The boat rocked violently before regaining its balance. It had been the cradle for a passionate and intoxicating pleasure which neither Eiko nor Tatsuya had known before. They experienced in each other's bodies a satisfaction they had long been searching for. They lay completely still as if listening intently to something. The boat was rocking gently and the bow seemed to be beating the water. They both felt a new confidence and opened their eyes like babies who wake up from a dream for a moment, look around, and then, reassured, fall asleep once more.
Beyond the hills, the moon was rising. Eiko looked at it and knew for certain that she was really capable of loving a man. As she looked, she made a wish that the moon would shine on them as brightly as the sun. For the first time she was able to believe in the moon's romantic powers. Somehow it seemed to mist over, and she finally realized it was her own eyes that had clouded. They were filled with tears.
A soft breeze had begun to blow across the water. Tatsuya hoisted the jib, which now flapped slightly in the wind. The night wind was pleasing. Then he raised the mainsail. The boat began to pick up speed, and clinging together, they steered towards the distant lights of the pier. They seemed so far away. The lights of the hotels and villas reflected out across the wet sands of Zushi Beach, left smooth by the outgoing tide.
"Looks like the Rivera," said Tatsuya, and he kissed Eiko again.
From that day, a change seemed to come over Eiko. For the first time in her life, she did not feel alone. Suddenly, while devouring Tatsuya, she felt she could give him everything.
"At last I can really love someone," she said to herself.
With human beings, love and affection are emotions which cannot be kept burning forever. Does love not seem to burn most brightly when flesh and flesh are one? Men and women only find themselves physically one at this moment and believe that the brilliance of the moment remains with them when in fact it is no more than an after-image on the retina.
At any rate, Eiko found a unity with Tatsuya that night and this unity gave her confidence in her womanhood. After that, she became eager for his body, and her love for him grew.
It grew to such an extent that she committed the fault that so many women do in similar circumstances. She tried to keep Tatsuya close to her even at those moments when there was no physical closeness. That was a miscalculation on her part. Wise though she was, after the abrupt and sudden change that had come over her, Eiko could not help doing this. Tatsuya, on the other hand, was incapable of realizing such delicacy in women, because he himself had not undergone such a change. The fact was that Tatsuya began to take advantage of her.
Even though Tatsuya had known beforehand roughly what was going to happen on the boat, it nevertheless had been strangely different than before. In fact, he realized at last what it was to know a woman. Instead of devouring and destroying the woman's love, he encouraged it and enjoyed her ecstasy as his own. The moment he embraced her wet body on the deck of the boat he realized that she was no ordinary girl. He had felt an emotion in Eiko totally different from that of early summer when Eiko had thrown the book at his groin.
He was surprised to find himself in such a mood. When he took her home that night, he shook himself free from her and went straight home and to bed. He felt somehow shy and innocent when he was with her, like a boy with no previous experience with women.
Michihisa came home to change soon after, but seeing his brother's light, he called out:
"You in bed already? It's only eleven and there's a party on at the hotel. Want to go?"
Ordinarily at about ten o'clock in the evening, the crowd at Nishimura's would run down to the crowded beaches of Morito and Zushi where people were strolling in the cool evening air. They would yell "Hurrah for the virgin-hunters!" or something equally crude and managed to pick up more girls than one might suppose, even in the slack season. The ones who could not find a girl on the beach would meet in the car at midnight and continue the hunt in the next town.
"Nah, I'm tired. I'm going to sleep" replied Tatsuya. "But good hunting!"
He closed his eyes. He felt he could hear water lapping against the side of his bed. A firefly hovered over the mosquito net. Its light grew bigger and dimmer and it took on the shape of a jellyfish in the depths of a dark sea. He slept soundly.
He got up at ten the next day and as usual did some exercises. While he was having breakfast the phone rang. It was Eiko.
". . . There's nothing special, only that I hope you can come over tonight too. I just want to see you."
"Nothing special, my eye!"
That evening he went over to see her as she had asked.
