by Apryl Baker
“Maybe it’s because Nikoli didn’t know the two of you, and you feel safe from the doubt and the blame? This is good, Lily. It’s progress, a massive step forward in forgiving yourself for her death.”
Lily wouldn’t go that far, but it was nice to talk to someone about her without any blame or guilt, imagined or real, aimed at her. It helped.
“Time’s up, Lily.” Rebekha stood. “Stop at the desk and make your next appointment for Friday with Sharon. If you need me, you have my office number and my cell number. I want you to call if you start to feel too out of control. We don’t want another repeat of your last incident, but I think you’ll be fine. You’re stronger than you think.”
Lily gave her a small smile and thanked her. She stepped out and waited behind a woman to make her next appointment.
Maybe this really would work. Maybe she could be normal again. There wasn’t anything she wanted more than that.
***
Nikoli paced the small apartment like a caged animal. He was sexually frustrated and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. Except get surly, which he’d been for the last week. Lily, damn her, grinned when she saw him. She was betting he couldn’t last without sex, but he was just as stubborn as she was.
Luther started a betting pool on it. Most people gave him two weeks, tops. Luther gave him a week and three days. He threw a glare at the top of Luther’s head over that one.
“You know, if you wear a hole in the carpet, we lose our deposit,” Luther said casually, his gaze focused on the game he was playing.
“And?” Nikoli growled.
“Just saying, bro.” Luther paused the game and turned to face him. “It’s only been a little over a week and you’re ready to explode. You need to de-stress.”
“You’re not winning the pool, Luther,” he said, his glare hot enough to singe what little hair was on his friend’s head.
“Hey, man, I’m just saying you need to de-stress. Why don’t you go out and have a few? I’ll even come keep you company.”
“No,” Nikoli snapped. “If I do that, I’ll end up fucking someone.”
“Then go pace in your own fucking room,” Luther snapped back. “It’s getting on my nerves.”
Nikoli flipped Luther off and stalked to his room, slamming the door. Damn, but he was in a foul mood. Who the hell knew going without sex could cause this much irritability? Porn wasn’t even helping. Well, not much. He sat down at his desk and stared at the computer screen. He should be programming, but he was too wired.
He trolled his Facebook page for a few minutes before giving up and dragging out his phone. Lily’s face appeared when he pulled up her contact information. He just stared and felt himself get even harder. Damn, this girl was messing with him in more ways than should be possible. He missed her. It was odd. He’d never missed anyone before, except his family, but certainly not a girl.
His Skype pinged and he glanced over to see his brother Viktor had sent him a photo of him and his new girl. Vik was the only one of his brothers who’d had a relationship with a girl for longer than a week. The rest of the brothers thought he was weird, willing to tie himself down to one girl.
Lily made him wonder what it would be like to be tied down to one girl, and even though it set off alarm bells, he found himself thinking of it more and more. She was unlike any girl he’d ever met. She knew cars maybe even better than he did. Sexy as hell and she could keep him interested in an actual conversation for more than five minutes.
He glanced from his phone to his open Skype and back to his phone. Why didn’t he have her on Skype? He grinned. Maybe seeing her on cam would alleviate some of his irritability. Hell, just seeing her get riled and irritated as much as he was might help. He enjoyed getting her all worked up and spitting fire at him.
First he searched her name, and there were too many hits to even sort through. He tried her email with no results. Frowning, he sent her a text.
Nikoli: What’s ur Skype name?
Lily: What makes u think I have Skype?
Nikoli: FFS, who doesn’t have Skype?
Lily: Me?
Nikoli: LILY!
Lily: Fine. Arabella.
Nikoli: Arabella?
Lily: Game account.
A game account? She was a gamer? He’d never seen the name. She probably played those girly Facebook games. Farmer Lily. He chuckled at the thought as he searched Arabella. Six popped up.
Nikoli: Which 1?
Lily: Girl with the finger to her lips.
Her Skype had a provocative picture? So many things about her didn’t make sense to him. She had a severe issue with being touched, but her Skype profile picture oozed sex? He shook his head and sent her a contact request.
And waited.
And waited.
Nikoli: FFS, Lily, accept the damn request.
Lily: My Skype isn’t on.
He rolled his eyes in frustration and let out a long-suffering sigh.
Nikoli: Then open the fucking program!
Lily: Hold your damn horses.
Nikoli: I’m about 2 come over there.
Lily: Sheesh!
His eyes roamed back to the screen to see she accepted, but her status was set to away. His eyes narrowed. Such a liar. Her Skype had been on the whole time; she’d been messing with him.
He hit video call and waited and waited and waited until it hung up. Damn that woman. He opened the Skype chat box.
Nikoli: Answer the damn call!
Lily: Busy.
Nikoli: I’m getting in my car and coming over there right now.
He hit the video call button again, and she answered before the first ring finished. Her irritated face greeted him, and he laughed. She looked pissed.
“What the hell do you want, Nikoli?” she asked. “I’m trying to study.”
“I just wanted to see your smiling face,” he said, the laughter in his voice apparent. She sounded so grumpy.
