Alec bit back his question asking about her finances and why she’d had to go back to work after being a stay-at-home mom for so long. Not that is was a revelation that asswipe didn’t take care of his family.
“Do you like it?” Alec inquired.
“Oh yeah. I love my job.”
Alec was popping the top off Macy’s beer and she held up the sleeve of Ritz crackers. “Can she have more?”
“Sure.” He watched her hand Joss another cracker then he handed Macy her drink. “You’re good with the kids.”
He wanted to add that she was especially good with Jocelyn but decided to hold back. He liked seeing her at ease in his house.
“Thanks.”
Macy’s pretty blush pinkened her cheeks and Alec wanted to reach out and pull her close and finally taste her lips. But he held himself still. He was enjoying the chase, the getting to know you part of the evening.
Never had he taken his time, but that’s what Macy needed—the slow seduction—and damn if that didn’t appeal to him.
“Do you like your new job?” she inquired, and as much as he’d rather talk about other things, he figured work was a good distraction from the fast-growing need to touch her.
“Yeah. I’ve known Nix and the rest of the guys for a long time. We work well together.”
“I’ve known Nix since high school,” she told him.
Over the next few hours, the conversation flowed. Macy told him about growing up in Kent County and she’d even shared a few stories about Nixon and Jonny. Then she’d asked him about his youth, and he was amazed how comfortable he was telling her about growing up in Arkansas. He skipped over talking about his family, but so had she.
They’d eaten, and during dinner, they’d alternated feeding Jocelyn. It was decidedly strange having a one-year-old in attendance on what Alec had deemed their first date, but it felt right including his daughter. This was his new normal. He and Jocelyn were a package deal. The same went for Macy and her kids, though the thought of meeting her kids knotted his stomach.
“Leave them,” Alec told Macy when she tried to load the dishwasher.
“But you cooked. I can clean up.”
Alec turned and grabbed her hand, leading her to the living room.
“I invited you over. That means I cook and I clean.”
“But—”
“Next time.”
“Next time what?” she asked.
“Next time you come over, you can help clean up.”
“Who says there’ll be a next time?” Macy’s head tilted slightly and her lips bowed up.
Damn, she was cute when she was being flirty. Who was he kidding? She was fucking hot all of the time.
“Dadadada,” Joss screeched and both of them turned to look at her.
“She hates being in baby jail, but if I don’t put her in the playpen she terrorizes the house as soon as I turn my back,” Alec explained.
“Do you mind if I take her out?” Macy asked.
Yes, he minded—if Macy freed Joss then he couldn’t touch her the way he wanted to. Couldn’t haul her sexy body against his and kiss the ever-loving hell out of her. He couldn’t remember if he’d taken his time with a woman, and as much as she needed slow, his cock begged to differ. Using his daughter as a buffer was probably frowned upon in those parenting books, though he’d never actually read one so he couldn’t be certain.
Macy reached down into the portable crib and Joss squealed in delight, lifting her arms in excitement.
“You like to roam free don’t’cha, sweet girl?” Macy nuzzled Joss’s neck and the baby giggled.
“Mamamama.”
“Yeah, Macy. Can you say, may-cee?”
That was not the first time Macy had corrected Jocelyn.
“Does it bother you that Joss calls you mama?” Alec asked.
“Um… I think she’s saying Macy.”
Alec remained quiet, hoping she’d answer his question on her own since they both knew Joss was not calling her Macy.
“A little, yeah,” she finally answered. “I don’t want her confused or hurt. I’m not her mom and I don’t want you to think I’m trying to take her place—Jocelyn’s real mom that is. I know you both lost her recently and it has to hurt, so I don’t want to add to that. Whenever Joss says it I remind her my name is Macy, I promise. I’m not—”
“Jocelyn lost her,” Alec told her.
“I know she did,” Macy whispered.
“No, you don’t understand. Jocelyn. Not me. I didn’t lose Jaime.”
