by Xana Jordan
“Heaven help him,” I groan as we lean against my pickup door. “Go call her. I think she could use a good Stacy fix as much as you need a Xana one.” I give her one last kiss and open my door. “It’ll be late when I get in, so I’ll just call you and pick you up in the morning.”
“Okay, Jensen,” she grins.
“Later, Scarlett,” I say against her ear then climb in the driver’s seat and head back to school.
It’s been three days since Tina was brought to the hospital. Her condition only got worse, never having regained consciousness, the car accident just too much for her already delicate body to recoup from. Apparently the drug use had taken its toll on her physically, and her time would have been limited, regardless. From what her grandparents were able to piece together, she has been in and out of jail, sometimes with Stace’s father, and had taken to living in her car. We’re not sure why she was so close to home, but it doesn’t matter now. Just a few moments ago, Stace was told her mother is gone.
She is sitting at our kitchen island, staring at her phone, her thumbs absentmindedly running back and forth over its screen. She and Xana were hanging out here before their last class of the day, and I’m more than relieved she got the call here, with all of us around her, instead of when she was all alone in class or driving to work.
Xana moves from Noel’s lap and sits down beside her, taking one of her hands from the phone to hold it tightly in her own. “It’s over?” she asks quietly, as she tries, like the rest of us, to decipher how she is handling the news.
“Yeah, she’s gone.” Xana leans her head on her shoulder, her hands still cradling Stace’s, and whispers something so softly I can’t make it out, but it causes them to both giggle quietly. The sound of her laughing, if only a little, gives me some relief, but it’s not over yet.
“You’re still a Bradford, ya know. Mom and Dad claimed you a looong time ago, much to Mike’s arguing,” she grins at her.
“Oh, dear, sweet, pain-in-the-ass, Micah Phineas. What ever will we do with him?” she shakes her head in fake disappointment.
“Hopefully get him laid so he’ll lose that stick up his ass,” Noel chimes in, shocking us all. He usually doesn’t talk badly about her brother.
The girls share a look and I shoot him a ‘what-the-hell’ glance over their heads, only to be interrupted by a giant outburst of laughter. Our girls are laughing their heads off, even doubling over the counter in the process. Noel just shrugs his shoulders, laughing quietly to himself, while I’m left to wonder what the hell’s gotten into all of them. I’m usually the one joking around.
“OMC, Caveman, you hit the nail on the head! That’s exactly his problem. Xan, we need to get on that and help him out, for all our sakes,” she laughs, making her best friend cringe in disgust.
“Dammit, Hooker, that’s my brother! The last thing I want to think about is hookin’ him up for sex. I’d rather gouge my eyes out first,” she squeals at Stace, smacking her on the arm several times. “And you, Noel Daniels, need to cut that shit out!” she points at him, who is unphased by her threats.
“Alright,” I tell them, “enough of the brother sex. It’s beginning to gross even me out.” Sitting on the other side of Short Stuff, I wrap my arm around her waist to pull her chair closer, her body easily melting into mine.
“I hate to break the mood, but what are the final arrangements?” I ask her, hoping she doesn’t retreat back into her own head again.
“It’s fine really. I’ve made peace with the situation, as odd as it sounds. By leaving, she gave me the best possible family I could ever have. Two amazing parents who love me unconditionally, no matter how much I might push their patience to its limit, and an equally amazing extended family with two additional parents who love me like their own, a brother I can drive insane, and the best sister I could have ever wished for.”
Xan is nearly in tears, but my sassy woman just keeps smiling. “Besides, she made her choices. It’s sad she picked wrong, but I’m better off for it, so I’m not going to let her bring me down anymore over it.” Squeezing her shoulder, I kiss her temple, taking in the smell of her shampoo, so light and heavenly and, as always, all Stacy. Some things will never change.
“That’s the Sybil we know,” Noel says, “kicking ass and taking names.”
