“No, thank you,” I replied. He walked away. I then focused my attention back on G and what he was saying.
“I was getting an ounce of powder, and I’d rock it up and sell it to geekers.”
“Okay, how much do you pay for an ounce?” I don’t know what I’m talking about, but he will never know, I thought.
“Anywhere from $950 to $1,200.” He shrugged. “It just depends on my plug. You know how it is.”
No, I didn’t. I took another deep breath and responded confidently, “I’ll see what I can do for you. I’ll get my people on it and get back with you. Now, do you feel better?” He slowly nodded as I continued, “Now order. I see you eyeing my food and you ain’t gettin’ none.”
Finally we both smiled.
Four
“Hello, may I help you?” I spoke into my phone.
“Hi, Carmen.”
“Hi, whom am I speaking with?” I wondered who this was getting comfortable with me.
“This is George. I’ve been a very bad boy.” I was relieved to know it was one of my favorite clients.
“Yes, George, you have been very bad. I want you at Toy’s hotel room in ten minutes or you’ll really be in trouble.”
“But I can’t make it in ten minutes… I need twenty,” he pleaded, getting into the role-playing of his session.
“No! You be there in ten minutes, up north on 161 at the Cross Country Inn in room 212—or else. Now go!”
Toy was a dominatrix. George, a very successful investment banker at a prominent financial institution, was extremely generous and loved to be dominated. He liked to play house and would role-play the child in need of correction. He never touched Toy, and she was never allowed to touch him. She only used her whip, belt or paddle. At the end of her session, George would masturbate to satisfaction.
I called Toy to tell her George was on his way before another call came through.
“Hi, Toy. It’s Carmen.”
“George is on his way over, and he has been a very bad boy. So give him what he’s looking for.”
“Carmen, I’m getting uncomfortable seeing George. The last session, I beat him so bad that it scared me.”
“What’s up with him?”
“C, he likes it rough. If it ain’t rough, it ain’t right for him.”
“Just complete this session, and I’ll find him a replacement. He really likes you, though, Toy. What does he look like?”
“He’s sorta scrawny looking. Very pale like he never sees the sun. Black-rimmed glasses, short curly hair, very conservative in his dress and rather thin. But he’s fun, and I do get rid of my frustrations.”
“Then there are the tips.” The tips always made the session go better.
“Carmen, I know, it’s just—let me see how this session goes. Maybe I’ll keep him.”
“Be sure to let me know so I can find someone else and get them the equipment for his sessions. I’ll beat him myself for the right price.”
“C, you are wild.”
“Yeah, I have a wild side, too. I’ll let you go. He’ll be there soon, and remember, he’s late no matter when he arrives. Here’s a new punishment for him: have him drink a lot of water and make him hold his urine. Be creative.”
“Okay, C, I’m waiting for him.”
“Great! Later, bye!”
Ring… ring.
“Hello, may I help you?”
“Carmen, this is Toy. George is here.”
“Good, I’ll mark it. Have fun.”
With a smiling voice Toy responded, “I will. But I don’t know about him.” I heard her snap her whip, getting into the role.
“Call me when he leaves, and I’ll get you some regular calls.”
“Thank you, Carmen.”
“Bye!”
As soon as I hung up, another call came right on its heels.
“Hello, may I help you?”
“Carmen, this is Gabrielle. I have a problem.”
“What’s up?”
“My client is still here, and his time is up.”
“Wait, let me check. Mmmmm. Yeah, it’s up. They never stay the full time, anyway.”
“I know. Well, he hasn’t—you know what yet, and I’m tired.”
“I guess so,” I said.
“Seriously, C, he wants his money back.”
“Whoa! This is serious. Is he threatening you?” I listened intently to Gabby’s voice, trying to gauge how she was reacting to the situation. I felt helpless on the other end of the phone line.
“No, but he’s not happy.”
“Tell him he can have his money back, and I’ll still pay you for this call.”