Macy’s startled expression made him continue his story, one he’d planned on saving for a later date but figured it was best to get it all out in the open now. He’d vowed complete honesty when it came to Macy knowing after being with a lying, cheating, douchecanoe, she’d need it.
“I wasn’t with Jaime when she died,” Alec told her.
“But Alec, just because you weren’t with her at the time doesn’t mean you didn’t lose something, too.”
He kept his eyes on his daughter as Macy’s hand gently rubbed up and down Jocelyn’s back. He vaguely wondered what kind of a mother Jaime was to Joss—what kind of mother she would’ve been if she’d lived. He didn’t doubt Jaime loved their daughter. The letter she’d left him explaining Jocelyn’s existence clearly outlined the fact Jaime had adored Joss.
“No, Macy. I wasn’t with Jaime at all. She was…”
Fuck, how did he explain what Jaime was? Meaningless. A stranger. A bitch for keeping his child a secret.
“Jaime was what, Alec?”
“A one-night stand. I met her in a bar, we hit it off, went back to my place. I fucked her and the next morning she was gone.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Macy’s hand came up and she brushed some wayward strands of hair from Joss’s face.
“Mamamama,” Joss chanted and Macy’s eyelids drifted closed.
“There’s nothing to say. Twice now we’ve talked about Jaime, both times you’ve looked at me with sadness. I needed to be honest with you, needed you to know that while I hurt for my daughter because she lost someone special, I am not upset about Jaime being gone. I didn’t lose a damn thing—as a matter of fact, I gained everything.”
Macy looked like she had a million questions. But before she could ask, her cell rang.
“Sorry, I have to take that. Normally I wouldn’t, but with my kids not being with me…” Macy shrugged and Alec understood what she was saying without further explanation.
One-handed, Macy rummaged through her purse then pulled out her phone. Smiling, she answered, “Hey, I’m kinda busy. Everything okay?”
Macy’s smile faded and she gently lowered herself to her knees. She set Joss down in front of the coffee table, making sure the little girl was holding on and steady before she moved back and sat on the floor.
“Can you hear what they’re saying?” Macy asked.
It wasn’t Macy’s words that concerned Alec, it was the way her brows pulled together and her mouth curled in disgust.
“No! Are you crazy? Don’t you dare go out there. Where’s Rob and the boys?” There was a brief pause. “No, Becky, I’m being serious. Stay in your house. As long as Josh doesn’t get near my kids, I’ll deal with it later.” Macy’s eyes closed and she shook her head. “Call Jonny and say what? Doug and Josh are talking in the driveway? There’s nothing I can do.”
Alec’s blood heated hearing her ex’s name. That, and she’d said Rob and Becky’s name, who he could only assume were the Keenes. Being as Becky was McKenna’s friend, he’d met the woman in passing a few times. She was a nut.
Becky was sweet as she could be to those she liked but a snarly Rottweiler when someone threatened those she loved. Alec had seen it when McKenna had almost been killed by Richard Dillinger. She’d lost her shit on Dillinger’s son, and to this day anytime she saw Dick Dillinger she aimed her attitude and even her car in his direction. Alec wouldn’t be surprised if one of these days Becky came home with a d
ented hood in the shape of Dick.
What Alec hated the most was the way Macy had gone from angry to defeated.
“Thanks for the call. I’m at Alec’s, I have to go.” Macy jerked and pulled the phone away from her ear. Any other time, Becky’s squeal would’ve made Alec chuckle. But right then he was too concerned with what was happening at Dickless Doug’s house. “Jeez, Beck, break my eardrums. I’ll call you later.”
“What’s going on?” Alec asked as soon as Macy put her phone down.
“Nothing.”
Macy feigned nonchalance—however she was shit at hiding her emotions and wore them like a second skin.
She was worried.
“Babe, if you haven’t figured it out, I know when you’re lying.”
“Do you know how freaking annoying it is to be called a liar?”
Macy stood, irritation flaring, and Alec couldn’t hold back.
In two strides, he was in her space. Then a beat later, his mouth was on hers.
