“I’m doing the right thing.” Macy defended as she rubbed Jocelyn’s back. “Do you think this is easy for me? I love her. Of course it bothered me. I wanted to go into the nap room and sweep her up. Every single second tore at my heart, you big jerk. But it’s not healthy. I’m not her mom, she has to get used to—”
“No, she doesn’t. She’s used to you. She loves you. And you might not be her mom but you’re the closest thing she has and you know it. I’m not letting you do this.”
Pain sliced through Macy’s gaze and tears formed in the corners of her pretty eyes. He’d feel bad about being a dick later after he’d made his point, when she’d agree to stop this stupid shit.
“That’s not fair.”
“Never said I’d play fair, Macy. I told you I was playing to win. Part of that is getting as dirty as I have to.”
“Even if that dirty means you hurt me?”
“I’d never do anything to hurt you. And if I believed you weren’t into me I wouldn’t be pushing you. But I know you are and you’re just shit scared.”
Macy’s torso swung forward, careful to keep Jocelyn steady. “I told you I was scared. I asked you to leave me alone. I admitted I wouldn’t survive you when you finally woke up and came to your senses and decided you wanted nothing to do with me. Yet, here you are, using Jocelyn as a weapon. Newsflash, Alec, you are hurting me. And F you for doing it.”
Macy had no idea that when she listed the reasons she couldn’t be with him she only strengthened his resolve. If she didn’t feel something for him, she’d survive if he left. And her admitting she was scared only made him want to take the fear away. As for Jocelyn? If he wasn’t certain she was the woman he wanted for both himself and for his daughter, he would wholeheartedly agree they’d need to work together to get Joss to connect with the other women who worked at the daycare.
She saw it as Alec using his daughter as a weapon. He saw it as being smart and using everything he could to get the woman he knew was his to take a chance.
“If you’d drop that damn shield, babe, you wouldn’t think I was hurting you. You’d see it for what it is.”
“And what is it, Alec, huh?”
“It’s me pushing you to be brave—to step up and take what you want. To wake up and see me, not the ghosts from your past. I’m not hurting you, Macy. I’m showing you I’m a man of my word and I’m not going anywhere.”
Macy’s brows scrunched and her eyes squinted.
“You’re—”
“An unbelievably good kisser. Yes, I know, you’ve told me.” Alec gently shoved Macy into her house and skirted around her, then moved her once again so he could get the door shut.
“Alec!” Rory came into the living room. “I’m feeling all better. I even went to school today.”
“Glad to hear it, sweetheart.”
“Hi, Jossy.”
“Roar!” Joss struggled then shouted “Down!”
Macy sighed and gently set Joss on the floor. “Rory, honey, please make sure there’s nothing that Jocelyn could put in her mouth laying around.”
“Okay,” Rory absentmindedly answered as she got on her knees, patting her little girl legs and calling to Jocelyn.
“Hey, Alec,” Caleb greeted from the kitchen table.
“Hey, bud. How was school?”
“Boring. I have a test on Monday so Mom’s making me study tonight.”
“Always smart to get your work out of the way so you have the rest of the weekend to relax.”
“Yeah, I guess. I just hate geography.”
Alec smiled then made a decision that was likely going to piss Macy off more than she already was.
“What are you studying?”
“Maps.”
“I’m pretty good at land nav, need any help?”
Caleb’s gaze cut to his mom but Alec didn’t bother looking at Macy. He was sure she was trying her best to telepathically communicate that Caleb was in no way to accept help from Alec. The mere thought of her inner dialogue made him smile. He’d bet every last penny he’d saved she was mentally cursing up a storm and listing all of the reasons she hated Alec.
Every last one of her reasons were bullshit. Alec wouldn’t be there if he wasn’t sure, and there was not a chance in hell he’d allow Jocelyn to get caught in Macy’s web he if wasn’t positive they had a future.
