by Xana Jordan
Walking into Beckner Hall, I find Stacy talking to a few other residents in the lounge as she waits for me. Seeing her so relaxed conversing with her fellow dorm mates relieves some of the worry I have about her recent behavior. She hasn’t been sleeping well for weeks, even though she’s denied it multiple times. Her moods have become even more unpredictable than usual, constantly distracted by something she won’t divulge. I wish I could understand what’s going on with her. I’m not used to being unable to read her. I’m normally the only one who understands her completely.
“Hey, ladies,” I greet the group of girls as I reach them.
Stacy turns when she hears my voice, her smile making it impossible not to smile in return.
“Hey, Cade,” the three girls answer while she stands to face me.
“Hey, Hot Stuff,” she beams at me. Pulling her to face me, I place a brief kiss on her perfect pink lips, finishing my hello.
“You ready, babe?” I ask before taking her hand in mine.
“Sure am. The girls and I were just catching up some while I waited.” She turns to look at them and says, “See ya later,” and they all wave goodbye as I pull her to stand in front of me, moving us toward the front doors. I’ve made her start waiting for me inside when it’s later in the evening like this. The random muggings and attacks that’ve been happening around the county are starting to get a little too close to campus for my liking. Even Noel has stepped up his over-protectiveness of Xana.
We walk in silence to my truck parked on the side of the building, her short frame fitting perfectly into my side, her head not so close to reaching the top of my chest. Arriving at the passenger side, I turn her chest against mine, walking her backward so that her body rests on the door. Hands on her waist, I lean down until our mouths are mere inches away from one another, holding her gaze with my own, her sweet perfume filling my nostrils, until I almost can’t think straight.
“You look so damn beautiful, babe.” Not waiting for a response, I cover her lips with mine, crushing my body more firmly into hers. My mouth and tongue take possession of her soft, gloss covered lips, claiming and tasting every inch. Sliding my hands from her hips to cup her face, I slowly pull away from her delicious mouth to look into her green eyes. Her long, straight blonde hair is curled to hang down past her shoulders, just a few strands on either side pulled back in a silver barrette.
“Wow,” is her simple reply, her stunned face showing in the parking lot light.
“Now, let’s go to this party before I change my mind about going out at all.” Stepping to the side, I reach for her door as she slowly realizes she needs to move away so I can open it.
No further words are spoken as we get settled in the truck, her short green denim skirt riding higher up her smooth thighs. Damn, she doesn’t understand what affect she has on me.
As we make our way to the Sigma Beta Epsilon house where the party is being held on the edge of town, she remains quiet. Since she usually talks about one topic or another, it kinda worries me.
“That was some kiss you gave me back there. I wasn’t expecting that,” she suddenly informs me, moving her gaze my way.
“I like surprising you,” I tell her frankly.
Reaching across the seat, she holds her hand out for mine and I take it. Entwining our fingers together in a firm hold, she gives them a gentle squeeze before scooting over to sit right beside me, our hands lying on her bare legs. Resting her head on my shoulder, she lets out a long, slow sigh.
“You sure you’re alright, babe?”
“I’m fine. Just enjoying being here with you in the quiet,” she sighs again, placing her free hand on the arm she’s leaning against. Now I know there’s something not right.
“You can talk to me about anything.”
“I know, and I love you for it.”
She loves me for it. She’s not one to use that word lightly, often, even. She’s never been a stranger to speaking her mind or letting her emotions be made known, but that aspect of our relationship isn’t brought up very often. Not a lot of people understand the dynamic of what we have, except for Xana and Noel, and even they don’t understand everything. That part is just for us, how I prefer it.
I pull onto the correct street, finding a parking place within walking distance from the house. Turning off the engine, I remove my seatbelt, twisting sideways to pull Stacy into my arms. Tilting her chin so I can look into her eyes, I take in her beautiful face, searching for clues to her actual state of mind. “You may be able to fool others, but you can’t hide things from me, babe. I know something is eating at you, so don’t deny it. I also know you haven’t been sleeping well, and it’s starting to become a problem.”
“No, I’m sleeping just fine,” she begins to protest, but I’m not about to listen to her arguing any longer.
“Stop,” I tell her firmly, brushing away the hair from her eyes. “Look at me.”
She does as I demand, the sadness creeping in is obvious, not liking it one bit.
“It’s the dreams. You’re still having them.” It’s not a question. I know it’s true.
Looking down to my chest, she begins fiddling with the buttons on my polo shirt and slowly nods, acknowledging I’m right. “Yeah, and it’s so damn frustrating.”
I wrap my arms around her and she does the same to me, her face burrowing into the crook of my neck. “‘I can’t remember anything about them, except that I’m terrified about something. It feels like more than a dream, though. It feels real, like I should remember it happening. It takes me forever to get back to sleep, if I even can. The whole time I’m so afraid I’m going to dream it again.” Her voice becomes shaky and I can feel her body trembling against mine.
“Sssh, babe. It will be alright,” I try reassuring her, as well as myself.
“It doesn’t feel like it’s going to stop. They’ve been happening more frequently and they’re getting scarier than they were at first.” She pauses to hug my neck harder and says, “The only time they’re tolerable is when I’m with you.”
