by Jenika Snow
“Not at all. I know how awesome Skylar is, and you’ve known her forever. It’s natural to be protective. Just don’t smother.” Claire pats my shoulder.
As we walk, the silence that surrounds us is comfortable. I like being in her company. She’s got a great personality and makes me feel at ease. After a while I notice we’re only a few feet away from her dorm. This twinge of disappointment that our walk is over fills me. When have I started to enjoy her company so much?
“It’s going to be okay,” she says, as if thinking maybe I was brooding on Skylar again. I’m not. I am thinking about Claire.
I glance down at her to see her smile.
“You’ll meet a girl, and even if it’s not Skylar, I predict that she is going to be the most amazing girl in your life.”
“I don’t think I need that complication in my life.” I chuckle. “And I think it would be a complication. I’d be possessive and territorial. I’d drive her crazy.”
A moment of silence passes before she speaks again. “Some girls like that.”
The air changes, the heat seeming to rise around me. I scrub a hand over my face again and breathe out. I need to go and sleep this funk off, because right now I am thinking about Claire in more than just a friendly way.
Chapter 21
Holden
I should apologize, say I’m sorry for acting like a fucking asshole, trying to pry her away from Adrian. I can’t lie and say I didn’t know she was happy. I can see it on her face when she is with him, or hell, when she speaks about him. The protective instincts in me always rise up where it concerns her, and I know they’ll always be there. But I don’t have to be overbearing about it.
I grab my cell and send her a text.
Hey, you have time to talk, either on the phone or even in person?
I don’t doubt she’ll think this is about Adrian, and it is, but it won’t be giving her a hard time. I don’t want to push her away. We were friends first and foremost, and even if I’d thought there would be something between us at some point, I’m not such a fool to think that now.
Hell, as the minutes move by I assume she won’t respond. I’ve probably pissed her off plenty, so I won’t be surprised if she tells me to fuck off. My cell goes off, and I half expect her to say just that, to put me in my place, tell me I’ve ruined shit with her because of all the trouble I caused.
Skylar: Yeah, because I have some things I’d like to talk about, too.
I bet she does, and I deserve any shit she gives me.
Skylar
I run the tip of my finger over the rim of my coffee mug. The liquid is more lukewarm now, more milk than coffee, and sweet enough to make my teeth ache. I am nervous waiting for Holden, not because I think anything horrible will come out of this confrontation—but because I don’t want to hurt him.
I see him walk in, his jacket showing off his lean, muscular build. He turns and sees me, and although his expression is stoic, I can see his body is tense.
Once he is seated in front of me, the waitress zooms in like a vulture.
“Order?”
“Just coffee,” he says, his focus trained on me.
We stay silent until the older lady comes back with a coffee cup, the edge chipped, the steam rising up like smoke after a fire.
“I’m sure you wanted to know why I wanted to talk.” He is staring at the mug, not having drunk any of it yet, but I have a feeling this has more to do with having something in front of him than being thirsty. “I wanted to apologize about everything.” He looks at me then. “It’s not my place to butt in with your life, or to interfere with who you care about.” I watch his throat work as he swallows, but his face shows no emotion. “I worry about you, same as Alex. I guess that’s the only excuse I can offer about why we do the things we do.”
“I know you guys care,” I say and smile. I’ve wanted to speak with him about this, too, about how I care for Adrian … love him. “But I want to live my life, and I feel alive with Adrian.” I offer a smile. “I have gone through my own issues, struggled myself. I’d always been introverted, scared of the world, so to speak.” He offers me a sad smile then. “But Adrian gets me, he knows how I feel.”
“His past, the rumors, the fighting…” Holden says, as if trying to show me something I don’t already know.
“I know about it all, Holden. I don’t care about his past, just like he cares about me for who I am.”
Holden doesn’t reply, but I can see the understanding written on his face.
He glances down for a suspended second, and when he lifts his head once more he stares me right in the eyes. “You love him,” he says, not phrasing it like a question.
“I do.” There isn’t any hesitation on my part. “And he loves me too. I want to have something special with him without you and Alex thinking you’re saving me.” I am the one to swallow now. “I don’t need saving, Holden.” And it’s true. I feel like I am breathing, like I have been holding my breath all these years and Adrian has given me that reminder I was suffocating. Maybe extreme, but the truth. “Adrian makes me feel special. He makes me feel safe, loved, and that this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.”
I don’t need someone else to make me realize this, but I may or may not have ever realized that. It may not have ever happened to me. But I have that with Adrian, and I don’t want it to go.
I don’t want to let that go.
“Can you give me this, Holden? Can you let me live my life?”
“What if it’s a mistake?” he asks softly.
