by Xana Jordan
“G’night.” I whisper softly, struggling to return to sleep, my thoughts filled with my dream memories.
The school has taken an active role in increasing student safety on campus, dedicating the upcoming week to that purpose. They’ve hired a private security company out of Texas to help students feel more prepared and capable in their own self-defense, offering mini seminars and self-defense classes to the whole student body. With the continual random break-ins and muggings, not just in the immediate area, but in the whole county, a lot of students and local residents are reasonably worried.
I’m more than relieved they’re doing this, and won’t deny I’ll feel better when Stace goes through these classes, training, if you want. Noel insisted Xana take some basic Karate classes this summer, but Stacy always seemed to have some sort of excuse not to attend when I mentioned the classes were being offered.
I know something more is going on with her, but her walls are up so high right now, and I know it will only make things worse if I try too hard to get her to talk to me. After she and Xana were attacked in the parking lot last semester her dreams kept her up a lot in the beginning, and I’m now wondering if they’re coming back. She’s been tired more than usual lately, spacing out more regularly.
Could the run-in with her alleged father have triggered them? She said he really made her nervous, scared, even. There’s been no other mention of him since, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still bothering her. Her habit of keeping things locked away guarantees it.
“What’s gotten you so preoccupied?” Noel asks as we stretch out after mandatory gym time.
“Just got a lot of crap running through my mind,” I tell him while switching legs to stretch.
“Everything alright with Stace?” He sits beside me, leaning forward to touch his toes.
“She acts like everything is fine, but I just have this gut feeling there is something else going on. Maybe I’m just overreacting.” I raise my arm, letting my hand hang behind my head to stretch out.
“Have your instincts been wrong about things with her before?” He sits up to wait for a response.
“No,” I answer while I switch arms.
“Then I think you have your answer. You’ll just have to be patient until she’s ready to face whatever it is. You know that.”
“Yeah, I do.” Having finished my cool down routine, I grab my towel, sitting beside him in silence for a few minutes.
“I’m thinking about changing my major, too,” I admit, wiping the sweat from my face.
“Really? You’ve always thought you’d go into banking like your dad. What’s changed your mind?”
What’s changed my mind? I wish I knew the answer to that one. How can I explain it to him when I’m unsure myself? “I don’t know really. I just, I don’t feel the pull to it like I used to.” Shaking my head, I stare across the room at the bulletin board on the wall facing us. “I love being busy, always having something different to do. Sitting at a desk in an office can’t give me that. I’d be busy, sure, but it won’t exactly be that different from one day to the next. Maybe I’ll want that later, but I just can’t see myself there right now.”
We sit quietly as my words hang between us, the other guys on the team beginning to make their way out of the building, heading to the dining hall.
“Have any idea what you want to do in the meantime?” he questions, turning his head to face me.
“Not really. I figure I’ll finish out this semester, since I have a lot of basic requirements already on my schedule, while I look into a few of the other programs.”
“Sounds like a good plan.” He stands to gather up his towel and gym bag. “You ready to head out?”
“Yeah.” I follow suit, grabbing my things as well. “We eating on campus or at the house?”
“At the house. Xana’s having trouble with smells in the dining hall right now. Said she just wanted simple “non-stinky” food.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I laugh as we walk to my truck.
“I think it means I grill the chicken outside and she puts it on a salad.” He shakes his head, laughing with me as we leave the campus.
“Man, if I didn’t know about her situation, I’d say the smell thing sounds like she’s pregnant,” I joke, only to have Noel’s laughter quickly fade out. Glancing over at him, I notice his demeanor change to one of tension, maybe with a touch of anger, but I’m not entirely sure. “Wait, she isn’t, is she?” I say, suddenly regretting bringing this subject up at all.
“No,” he replies abruptly, his voice having an edge I rarely hear. Regret? Sadness, maybe? He’s confusing the shit out of me. Shouldn’t he be happy about that?