“Hold on.” I heard her offer the suggestion, then she spoke into the receiver. “C, he doesn’t want it. He wants service.”
“Put the money on the bed.”
“That’s not possible.”
“Did you hide it?”
“Yes.”
“And you don’t want to retrieve it?”
“No.”
“I understand. Gabby, Renaye is in the same hotel. Listen, tell him I’ll send someone else down to the room to complete his session.”
“Hold on. No, he wants me. Jack Ruby.” This was our code word for trouble.
“Gabby, you have to hit the door. Renaye is in room 160, and I’m ringing her room on my other line now. Hold on.” I placed her on hold and called Renaye’s room.
“Renaye, go get Gabby in Room 180, Jack Ruby.” I went back to Gabby’s line before she could respond.
“Gabby, she’s on her way. Hit the door and call from Renaye’s. He’s not a maniac or you’d know by now. When you leave, he will, too. Trust me. I’ll send someone to clean up your room.”
“Okay.”
“I’m sending the driver for you both and I’ll move you to another place. Gabby, are you ready?”
“Yes.”
“Hit the door now!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
The phone fell and I heard yelling. “Please, God, protect her.”
Ring… ring.
“Carmen, you paged me?” the driver asked anxiously.
“Yes, go get Renaye and Gabby ASAP! It’s a Jack Ruby. They’re at the Cross Country Inn. Take them to the Hampton Inn, get them settled and call me.”
“No problem.”
Ring… ring.
“Hello?” When I answered the phone, there was silence on the other end. The silence was finally broken with hard breathing. “Carmen, this is Renaye. I got her,” she said, out of breath.
“Good, girls, hold on. Renaye, you pack up your stuff. The driver is on his way to move you. Be ready! Call me.”
“We will.”
Ring… ring.
“Hello, may I help you?”
“I want my money back!” an angry male voice yelled.
“We tried that and you did not cooperate. Use another service.” I furiously slammed down the phone.
Ring… ring.
“Hello, may I help you?”
“Bitch!” Click!
Just another day on those phones. This kind of thing was happening more often. It made me think about getting out of the business. That was a close call for Gabby.
I thanked God for keeping Gabby safe.
Five
I found a luxurious condo to rent on the northwest side of the city. I had always admired it when I drove past it and I told myself that one day I would live there. “One day” finally came when there was a sign out front that read: FOR RENT. This was rare, because in that area, condos sold well and were seldom rented.
I called the number listed on the sign and prayed that nobody had inquired about the property. I met with the property management office within the hour, went on a tour and, after the customary credit and reference checks, I moved in within two weeks. The unit included two master bedrooms, a sunken living room with a wood-burning fireplace and a gourmet kitchen. It had a finished basement with a washer and dryer. It was just what I wanted.
> The apartment received lots of sunlight, gleaming through skylights throughout the condo. Emerald green plush carpet cushioned my feet in the front room. White marble tile led me to my enclosed patio with French doors. It wasn’t bad, not bad at all for a come-up.
T-Love was staying with me as he usually did when he was in town hustling. We were in my den when he approached me.
“Pammy, this guy I do business with is gonna stop by.”
“What do you mean ‘stop by’? T, this is my home. My son is here.”
“Calm down, he’s good people,” T told me reassuringly, “and it’s too late to stop it; he’s on his way.”
“Shit, T, damn!” I guess I had to let T-Love have his way. Eventually, I knew he’d come off of a favor or two for me, so I decided to let it go and roll with the flow. We were like brother and sister, arguing, sharing secrets and playing cards late at night, talking shit. I knew he wouldn’t put me or my son in any type of danger.