Macy was the only one standing in the way of her finding happiness. The woman was her own worst enemy. Alec just needed a crack and he’d exploit it until Macy learned she could trust him.
“Yeah, I could use some help,” Caleb answered and Macy sighed.
“You got plans for dinner?” he asked Macy.
“Yep,” she snapped and Alec smiled at her curt answer.
“What are we having?”
Then he watched with rapt attention as every emotion Macy felt skirted over her features. She was adorable when she was pissed—red-faced, full kissable lips in a pout, brows furrowed, chest heaving and making her impressive tits swell with every breath.
“If you’re looking for dinner, you’ve wasted a trip.”
“Seeing you is never a wasted trip.” Macy shook her head in annoyance and tipped it back to stare at the ceiling. “Are you counting to ten, babe?” Alec chuckled.
“No. I’m praying for self-control so I don’t kick you in the testicular region, rendering you sterile,” Macy ground out. The fake smile she managed to keep even though she was grinding her teeth was damn impressive.
“Let me know when you got a lock on that urge.” Alec chuckled.
“I don’t think it’s possible. Your best bet is to run as fast and as far away from me as possible.”
“Since that’s not going to happen, I’ll remember to wear a cup next time.”
“Whatever, Alec. Just do whatever it is you’re gonna do. It doesn’t matter what I say anyway. But you’re not staying for dinner. Period.”
He didn’t like the way the fight dulled. Though as disappointed as he was that he wasn’t staying for dinner, he did like that she’d put her foot down. Now if she’d do that with her ex-cocklicker, we’d be making progress.
Macy’s cell rang before he replied. She pulled it out of her pocket and glanced at the screen. Her lips flattened as she pinched them together. Then she announced, “I have to take this. Be right back.”
With Jocelyn still on her hip, she walked across the room and down the hall.
He wanted to push, demand to know who was on the phone. She hadn’t hidden that it was a call she wasn’t thrilled to receive, but then she’d walked away wanting privacy. He tamped down the urge, knowing he’d already been intrusive enough for one night.
Alec made his way to the kitchen table. Luckily, it was far enough away he doubted Caleb had heard his exchange with the boy’s mother. He took a seat next to the kid.
“Whatcha got?” Alec asked.
Caleb pushed a map of South America in front of Alec. He studied the instructions for a moment then spent the ten minutes explaining what a thematic map was. By the time Alec was done, Caleb had pulled the sheet of paper back in front of him and had started filling in the key.
“Rainfall. Good choice,” Alec praised.
“We just learned about the annual rainfall last week and I can use my tablet to find the numbers.”
“Good thinking.”
“Thanks for your help.”
“Anytime.”
“Alec!” Rory bounced to the table and he wondered where in the hell the kid got all of her energy. Then dread hit, knowing that in five short years his daughter would be running around the house speaking in exclamations instead of baby babble.
“Rory!” he returned.
“Did you have a good day at work?”
Alec studied the little girl thinking that was a very grown-up question coming from a six-year-old.
The truth was he had a shit day at work, he was more than irritated that Malone was still roaming the streets. He’d made a promise he hadn’t yet been
able to fulfill. The knowledge of that didn’t sit right. He needed to find Malone before the man did any more harm to this family.
“Yes, thank you. How was your day at school? Did you learn anything new?”
“I learned that hippos have pink booby milk.”
Alec’s burst of laughter was so unexpected it actually shocked him and made Rory jump before she joined in.
Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think he’d be having a conversation about hippo booby milk with a six-year-old. Neither had it ever crossed his mind that hearing a child utter the words booby milk would be so hilarious.
“That’s interesting, Rory,” he choked out.
“Wanna know what else I learned today?”
“Absolutely.”
And Alec found that was the truth, he absolutely wanted to know more about Rory’s day.
“A person farts more than fourteen times a day.” Rory giggled uncontrollably for a moment, bending at the waist. When she finally got herself under control, she added, “And… a fart travels seven miles per hour. That’s faster than I can run.”