After that Eiko followed Tatsuya everywhere.
It was all right that once, but not all the time, Tatsuya thought to himself. What does she think I am?
Then she started getting jealous of his casual relationships with other girls, however superficial.
"You're really hen-pecked, man! She thinks she's your wife. You'd better straighten her out!" Nishimura said one day.
A week or so later they all went to Hayama for the evening. They picked up some of their favorite girls at cabarets and went on to a club to dance. Eiko followed them. She sat silently at the table until Tatsuya felt obliged to ask her to dance.
"Why don't you dance with someone yourself instead of staring at me all evening?" he said. "It's no fun for you, is it?"
"Don't worry. I'm all right. I like just sitting here."
This attitude was too much for Tatsuya, so he spent the rest of the evening playing around with a drunken hostess in order to hurt Eiko. From time to time he stole a furtive glance in Eiko's direction and found she was still gazing silently at him, so he went on drinking with the hostess. Coming back from the ladies' room once, the girl cried "Where's my Tatsuya?" which made Eiko pale.
Tatsuya regained the old sadistic feelings toward Eiko, and she found she had no power to repulse them. Tatsuya was no longer moved to excitement when they embraced in Eiko's room, and his sudden assaults often hurt her so much that she cried out in pain.
Although he had completely conquered any resistance in Eiko, Tatsuya still felt attached to her. He could not have explained the reason for his cruelty. Was it his only way of expressing the feelings he had when he had first known her? When he saw that she was putting up with his behavior with a kind of stoicism, his methods of hurting her became even more cruel and complex.
She tried to persuade him to take her out in his boat again in the evening, hoping that this might restore his affection for her, but he refused. Instead, he took other girls out with him to do similar things and afterwards told Eiko everything that they had done. At this, Eiko closed her eyes and trembled with sad anger. Tatsuya told her to calm down.
"Don't worry, the first experience is always the best."
He kept repeating to himself that Eiko had no more power to resist, that his behavior was a kind of coup de grace to emphasize his victory, and this made him enjoy his power all the more. It made him feel somehow grateful to Eiko and he began to think that he was perhaps in love with her after all. He was satisfied.
Was it that he could not feel fully satisfied or fully united to her physically without such strange ways of showing love? Whatever the answer, Tatsuya did not analyze his emotions or question his motives. He simply played like a child who feels compelled to damage his favorite toys until they are destroyed. And Eiko might easily have accepted the role of being a mere plaything.
Later in the vacation a friend of Michihisa's invited them all to stay at his summer place near the yacht harbor at Aburatsubo. He asked a group of girls who were introduced as students of a women's university. Tatsuya had met them just two days before for the first time.
The girls called one another by foreign names befitting English majors. Perhaps they had adopted names from their favorite novels. At any rate, their names were Elsa, Sally, Marie, and Mitzi. There were ten altogether, including Tatsuya, his brother, Nishimura, Tamiya, Sahara, and Eiko
. They decided to reach Aburatsubo by sea in the Bel Ami, and the Star, which belonged to Nishimura's father. Tamiya and Mitzi were already in the Bel Ami, and Tatsuya was fixing the rudder when he looked up and saw Eiko throw her suitcase into the other boat. Their glances met and Tatsuya found a challenge in her eyes. He grinned down at her and called to Sally. Eiko sat down beside Michihisa who was hoisting the mainsail. Michihisa gazed anxiously at his brother, but Tatsuya pretended to be quite indifferent and Michihisa seemed relieved.
Eiko took off her coat. She was in a new scarlet beach dress. The color was dazzling to Tatsuya's eyes. Pulling in the sheet, he ran his boat ahead of hers. He saw Eiko helping Michihisa, who was busy with the sails, to a drink and a sandwich. Suddenly Tatsuya was overcome with anger and impatience. The waves were beating against the rocks and the bell on the warning buoy seemed to ring out strangely. Even the water seemed to have changed color.