“Sorry I brought that up,” I start to apologize, but he interrupts, cutting me off with his next words.
“No, but we’re not exactly doing anything to prevent it either.” I’m pulling into our driveway by the time I’m able to respond. Turning the engine off, I twist in my seat to gawk at the somewhat crazy person I call my brother.
“What the hell, Noel? You two really want a baby right now?! We’re not even halfway out of college yet,” I try to reason, but he only looks straight ahead through the windshield.
“I realize that. WE realize that,” he says in a calm voice. Too calm for my comfort.
“I thought getting pregnant was hard for her.”
“It is, and her doctor doesn’t even seem hopeful, even after she has the surgery.”
“Surgery? Did I miss something here? What surgery?” I know I’ve not been around either of them much this summer, but I feel like I should already know about this.
“Surgery to remove some of the larger cysts and it does some other things. She just found out. We’re still wrapping our heads around it.”
“Shit.” That’s the only thing I can think to say.
“Exactly. It may help, but then it may not.” His attention is directed to the front porch where Xana stands, having stepped from inside the house to see what was keeping us outside. Seeing the two of us sitting in my truck, she smiles widely as she begins walking our way. “But if it works, she gets pregnant,” he stops to look at me just as she walks over to his door, “it will be a blessing.”
Having greeted each other, they go inside the house, leaving me sitting alone in the truck, thinking over what Noel just laid on me. I can’t even imagine what is running through her mind. It makes me more than grateful Stacy and I don’t have issues like those. She’s been through alot this summer and honestly, I’m hoping we catch a break soon. I hate seeing her try to deal with things on her own. Sometimes I think she’s more stubborn than my own sister.
Closing my eyes, I lean my head against the seat, exhaling deeply to let my body slump in the release of breath. Those two have always been on a different relationship plane than most everyone we know, always having a much deeper connection than people ever realize. Stace and me, on the other hand, have always had more of a push and pull type of chemistry. Usually she pushes me, and I pull her back. It’s just how we’ve always been, even when she refused to acknowledge to herself what her feelings about us were in high school. We would go back and forth for weeks before she’d give in to admitting we were a couple. Then after awhile, the cycle would start all over again. Thinking back on those times makes me laugh now, even though they frustrated the hell out of me back then.
The first day we met, we were drawn to each other, but neither one of us would actually make a move. We flirted back and forth, making innuendos and giving heated glances to the other, while she feigned irritation with me the whole time. “Cade Matthews, you’re such an annoying jerk,” she’d yell at me. I acted like I was only teasing her to get her flustered, but in reality, I was drawn to her, unable to not talk to her, whatever the reason. We’d seem to be dating for a few days or weeks, and then broken up the next minute.
“I can’t deal with you anymore,” she’d tell me, storming off after she ‘laid things out’ for me, when I’d finally
reached her teasing limits. Even then, we couldn’t stop hanging out together whenever we weren’t in classes. I’m not sure how many times we went back and forth about it before our classmates began overlooking our ‘breaks’ and just assumed we were still together. The more I think about it, the harder it is for me to believe we ever got our shit straight.
Having just come from the Math and Science building, Noel and I are waiting outside the cafeteria for the girls to meet us for lunch. This week’s classes have flown by and we’re all grateful it’s Friday even if we do have a football game tomorrow night. The campus has been busy with rush activities from all the sororities, fraternities and aCademic clubs. Noel and I have had our fair share of invites, but neither of us have really been very interested in accepting them. Between band, ball, and classes, we stay fairly busy, not really needing any further obligations or responsibilities to deal with.
“We still goin’ to that sorority party tonight?” I ask while we sit on one of the stone benches outside the student union, located directly over the dining hall. The girls should be here any minute, so they need to hurry up, because my stomach is becoming impatient.
“Yeah, I think we all need to blow off some steam and relax a bit.”
“Whose house is the party at tomorrow night? Jimmy and Greg’s?” Looking across the courtyard, I notice the girls walking our way.