“It is what I do best,” she grins before turning back to the conversation at hand. “Funeral is Saturday, just a graveside service. She’s been gone for so many years Granny figured it would be more appropriate, since she’s probably burned through all her real friends a long time ago.” She looks from Xana to Noel adding, “You two are more than welcome to skip out on the service.” Before Xan can protest, he cuts her off.
“Give it a rest, woman. We’ll be there because we are family. All of us, so shut your piehole and accept it.”
Chuckling in her ear turns her attention on me, and I agree with Noel. “You know he’s right. Do you really want to argue with those two anyway?”
“Whatever,” she grumbles, eyeing them one more time. “So damn bossy,” I hear her mumble in his direction. I love it when her bottom lip puffs out like that. I just want to bite the hell out of it. So damn sexy.
“Come on, hooker, it’s time for class,” Xana says, dragging her off her stool away from me.
“We’ll take my car and I’ll drop you off here on my way home,” she replies, grabbing her purse and keys form the entryway table.
“You two be careful,” Noel warns them before kissing Xana, who complies, at the door.
“Bye, Hot Stuff,” Stace says, winking at me before walking out of the house and leaving with Xana.
We both stand on the front porch, watching them drive away, neither of us willing to move until we can no longer see their car.
Breaking the silence first, I ask, “We’re totally screwed, aren’t we?”
Nodding, he says, “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Nope.”
Sitting here in the car with my grandparents while Cade drives us to the cemetery, I’m not as shaken up as I thought I’d be. I’ve come to terms with the things Tina has done, and this is just the final step to putting it all behind me for good.
Cade holds onto my hand as he follows the hearse to the location she will be buried. His constant support has been more than I could have ever asked of him, and he gives it so freely, I’m left wondering what he gets out of all this. I’ve done nothing to help him in any way, like he has me, yet here he is, being my rock through another one of my family dramas. I know he’s got tons of girls who’d love to go out with him because he’s a great ball player and sexy as hell - he’d more than have his pick - but, instead, he wants me and all my baggage. He must be a saint.
“They said to just follow the hearse up to the gravesite,” Papaw chimes in when we reach the cemetery, and Cade follows his instructions. There isn’t a lot of hooplah with this service. It’s better this way, more fitting.
Two men from the funeral home meet our car when we park, opening the doors so they can take us to our seats while her casket is unloaded. There are many flower arrangements and potted plants spread all around. I’m certain most of them are from my grandparents’ friends and fellow church members. Shortly after arriving, those said people start filling in the remaining seats after speaking with Granny and Papaw. Fortunately, they don’t bother me much, although that might have to do with Cade’s protective alpha-bear stance by my side.
“Ease up, or you’re gonna cause the older people to have a heart attack,” I nudge his side jokingly in warning.
“Hey, I’m not doing anything. I can’t help it if they’re intimidated by my obvious good looks,” he boasts, preening like a peacock while straightening his tie and suit coat.
“Oh. My. Coconuts, Cade!” I smack his chest lightly with the back of my hand while rolling my eyes, trying my darndest not to laugh at him wiggling his eyebrows, a cocky grin on his face. “That’s so not appropriate!”
“Made ya
smile, though,” he grins at me.
“Did not,” I shake my head, grinning back at him.
“You just did, so it was appropriate,” His smug expression making me smile more. “Now, let’s kiss so we can make up later.” He pulls my face to his before I can protest kissing at a funeral, pressing his lips to the side of my head and hugging me tightly. I never want to let him go when he holds me like that.
The funeral director ushers everyone to be seated and the pastor begins the short, but thoughtful, service for the young woman who was taken too soon. Being Baptist - not having to change churches on a regular basis like Methodists - he’s been our preacher since Tina was a child, and shares some of his own memories of her as a child and young teenager, before she took the wrong path.
It’s odd to hear some of these stories, not having ever imagined what she was like as a child. It only leaves me wondering if I could possibly turn out the way she did, had I not had Xana and her family in my life. I hope I never have a chance to learn the answer to that question.
