got you boys some computer time.”
That announcement was seriously the best fucking thing I had heard in the last eleven days.
That’s how long we’d been in this desert. That’s how long it had been since I had seen or heard Lindsay and Camden’s laughter. I knew I had to check my email too, but it could wait. The guys were like vultures as they rushed toward the tent that held the only means of communication we had with the outside world. Each one of them craved the connection with their families just as I did.
I waited; I would like to say patiently, but that would be a fucking lie. The moment it was my turn I sat down so quickly the chair tipped sideways, but I recovered rapidly as a few of my men chuckled at my eagerness. I didn’t give two shits; they could make fun of me later. It was worth it.
My hand literally shook as I opened up the Skype account and logged in. Lindsay’s name in my contacts made my heart race with excitement. I attempted to click and fuck if my finger didn’t slip three times before the call connected.
It was like she had been waiting for me, even though I knew she had no idea when I would actually call. Her eagerness was a match to my own.
“Hey,” she said and she moved around on the screen. “Hi! Oh my god, how are you?” she sounded like she was out of breath.
I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Better now,” I told her.
She looked like she was outside. “Where are you?”
“I was in class,” she replied. “But the minute I saw a call coming in from you, I ran out.” She looked away from the screen when the situation dawned on her. “I didn’t even grab my bag.”
I tilted my head back and just laughed.
I was just about to say something when I looked back at the screen to see the picture bouncing all over the place. Quickly leaning forward, I tried to figure out what the hell could be happening, but then I heard Lindsay’s deep strained breaths. “Linds, what’s going on?”
“I’m running,” she replied, the screen still bouncing. “Camden is with my friend Wendy for the day because Grams had bingo and I want you to see him.”
“Babe,” I said.
“What?” she sounded out of breath.
“Slow down, let me see your face.” I didn’t want our entire conversation to be me seeing the trees or even the ground.
When she came into focus I could tell she was still moving fast. “I’m almost there. She lives right off campus in an apartment on the first floor.”
I knew there was nothing I could say or do to stop her. Camden seeing me meant something big and I wouldn’t take that away from her. Hell, I wanted to see him too, but I hadn’t imagined being unable to see Lindsay’s pretty face.
I watched in silence until a brick building came into view. “I’m here,” she attempted to speak, and again I couldn’t help but laugh. She was so tired she couldn’t even speak full sentences.
After another couple of minutes and an exchange of conversation between her and the girl she mentioned earlier, my son’s slobbery face filled the screen.
“There’s Daddy, Cam,” Lindsay positioned him on her lap and held her phone out in front of her.
“There he is.” I reached out and touched the screen just when Camden squealed and reached for me as well. He wiggled around, kicking his legs in excitement and Lindsay’s laughter mixed in through his happiness.
That sound took everything we had been through since the moment we stepped foot on foreign soil, and made it fade away. I had seen things in the short time I had been here that would forever be with me. But somehow the sweet smiles of Camden and Lindsay made everything better.
“I miss you two so much,” I said as I leaned in close.
“We miss you too,” Lindsay assured me as she too moved her phone in closer. “I think Grams has the cleanest house in town.” I arched my eyebrow and she smiled. “I had to stay busy so I just kept cleaning.”
We talked for about ten minutes, and when it was time to say goodbye she grew quiet.
“I’ll call again as soon as I can. And if I can’t call, I’ll write,” I assured her. “I promise, sweetheart.”
She nodded as she squared her shoulders and attempted to be strong and secure.
“I don’t want to say goodbye either, baby.”
“I
love you,” she whispered, and those three words made me feel as if the hollowness in my stomach was suddenly filled.
“I love you both,” I said in return. “Take lots of pictures and videos. And when I get back, we’ll watch them together and you can tell me the story behind each one.”
“Okay,” she said, and I could hear the sadness she was attempting to hide.
“Bye, sweetheart,” I said first and she smiled. “Bye-bye, buddy, you take care of Mommy.”