"Tamiya, watch the bow! . . . There's a short cut through the rocks," Tatsuya called out, and raising the centerboard, he steered the boat through the narrow channel, ignoring the shouts from the other boat.
When they reached Aburatsubo Bay the wind dropped, and a motorboat was sent out from the yacht club to tow them in. Aburatsubo was a tiny fishing village with a few weekend houses, mostly owned by foreigners. Among the rocks on the beach grew rare white flowers that opened their petals in the evening.
After dinner that night a young foreign couple from the next villa joined them, and some of them decided to go by boat to a nearby beach which could only be reached from the sea. They went in couples, Tatsuya taking Sally. When they arrived, Tatsuya quickly took Sally off the motorboat they had come in, leaving Nishimura and his girl on board.
"Come back soon," said Nishimura. "We don't want to be left in the boat all night!"
"Why don't you come too, Nishimura?" asked Sally. "What are you going to do?"
"As if you didn't know!" said Tatsuya.
"I'm afraid," she said.
Tatsuya lifted her up in his arms and carried her across the beach to the flower-strewn grass beyond.
He knew it was the first time for her.
"Why are you crying now?" Tatsuya asked her.
"When I was invited to come with them, I didn't expect this to happen. I'm not like the other girls."
"You're the same really, and I think you're very nice."
When his thoughts went back to Eiko, it made him feel particularly pleased that the girl was crying.
Michihisa had not gone with them by motorboat. Instead he thoroughly enjoyed himself with Eiko. The next day Sally was particularly happy. When her eyes met Tatsuya's, she blushed and even seemed to ask his forgiveness. Eiko did not fail to notice.
Later that day Michihisa beckoned to his brother.
"I'm going to take over Eiko," he said. "She doesn't love you any more."
"Oh yes she does," replied Tatsuya. "You don't have to say that, just because she slept with you once. I understand. If I called now, she'd come trotting right back to me."
"All right, you're on," said Michihisa. "Try to get her back tonight. If you do, I'll give you five thousand yen. If she refuses, you owe me five thousand. In either case, you can regard it as the cost of finishing with her. Afterwards I'll take over. By the way, you're not in love with her by any chance?"
But Tatsuya cut him short. He was quite confident of winning.
Tatsuya won just as he had said. Reluctantly Michihisa had to invite Sally. Sally was furious with Tatsuya for going off with Eiko and refused Michihisa. Next morning she went off by bus by herself with tears in her eyes.
"I lost," said Michihisa when he saw Tatsuya next. "I'll let you have the money when we get home. But there's one condition."
"You can't make conditions now," said Tatsuya. "The bet was made last night."
"Well, leave her here for the day, or otherwise I won't get anywhere at all with her," replied his brother. "Or better still, make a trip into the mountains for a while and I'll pay for it."
Tatsuya thought for a moment. "All right," he said. "I'll sell her to you for five thousand yen."
There was a look of satisfaction on Michihisa's face.
"Okay," he said. "She's bought."
So Tatsuya sold Eiko to his brother as if she were a slave. He made some excuses about having to return home and set off in his boat. As Eiko watched him go from the mainland, she imagined that Sally was secretly hidden in the boat. Either that or they were to meet elsewhere.
Three days later Eiko and Michihisa got a joint card from Tatsuya posted in the mountain resort of Shiga Heights. The letter ran as follows:
"It seems to be the off season here and life is too quiet. I horseback ride all day. It seems that sometimes no sex is not bad for a change."
Eiko soon realized that she had been the victim of a plot, but she felt somewhat relieved when she read the last words of the letter. When Eiko found her name beside Michihisa's on the card, she was a little surprised at the unexpected result of her act with Michihisa before Tatsuya's departure. Michihisa had begun to believe in their game, although Eiko was of course quite unaware of the bet between the brothers.
Once Tatsuya had gone, there was no longer any need for her to act, and she began to regard her affair with Michihisa as a nuisance. She decided it was time to talk to him about it.
