by Blue Saffire
His eyes took on a longing as he stared at me. I wanted to reach for his face and kiss him. I was fighting the urge with everything I had. He leaned toward me and reached to brush my hair from my face as he stared at my lips. He paused to place his hand on mine.
“Forget I asked. You’re where you belong,” he said and stood. “Let’s go shopping, I’ll be hungry again soon.”
I laughed and stood to follow him, but it was already too late for me to forget he asked. I was torn in two. The more time I spent with Victor and Alex, the more I was falling for them both. I wasn’t sure how it was even possible.
I knew I could only have one and no matter what I would always be hurting one to be with the other, but I cared for them both. They were like night and day and I couldn’t live without either of them. I was really falling in love with them both.
The mood between us changed a little as we went food shopping. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way he looked at me, and how much I wanted him to kiss me. I knew I just needed to put space between us and to see Victor to remember what I was really doing.
Alex tried joking around to change my mood, but that wasn’t helping. It was only showing me what it is I love about him. I tried to shake it off as best I could before we got home, but even the ride home was hard.
Being so close to him and not being able to reach out and kiss him, as much as I wanted to. The energy in the car between us was unbelievable. After a while, he even started to look uncomfortable. We had to stop looking at each other, it was becoming too intense.
As we approached home, Alex called Juan and Victor to ask them if they were home to help with the groceries. I was relieved that they were home. I didn’t think I could stand any more alone time with Alex for the day.
When we got to the garage Juan was waiting by the truck. I was wondering where Victor was. I wanted to see him badly, I needed to remember why I wasn’t with Alex.
“Tali, don’t worry about this stuff. Victor is looking for you,” Juan called as we got out of the car.
“Okay,” I answered nervously peeking over at Alex. I took out my school bag and took a couple of bags to help out a little. I wasn’t sure if Victor was mad we were so late or if us going out was a problem.
I rode up on my own as they collected the rest of the things. When I stepped into the apartment, I didn’t see Victor in the living room. I went to put the bags in the kitchen and didn’t see him there either. I paused to collect my thoughts for a brief moment and started for the bedroom.
I entered the room and still didn’t see Victor. I was frustrated, I didn’t know what he wanted and I wasn’t ready to fight. At this point, a fight was just going to push me away anyhow.
I went to place my schoolbag in the closet and felt Victor’s arms wrap around me. I was a little startled and jumped. He laughed in my ear and pulled me tight to his chest. I relaxed against him as he kissed my neck.
“Hi, Tali,” he sighed in my ear.
“Hey, Baby. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” I laughed.
“No,” he said softly pulling my shirt over my head. “I missed you. Where were you?”
“We went to the arcade and then went shopping. I’m sorry, I should have told you. I just didn’t want to sit in the house all day.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he replied as he dropped my skirt to the floor. “Did you miss me?”
“Yes.” I did, I missed him a whole lot. I was so confused, as much as I wanted Alex, the whole time I was thinking about Victor. I wanted to get to him so he could show me I was where I should be.
Victor had me completely undressed as he lifted me in his arms and carried me into the bathroom. When we got through the bathroom door, I saw the large bathtub was full of bubbles and the bathroom smelled like peaches and cream, my favorite. Victor placed me in the tub and stepped inside with me.
This was exactly what I needed. This was the type of thing no one expected from Victor, the type of thing I knew he would only do for me. This was what made me want to be with him.
His tender touch while he washed my back, the way he gently caressed my legs under the water. The soft way he spoke to me as he held me in his arms. I missed him in more ways than one.
“Victor what brought this on?” I asked softly after he finished with his questions about my day.
“What you mean? I can’t spoil my baby? I miss you, Ma-me,” he said earnestly.
“I like this, Victor. Thank you. I miss you, too. I’m glad we’re okay now.”
“Are we, Tali?” he breathed in my ear. “Cause I want you bad, Mama, I miss you so much.”
“Yeah Victor, we are,” I replied as I turned toward him on my knees and pressed my chest against him to kiss him. “I want you too, Baby.”
He kissed me with more passion than he ever has, I could feel him take my breath away. His strong hands locked on my back, holding me to him. Being with Victor like this was making me forget about my long day with Alex. I pulled away to look him in the eyes to see if I could see in his eyes what I saw in Alex’s when he looked at me earlier.
I felt like I was burning from inside out. Victor’s eyes were burning for me. He had an intense look in them that told me all I wanted to know. He looked as if he would do anything for me, like he couldn’t live without me. I wanted to be with him more than ever.
I stood to get out of the tub and pulled him out with me. He reached to get a towel to dry me off as he kissed along my body. He wasn’t moving fast enough, I wanted him so bad. I fell back against the wall as I locked my hands in his hair. He dropped the towel and clutched my thighs, lifting me onto his waist.
“Taliyah, what are you doing to me?” he whispered in my ear.
“I’m doing what you asked me to,” I panted, “I’m teaching you to love me.”
The fire in his eyes began to burn hotter with my words and he carried me into the room. He lowered me onto the bed and reached into the end table. I watched him pull a box from it and tear it open. He was playing by my rules, that made me want to be with him even more.
