by Lisa Logue
“I’m so sorry. I know I’ve said that a lot lately, but I haven’t meant it more than I do right now. I should have explained things better from the beginning,” she put her finger to my lips.
Our eyes locked, holding the moment captive. Her finger traced my bottom lip, down my chin and around the back of my neck. She leaned into me, gently pressing her lips to mine. All the pressure and emotions that were built up inside me exploded and I returned her kiss with fervor.
My hand wound in her hair again and she moaned as I tugged lightly. I groaned when I felt her hot skin beneath my lips while I traveled her neck and shoulders. So much of her was exposed I had to control the impulse to claim her as my own. I couldn’t risk it. Even indulging in her kisses was too much.
She grabbed my face and crashed her lips to mine with such a need it overwhelmed me. She rolled on top and kissed my chest trailing the current with her fingernails. My body was screaming and I wasn’t sure how much more I could take before giving in. I knew she could feel my excitement as she worked her way down my stomach, stopping before crossing the line.
I sat up, forcing her to meet my lips again, and positioned her underneath me. I stared at her for a moment, appreciating her curvy features and especially the rise and fall of her breasts as she struggled to catch a breath. There was so much I could do to pleasure her, but I had to remember where the line was drawn. She looked at me, confused at first, and then understanding flashed in her eyes. I felt her rejection, but I didn’t know how to prove that I wanted her without showing it. She rolled over and I moved beside her. I tried to speak, but she just grabbed my arm and draped it around her waist.
I listened to her sobs for a while, feeling my heart break more with every sniffle. She eventually drifted off to sleep, never letting go of my hand. I couldn’t understand how I could hurt her so much, but I was still who she wanted for comfort. She comforted me more than I did her. Holding her let me hold onto the part of myself that was good and rational. When I wasn’t near her, I was hateful and scatterbrained.
I slipped from her room before the sun came up, spending as much time with her as I could allow. I was more lost than ever before. Nothing was as it should have been. Stealing her away from the madness was enticing, but impossible. Throwing caution to the wind and being with her was desirable, but also impossible. The first mention of us together would be her death or at the least imprisonment. I wouldn’t condemn her to that. No. I would have to try and be a friend crossing the line. Her death would be on my hands otherwise and I couldn’t let that happen.
CHAPTER 31
Lia
The first thing I noticed when I woke up was Christian’s absence. I wasn’t surprised. Sulking to the bathroom I did my best to prepare for another undoubtedly crazy day. I didn’t know what to expect of the training, but something told me it wouldn’t be pleasant. As I emerged from the foggy bathroom, I noticed a strange outfit with a note beside it lying on the bed.
Good morning , Lia
I hope you slept well. Today marks the first day of training. Please bring the journal, along with any other questions you have. We will start each session with some Q & A before beginning the lesson. Also, I’ve provided a training outfit for you. We will look at this training in phases.
Phase 1: mental preparation; Phase 2: protections; Phase 3: basic self-defense; and Phase 4: to be determined.
Once we figure out more of your powers, we’ll be able to pinpoint what the last phase will consist of. I’m hoping to cover a phase per week, if possible, which should conclude the training within a month. Some breakfast will be waiting for you downstairs. When you are ready, I’ll be near the dock to begin. See you there. -Austin
I read it several times. A month? I couldn’t believe the training would be so short. Either he had immense faith in me or wanted to push me that much harder. Fantastic.
The clothes resembled a riding outfit. The breeches were a sandy color in very soft cotton. They sat low on my hips and to my surprise fit perfectly. The shirt was black, short sleeved and felt like nylon. I tucked it into the pants and moved onto the fuzzy looking black boots. The lining was insulated with some type of fur, lacing up the front almost to my knees. I had to admit I liked the look.
Tackling my curly hair was another monster entirely, so instead I resigned to a messy ponytail and used clips to pin up the strays. All in all, it took about twenty minutes to get dressed and another ten trying to calm myself down.