Hearing her confession makes me feel ten feet tall for making her dreams fade, but I’m also angry at the fact there’s nothing I know of to do in order to make them stop. That’s just not acceptable. “Have you thought about talking to someone about them? Getting their opinions on how to stop them?” I ask, already sure she’s never going to do anything of the sort, at least not yet.
Moving away from my embrace, she almost shouts, “NO! I’m NOT crazy and I refuse to let anyone know that I’m having nightmares bad enough that I don’t sleep anymore!” She inhales sharply as soon as she finishes speaking, her hands flying to cover her mouth. She is clearly surprised about what she just let slip.
Giving myself a moment to compose my words before speaking, I reach up to cup her face in my hands, rubbing the apples of her cheeks with my thumbs. Tears are forming in her eyes and I need to make them disappear. “If you’re not ready to talk, then I’ll not push you right now,” I explain, staring until she nods in understanding. “But, you’ll be staying with me at night until then. You need to sleep, and I’m not going to stand by and watch you suffer quietly anymore. PERIOD. If staying with me helps, then that’s what you’re going to do,” I inform her, leaving no room for argument.
“I don’t have a choice, do I?” she asks, her tears not quite gone.
“None. I don’t demand things most of the time, but there’s no negotiating on this. Understand?”
“I do.” Stacy hugs me tightly, her cheek warm against mine. “You’re too good to me,” she whispers into my ear.
“Never. You’re just the one for me.” Smoothing out her hair with my hand, I let her perfume calm my heart.
It’s true. No one else could ever own me the way she does. I admire her quick wit, her competitive nature, her fierceness, and her undying loyalty and protectiveness of those close to her. Some people say she should have been born a guy because of her overly dominating personality, and that no one will ever be
able to control her. That may be true, to an extent, but I don’t want total control over her twenty-four seven. I’m perfectly content to let her be in charge whenever she wants, because I know that if a situation ever warrants my attention or control, I have it. Totally. She surrenders it to me freely.
Taking a deep breath, I move her face from my neck and kiss her thoroughly. “Let’s go have some fun. Dillon and Katie are waiting on us inside.” I tell her and she nods. “Whenever you’re tired, we’ll leave, okay?”
“Sounds like a plan, Hot Stuff,” she smiles, kissing my nose. “Thank you,” she whispers staring right at me.
“I’m always here.”
Nothing else comes from either of us as we make our way inside to meet up with our friends. Well, Dillon at least. Katie, his current flavor of the month, drives us all insane with her incredibly high pitched voice and idiotic comments on things she knows absolutely nothing about. If he thinks she’s ever going to be more than arm candy for him, he’s out of his mind. Of course, I might just have to spell it out for him so he doesn’t do something he will regret forever.
“Hey, man! Glad you two finally decided to show up. Katie and I thought you’d gotten lost or something,” Dillon tells us when we reach them. He slaps me on the back, nodding at Stacy.
“Get lost?” Stacy begins, looking from him to Katie, the look on her face telling me my girl is back to her usual self. “It’s not like the party’s located in the middle of the woods or anything. I know that’s a problem for some,” she makes sure to glance at Katie before continuing, “but we have no issues with personal navigation.” She smiles at him sweetly and places her arms around my waist. It’s all I can do to contain my internal laughter at his reaction. He doesn’t know whether to laugh or be afraid. He really should do the latter and shut up.
“I know, right,” Katie speaks up. “Some people are just so clueless.” She smiles brightly at us, thinking the remark was directed at someone other than herself.
“Exactly,” my girl agrees, smiling wider than before.
Dillon looks back and forth between the girls, clearly trying to decipher the situation when we are joined by Roderick and Tavon, guys from the team, and their girlfriends.
“Hey, Cade, my man! Good to see ya. You guys just get here?” Tavon asks and squeezes my shoulder.
“Yeah, just a few minutes ago. Y’all been here long?” I ask, nodding at Roderick.
Looking over to Tavon for verification, Roderick says. “About half an hour, I think.” His girlfriend, Shauna, nods.
“Yeah, we figured we’d come and hang out before everyone starts acting stupid like they always do at Sigma Beta parties.”
“They really like to have a lot of fun,” Katie interjects causing all of us to stare at her while she laughs, a little too enthusiastically. Oblivious to everyone near and unaware of us staring at them, Dillon and Katie look at each other, smiling goofily. May Heaven help his idiocy.
Conversation picks back up as we’re joined by a few other people. “Can you believe they still haven’t found the people responsible for all those muggings and robberies?” Shauna inquires before taking a drink of her punch.
“You’d think they’d have enough evidence, or something at least, by now,” Roderick adds, shaking his head.
“Really makes you wonder if they’re really that incompetent, or the idiots behind it are just smarter than the cops.” Dillon’s contribution to the topic takes us by surprise. His date for the night seemed to have his attention as she attempted to suck the lips off his face.
“Let’s hope it’s none of those,” I reply, everyone nodding in solemn agreement.