“Yeah, as far as I know. That’ll be a good one to just relax and have fun at.” He smiles as Xana and Stace get closer to us, and stands from the bench.
“True. Band parties are always more fun,” I say in agreement, standing beside him just as the girls reach us. “Hey, babe,” I say while pulling Stace to my side to kiss her cheek.
“Let’s eat, I’m starving.” I pull Stacy along following our friends to the cafeteria doors.
“Like that’s anything new,” she teases and I swat her tight, short covered bottom. She pretends to be hurt, but fails miserably, unable to hide her smile.
“Food. Now. Woman.” I push through the sales line and into the food line without letting go of her. Her shorts are a little too short for my liking, especially in public places. Damn I could do with more than food right now.
“Do you want something to drink?” Cade asks when we find the rest of our friends at the Sigma Sigma Chi party. It’s a combination of between a rush and a regular party, and there are quite a few people here, considering there are at least three other major parties going on tonight.
“Yeah.” Xana, Mallory and I answer, along with Dillon’s date, Katie. Why he’s still seeing her is beyond me. Sometimes, she really has no clue about what’s going on around her. Did he even try to find another date?
“Water?” Noel asks Xana, but she shakes her head.
“Punch,” she tells him, much to his displeasure. He begins to argue, but closes his mouth, teeth clenched making that vein in his neck pop out, instead following the group to the drink table.
“What’s that about?” Mallory asks, frowning at her. “You two fighting?”
“No.” She denies. “He’s just being his usual caveman self, like always.” She shakes her head in annoyance, but I can see there is more to their silent discussion than she’s letting on.
“You okay, Xan?” This gets her attention, the wheels turning in her brain are obvious as she figures out just what to say.
“Yeah, same day, same old story.” She seems to placate Mallory, but I’m not as easily persuaded. Instead, I let it slide because she looks like she needs an escape from her problems tonight. Who am I kidding? Drinks sound great to me.
Katie’s incoherent ramblings keep us enlightened until the guys return with our drinks, her hand exploration of Dillon resuming immediately. Could she be anymore obvious? She’s clearly reaching for his undivided attention, but he seems oblivious to her less than public advances. That’s not like him, but I’m grateful for it, nonetheless.
Before too long, Noel is getting another drink for a slightly buzzed Xana, who has loosened up quite a bit, talking animatedly with Katie and Mallory. Sitting back to watch them, I feel Cade’s warm breath on my neck.
“You look gorgeous tonight,” he whispers against the base of my ear, causing my breathing to speed up a little bit. He places a few soft kisses along my neck, and I close my eyes, feeling shivers run through my suddenly heated body. He knows what that does to me. What is he trying to do? Before I can think any further, Xana grabs my hands, pulling me away from Cade’s wicked mouth.
“Time to dance,” she exclaims, pulling me and Mal behind her to the dance floor.
As soon as we find an empty spot in the crowd, she begins to dance, Mal and I following her lead, neither one of us sure why she’s so hyped up. We all lose ourselves in the music, just having fun dancing together, until she announces she needs another drink and heads straight for the hunch punch before we can move to follow.
“She sure is in a good mood,” Mallory shouts in my ear to be heard over the loud music. “Should we go with her?”
I think about that for a quick moment, then say “Nah, I’m sure Caveman has his hawk eyes on her.” We laugh at that and continue dancing.
“Truer words have never been spoken,” she shouts and we shake our heads, enjoying the music again.
Before long, Xana has dragged an only too willing Katie back to our spot on the dance floor. They both begin to dance, Xana much more freely than she was before. Really soon, several guys and a few girls begin to join us in our dance circle, and I notice a few of them giving a little too much attention to dancing with my best friend and Katie. If it weren’t for the fact that Xana has no real clue the guys are checking her out too closely, things could end very badly.