The spark was immediate and he knew she felt it too when she jolted. Macy’s mouth opened, Alec's tongue slipped in, hers glided against his, and that was it.
She was his.
To take and to protect.
13
I was not new to kissing. Once upon a time, I’d enjoyed it. Then again there’d been a time I’d enjoyed sex, too. But never had I been kissed the way Alec was kissing me right then.
He didn’t coax, or ask, or slowly stoke a spark. No, not Alec. He went for it, head on and hard. His hands on my hips tightened and pulled me closer, then one moved trailing up my back and into my hair. With a tug, he tilted my head and kept me in place. His tongue expertly stroked mine and everything else fell away.
Alec pushed his thigh between my legs, the seam of my jeans rubbed just right and I moaned at the friction. It had been so long, it wouldn’t take much. Especially when Alec’s tongue was creating magic in my mouth and I could feel his thick erection near my hip.
So close…
“Mamamama!” Joss yelled and all the goodness Alec had created evaporated.
“Crap.” I tried to jump out of his arms but he held me tight.
“Christ, Macy.” Alec’s lust-thick voice was almost enough to finish me off.
Good Lord, the sound was scratchy—feral. It did crazy things to me but hearing Jocelyn was the wet blanket I needed.
“That… that…”
“Was fucking phenomenal. Jesus, when you let go…” Alec shook his head and tightened his fist in my hair. “Fucking hell, if you detonate like that with a kiss I cannot wait to get you under me.”
Without my permission, my body shivered as all sorts of carnal thoughts raced through my head.
“Dadada!” Joss babbled and I glanced over at her where she stood next to the coffee table.
Her little hands were clapping, a huge grin on her chubby face, then on wobbly legs she took a step toward us.
“Oh my God,” I whispered and Alec’s gaze slid to his daughter.
He stood frozen in my arms as he watched Jocelyn take two more steps before her arms wrapped around our legs. Alec finally let me go, bent down, and swung Joss into his arms.
“You did it,” he murmured then buried his face in Joss’s neck, blowing a raspberry that sent her into a fit of giggles.
My heart melted seeing father and daughter both smiling. I could easily remember Caleb and Rory’s first steps—how special they were. The excitement and the melancholy. Each new milestone a reminder your baby wasn’t such a baby anymore.
Until they become near-teenagers and hear and know far too much. And you go from worrying if your house is baby-proofed to worried about whether or not the choices you’ve made have screwed them up beyond repair.
“Babe?” Alec palmed the side of my face and his thumb brushed gently over the apple of my cheek. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Um. Listen, I should go. You and Jocelyn have some celebrating to do. Big night for her and you, too.”
“I don’t want you to leave. It’s Joss’s bedtime, anyway. Give me a few minutes and—”
“No, no. It’s getting late. You go put her down.” I stepped back and Alec’s hand fell away. “Goodnight, big girl.”
“Mamamama.”
“Sweet dreams,” I cooed and grabbed her cute baby fist, kissing it. “I’ll let myself out. Thanks for dinner.”
I grabbed my purse on the way to the front door but stopped short when Alec seized my hand.
“I don’t want you to go.”
I didn’t want to leave either, but I had to. I thought I could handle the flirting and I had to admit the sexual tension made my insides flutter and woke something I thought I’d laid to rest. I didn’t want to be attracted to anyone. I’d sworn off men. I had too much to deal with and Rory and Caleb had to be my top priority. There was no way I’d stand a chance against Alec. He’d chew me up and spit me out, leaving me even more broken than I already was.
“I have to.”
“Babe—”
“Please, Alec. I can’t do this. I thought I could. I’ll admit being the center of your focus makes me feel good—like I’m a woman. Not a mom, not a daycare provider, not a divorcee, or a failure, or someone who’s battered and broken. When you look at me, I almost feel like my old self, before I let Doug destroy me. You’ve been honest with me so I’ll be honest with you. When you kissed me I forgot who I was, that I am a mom, I am failing, and I’m still allowing my ex to run roughshod over me.