I was upstairs getting dressed when I heard the chime of my doorbell. I heard T-Love let someone in. Moments later, I heard my son’s laughter. I came downstairs, and that’s when I saw him playing with my son. My son was laughing like he only did with me. The guy was very handsome—tall, thick and tempting. His presence reminded me of Chino—the way he stood, self-assured with his shoulders back. He commanded attention. I observed his interaction with T and my son. When he spoke, he looked them in the face. That’s how my Chino was, a dead-in-the-eye kinda guy. The shape of his lips had a look of softness and made me imagine the feel of them on the sides of my neck. He was shifting his weight back and forth from one leg to the other, just like Chino, giving you the impression that he was impatient or ready to go somewhere. I wondered if his lips hid a set of perfect teeth like Chino had.
“Out? Please, Chino, don’t leave, you just came home.” I ran to block his exit but he pushed me aside.
Grimacing, he said, “Every time I look at you I think of you and Erik.”
“Chino, please—”
“Out of all the niggas in the city, why you need him for a friend when I was doing my bid?”
“What are you talking about?
“You know what I’m talking about!” He grabbed my forearm.
“No, I don’t, Chino! I didn’t have any friends because you wouldn’t allow it,” I yelled at him. “When you were away, he was just someone to talk to.” Tears began to well up in my eyes from the pain his words inflicted. This was not like us, not how we related to each other.
Chino tightened his grip on my arm and continued, “Fuck that! Did you think I wasn’t getting out? You were supposed to stick to my program and wait. Did you think I wouldn’t find out that you was fuckin’ that nigga? You just like the rest of these gold-diggin’-ass bitches. Pooh, you will not get another dime. You’ve played yourself. I do more for you than you can do for yourself. I taught you finesse. I clothe you. I take care of you. I made you. Look at those jewels on your fingers—I put them there. Look at this house—you can’t even pay the damn light bill, let alone the phone bill. Bitch, I put you in this place. If it wasn’t for me, where would you be?”
Those words cut deeply into my heart… into my soul. Chino had never called me out of my name. He knew I was a virgin when we met and that I had never been with anyone but him. What type of shit was he on?
“How in the fuck can you say some simple shit like that? I’ve never been with anyone but you. Can you say the same? Chino, you went to prison, and I was left out here all alone. None of your crew would help me. And muthafucka, you came home from the penitentiary with everything that you left with. Not one lock was changed, not one phone number changed, your clothes hangin’ where you left them. I put your precious cars in storage, visited you twice a week. You came home to all your loot. Every stashed dime. Nigga, what? I kept money on your books. I sent clothing and food boxes in your name and any other nigga’s name you gave me. I accepted the collect calls and made three-way calls for you and all them other sorry-ass niggas you met up in there.
“Why are you doing this to us? Chino, I need you. Erik was just my friend. You know we went to school together—”
Cutting off my words, he pressed harder to get past me. “Pooh, that nigga getting money in the streets just like me, and you should not have been fuckin’ with him like that. Save that drama for your momma. Them tears is because your ass is cut off. You on your own. I can’t take it anymore.” Then Chino looked me dead in the eye and delivered the final blow. “Besides, I’m in love with someone else.”
Chino’s insistence to leave and my resistance to let him go stopped. His words brought silence to our home. We both stood up straight, as if a drill sergeant yelled “Attention.” The words sobered my mind, and I really looked at Chino for the first time that night and noticed hickeys on the side of his neck and the exposed part of his chest. My mind drew a blank as I felt the blood rush to my face. I wanted to rip his pants off and examine his dick, but the truth was obvious. He had been fuckin’ someone else.
“What, Chino? What did you say?” He didn’t repeat himself, so I did it for him. “You said you’re in love with someone else?” Again, he said nothing. I raised my hand and smacked the shit out of him.
At the sight of him, there was a flutter in my heart. It was surprising because I thought my heart was frozen.
“Hi. My name is Delano.” His eyes roamed my body from head to toe. Delano began looking into my eyes until I could not hold the stare any longer. I was feeling extremely self-conscious, because I wanted to be as attractive to him as he was to me. Blushing inside, I felt as though I were standing before him in the nude. I began to tingle inside, anticipating whatever words were about to come out of his mouth. With my heart beating faster than an addict’s after a hit, I believed that God has placed before me the man of my dreams.