I sped into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water and some toast, and headed to the dock as quickly as I could. I was sure that Austin would yell at me for keeping him so long, but he just sat perched on a boulder with his eyes closed. I watched him, not really sure if I was supposed to say anything or wait until he snapped out of the trance.
“I’ll forgive tardiness today because this is new to you. From here on out I will expect you to be here at dawn. No later. The only exception is sickness, in which case we can arrange different exercises. Are we understood?” he had such a stern expression I wouldn’t have recognized him.
“Yes, I understand,” he nodded and pushed off from the rock toward the shallow bank. I followed as calmly as I could, reminding myself to breathe.
“Alright, do you have any questions before we begin?” we stopped near a large tree. There were mats I assumed we were going to be sitting on, but since he made no move to sit, I didn’t either.
“A few, if you don’t mind?”
“I will answer to the best of my ability. Sit down and we’ll begin.”
I sat as he did, legs crossed, back straight, facing him. It was uncomfortable at first, at least until my legs fell asleep. He placed several items in front of us and waved me to begin.
“You stated in the note that this all should be completed in four weeks. Isn’t that a little fast considering what I have to learn?”
“It all depends on how willing you are to grasp the lessons. I have a feeling this will be easier than you think.”
“But what if it isn’t? What if I can’t do anything you want me to?” I was starting to panic but the outdoors kept the energy low. I could still feel it sizzling over my skin, but it didn’t overtake me.
“If we find something is particularly difficult for you, we’ll move on to something else. Don’t sell yourself short before we even begin, Lia. Is there anything else you want to know?”
“Have you found out whether I’m supposed to be a healer? I think it would be a good thing for me to show The Council, seeing as how I’m harboring an evil side now.”
“We’re still not sure,” he answered curtly. It wasn’t like him not to provide some type of encouragement. Weird.
“Okay…” I waited to see if he would elaborate, he didn’t. I just sighed and fell silent.
“Are you ready to begin?” I nodded.
“Today, we’re going to start with the mental preparations. The best place to start is meditation. It allows you to calm your mind as well as heighten your senses. The items I’ve placed before me are all things that help for beginners,” he pointed as he spoke, “incense, Mala beads, and we have a small radio to play soothing music. I will start with music and lighting the incense and then hand you the beads you’ll need.”
“How am I supposed to use the beads?” I asked quietly.
“I will get to that in a moment. First, take off your shoes and find a comfortable position to sit with your back straight. Keep your chin parallel to the ground and try breathing in through your nose and exhaling from your mouth. Now, we’re going to start with the purple amethyst beads. You want to rest the beads in your right hand, using your thumb to rotate. Don’t touch the larger stone with your index finger. Basically, we’re using the beads to maintain focus. Before we begin, I want you to think of two words for something you would like better clarity on. For example, since the purple amethyst is used for balancing your mind with your emotions, you might say you want clarity in spirit and life. You will inhale and say the first word in your mind then
exhale and say the second. After each exhale you rotate the beads until you reach the end. Then you sit for a short reflection period before we open our eyes. Does this make sense?” he placed the Mala beads in my shaking hand and I nodded.
“Do I have to tell you the words?”
“No, you can keep that yourself. It’s for your clarity, not mine,” he smiled and pressed a button on the small MP3 player.
I raced through my thoughts, trying to figure out what I wanted more than anything to accomplish. For selfish reasons I thought of Christian, but pushed that out of my mind. Ultimately the only things I really wanted were happiness and discipline. I needed self control more than I needed air, but I couldn’t ignore the sadness. It weighed heavily on me.
“You can begin whenever you’d like. Use the beads as a guide,” he spoke softly.
I breathed in and out, repeating the mantra. The beads slid smoothly in my hand and I stopped shaking. With each breath I felt lighter. My jumbled thoughts becoming clearer and the vice on my heart loosened slightly. Images of the ones I loved floated through my mind and instead of the despair I normally felt, I was glad to remember their smiling faces. I might have smiled as well, but I was completely submerged in the hypnotism of the mantra.
