by Hamel, B. B.
“Oh, thanks,” I say. “You shouldn’t comment on a lady’s weight.”
He laughs and lifts Maddie up into the air. I smile at them as I pour some creamer into my mug and stir it. Elias shakes Maddie around a little bit before putting her down. She teeters off back into the living room to play with her toys.
I sit down at the table, chair pulled back so I can watch Maddie. “Busy day today?” I ask him.
He shrugs. “Just got a few bikes to finish up.”
“Good. Want to go for a little picnic with Maddie and me?”
“Absolutely.” He grins and sips his coffee. He looks so content and I gently put my hand on my pregnant belly with my own smile.
We’ve been in Redlands, California, for nearly two years now. It was the first town we stopped at out here and just decided that we were finished traveling, and it was time to figure out what to do next. We got a little apartment with Elias’s money, we both got jobs, and we went from there.
Well, not exactly. We had a lot of help. Turns out, back in Providence, Raymond died of a heart attack about a month after we left. All of Toddy’s assets had already been given to him, so the mafia controlled that stuff, but Raymond’s death threw the mob into turmoil and took the heat off us. Marko was able to sell Elias’s shop, his stuff, and his house. He sent us the money, minus a nice little commission for himself, and apparently now he’s doing pretty well for himself. He says he’s gone straight, but who knows with him, and we know better than to ask questions like that over the phone.
With the money from that sale, we bought a little yellow Craftsman cottage on a hill surrounded by big, beautiful orange trees in a nice little neighborhood. I gave birth to Maddie, Elias opened a new shop, and now here we are, expecting our second baby.
We got married somewhere in Wisconsin. We found the first courthouse that would do it, said the words, made it official and never looked back. It wasn’t a fairytale wedding, but it’s a fairytale marriage. Every night, we make it a fairytale. Every day, we make it like heaven.
Elias stands up and stretches. “It’s weird,” he says softly. “I got a text from Marko last night. Sometimes I forget what our life was like back there.”
“It was crazy,” I agree. We don’t talk about the past much anymore, since we don’t need it. We’re too happy in the present to dwell on anything else. “But in a weird way, I’m glad it happened.”
“Me too.” He kisses me and walks over to the sink. He dumps his coffee and washes his hands before turning toward me. “I have a little surprise for you.”
I raise an eyebrow, perking up. “What’s that?”
“Stay right there.” He disappears out the back door. I watch Maddie playing for a couple minutes, a smile on my face. Surprises from Elias aren’t that rare these days, now that his shop is doing really well.
He comes back inside and gets down on one knee. “I love you,” he says, handing me a little gift bag.
“I love you too. What is this?”
“Look inside.”
I pull out an envelope first. It’s plain, with a plain white card. Inside is a check folded in half. I open the check and gasp.
“That’s the right amount, right?” he asks me.
I nod, eyes wide. “How?”
“Sold a few bikes, got a few commissions.” He grins at me. “Like it?”
“I love it.” I laugh and hug him. “God, that’s such a relief.”
It’s the exact amount to pay off the rest of my loans. Now I’ll be completely debt free, all thanks to Elias.
“That’s not it, though,” he says. “One more thing.”
“What’s all this for, anyway?”
“It’s the anniversary of that day,” he says softly. “The day we left Providence.”I blink at him and then take a breath. “I had no clue.”
“Good. Don’t ever think about it again. Now open your last surprise.”
I reach into the bag and pull out a little black box. Inside is a gorgeous diamond engagement ring, the sort of ring we couldn’t afford when we first got married. I slip it onto my finger and feel the tears in my eyes.
“Mommy?” Maddie says, coming over. “Why are you crying?”
“Because I’m happy, honey,” I say, and hug Elias. “Daddy got Mommy a new ring. Look at it, pretty, right?”
“Pretty,” Maddie coos and then teeters off again.
I kiss him slow and deep. I love this man so much sometimes I can barely breathe. “You’re too good to me,” I say.
“I try,” he says back, a huge smile on his face. “Now, I should get going. I’ll see you and Maddie later?”
“Definitely.”
I watch as he goes into the living room, scoops up Maddie, and kisses her until she laughs. He puts her down, waves, and heads out for the morning.
I smile while I watch Maddie play some more. Elias is the kind of father every woman dreams of. He’s caring and devoted and puts Maddie first in absolutely everything. I love him so much it hurts, and even more because he loves Maddie so deeply and intensely.
This is my life now. It’s not perfect, but it’s pretty damn close. All because of what happened back in Providence. It somehow worked out for us, and although I wish we didn’t need to go through all that horrible stuff, I don’t know if I’d change anything. We have our Maddie, and another baby on the way, and a house and a neighborhood and more. We have love, and love, and more love, and that’s worth almost any price at all.
* * *
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His Dream Baby
1
Connor
Two Years Ago
Harper disappeared three days ago, and I’m starting to think she’s dead.
I called the cops, but they know her. We’ve gone through this song and dance before. Harper disappears for a while, goes on a fucking bender, gets ripped and wasted and shoots up as much heroin as she’s physically able to before she finally comes crawling back home. We’ve been doing this for years, and although I’ve gotten her into rehab twice now, it never sticks.