It was then I got a smile out of Lindsay, and yet another happy squeal from Camden. I would take that and hold on to it until my next call.
I moved to the side so another guy could make a call to his family, and I used the tablet to check my email.
There was one from Quinton and another from my mother, but I scrolled past them to the one I needed to read most.
Zack,
I did what you asked me to do, I confronted her. Of course she played out the entire thing to the T. She really is a dramatic bitch isn’t she?
Anyway she insisted it was none of my business but I made sure she understood just how much of my business this truly is. After all it is the life of my best friend she is still trying to fuck with.
So that being said she showed me the test she still carries around in her damn purse like it is some form of a trophy. BUT…she refused to take a second one in front of me to help prove the truth behind her so-called pregnancy. So that being said I still do not know for sure if she is pregnant. For all I know she paid someone to take the test so she could use it as leverage.
I will find out, I swear. I just need more time.
Taylor
Something told me this whole thing would get a hell of a lot messier before the truth came out.
***
We were in the middle of one fucked up sandstorm, yet we couldn’t fall back. Rigdon, Cooper and I were camped out on the roof of some building as we watched below for any movement.
We were assigned lookout for anything suspicious, and Cooper was ready to take them out if anyone made the wrong move. Troops were moving from the left, and the mission was simple—get in, rescue the captives, and get out.
There had been several attacks in the area and our target was Jahmir Ahmad, a man who single-handedly raped and killed innocents throughout the small village. He opened fire on our soldiers on several occasions, and now he held a mother and daughter captive.
Cooper was one of the best snipers I’d ever stood beside. He was locked and loaded; all he needed was one word from Rigdon or myself.
Whenever situations like this took place I became focused, tuning out everything else around me. Nothing could interfere with my focus because it could cost us innocent lives.
Things appeared peaceful. There was very little movement on the streets below. Most feared Jahmir, frightened of their own safety. It was like a fucking ghost town, until we heard gun shots in the distance.
Until something impacted my thigh and pain ripped through me.
I instantly dropped to the ground as Rigdon did the same.
We had been safely tucked behind a broken wall, or so we thought. Apparently we weren’t the ones watching; we were the ones being watched.
“Stay down, Z,” Rigdon applied pressure to the wound, and it felt like a hot fucking stake being driven through my legs. Fisting my hands, I bit back the pain and attempted to breathe through it.
I could hear Rigdon on his radio, but I had become so focused on remaining calm that I couldn’t concentrate on his words.
“They’re moving in man, just stay still. We’ll get you out of here.” I knew they would; that was never a doubt.
Chapter 25
Lindsay
I sat on the bench just outside the Student Center. Bouncing Camden on my lap, I laughed every time he squealed in happiness. He had slept almost the entire drive to Normal, Illinois.
I had given up waiting for Taylor to welcome Camden and me for a visit. Instead, I packed up the car and set out to surprise her. I already knew her class schedule thanks to her mother and our sneaky ways. Another ten minutes and she would have no other choice but to be happy to see me.
“Wow.” I turned around quickly to come face-to-face with none other than Haven Rhoades—the bitch who attempted to destroy my life and the life of my son. “I guess he really does look like Zack.”
When she mentioned Zack’s name, it only infuriated me more.
“Yes, he looks just like his father.” I stood from the bench and pulled Camden in closer, as if to shield him from her poison.
“At least he’s cute; that gives me hope,” she said, and I was instantly confused.
“Hope for what?” She was such a snotty person. The cockiness rolled off of her in waves and truly killed her beauty. She had such an ugly soul.
“Didn’t Zack tell you?” She smiled brightly and it immediately gave me chills. “Your little guy is gonna have a brother or sister to play with soon.”
The confidence I felt only moments ago faded fast. In fact, I felt light-headed, as if I would pass out. She had to be screwing with my head.
Zack would have told me. Wouldn’t he?