“Then it’ll be my mistake to make and understand.”
Holden nods. “Then you need to do what you think is right. You need to be happy. That’s all I want for you, to be well, and to be safe.” The smile he gives me is crooked, and so cute. “I’m here for you, but I’ll step back. This is your life to live.”
And that’s all I want to do … live a life that makes me happy.
Chapter 22
Adrian
There is no way I am going to allow Skylar to handle everything. I know she’s with Holden right now, and I get it, I do. I’m not even jealous because I know she feels the same for me as I do for her. We connected, and nothing can take that away from either of us.
Hiking my bag up, I see Alex, her brother, sitting. His head is bent, and he’s eating a large burger.
Walking toward him, I take a seat on the opposite side and drop my bag onto the floor.
“What the fuck? Are we friends?” Alex asks. “I know I’ve been drinking a lot lately but I don’t think I’ve gone that far.”
It’s a struggle not to laugh at him. He’s looking really confused.
“We’re not friends, not even close.”
“Then why are you sitting with me?”
“I’m dating your sister.”
Alex continued to stare at me. “Are you trying to piss me off?”
I sigh. “I care about your sister, and what I feel for her is real. I wanted to let you know so you didn’t hear it from someone else.”
“There’s no way you’re dating my sister. No. That is not going to happen. My sister deserves someone a lot better than you.” Alex dumps his burger into the wrapper and glares at me. “You will stay away from her.”
“It’s not going to happen. I told you. I care about her.”
“You don’t even know her, okay? You think you care but right now, why don’t you try to get to know her?”
“I know her, and I know what nearly happened to her as well.” I can’t help but get angry at the thought of some asshole hurting her. As it is, I have to keep my shit together. Losing it in front of Alex won’t exactly help my cause.
“She told you about that?”
“Yeah, she did.”
Alex runs a hand down his face, and I see how angry he is. “I turned my back for a couple of minutes and you’re already there. Holden has a thing for her.”
“Between you and Holden, you’ve pushed her away.” Alex may have
turned his back but I now know it was because he was giving Holden the chance to make his move. “You knew about her crush on Holden?”
“You know about that as well?”
“We’re together, Alex. Both of us, and I want us to be able to handle each other right now rather than upset her.” I am doing this for her.
At the moment Skylar is annoyed with her brother, and wants to break away from his stifling protection, but in time she is going to want him around. I know it is what I’d have wanted if I had a brother.
Alex stares at me, and I know he wants to hit me.
“You want to fight me, then I’ll fight you. This is not something I want to do,” I say.
“I know about your reputation. I’ve heard people talking about you being trash and all that crap.”
I shrug. “I’ve been called a great deal, Alex. I love your sister, and even if you hate me, you know I’ll be a good guy to her.”
“How? How do I know that?”
“Have you ever seen a trail of broken hearted girls following me around?”
“I know you’ve screwed around.”
“No. I haven’t. All rumors. All bullshit.” Alex glares at me but I don’t give a shit.
Skylar is different.
“I’ve got to talk to my sister,” Alex says.
“Go ahead.” I stand up. “I won’t be fighting you, Alex.”
I get up, grab my bag, and head off in the opposite direction.
“Adrian,” Alex shouts.
I glance back, and see that he is standing. “What?”
“Thanks for telling me. That does mean a lot.”
“I care about her, Alex. I’m not going to hurt her.” I don’t look back as I make my way to class.
For the next couple of hours, I sit and listen to each different lecture, and I make as many notes as I can. All the time, I’m distracted. I wonder how her talk with Holden has gone. Has she spoken to Alex?
I don’t know the answer to any of these. By the time my classes finish, I’m nervous as fuck, and that is not normal. I really don’t give a shit.
The moment the lecture is over, I’m the first one out, and I grab my cell phone, turning it on. Looking up to make sure I’m not about to bump into anyone, I pause when I see Skylar leaning against the wall with her arms folded. Glasses are pushed up in her hair, and she looks so cute.
“Where are you off to?” she asks.
Stepping up toward her, I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her close. “Looking for you.”
“I did text to say I’d wait for you.” She presses a kiss to my lips, and I release a moan. I love the feel of her against me.
“How did it go?” I ask.
“It went okay. He understands that I want to be with you, and no matter what, he can’t interfere. Did you miss me?” she says softly.
“Always. Have you spoken to your brother?”
“I have, and I thought I was going to be the one to talk to him.”
“You were, and then I figured that it would only be fair that I talk to him. I’m the guy who is with his sister. I’d have dealt with Holden but I know you wanted to deal with that.”
“I can’t be angry with you. I refuse to be.”
Tilting her head back, I kiss her, knowing she is right where she belongs.