Mallory nudges me then looks at her. She’s totally oblivious. “I need a drink and a restroom break,” I shout over the music to get Xana’s attention. Surprised out of her own little world, she jumps at my words before acknowledging what I’ve said to follow me and Mal away from the crowd to the rest rooms.
I spot Noel from the corner of my eye as we walk away. He’s halfway to our group, the look on his face telling me he was about to cart her out of here if I hadn’t broken off our dancing when I did. Thank coconuts, those guys kept their hands to themselves.
“I’m so thirsty,” she proclaims as we enter the women’s bathroom. “Why does it have to be so hot in here?” She runs her hands under the cold water, then dampens a paper towel to run along her neck.
“It’s not that hot, Hooker. Just how much have you had to drink?” Mallory questions, watching her with concern.
“Uhm..I can’t remember,” she says after thinking a moment. “Oh! I have to pee!” she squeaks, rushing to the open stall, Mallory and I laughing at her the whole time.
“Drunk Xana is funny,” Mallory comments when she is out of earshot.
“Drunk Xana almost had the Caveman on her ass. I can assure you this isn’t normal for her at all.”
“Maybe not, but she sure could use to loosen up a little more often.” She’s right about that. Drunk Xana is pretty entertaining.
The two of us are finished with our business and waiting on Xana when three other girls enter the bathroom, stumbling and giggling like idiots. The shortest one, wearing a skirt that more resembles a tube top than anything else and basically a bra for a top, starts banging on the stall Xana is still using.
“Hurry up and pee! Other people have to go now!” She hits the door a few more times before it opens and my very flushed friend walks out, completely ignoring the impatient girl, even as the girl nearly knocks her over trying to get into the stall.
“Okay, ladies,” she says to us as she washes her hands. “More drinks and dancing!” Her voice still full of enthusiasm and energy.
Before I know it, she has us back with the group having another drink, well they are at least. I can remember all too well how things were when my mom stayed drunk. It’s one of the few things I actually remember about her. I have no desire to ever be like that, and I�
��m quite surprised by her behavior tonight. Drinking isn’t exactly something she likes to do, Noel either.
Several of the sorority members stop by trying to convince us to join. We’ve all had at least one class together and have been in the same dorm since last year, but they’ve never tried this hard to get us as members. Makes me wonder why now.
“You three should stop by the sorority house this weekend,” Krystal leans in to tell us.
“Oh, that’s so nice of you,” Xana coos sweetly leaning into Noel more than normal. His arm seemingly supporting most of her weight. Cade and Gavin do a double take at her comment, staring at her with eyebrows raised, the look of horror on their face, priceless.
“Awe, we’d love to see y’all around there! Just give me a call and we’ll do something fun!” Krystal smiles widely, giving each of us a hug before leaving our group to make more rounds among the crowd.
“Seriously Xan?” Mallory asks, smacking her arm. “A sorority? Since when have you wanted to join a sorority?” She doesn’t answer right away, instead downing the rest of the contents of her red plastic cup. Asking Noel for another drink before answering Mallory, her voice finally begins to slur.
“Doesn’t it sound fun, though? Parties and get togethers, and everyone is so happy. Always happy,” her voice fades out.
“Okay,” Noel says, handing her empty cup to Cade standing beside him. “It’s time to go.” He pulls her to face him, hauling her over his shoulder when she tries to break away. “Tell everyone goodnight.”
“But, I’m not ready to leave yet,” she pouts, looking at me for support as she hangs upside down on his backside.
“Sorry, Hooker. I’m not helping you on this one,” I tell her, laughing at her attempt to glare at me. “Goodnight,” I wave my fingers and grin. She gives up resisting him, crossing her arms in front of her to rest her head on.
“Whatever,” she mumbles as Noel carries her out of the building.
“Isn’t he sweet for helping her to the car?” Katie says, enamoured. Turning in Dillon’s lap to face him she continues, a little dreamily, “You’d carry me, too, wouldn’t you?”