Caleb had joined in laughing at his sister, the two kids roaring with it, and Alec couldn’t stop the feeling of rightness from invading his chest. Movement caught his attention. His gaze went to the mouth of the hallway where he found Macy standing there with a huge, brilliant smile on her pretty face. As she watched her kids laugh themselves sick, pure love shone so brightly he couldn’t look away.
That was what he wanted—all that beauty. That look was what he was fighting so hard for. Not only did he want it aimed at him and Joss every day, he wanted her to be free to give it. Free from the cloud her ex had saddled her with. Free from the stress so she could shine her goodness on her kids. Free from worrying about heating her home or feeding a dog. But above all else, he wanted Macy free from the demons the douchebag had planted.
He’d make it his life’s mission to dig them up, each and every one of them, until she knew her worth, knew how beautiful she was, how strong and brave, how good and kind. There would come a day when Macy Hartley would shine and he wasn’t going to rest until she saw exactly what he did.
21
I’d finally lost my marbles—gone completely around the bend to Nutsville.
It was Sunday and I had officially glanced out my front window thirty times. No, I wasn’t checking to see which deputy was sitting in front of my house, though there was one almost constantly there. And if not a deputy, then one of Alec’s friends. Rob had even taken a shift, sitting in his truck outside my house for hours.
Oh, no, I wasn’t worried about Josh Malone or my slimeball ex showing up. I was waiting for Alec.
Friday night after fart jokes and homework help, he left—without a fight. Other than pushing into my house then proceeding to push my buttons, he didn’t pitch a fit or argue when I told him dinner was ready and I needed to feed my kids.
He simply took Jocelyn from me, brushed his soft lips against my forehead, said goodnight to my kids, and walked out the door. He did boss me one last time, telling me to lock the door after he left, but that was it.
Saturday he showed up sans Jocelyn—which made me kind of sad—and barged into my house long enough to tell me he would be installing my storm windows, something I hadn’t gotten around to doing because it was a pain in the ass. But it needed to be done.
This caused a little tiff. I didn’t want him putting in my storm windows. A task I loathed though if I wanted the extra barrier to keep the heat in I did every fall. Mainly I didn’t want him to do this because I didn’t want to be indebted to him. And it was intrusive. And I didn’t want him to see me as any more helpless than he already did.
But I gave in. I did this because it was cold outside and getting colder and heating oil was expensive. So why not? If Alec wanted to do it and that meant I could stay in my warm house finishing up my Saturday chores whatever. It was maddening that it had taken him half the time it normally took me. But again, whatever.
When he was done, he knocked on the door, said goodbye to me and Rory and this time brushed his lips across mine. It wasn’t obscene, there was no tongue, but it had been done in front of Rory and Caleb so I tamped down the impulse to punch him in his gut. He saw this and chuckled on his way out the door.
Jerk.
Now it was Sunday afternoon, an hour later than Alec had shown yesterday, and I was stupidly checking the window.
I needed Alec Hall hanging around like I needed…nothing. I didn’t need anything from Alec and I didn’t need him coming around at all. Yet I was dying to see him. And I’d been lying to myself for the past hour convincing myself I only wanted Alec to stop by because my kids seemed to like him.
Rory, I was not surprised by, she liked everyone. She’d never met a stranger that wasn’t her best friend within ten seconds.
Caleb, now he shocked me. He was wary of men, his dad had taught him that. My son also didn’t make friends easily, not with his peers, not with adults. But once he was comfortable, which normally took a long time, he was friendly and open. And for some reason, Caleb liked Alec. They weren’t best buds or anything but Caleb had wandered outside when Alec was putting the storm windows in, and with more patience than I knew Alec had, he showed Caleb how to install them.
But really, all of this was stupid. I should’ve been grateful I was getting a reprieve.
“Rory!” I called down the hall. “Your grilled cheese is ready.”
My daughter bound into the living room full of six-year-old excitement that never ceased to make me smile.