The sermon over, people file out of their seats, passing by the casket to hug my grandparents as they leave, until Cade and I are left sitting with Xan and her caveman, ready for everyone else to depart from the cemetery. They move from behind us to sit in empty seats on our row while we wait.
“How’re ya holdin’ up?” Noel asks, sitting Xana in his lap. He can never be too far away from her, and it’s so sweet I’m getting a toothache.
“You two should just shack up already,” I tease, “It’s like you’re joined at the hips, anyway.” He smiles over her shoulder at me, while her face turns bright red. She’s so easy to embarrass. “I’m fine, really. I’m just stalling to avoid talking to all those people with pity in their eyes. I’m not in need of it, but they just don’t get it.”
“What is it with older people and funerals, anyway? It’s like, once you reach a certain age, you’re supposed to be sad and sobbing at one, regardless of the situation or how little you know the person,” Noel says. “Thank coconuts my family taught me to look at it more optimistically.”
“Optimistically? About funerals? What the hell?” Cade questions causing Noel to shrug.
“Like, how some people aren’t suffering any longer, physically or emotionally. They’re in a better place than they were before, and we should appreciate being lucky enough to have known or loved them while we had a chance.” Xana turns around and kisses his cheek, smiling stupidly at him.
“Didn’t know you were gonna get all philosophical on us, man,” Cade laughs, breaking the seriousness of the moment in classic Cade fashion. I love how he can always do that.
“Eh, just how I was raised.” We sit quietly for a few moments before most everyone has gone.
“Can you guys walk Granny and Papaw to the car for me? I just need a minute then I’ll be ready to leave,” I ask them and they begin making their way to where my grandparents are standing with the minister.
Standing in front of the casket, I run my fingers along its shiny top edge and take in the beautiful yellow and white daisy floral arrangement draped over it. I wonder if she liked daisies, or maybe just those colors. Did she play ‘he loves me not’ while plucking the petals like little girls do, or was she too much of a tomboy for that girly nonsense? Does it even matter now?
I’m completely lost in my thoughts, having no idea how much time has passed, when I hear footsteps approaching from behind. Expecting it to be Cade or Xan coming to check on me, I don’t even bother to turn around to look at them, needing one more minute with Tina.
“Hey, baby doll,” the non-Cade person says closer to me than I guessed.
Chills run over my body, goosebumps covering my skin and I begin to feel all sweaty.
“I was hoping to get a chance to see you here,” he tells me, moving so close to me I can feel the heat radiating from his body on my back. His voice is gravelly and low, quite possibly a little slurred as well.
He places a hand on my shoulder, gripping tightly, and it feels like something extremely heavy is sitting on my chest to prevent me from breathing. My heart races inside me, my hearing suddenly becoming muted for some reason. Placing both hands on the top of the coffin to steady myself, I begin to hear things, see me as a little girl, frightened of something I can’t see or identify.
The stranger grabs me by the other shoulder and pushes his front to my back, talking to me the whole time. Everything goes grey, yet I can see visions flashing in my mind, memories, perhaps, but I have no idea what they mean. Random images and some sounds, that make no sense to me, replay in my mind without my permission. Every so often, I can hear a few of the stranger’s words - good, didn’t tell, special - my mind racing as it tries to decipher their meaning.
One of the stranger’s hands slides from my shoulder to land on my hip, taking firm hold of it. I need to move away, but can’t seem to get any part of my body to listen to my brain. My breathing is becoming more shallow, making it a struggle to breathe. He turns me around to face him, and I am frozen in place as he stares at me, wearing a smirk that makes my skin crawl more than it already is.
“Stace,” someone calls my name, thankfully. The stranger looks in the direction of the voice then back to me quickly, appearing irritated at having his time with me interrupted.
“Give your daddy a goodbye kiss, baby doll,” he says, placing a hasty kiss on my lips before pressing me firmly into him, letting me feel parts of him I’d rather not, and leaves before Cade can reach us.