“There, you’ve seen it, I need to…”
“Now, now, my little prude,” he interrupted. “It’s either talk with me here, or I come pick you up. Your choice.”
The glare she gave him rivaled the one he’d just leveled at Luther.
“Fine,” she huffed. “What do you want to talk about?”
“You.”
“Me? Why?”
“You’re a fascinating girl, Lily.” That was an understatement. “Stand up.”
“Why?”
He sighed. “Lily, don’t argue, just do as you’re told.”
Lily stood up and his mouth went a little dry. She had on an old Metallica tee shirt and a scrap of white lace panties. Damn. He shouldn’t have asked that, but he was curious to see what she wore to bed.
“Well, at least you’re not wearing granny panties like I assumed,” he said. “You’re a lace girl, huh?”
She sat back down and nodded. “Yeah. I don’t like to feel anything else against my skin. Why would you think I wore granny panties?”
He laughed. “Because you are a prude, Lily.”
“Says the manwhore,” she quipped and tossed her heavy hair over one shoulder. “I bet Luther’s pissed.”
Of course she knew about the pool going around. “He tried to get me to go drinking tonight.”
“Mikey thinks you’ll last three weeks. He’s being generous.”
“And what about you, Lily Bells? How long do you think I’ll last?”
She smiled, and it lit up her face. “I think you’ll go the distance.”
“Why’s that?”
“You want to keep your car as much as I want it.”
Hell yes, he was keeping his baby. He kicked off his shoes and stretched. While the bulge in his pants wasn’t going anywhere, the sound of her voice calmed him. It took the edge off. That irritated him, but he wasn’t going to complain.
A knock at Lily’s door interrupted them, and he watched as she got up and opened it. He couldn’t see around her, but he did hear several girls. T
hey sounded agitated. Lily was shaking her head, and he chuckled at the sound of the girls’ raised voices. Being a floor advisor had to be an adventure in and of itself.
“What was that about?” he asked when she sat back down.
“Nothing,” she said, pulling a book in her lap. “Just teenage girls being teenage girls.”
“How long have you been a floor advisor?”
“Since sophomore year.” She flipped several pages and wrote something down on her notepad.
“Why?”
“Because it pays for my room and board,” she told him, looking up. “After my dad died, it was hard financially, and then when Laney died, it got worse. After Mom married Dave, it got better, but she couldn’t afford to send me to college. I had to pay for it with grants, loans, and scholarships.”
Here was a girl who understood hard work and paying your own way. Another first for him. Most of the girls he knew wanted people to do everything for them. His respect for Lily went up a notch.
“Why do you call me Lily Bells?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “It just popped in my head that first day. Besides, it suits you.”
“My name is Lily Isabella Holmes. I wasn’t sure if you knew that or not, and if you did, how you found out.”
“Nope, sorry, I didn’t know that.”
She shoved her glasses on, and he burst out laughing. She had these old fifties-style black rimmed glasses that screamed nerd. She wound her hair up in a loose knot and settled back, getting comfortable.
“Appreciate the nerdy bookworm,” she told him.
“Oh, I am. She’s sexy as hell.” It was true. Even with those awful glasses on, she was still gorgeous and sexy sitting there in her t-shirt and lace underwear. It made him want to take the scrap of material in his teeth and strip it off her slowly.
“Tell me about Laney.” He needed to distract himself from that thought or he’d never get to sleep.
“What…why?” she asked, her eyes wide.
“Because, Milaya, part of your problems stem from what happened to your sister. You feel guilty. Talking about her will help.”
“What do you want to know?” she asked cautiously.
“Whatever you want to tell me.”
Lily stared at Nikoli’s face and frowned. Talking about her sister wasn’t going to help. It might make it worse. Anytime she thought of her twin, she always got depressed and lonely. She missed her more than anything and wished she could take back that awful day. Talking about Laney hurt.
What if he was right, though? What if not talking about her was part of the problem? Rebekah seemed to think talking about Laney was helping her to forgive herself, and it was easier to talk to him than anyone else about her sister.
“You remember I told you Laney and I were twins?”
He nodded and waited for her to continue.
She smiled. He was as patient with her as her psychiatrist was. Her fingers caught the hem of her t-shirt and started twisting. “When we were little, we did everything together, even finished each other’s sentences. Very twinish. She was a mama’s girl, though, and I was strictly a daddy’s girl. Our personalities were so different, it didn’t matter that we were identical. Anyone could tell us apart.” A grin lit up her face. “Unless we didn’t want them to.”
“You two were devils, weren’t you?” Nikoli asked. His laugh filled the room.
“Terrors,” she agreed, smiling. “My grandpa used to swear in frustration every time he watched us. We always talked him into doing things our parents said no to.”
“How was she different from you?”
“I was the quiet one with her nose either in a book or buried under the hood of a car. Not Laney. She had this bigger than life personality that drew all kinds of people to her. Everyone loved her. She was kind and sweet, but loud and boisterous too. Always the center of attention. The epitome of what a girl was—she loved shopping, purple was her favorite color, she loved cooking, fashion, you name it. If it was girly, Laney adored it.”