It’s getting hot inside, so our group decides to move outside to the backyard for some cooler air. Stacy and the girls, Katie, Shauna, and Tavon’s girlfriend, Nia, go off on their own to talk about classes and music while the guys and I are left to discuss what we always revert to - sports.
Time passes by quickly, and before I realize it, it’s close to midnight when the girls return to our sides, joining our conversation. I think we’ve been out here for almost two hours, and by the tired eyes Stacy gives me, I know we’ve been here long enough.
“Well, we hate to bail on y’all, but we’re gonna head on out.” I pull her to my side and we finish our goodbyes before making our way through the living room. House Party by Sam Hunt is playing loudly, every person in the room singing along. It never changes from party to party.
Once we’ve left the house and begin walking to the truck, I stop and squat down in front of Stacy, my hands on my knees. “Hop on, Short Stuff. I’ll give you a ride.” Laughing loudly, she climbs on and I hold the undersides of her knees when she wraps her legs around me, not giving the fact she’s wearing a skirt a second thought.
“I can walk,” she declares, her face resting next to mine as I continue walking us down the street to my truck.
“I know, but you’re tired and I like carrying you. When you let me,” I add.
On our way to campus, Stacy lets me know she needs to stop by her room to get a few things and take a quick shower before going back to mine. Pulling up to the front curb, I park and wait for her to return. I’m not parking in the side lot where I’m supposed to, because I want to be able to watch her every step to and from the building. Let campus police make me move, if they feel the need.
Twenty-five minutes later I’m in my room helping her through the window. This is really getting old. I’ll be so glad when Noel and I can move into our own place after school is out for the summer. She doesn’t deserve to climb through windows.
“Thanks,” she says as I pull her the rest of the way inside and give her a thorough kiss.
“I’m gonna go take a quick shower to get all of this smoke smell off me. I’d hate to get it all over your clean body,” I say against her neck, leaving her covered in goosebumps as I grab my shower kit and a towel and leave the room.
HOLY. HELL. I’m left standing in place as Cade leaves the room. The slamming of the heavy door grabs my attention and I shake my head to clear my thoughts. He always knows just how to make me speechless.
Digging through my duffel bag, I take out my night clothes and change into them. Since I showered when I went to my room, I’m all ready for the night. Setting my things on Noel’s bed, I climb into Cade’s and snuggle into his wonderful smelling sheets. I’m breathing in his scent when he walks back into the room.
“Do they smell that good?” he chuckles, putting his things away. The way his sleep shorts hang so low on his hips should be outlawed. No one would ever guess how well defined his pecs and abs are, not to mention that “v” leading to paradise city.
“They smell like you, plain and simple.” Locking the door and turning off the lights, he smiles, making his way to the bed to sit beside me, back against the headboard. He pulls the covers over his legs and I curl myself into his side, the light from the desk lamp the only thing illuminating the room. His arm holds me to him, my head lying on his bare torso. I love feeling him like this, skin on skin.
“You comfy?” he asks while moving hair away from my face.
“Very.”
“Want to watch some television or talk for a bit?” he asks, running his thumb over my brows.
“No television.” I don’t necessarily care to watch any more drama. The party, with Katie and her outlandish attachment to Dillon, was enough.
“Sounds good to me,” he replies, continuing to run his fingers along my face.
We sit in the quietness of his room for a few minutes, just listening to each other breathe. “I still can’t believe Noel asked Xana to marry him. Can you?” I ask, truly boggled at such an early proposal.
He laughs softly, and I feel his chest shake beneath me. “I’ve known him for a very long time, and he’s never been one to do things without thinking them out all the way. You didn’t see him on a daily basis last year in high school, but I did,” he pauses as if remembering those days. “I’ve never seen him lik
e that. That’s how I know he’s completely serious about this engagement.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t think he’d do it this soon. They just got back together and neither of them graduate for a few more years,” I argue, but he just shakes his head.
“That’s not his immediate goal. He just wants to make his intentions known so no one questions their relationship anymore, especially her. Yeah, it’s slightly caveman thinking, but that’s who he is with her. Other than his own mother, he’d never act that way about anyone else. Honestly, she’s the only one I’ve ever met who actually thrives under his protective behavior.”
I take a few minutes to think about his explanation, trying to imagine myself in her shoes. It’s hard to envision myself graduating, much less engaged while still in college. “I’m not sure I’d be ready for something like that,” I admit. Cade’s soothing strokes on my cheek stops, and his chin rests on top of my head.
“You don’t have to be. We aren’t them. When we get to that place, it’ll be because we want to be there, not simply because other people are.” He tilts my head up to run his nose along mine.
“I know,” I breathe, becoming lost in his touch.
“I’m not going anywhere, even if you try and make me leave.”
He presses his lips to mine, sliding his tongue inside my waiting mouth. Our hands begin exploring each other, remembering every curve and muscle of the other. He turns so that he’s leaning over my body and I slide down on the bed to lie on my back. He never breaks our kiss as he moves his entire body to cover mine, our chests pressing together. Kissing along my jaw and neck, Cade leaves a trail of open-mouthed kisses leading to the strap of my tank top. Stopping there, he raises his head to look down at me.