I don’t know how to leave her. I don’t know if I even can. It’s not love at this point and hasn’t been for a while now. Maybe it’s just this feeling of crippling duty, like if I leave her and she fucking overdoses, it’ll be my fault.
She wasn’t like this when we first met three years ago. Fuck, there were warning signs, but they’re easy to ignore for a woman like Harper. She’s beautiful, outgoing, funny as all hell, and the last person you’d think would have a horrible drug problem. But it got worse as the relationship progressed, and I realized that I was just as stuck with her as she was stuck with drugs.
I fantasize about saving her, but I know there’s no fucking saving her. At this point, I’m resigned to the whole thing. I’m in this for a long time, for the rest of my life really. I doubt we’ll ever get married or have some storybook romance, and I guess that’s fine with me. She is what she is, but she’s not the important thing anymore.
I knew that the second she said she was pregnant.
It wasn’t planned. I don’t even know how it happened, but it happened during one of the rare times she was sober, right after a stay in rehab. I know the baby’s mine, especially after seeing him. Ryan has my nose, my chin, he’s my son without a doubt.
Keeping Harper sober during those nine months was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but we got through it. Problem is, as soon as Ryan was born, she relapsed and she relapsed hard.
That was four months ago. Chubby little baby Ryan basically only knows his daddy. Harper’s been in and out of our little house since basically the first week we brought Ryan home. T
his is without a doubt the worst she’s ever been, and I’m just waiting to find her dead in a ditch somewhere.
I linger in Ryan’s room. The lights are off and he’s been asleep for an hour now. It’s eight at night, and he’ll probably stay down until five in the morning. He might wake up once in the night, but his sleeping has gotten so much better. I smile, looking down at his cute little face, his chest rising and falling slowly.
I turn away, shutting the door quietly. I check the monitor, and he’s definitely down. I grab a beer, watch some baseball, and I’m in bed by nine that night. I try Harper’s cell once, not really expecting anything, and sure enough there’s no answer. I turn out the lights, set up the monitor on the nightstand next to my bed, and I go to sleep.
This has been my routine for a while now. It was hard when he was first born, being the only person taking care of him. I probably would’ve lost my job if I didn’t fucking own the business myself. We install and repair power lines, and we’re doing pretty good with all the government contracts we’ve picked up the past few years. I have good guys taking care of the business on that end, and they all know my situation, so I have a lot of flexibility.
I’m looking forward to getting back sooner or later, but right now Ryan is my priority. I know I’ll have to put him into daycare soon, it’s just hard to walk away, and I keep having this fantasy where Harper gets her shit together, realizes she wants to be a mom, and actually comes home to live with us.
I know it’ll never happen. I go to sleep early, knowing I’ll be getting up early with Ryan. Tonight’s no different, and I sleep a deep dreamless sleep. When I finally wake up, it’s not to the sound of Ryan fussing and crying, but to sunlight coming in through the curtains.
I blink and grunt a little bit. I don’t remember the last time I woke up to actual sunlight. I check the time and nearly gag.
It’s after ten in the morning.
“Ryan,” I say, rolling over. I grab the monitor and turn it on, heart beating fast in my chest.
I stare for a second, unable to understand what I’m seeing.
I jump out of bed, flinging the monitor away. I run out of my room and across the hall. I throw open Ryan’s door, but I don’t know what to expect.
It’s completely trashed. Clothes are thrown around, diapers strewn around on the floor, toys everywhere.
And Ryan’s gone.
I’m having a heart attack, I think to myself. This is a bad dream. I’m going to die. I run back into my room, grab my phone, and call the police.
As I tell them what’s happening, I walk through the rest of the house. I stop in the kitchen and stare at a note, written in Harper’s handwriting, pinned to the refrigerator.
I’m sorry. He’s my baby. Don’t look for us. Harper.
I stare at the words and let the phone fall from my hand and clatter to the floor.
* * *
The police don’t find them.
They search for a while. Probably longer than they normally would. They search everywhere, follow every lead, but there’s nothing. Harper’s gone.
I don’t stop looking. I don’t go into work, I don’t talk to friends, I don’t do anything but look for her. I talk to her family, but they haven’t seen her, which is no surprise. Her family is notoriously difficult and dangerous, so I keep away from them as much as possible. I check with hospitals, rehab centers, hell, I even call bars, but nobody has seen Harper or Ryan.
Life goes on. I don’t give up.
I have to go back to work eventually, but my heart’s not in it. I show up, go through the motions, but I’m always mentally back in my study with my files, researching any possible lead, obsessing and wondering and praying.
They don’t turn up dead, but they don’t turn up alive, either. I can’t imagine Harper’s capable of taking care of Ryan, not the way she’s been lately. It feels laughable to me, almost insane, that she’d want to take the baby and run away. I was the only solid, stable thing in her life. I was taking care of my son just fine before she showed up.
Now they’re gone. And a hole’s ripped into my life. I’m empty, missing a piece, a broken shell of a man.