About halfway through the cycle I felt a tug inside my core. The rubber band stretched to its limit and I saw myself as I did that night with Christian. It truly was amazing. I was able to move about freely, not attached in any physical way to my body. My spirit self soared above trees and through streams and I giggled as the water tickled my translucent skin.
As I approached my body, I noticed a sparkling figure floating nearby. It was a woman, nearly my age, swaying closely. She shifted toward me, the spirit me, and I gasped. I almost cried out, but she placed a finger to her lips and beckoned me closer.
“Mom?”
“Lia, you are doing very well. I’m so proud of you.”
“How…how is this possible? Are you really here?” I cried.
“It is possible because you have passage here. I’m as real as you want me to be, sweetie,” her eyes sparkled.
“Have you always been here? I mean, been with me?”
“Of course, I have never left.”
“Are you a ghost?” I stammered wiping the tears from my cheeks.
“No, I’ve chosen to watch over you. If I could have stopped all of the horrible things from happening I would have. My interference is limited.”
“Why did he kill you Mama?” I sputtered and threw myself into her arms.
“I don’t know, Lia. You must not worry about that now. You need to prepare yourself. It’s important you let go of that pain,” she smiled again.
“I don’t know how. I don’t want to be sad forever, but I miss you so much,” my voice cracked.
“I miss you too, Adalia. I’m always with you, sweetie, no matter how difficult it seems. But you have to realize that things happen for a reason. You are like the Phoenix, Lia. You must rise from the ashes,” she combed her fingers through my hair.
“Will you help me?” I felt my mind being tugged as the end of the meditation neared.
“I will try,” she answered with the kindest smile I’d ever seen, my heart squeezed.
“Am I able to talk to you like this all the time?” I asked as I slowly drifted away.
“As long as you’re willing, we can talk. I will answer questions when I can, but I have a limited view of your future. We must tread lightly, Lia. Remember I cannot interfere, only guide you.”
“That will have to do,” I took her ghostly hand in mine and cupped it to my cheek, “I love you. You have no idea how happy I am to see you,” a breeze began lifting me, pulling me back toward my physical self.
“I love you too, Lia.” she was still speaking as I drifted away, but I couldn’t hear anything over the ringing in my ears.
It grew louder as familiar snap brought me back. I kept my eyes shut for several more minutes, cursing myself for not transcending faster. I should have been afraid, but I knew better. I hadn’t seen my mother in over ten years; I didn’t care if she was a spirit. I felt happy, sad, angry, anxious, and a million other things I couldn’t even explain. I opened my eyes and found Austin tapping his foot impatiently leaning against the tree.
“Isn’t impatience something meditation is supposed to fix?” I asked with a smirk and he jumped.
“Normally, but I’m not just doing this for my own health. So,” he helped me up from the ground and handed me water, “how do you feel?”
“Honestly I feel great,” I beamed. He looked at me oddly
. “What?” I asked animatedly.
“Do you mind if I ask what happened? I’ve never seen someone catch on so easily. Did you fall asleep?” a smile played on his lips.
“No I didn’t fall asleep. I’m not sure if you’d believe me if I told you,” I nudged his shoulder.
“The suspense is killing me,” he stated sarcastically. I laughed.
“I saw my mom.”
“Come again?” his eyebrows rose.
“I saw my mom. I spoke to her. I held her hand. She was just as she was before she died. She’s always been with me. Isn’t that spectacular?!” I didn’t realize the tears until I tasted the salt on my lips.
“It is definitely something else. Did she tell you anything?”
“She said she loved me. There was something else, but I couldn’t make out the words.”
“Do you think you will see her again?” he asked.
“I think so. Now that I know it’s possible, how can I not?” I beamed at him and he smiled back.
“I’m glad the lesson went well. I told you not to sell yourself short,” he winked.