Lily paused and closed her eyes, flashes of her sister’s smiling face assaulting her. A tear leaked out at the pain that hit her in the gut. God, she missed Laney. So much. Missed the long talks they used to have, the sound of her laugh. Pain ripped through her and she almost doubled over from the force of it.
“Milaya, it’s okay to hurt, to grieve,” Nikoli said softly. “It’s how we deal with loss and move on. If you don’t let yourself grieve for your sister, you’ll never get better.”
“I miss her,” Lily told him, her eyes closed. “Every day. It feels like there is this big hole where she was. We were twins, two halves of the same whole. I always knew what she was thinking, what she was feeling. Now that’s gone. I’m empty inside, Nikoli. So empty. And every damn bit of it is my fault. If only I hadn’t been such a stupid…”
“Lily,” he interrupted her. “Your sister loved you, didn’t she?”
“Yes.”
“Then do you think she’d want you to keep blaming yourself? How would it make her feel knowing you were putting yourself through so much pain, when what happened to her was an accident?”
“No.”
“Then start to forgive yourself. From everything you’ve said, I know your sister would have forgiven you a long time ago. Neither of you had any idea that car was around the corner. Had you known, you’d have done everything to get to her, to save her. She knows that, and I guarantee she wouldn’t hold you responsible for what happened. It was an accident, Milaya, a tragic accident, and not your fault.”
Lily wiped her tears. Laney wouldn’t want her to be in this shape, but it was going to take more than a pep talk from Nikoli to make Lily forget what she’d done to her sister. She was starting to heal, even she realized that. Maybe it was just time, or maybe it was because of Nikoli. Either way, she was getting better. Talking with Rebekha had helped her come to that conclusion.
“Tell you what,” Nikoli said. “Every day, starting tomorrow, I want you to tell me something new about Laney. Tell me about some adventure you two went on, the pranks you pulled, anything you want to tell me about the happy memories you had with Laney. Can you do that?”
She nodded. She could do that.
“What are you doing Saturday?” he asked.
“Studying?”
“Nope.” He shook his head. “We’re going shopping.”
“Shopping?”
“You did tell me you weren’t stepping foot in either of my apartments until I switched the furniture.”
Lily shuddered thinking about all the gross fluids that had to be in his apartment.
“We’re going furniture shopping. Then you are going to help me and Luther move it all in.”
“You’re really going to get brand new furniture?”
“Just think of all the new memories we can make…you bent over the couch, laying on the kitchen table, your legs wrapped around me, tied to my bed while I kiss every inch of your skin.”
Lily felt the blush start to heat her cheeks, and she watched Nikoli’s eyes sweep her face and then follow the blush down to her shirt.
“Take off the shirt for me?” he asked.
“No!”
“I just want to see where the blush starts, Milaya.” His grin turned evil. “I’m in my apartment and you’re in your dorm room. You’re perfectly safe.”
“No,” she said adamantly. “I am not giving you a boob show.”
Nikoli laughed at her outraged tone. He loved getting her riled up, like a virgin who’s never even thought of a naked man before. He loved her outrage. It was refreshing.
“Lily, I’m not asking for Skype sex, I’m just asking for you to take off your shirt. Here, watch me take off mine.” He reached down and pulled his own shirt over his head and tossed it to the side. “See how easy that is?”
“I’m still not taking my shirt off.” She laughed, her eyes tracing his tattoos.
“Such a prude,” he said.
“Yup,�
� she agreed. “No boob show for you, Kincaid.”
“What do you want for breakfast?” he asked, changing the subject. If he teased her much more, he might really go over there, as hard as he was right now.
“Um, I hadn’t thought about it?”
“There’s this new place that opened a few blocks away from the Italian place you love. It’s only open for breakfast. I thought we might go check it out.”
“Sure,” she agreed, “but if they only serve heavy breakfast food, you’re stopping somewhere so I can get a yogurt or something.”
“Yogurt is boring, Lily Bells. Why not try something else, like biscuits and gravy?”
“I’m from the south,” she reminded him. “Biscuits and gravy is a staple where I’m from. If I didn’t eat it growing up, I’m not eating it now.”
“That’s too bad,” he said. “I would have loved to pour the gravy over your belly and lick it clean.”
Her gasp was loud, and he chuckled. He’d shocked her again.
“You think about sex too much,” she said after a minute, her voice just a little breathy.
“You can never think about sex too much,” he countered. “You, my prude, don’t think about it enough.”
“You’re an ass.”
“I’m your ass, though.” He grinned wickedly.
She shook her head. “I’m hanging up now. I really do have to study. I have a test in the morning.”
“Fine, Lily Bells, I’ll let you escape back to your studying, but I’ll swing by at six to pick you up. I have class at eight, so we need to go early.”
“That means I have to get up even earlier to take a shower, dammit.”
“Deal with it. Good night, Milaya.”
“Good night, asshat.” She disconnected the call, and he laughed. God, that girl was something else.
***