The police give up. They don’t say so, not exactly, but they start forwarding me leads instead of following them up themselves. I don’t blame them. Months pass, then a year. I’m angry all the time, I’m broken all the time. I don’t have friends anymore, I don’t have a life.
There’s only my desire to find Harper and to get my son back. I don’t give a fuck about her anymore. I’ve fantasized about what I’d do to her if I ever found her. But about a year and a half into my search, I decide to forgive her.
I just want my baby back. I just want to see my son again.
He’s probably walking by now. I wonder what his first words are, what his first steps were like. He’s eating solid foods, playing with his toys, laughing and smiling and responding. The baby I knew is gone, gone, gone, and I lost all that time with him. I lost some of the most important time with him, and it kills me inside, every day.
Two years pass. I’m consumed with it, deep into my theories, following every single half-baked idea and lead. I’ve burned bridges, alienated loved ones, and I’m going to lose my business. I just don’t care. I’m broken without Ryan anyway.
And then everything changes one Tuesday morning.
It starts out like any other morning. I get up, work out, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, and get on my computer. This time, though, there’s an email that makes me pause.
I have a Google alert on Harper’s name. Nothing pops up, except for today. I click the email and stare at an obituary in Harper’s home town.
It’s for her, for Harper. I read it once, and I’m sure it’s her, there’s nobody else it could be. Harper Gallo died unexpectedly, such a tragedy, so young, all that usual bullshit. Sounds like drugs finally caught up to her.
But she was home. Or near home. I get to the bottom and my heart skips a beat.
She leaves behind a healthy baby boy, Ryan Gallo.
I’m packed in ten minutes. I’m in my car in twelve. I make a bunch of calls, letting people know I won’t be around for a while, and I drive straight to the airport.
My son’s alive. He’s fucking alive. And he’s in Philadelphia with her fucking family.
I have a knife in my gut. I don’t know why nobody called me. I don’t know what’s going on. But my son’s alive, and Harper’s dead. I can’t feel bad for her. I truly can’t.
All I know is I’m going to get my baby boy back, after years of searching for him. I’m getting my son back.
2
Leah
“Here we are, home sweet home,” I say, and Ryan looks up at me with a hesitant smile.
He’s a sweet boy, brunette with deep green eyes and a cute little face. He’s quiet, though, very quiet, but I was told he can talk if he wants to. It’s just that he doesn’t want to, and I don’t really blame him.
I have no clue what he’s been through. I know my cousin was mixed up in some bad stuff, even worse than her family normally gets mixed up in. She was on drugs, traveling around, maybe even living in Mexico for a while. I’m not really sure, to be totally honest, but she dragged this little boy around with her all that time. I don’t know how she did it, or why, or who the boy’s father is.
I don’t think I want to know, to be totally honest. Harper and I were close when we were younger, but my family and her family never really got along. My parents don’t approve of the Gallo family and everything they do, and so I drifted away from Harper. Eventually she moved away, and I thought that was it, I’d never hear from her again. I went on with my life, got my nursing degree, graduated school, and got a job.
And then suddenly, I get a phone call. It’s from a hospital saying that I’m Harper’s emergency contact, and I’d better come right away. I had no clue she was in town again, but I rushed out there, and sure enough, there’s Harper and her little boy Ryan.
She died n
ot long after from a horrible infection. It was tough to watch, but I’ll never forget one of our last conversations.
She looked up at me and smiled. She knew she was dying at this point and she knew she didn’t have long left.
“Keep my family away from him,” she whispered. I had to kneel down next to her and put my ear near her lips to hear what she was saying.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
She nodded, her face pale, her eyes haunted. “Keep them away, Leah, please. You know what they are. They’re monsters.”
I frowned but didn’t argue. The Gallo crime family is a lot of things, but “monsters” probably sums it up.
“But what can I do?” I asked her.
“Lawyer,” she says. “Adoption.”
I stared, unable to find the words, but it all happened fast after that. She had a lawyer in mind already, had apparently drawn up most of the papers without me realizing it. There were a bunch of steps to go through, and it almost didn’t happen, but in the end, I gained custody of Ryan and officially adopted him after Harper passed. It wasn’t easy, but because Harper basically made her desires known before she died, that made the process go smoothly.
I still don’t know why I did it. I guess it was to grant the dying wish of my cousin. She knows I don’t get along with her family, and maybe she doesn’t have anyone else that would take her son. I tried to ask about the father, but she wouldn’t talk about him. She just kept insisting it had to be me.
Maybe it was the fever, the sickness, making her go crazy. I don’t know. Maybe I was a little crazy too.
But I adopted him. I took in her son. I’m not ready to be a mother, not even close, especially not to a shy, quiet, strange little boy that I barely know at all, but it’s too late for that. It’s too late for second-guessing.
I did what I thought was right. The little boy needed someone, and his mother wanted it to be me. It’s a crazy, irresponsible, hard thing to ask of someone, but she asked it of me, and I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t turn away. If someone needs my help, I try and help them. That’s why I became a nurse.