“Awesome. Is Alec coming over for lunch?”
Ugh!
“No, baby girl. Now hurry and get your sandwich before your brother eats it.”
“Mom. Is anyone eating this extra grilled cheese?” Caleb shouted from the kitchen.
“See?” I smiled at my daughter. “You better hurry.”
I followed Rory at a much slower pace and found Caleb with his head in the fridge looking for something else to shovel into his stomach.
“I can make you another grilled cheese.”
“Okay.” He shut the fridge but didn’t leave the kitchen. His eyes were on me, and much like I could read Rory, I knew when Caleb was getting ready to ask a question. But he was trying to figure out how to ask it.
I busied myself at the stove waiting for him to gather himself. What I didn’t do, and in hindsight, I should’ve done, was prepare.
“Has dad called?”
“Um. No. Not since I told you he did. When he told me he was going out of town for a while.”
“I don’t want to go over there anymore and I don’t think Rory should either.”
Fuck. Shit. Damn.
I wholeheartedly agreed but my stomach still roiled at Caleb’s tone. I wished he was still at an age where I could scoop him up into my arms and shield him from the world. I did my best to keep my focus on the skillet and my voice even.
“Did something happen?”
“You mean something more than normal? Like every time we go over there he sets Rory up in front of the TV then ignores her, and if he’s not doing that, then he’s acting like he misses her so much and wishes that you didn’t kick him out—”
“Does he say that, Caleb?”
“Yeah. He tells her that he misses his family and wants me and Rory to come stay with him more but you won’t let us.”
God, I hated Doug. What a liar.
“Do you understand—”
“Yeah, Mom, I know it’s a lie. But Rory doesn’t remember so he confuses her. He’s a jerk.”
My first instinct was to correct my son and make excuses for Doug. That’s what I’d always done in the past. That led to Caleb getting frustrated and telling me I wasn’t listening to him.
I was done protecting Doug. I needed to protect my children.
“Yes, honey, it is a lie. I know you remember what it was like when we all lived together. I left because it wasn’t a healthy place for us to be.
I didn’t want you and your sister growing up with all that yelling and screaming. As far as him talking to Rory about it, I can’t make that stop, he’s going to do whatever it is he wants to do. But I appreciate you telling me so I can find a way to talk to her. I’m sorry he ignores you guys when you’re over there. All I can tell you is I’m working on making a few changes. I’d like for you to trust me that I’m doing it because I love you and I want to keep you safe.”
“As long as we don’t have to go back over there. Last time was bad.”
Motherfucker. I knew why it was bad, Josh had gone to Doug’s looking for money.
“Wanna share why it was bad?”
“Dad got into a fight with someone out front. They were yelling at each other. I didn’t hear because I was trying to distract Rory.” God, I love my son—such a good big brother. “Whatever it was made dad really mad. The rest of the night and all the next day, he was fuming. He even snapped at Rory and that never happens. I heard him on his phone yelling at someone. Then Sunday when he was driving us to the community center to drop us off, he was talking quietly but mad, like you know, whisper yelling. He told the person on the phone he’d be in Florida soon and for them not to mess up. He said a few bad words in there but I left those out.”
“The man he was fighting with out front—had you ever seen him before?”
“Yeah, he comes over sometimes. Dad meets him at the door. Not a lot, a lot, but still he’s there a lot.”
Great, Josh has been coming to Doug’s door to get payments and it’s been happening for a while.
“Caleb, if you ever see that man and I am not with you, you stay away from him. He’s not a good man.”
“I didn’t think he was when he told dad he had a week, then he was going to kill him.” Caleb shrugged like he heard his father’s life being threatened every day of the week and it was no big deal.
“What?” I whispered.
“That’s what he told dad.” Caleb gave me another shrug like he couldn’t care less.
“Honey, why didn’t you tell me someone threatened to kill your dad? Son, that’s…” Shit, what was that? Important? Huge? Monumental? “Something you need to tell me.”
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