"I want to go home," she said. "I'm miserable here. I think I'll go home and surprise Tatsuya."
Michihisa was afraid to confess the arrangement with his brother.
"It's no good running after him. He's already lost interest in you. You see, he's kept his promise."
"What promise? What do you mean?" asked Eiko.
"Ask him yourself! But why don't you come and stay with me instead? I'm going back to Hayama in a day or so."
Tatsuya kept away until the end of the summer vacation. He stayed with friends at different places, and after a short visit home, he went off to Niigata with the boxing team. Several times in her letters Eiko tried to find out from him about the promise he had made to his brother, but Tatsuya would never mention the matter in his replies.
Eiko was at Ueno station to meet him when the boxing team returned from Niigata. A crowd of girls, mostly girl friends of the team members, had come in their prettiest dresses and were chattering gaily together. Eiko looked to see if any of Tatsuya's girl friends were there. She was relieved to find none that she knew.
Why did he tell only me that he was coming? What will he say when he sees me, she wondered.
As she waited thinking of him, she began to feel like a hooked fish, half in the water and half out.
The train arrived and everyone laughed and shouted. Only Eiko was dejected. Eda leaned out of the window.
"They're all there! Crowds of them! We must be popular! Tatsu, Eiko's there."
"Why shouldn't she be?" replied Tatsuya, secretly relieved at seeing her in the crowd.
The train moved slowly along the platform until it reached the spot where the girls were standing. Eda was too impatient to wait and jumped off the train before it had stopped. He lost his balance and clung to one of the girls to avoid falling over. The shouts and laughter that greeted him were audible all over the station.
Eiko soon found Tatsuya in the corridor. His face was not so tanned as it had been at the seaside and his expression seemed tense. The boxers said their farewells on the platform and then went off separately in taxis. Tatsuya was soon in Eiko's car.
"Where shall we go?" said Eiko. "I've got something to tell you. Let's go somewhere we can talk in comfort. Shall we go to a hotel?"
"Let's eat first," said Tatsuya, suggesting the restaurant his father usually went to. He delighted in the crowds of Tokyo after the weeks in camp. They had not missed food and girls as much as the mood of the big city evenings—evenings which would lead them into adventures and carefree excitement.
The two sat down. Tatsuya was the first to speak.
"Tell me the news. How's my brother?"
"I don't know. I haven't seen him for ages. But tell me, what was the promise you made to him?" she said.
"I guessed that would be the first thing you'd ask me," he replied. "But why didn't Michihisa tell you himself? Guess he's got no guts. Eiko, let's have a drink before we discuss that!"
"No, I want to know. Please tell me right now," Eiko insisted.
So Tatsuya told her about the agreement.
"What! Why you've simply sold me, that's what you've done!"
"Don't take it too seriously. All I said was that for the five thousand yen he gave me I'd keep away from you. That's all."
"And did you think I'd agree?"
"It's got nothing to do with you. It's my affair, not yours."
"What did you do with the money?"
"I spent it."
"Then I shall pay the money back to Michihisa."
"And what if we make a new agreement? You'd only lose it."
"I don't care, I'll just go on paying till you stop."
"Isn't that crazy?"
"Are you going to do it again, Tatsuya?"
Tears came into her eyes.
"Gome on, I don't like tears," he muttered, looking away.
"Then why are you so mean? If you really hated me, I don't think you'd do the things you do." Eiko continued. "I'll go on paying until things are right again. You're still young enough to be bought by money. But remember, Tatsuya, that I've really bought you, not the other way round. If that's all right with you, I'll do whatever you like."
She was weeping and laughing at the same time.
"Now I understand. Will you tell me one thing, Tatsuya—do you still really love me?"
"Yeah, it looks like I do," said Tatsuya sulkily.
"In that case, why can't you love me in a more straight-forward manner? I couldn't myself once. But since the night on the boat I've been honest and frank in my love for you. We've both been crippled. Other people have probably suffered in the same way, but I'm sure we can put it all right."
Season of Violence Page 4