When Victor climbed over me that same intense look burned in his eyes. He took my lips in a searing kiss, deepening it as I moaned into his mouth. His warm tongue wrapped mine, just before he sucked mine into his mouth.
Pulling away, he looked down at me intensely. I needed him in that moment. I couldn’t wait any longer. I pushed him so that we would trade places.
“You’re everything I want, Tali,” he groaned in my ear as I climbed on top of him and pushed him back against the bed. “I want to make you happy with me.”
“I’m happy, Victor,” I moaned as I sank down onto him.
“Are you? Do you really mean that?”
“Yes, Baby. I mean it.”
He reached for my hair and locked his fingers in it, pulling my head back as he kissed at my neck. “Tali, I-.” The words were stuck. He couldn’t say it.
I wanted him to. As I rode him and left him deep inside me, I wanted those words more than anything. I wanted him to love me, I wanted to hear it, but this was Victor.
I knew it wasn’t going to be that easy to get him to admit it. Victor buried his face in my breasts, holding me tight. His hands went to my backside to guide up and down on his shaft.
I thought I felt tears fall from his eyes, but when I reached to lift his face to mine, he buried his face deeper into my chest. He was holding me so tightly I felt breathless, but I couldn’t stop. I cupped my hands on his shoulders to try to remain in control of myself.
He felt so good, my eyes rolled into the back of my head and my head fell back. I bite my lip and really started to grind my hips. Victor’s loud groan rolled through my body and my breath hitched.
“Don’t leave me, Tali, I-I can’t lose you.”
I could tell that was not what he wanted to say, but I knew what he meant and it was enough for now. I wouldn’t push him. As much as I wanted to hear it, I knew he was scared of loving me.
For whatever rea
son, Victor needed time and I would grant him that since he was granting me the same. As I felt him fill the condom between us with a shudder, I smiled. It was a compromise for now.
chapter twelve
Turning Point
It had been a month since the big blow up over me disappearing, and my confusing moment with Alex. I had gotten into the routine of going to school, grocery shopping, and going back to the apartment. I had been to the Towers to see my mom once since I moved out. Only other place I ever go is out with Victor to the club or a movie or something once in a blue.
I spend most my time with Alex. We have gotten really cool despite the day at the arcade. It’s just something we do, we forget about our other feelings and focus on the ones we have for Victor. Victor stopped being so jealous about us. I have been wondering what brought on that change of heart. I guess it has something to do with how close Victor and I are becoming as well.
He still hasn’t been able to tell me he loves me, not that he hasn’t looked like he was about to a few times. He gives me this look that tells me he does all the time. Sometimes I think it might be easier if I tell him first, but I’m just as scared as he is.
I’ve never been in love with a guy, not the way I am with him. Sometimes, I think I don’t say it because he is not the only one I am in love with. I don’t want to tell one and not be able to tell the other.
I had so much going on. I hadn’t started the pill yet. I was never good at marking my cycles and I can’t remember my last one to know when to expect to be able to start the pill. I never had a reason before now to really watch for it. I know it was close to the time I met Victor.
I haven’t been stressing over that as much since Victor is playing by my rules. I love the way he is with me when he comes home he is really clingy. He likes to be up under me.
I’m just happy every time he walks through the door safely. That day at that building really put what he does into prospective for me. I could lose him any day.
Lately Alex and I both have been tearing our hair out with finals and papers. I needed to get in some lab time for real. I asked Alex to drop me at school so I could catch a special session. Victor had gone out and I wasn’t going to sit in the house and miss a chance to get ahead in my schoolwork.
Alex had some seminars he wanted to catch too. I told him I would hang out downtown until he called me. Victor was calling me during the class and I couldn’t answer. I sent him a quick text to tell him I was in class and I would call him as soon as I got out. I shut the phone off so I wouldn’t have any more distractions.
When I got out of class I called Victor, but he was not answering me. I was sure he was mad at me for not answering when I was in class. I sent Alex a text to see if he was still in his seminars.
He texted me back to tell me to call Victor, I was super annoyed. I tried that. I called Victor again and I didn’t get an answer again.
I started to walk toward the train. I figured I could go get my hair done since everyone was ignoring me. Victor does at least let me go to the neighborhood for that. I would just be going without my escorts this time. As I walked toward the train, I noticed a car following me. I knew it was one of Victor’s. That had me more annoyed, I wanted to know what he was up to.
I tried calling him again and he did not answer. I remembered what he said about Alex and Juan being the only ones that would pick me up, so I was wondering if this was someone he couldn’t trust trying to follow me.
As I started to panic, I called him again, still without an answer. I decided to text him. I stopped outside the train station to wait for his reply. The car that was following me stopped too, and I got ready to run.
I was prepared to kick off my heels, that were a pair of my favorite Gucci shoes that matched my belt and bag. Once I was safe, I would really be upset about leaving my shoes behind. I groaned internally about being in this situation.
The back window to the car rolled down and my heart started racing, I could feel the adrenaline pumping. I still didn’t get a text back from Victor. I was getting worried something was wrong with him. That’s when rage ran through me. At that very moment, when I was worried about Victor, he stuck his head out of the window.