“Hey, babe,” he greets me, wrapping me in a hug. I can’t stop shaking and he feels it immediately. “What’s wrong?” he asks in alarm, “Why the hell are you shaking like a leaf and who the hell was that guy? Did he do something to you?” His voice becomes more urgent and I bury my face in his chest, trying desperately to calm my mind or slow my breathing, whichever I can get to cooperate first. I can’t let him see me like this right now. I’m not entirely sure what the hell just happened myself.
DAD?
We’d been standing by the cars for fifteen minutes waiting on Stacy to finish her time with Tina, when Granny and Papaw, having reached their limit, were ready to leave. Noel and Xan offered to drive them, so they left me his car to drive when Stace was ready to go. As I made my way over to the burial site, I noticed someone with her that I didn’t recognize, a little too close for my comfort, especially when I don’t know who they are.
Now, she’s trembling in my arms, refusing to look at me, and I’m more worried than I was before. “What’s wrong? Why the hell are you shaking like a leaf and who the hell was that guy? Did he do something to you?” I ask, my voice harsher than I’d have liked, but that’s just how it comes out.
She shakes her head and holds my waist tighter as she tried to regain control of her emotions, and I can’t figure out what the hell got her so upset. “I’m okay,” she tries to convince me, but her voice doesn’t back up her claims. “It just hit me all of a sudden, ya know?”
“Feels like it’s more than just that. What happened while I was gone? Who was that you were talking to?” I don’t know if my questions will cause her to shut down further, but I have to try.
“Can we just leave, now? I’m so tired, I just want to forget it all for a little while.” She turns those pouty lips to face me, quivering slightly, rendering me inevitably unable to refuse her this. She’s had a hard enough week and I’ll do anything she needs me to do.
“Sure. They already took your grandparents home, so we’ve got Noel’s car. Wanna go back to my house for a bit?” I search her face for any clue that would help me figure out what’s happened, but find none, the mask she uses as a shield firmly in place.
“Please,” she says softly, her eyes finally saying what she won’t. She needs me.
“Let’s go, baby.”
We spend about an hour at her house with her grandparents before Noel and Xana decide to leave so Granny and Papaw can get a little rest, and I notice Stace looks like she’s about ready to
drop as well. Her behavior doesn’t fool me though, I know she’s still shaken up over whomever it was she was talking to at the cemetery.
“You ready?” I ask when she closes the door on our friends. My parents and sister didn’t linger around the cemetery after the service, so I know they’ll be expecting to hear from me soon.
“Yeah, let me go check on them one more time, then we can go,” she tells me as we walk back to the kitchen where they are.
“If y’all don’t need anything, I think we’re gonna head over to his house for a while, if that’s okay?” she asks, wrapping her arms from behind around Papaw’s shoulders, kissing his shiny bald head like she always does. It really is heartwarming to witness. He pats her arms, giving them a squeeze.
“We’re good here, aren’t we, Sue.”
“That’s fine, honey. Since we have so much food that’s been dropped off, I don’t have to worry about dinner so I’m gonna take a little nap.” She smiles before continuing, “Just give me a call if you’re gonna be out late, or if y’all decide to do something else.” She takes a drink from her cup of tea then shoos us out of the kitchen. “See you two later.”
“Bye, Granny,” I say and hug her neck before tapping Papaw on the shoulder. “If ya need us, just call.” I take Stace’s hand and walk us to my truck, Granny and Papaw going on about their business.
My parents are in the living room when we arrive at my house, and we decide to visit with them and watch the rest of a movie they have on. Light conversation flows easily as Stacy slowly sinks into my side, relaxing from the day’s activities. By the time the movie is over, she has fallen asleep, her head in my lap.
“She okay?” Dad asks, motioning toward her sleeping form. “She looked a little rattled when you two got here,” he frowns, worry on his face as Mom smiles fondly at her.
“Someone was talking to her right before we left that seemed to upset her, but she wouldn’t talk about it then. Hopefully, when she rests some she’ll tell me about it.” I run my hand over her curled blonde hair, smoothing it away from her sweet face.