“I can’t get lost in you. My kids have to come first, they have to. I’ve messed up too much already. So it doesn’t matter how much I want you, even if that’s for one night, I don’t get to have you.”
“Look at me, Macy.”
I was looking at him, I hadn’t taken my eyes off him since he’d stopped me from leaving. Alec had an uncanny way of capturing your attention, and try as you might to untangle yourself, there was something about him that made it impossible. Yet another reason I couldn’t get caught up in him.
“I am.”
“No, babe. Look. At. Me.”
“I am, Alec. I’m looking right at you.”
“And you’re still missing it.”
“Missing what?”
“I am not your ex. I will not harm you. I would never harm your children. I do see you as a woman—you’re a breath of fresh air. So beautiful, yet you have no idea. Sweet and kind even at your own expense. But I also see you as a mom, and Macy, it is no less of a turn-on. I’m far from stupid, babe, I know this is not you and me. We both have children to consider. I also told you we’d take this as slow as you need. Start as friends, build from there.”
“Friends don’t kiss like that,” I blurted out.
“Some friends do,” Alec smirked. “And that kiss proved we have wicked chemistry. A preview of what’s to come.”
“You’re not listening to me. It’s the “what’s to come” part that can’t happen.”
“Macy, I’m not asking you for your soul. I’m asking you for some time. I want to get to know you better. I’m not making you promises I can’t keep. I don’t know what’s gonna happen down the line. We both have busy lives. But what I can promise you is I will never hurt you. I’ll never hurt your kids. I want to be your friend. I want to help—”
“No. I don’t want your help.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s not your problem.”
“I want it to be my problem.”
God, did this man ever give up? I mean who in the hell wanted to be involved in someone else’s mess? Who in their right mind wanted to pursue a woman with two kids and an asshole for an ex-husband? And on top of all of that, I’d already admitted I was broken. I’d opened the door for him to extradite himself from my life yet he’s still pushing. There was something seriously wrong with this man.
“Fine. How about this then? I don’t want you in my problems. As a matter of fact, I don’t want you in my life. It’s too much. Please Alec, just let me g
o.”
“You’re not paying attention, Macy.”
“I think you’ve alluded to that before. But you’re wrong. My eyes are wide open. I understand Doug’s once again trying to screw me over as if making a fool of me the first time around wasn’t enough. As if he hasn’t hurt our kids enough. Oh no, he needs to inflict maximum damage. And this—whatever it is between you and me—it can’t happen. Not ever. I’m already crumbling. I can handle Doug making me look like an idiot. I can handle him cheating and belittling me. I can get over his emotional abuse. But you? You’d bring me to my knees. Trust me, I need to walk away.
Alec’s face turned to stone. “I’m nothing like that twat.”
“No you’re not. Where he tore me down, you’d build me up. It would feel so good and I’d be so high, I wouldn’t survive the fall.”
I stepped around him and opened the door, happy he didn’t stop me.
“Take care of yourself, Alec.”
Two things happened the next day that surprised me.
The first was, Doug actually showed up. The exchange was easy because he was distracted. I wanted to ask about Josh Malone’s visit and remind my ex I didn’t want his bookie-slash-loan shark-slash-gambling buddy anywhere near my kids. But I kept quiet.
Doug had to know Becky kept tabs on him, but I certainly wouldn’t throw my friend under the bus and confirm—asking about Josh would do just that.
The second was, Alec sat in his SUV a few spaces over from where I’d parked. He didn’t get out. He didn’t try to make contact. He didn’t wave. He just watched. And when Doug pulled out of the lot Alec followed him.
I didn’t know if I was pissed he wasn’t listening or relieved he’d been there just in case.
What I did know was, I felt like shit.
And after I got my kids down for the night, I cried myself to sleep for the second night in a row.
I did the right thing being honest and walking away from Alec. Not that there’d been much to walk away from. But it hurt like hell. And what hurt worse was, he’d let me.
For a Thursday, the day sucked.
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