“By the look on your face, I assume you didn’t know.” She shrugged confidently, and I still stood frozen as if this was some fucked up dream. “Maybe he was waiting until we found out the sex first.”
“You’re lying,” I whispered.
“I’m afraid not.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a pregnancy test.
Who the hell carried around a used test in their purse?
Even though I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction, my gaze instantly shifted toward the test, wrapped safely inside a plastic baggy. I could feel my chest burning as the bile rose in my throat.
It always happened. My entire life, things of this manner took from any joy I felt. No matter how big or small, my joy was always outweighed somehow by a dark cloud. Haven was now that dark cloud hovering over me, taking away my happiness.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I could hear Taylor’s angry words, yet I couldn’t look away from the item Haven held. I only hugged Camden closer and tried to fight off the tears.
“I just thought she should know,” Haven replied.
“Know what?” Taylor fired back as she stepped between Haven and me, blocking my view of that horrid test. “That you are a lying, deceiving, spiteful bitch? One who won’t take another test to prove this so-called pregnancy just keeps flashing this same old test around, as if that’s proof enough.”
“Normally, one positive pregnancy test is proof enough,” Haven said with a laugh.
“Not when you’re a fucking liar.” Taylor’s voice grew louder. “Who’d you pay to pee on the stick, Haven?”
“You honestly are that delusional. It’s true; I’m carrying Zack’s baby.” I looked up and an anger I didn’t know I had inside burst without warning.
“He doesn’t want it; in fact he gave me money so you could take care of the problem.” When she glared at me, I didn’t back down. “Sound familiar? The difference is this time it’s true. He said there would be nothing else in this world worse than having to share a child with you.”
“Well you can tell Zack there is no way out of this one.” She spun around on her heels and stalked off without a backward glance.
It was that moment when I took a few steps backward and collapsed against the bench, holding my son close.
“He didn’t want you to know until I could confirm it,” Tay whispered as she sat down at my side.
“You all knew but me.” The idea they hadn’t told me was irritating. No, I was blindsided by the bitch, with no ground to stand on.
“He found out just moments before he boarded the plane. He didn’t believe it, but he had no way to prove it. He was terrified this would come between the two of you and he asked me if I could figure it out.” I looked at her and could see the turmoil in her eyes. “His hands were tied and he didn’t want to leave you here to face the
problem.”
I remained silent, still feeling like this entire thing was some crazy nightmare.
What if she wasn’t lying?
“She’s lying,” Taylor stated without hesitation. “I can feel it Linds; it just doesn’t seem right. He ignores her and she grows desperate. She needed a way to gain his attention.”
“She took a test,” I replied.
“No,” she shook her head. “Someone took a test, but something is telling me it wasn’t Haven.”
***
I was numb.
I had been numb since we left ISU and drove to Taylor’s parents’ house. I even remained in that state while everyone around us cooed and awed over Camden. He was fully entertained, and to be honest, I needed some time to compose myself. I needed a little time to deal with the possibility that Haven could be carrying the half-brother or sister of my son.
I felt territorial of Zack. He was mine. We had gone through hell already at Haven’s hands and her lies. I refused to allow her to come between us again.
I fought through the shock and the self-pity, and moved on to anger and revenge. As far as I was concerned, that bitch better hope she was pregnant because if she wasn’t, I was gonna beat her fucking ass.
I wanted to talk to Zack.
I needed him to know this would not come between what we had begun to build. I wouldn’t allow it. She had already taken time away from us, and the last thing I would give her was the satisfaction of knowing she was taking more.
Zack had been gone close to ten weeks, and it had been almost four since I last heard his voice. He had responded to a couple of my emails, but not recently.
Rita advised me to not worry. They could be on a mission and unable to make any contact. So I stopped checking excessively throughout the day, all day, every day, and now only looked once in the evening.
But right now, more than anything, I wanted to hear from him. It was almost like I had to have it to calm this rage inside me.