“You don’t like when I don’t answer, do you?” he called.
“Are you serious, Victor?” I yelled. I could not believe him. I was really scared. He would have a fit if I did something like that to him.
“Get in the car, Tali,” he ordered. He was still chuckling. I was furious.
“No! You’re a jerk, Victor.”
I turned and ran down the steps to the train. I couldn’t believe he would do that to me. I was really worried about him and me for that matter.
I was steaming. I took the train to the neighborhood. I wanted him to worry about me and see how that felt if he wanted to play that game.
When I got off the train, I text message Queeny to meet me at the building. As soon as I pressed send on the text Victor was calling. I had a whole lot I wanted to say to him.
“Hello.”
“Tali where are you?” he grumbled. He had a lot of nerve sounding angry. That just made me that much more mad.
“Why do you care? Leave me alone, Victor.” I was stomping my way to my building. People I knew were waving, but I was barely paying them any attention.
“Ma-me, stop playing.” I really wanted to understand how he felt he had the right to sound mad. I’ve been doing my best to make him happy and he pulls this mess.
“Who’s playing Victor? I’m done with you. Go harass some other girl,” I yelled into the phone.
“Yo, Tali, word B, I’m not playing with you, where you at?” He had lost it. Not only was he talking to me the way he talks to his crew when he is bossing them around, but he was yelling at the top of his lungs.
“Who you talking to Victor?” I was so aggravated.
“Oh, so I get you fly and now you want to leave for the next one. Yo, Tali, ain’t nobody going to mess with you after me. You know who I am?” I could not believe my ears. Victor had definitely lost his mind.
“Wow, Victor. I was fly before you, Baby. If you want your stuff come get it. You know where to find me; you have eyes in the back of your head.” I hung up the phone as I reached my building and stood out front waiting for Queeny.
Victor played himself. I was going to strip down naked and throw all his crap right at him. He didn’t make me anything, if that is what he was thinking, I’m glad I know now. Queeny walked up as I was fuming mad.
“Hey Mama, I missed you girl,” she chimed.
“I missed you too.” We hugged as she walked up close. We never hang out, I only see her when I go to get my hair done.
“What happen, Victor got tired of looking at you and decided to let you out?” I was not in the mood for Victor jokes today. I shot her a look that should have warned her so.
“Screw Victor,” I hissed.
“Oh.” She threw her hands in the air and backed away. I didn’t mean to be hostile toward her. I just tried to shrug it off.
“Anyway, what’s up?” I would feel much better once we changed the subject. It is crazy that I let Victor get to me like this. I really had enough.
“Nothing, same old, same old you know me.” Queeny was being so bubbly that I started to relax right away. My head was starting to clear a little.
“Did you ever get that car from Sisqo?” I asked remembering that she left me that night I hooked up with Victor for a car. For a minute, I wanted to send her away now too.
“No, he keeps telling me we going to get it.” Her face was twisted into a big frown. Serves her right, I thought to myself.
Just then Alex’s car pulled up and parked. I reached for my belt to start to undress, but Alex was not with Victor. He got out of the car and came to stand by the fence with us. I looked at him and narrowed my eyes.
“Are you here to play babysitter, or to try to kidnap me?” I hissed.
“Babysit, Ma-me. Victor is trying
to calm down so he doesn’t kill you,” Alex teased. He was shaking his head and laughing. Alex and Juan always find our arguments funny. I don’t, I’m sick of it.
“Whatever.” I didn’t mean to be nasty to Alex. He is always so good to me, but I was in a foul mood.
“I don’t know how I’m always in the middle of this,” he sighed.
“Well, you don’t have to worry about that anymore.”
Alex laughed and leaned against the fence while we waited for his nutty best friend. I ignored Alex and continued to talk to Queeny. We must have waited two hours for Victor to show up. I saw Alex looking at his phone and sending out text a few times.
He was being quiet and waited just the same. I was still posted against the fence talking to Queeny when Juan pulled up in the Escalade and Victor jumped out. I reached down for my belt unfastened it and started to unzip my pants.
“You made me fly,” I yelled at him. I went to pull off my pants and Victor grabbed my hands. “Get off me.”
“Tali, I’m sorry,” he said pushing me against the fence.
“Yeah, you are, Victor. Move so I can give you your stuff.”
“Relax Baby, please.” He was all up in my face trying to kiss me as I dodged his lips. He reached to fasten my pants back and I slapped his hands away to do it myself.
“Victor, get out of my face.”
“I love you, Taliyah,” he whispered in my ear. I looked him in his face and he was smirking at me. It was the first time he really said he loved me, not just that he wanted to. It figures it would take me to be mad for it to happen.
“No, you don’t. You just care about yourself. I don’t want to play your games anymore. I want to get my things that belong to me and I’m coming back home.”
He put his hands on either side of me to prop himself against the gate like it was an anchor and his arms were my cage. He released a long sigh while looking me in the eyes. I wanted to hit him. I was really tempted to until I saw my mother walking up. I pushed Victor out of my way and went to meet her by the steps. I remembered the ring on my finger and tucked my arm behind my back.