T-Love eagerly said, “And this is Carmen.”
“Hi. Umm… T, I need to talk to you. It’s really important.”
“A’ight, no problem. Me and my boys gonna crash in the family room for a couple of days.”
“I need to go get my hair done,” I told him. “Can you watch the baby?”
“The baby?” He turned, looking at me with surprise.
He was about to get put out. “Yes, the baby!”
“Uh, how long?” T asked irritably.
“Four hours max.” I held my hands as if in prayer.
“Well, that’s cool. Me and lil’ man will watch the Playboy channel.”
“No way!” I was worried that T-Love would be irresponsible with my son. He must have seen the concern on my face.
“Nah, we’ll take a nap.” T smirked as he looked over at Delano. “Can you drop Carmen off?” T-Love, continuing to control the room, then turned to me. “Carmen, I might need to make a run, so I’ll take the baby with me.”
“What type of run with my son?” I did the sister-girl routine and placed my hands on my hips.
“No, it’s not what you think. I had something made by a jeweler for my wife the last time I was here. It’s supposed to be ready, so I may just have to run and pick it up. So, D, can you give Carmen a ride?”
D and I both looked surprised, but Delano casually said, “Sure. No problem.”
Now, this will be interesting. We left the condo and walked over to a hooptie. No, this nigga ain’t in this shit, I thought. It was a dingy gray color with dents on every side. The passenger door stuck as he attempted to open it gracefully. None of the tires matched, and the rims were nonexistent. It didn’t look like it would get us to point B. “Don’t be laughing at my car or I won’t let you in,” Delano said jokingly.
I thought, Well, at least he has a sense of humor. I had gotten to the point of trying to find anything to amuse myself. Most days I laughed to keep from crying. I hated the streets, the constant lies and mind games. You could never forget that your life was in danger all the time. I was making some money, but it wasn’t enough to be out of skid row’s reach. I had to keep
stackin’ dollars. I didn’t want to get hurt out there in the game. And I couldn’t imagine life without my son or doing time behind bars. Noticing the manicured lawns that covered my neighborhood, I had the urge to knock on the doors of these homes and ask the question, “What do y’all do for a living?” or “What kind of job you gotta have to live in a place like this?”
As we rode, I thought of my Chino and realized all he went through to provide for us.
Well, many nights, Chino and I would talk and talk. He was so wise and would use stories and parables to teach me life lessons. One of the many memorable stories that he shared with me was about the loss of a friendship. Chino was around eight or nine and was playing with a kid from a financially secure family. During one of his playtime visits, Chino decided to take something from the home that didn’t belong to him. As a punishment, the parents of the kid forbade him from playing with Chino. Chino related how painful this was for him and how his actions were definitely not worth the loss of his friend.
His lesson was that you have to weigh the consequences of your actions. Nothing is worth the loss of a true friendship. I also was learning every day that all that glitters wasn’t gold. Now I was beginning to make sacrifices and overcome the same challenges Chino faced to provide for my son. Although I was making a little money, I had to be careful because one slipup could cost me my life. I was entering another level. The same level that sealed our fate.
“Carmen… Carmen! You’re in another world. Can I give you a penny for your thoughts?”
I snapped out of my daze. “No, I’m sorry. I was just daydreaming.”
As I stared out of the small Honda window he continued, “Are you married?”
“Why?” I asked defensively. Do you want to marry me? Did you know that I was almost married, was going to be married in two months before the drama?
“Because I want to know if you’re available.”
“You’re very direct.”
“I believe honesty is always best, and distrust is the number one reason relationships fail.”
“Well, I’m just getting a ride from you, and I honestly need to get my hair done.”
Let That Be the Reason Page 5