“So…what’s next?”
Preview of Binding Secrets
Legacy of Secrets #2
While Austin teaches Lia to overcome her fear and trust her instincts, her grandfather helps to uncover more of their family’s mysterious past.
Christian watches from a distance, quietly yearning for her. Not a moment passes that he doesn’t regret his decision. The stronger Lia’s power becomes, the harder it is to stay away.
Chapter 1
I found out about a month ago that I am some type of cross-bred werewolf shaman. Crazy right? Apparently, my father is the last living hybrid in existence. Josiah-the werewolf/vampire-killed my mother and the man I thought was my father. I was there when he killed them, hiding in a closet. This resulted in a recurring dream where I constantly relive that night. Before, I was afraid of the beast, now I just want to kill him.
The trauma from that night also stirred something inside me; a type of energy I’d been afraid of practically my entire life. I found out later that this energy is actually a power I’ve been gifted in the wake of Josiah’s blunder to help restore the balance. This energy is a result of the oldest bloodline of shamans, which was passed down to me from my grandfather, Emerson (Pops to me).
One of the abilities I have is communicating with entities in the spirit world. From the very first time I visited, I’ve been able to see my mother again. She’s able to guide me through certain aspects of my life, but she’s not allowed to interfere. Basically she can give me typical mom advice, but not really answer my questions. Every time I try asking about Josiah she shuts down. I watch her shimmering expression change and eventually disappear. I can’t lie, it makes me angry. I have a right to know what happened.
The dream wracked me on those particular nights. Not having closure sucked. Austin would amble sleepily into my room to soothe my aching head and ask if I wanted him to stay. I always said no, but I couldn’t shake my anxiety. Eventually he started staying on his own. I didn’t argue. His warmth helped even if I didn’t want to admit it.
He was always gone when I woke up, which I decided was a good thing. I wasn’t sure if Christian knew, but it was something I didn’t care to explain. To say our relationship was strained was a gross understatement; it was a hot mess.
&n
bsp; Christian is a vampire. Austin is a sorcerer. They’re trying to help me hone my skills and learn about what I’m capable of before I have to meet The Council. This all came about because Josiah decided to make a detour through Ft. Collins and ran into me. Since I had never been around him, my werewolf gene was suppressed. When he found me, it was triggered therefore sealing my fate. Lucky me.
Luckily, Austin worked his magic and somehow got The Council to postpone our little meeting. He didn’t talk about how he did it, but the less I knew the better apparently. I couldn’t complain, I didn’t have to feel quite as stressed out about training and we’d have time to make sure I did things right. If I went to the meeting without knowing everything I needed to, they’d kill me and we all knew it.
Christian was especially pleased, taking more care in picking and choosing the days he’d pop up out of nowhere. He still kept his distance, but after he found out he loosened up a bit. He started running with me again, sometimes talking about his past. When he’d disappear again I’d do my best to push him as far out of my mind as I could, which never really worked.
Before the recent turn of events, Christian and I were on our way to becoming something more than friends. He was kind and considerate. Not to mention completely gorgeous. But that ended quickly. As soon as he found out what I would become, it was over. Apparently, it was okay that I could manipulate energy and talk to ghosts, but it wasn’t okay that I would turn into a wolf. I fought against the waves of emotions that crashed into me every time he walked into the room and he could feel everything.
That’s an interesting piece of this puzzle; the energy manifests itself with my emotions and can influence the emotions of others. It’s incredibly inconvenient and embarrassing. Austin does his best to ignore my energy, but he feels it perhaps more than anyone else.
After putting off my talk with Pops for a few weeks, I finally decided I needed to go. Knowing what it meant to be a shaman was the key, but I had no idea where to start. He was always too easy to talk to, but that was before I knew we were all part of this crazy in-between world. I readied myself through most of the morning, prolonging the inevitable. I didn’t know what to say to Pops, or how. A knock on the door startled me. The tendrils of electricity tickled my skin.