Chapter 23
Skylar
“You sure you’re happy?”
I stare at Alex. I feel like we went through this, that I’m back at that diner telling him I care for Adrian.
I nod. “More than sure.” I smile. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
He leans back on the park bench and stars at the bird eating the food that an old lady tossed onto the ground. Finally, after long seconds, he turns and faces me. The wind picks up and I shiver, but I keep my focus on him.
“As long as you’re happy I am too.” He looks at me then. “But I want you to know I’m here if you need me.”
I smile. “I know.”
He gives a sharp nod and looks back at the birds. “And you’re okay with his fighting?” he seems to ask on a side note.
“I mean the guys he goes up against are there willingly. He does what he does for his own reasons, and I can’t fault someone for that.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” Alex runs a hand over his hair, his expression conflicted, but I can also see he understands me, accepts what I want. When he looks at me, I smile, showing him I am okay, that I know what I want. “You really are happy,” he says, not making it a question.
“I am.”
He nods, wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulls me in close, and we sit there, the silence all we need for long moments. “Then that’s that.” He runs his hand over my arm and I smile.
Yeah, that’s that.
Adrian
The sound of the crowd always gets me worked up, has my blood thrumming through my veins, my heart racing like a freight train. The scent of sweat, blood … adrenaline that coats the air, has my very cells coming alive. The fighting not only pays my bills, it makes me feel alive. It gives me an outlet to get rid of the anger and darkness that’s inside of me, if only for a short time.
And then I think about Skylar. She helps me as well, more than she’ll ever know, maybe more than I’ll ever know.
I roll my head around on my neck, feeling the stress melt away and be replaced with anticipation. I am ready to draw some blood.
It is my past making itself known in all physical senses.
Skylar
“You sure about this?” Claire asks, her voice raised to be heard over the shouting crowd.
I take hold of her hand so we won’t get separated. The crowd is intense, and pushing through it is like wading through wet, thick sand. “I’m sure. We can handle it.” The fight tonight is in some abandoned warehouse. The scent of decay and age fill my nose, but I focus on other things. Adrian doesn’t know I am here. I overheard some students talking about it in my Economics class, and although I don’t even know if he’ll be here, I have to assume.
“I have some things to do tonight, but can I see you later, after?”
The words he’d said to me just hours ago replay through my head. I didn’t have to ask him to know what other plans he had. It is Friday … fight night.
We make it to the center of the room, and I can see everyone gathered around in a circle. There isn’t a ring, no cage, nothing that would deem this a fighting area. There will just be two guys going at it. I rise on my toes; see the fight that has just taken place, the guys who were bloody, beaten, but grinning. The ground within the circle is covered in splatters of red, like a crime scene, or maybe a violent piece of artwork.
“This is fucking crazy,” Claire shouts.
I nod. It is.
“You sure he’ll be here?”
I look over my shoulder at her and shake my head. “No,” I say.
“What?”
I lean in close and shout “No.” I don’t know if he’ll be here, and I have a feeling if he knew I was here, whether he was fighting tonight or not, he’d be angry. This can be a dangerous situation for a girl, even if she isn’t alone. The guys watching the fight outnumber the females. They are drunk, rowdy, and blood hungry. I keep getting pushed forward then backward, like a wave, trying to crash me to the surface as the sand swallows me.
The crowd starts getting wild—if that is even possible—and I rise on my toes again to see what’s happening. I see Adrian step into the center of the circle, shirtless, his body huge. He starts bouncing on the balls of his feet, rolling his head around on his neck, looking ready to kick someone’s ass.
The crowd parts again, and my heart falters as I see who the opponent is.
Holden.
Chapter 24
Skylar
“What the fuck is Holden doing here?” Claire asks, her hand over her mouth, looking as shocked as I feel.
What is Holden doing here?
He is going to get himself hurt, and I don’t want that to happen.
I’m suddenly so angry, and as I stare at the fight about to take place, I feel sick with it. How could they both do this? Did they even know they were going to be fighting each other?
Folding my arms, I stare at the two men who mean a great deal to me.
“Are you okay?”
I turn to Claire and shake my head. “No, I’m really, really not okay. In fact, I’m really pissed off. Do you think they planned this?” But I don’t think this has anything to do with me. I’ve spoken with Holden, and he seemed fine with how everything had gone down. He’d accepted what I want.
As I look at their faces, I can see the surprise registering. No, they had no clue they’d be going up against each other. Maybe Holden has always fought. Maybe he hasn’t. Maybe he needs this outlet like Adrian does?
Claire shrugs. “I don’t know. Do you think this has to do with you, or not?”
“No, I don’t think so at all.” And I don’t.
Adrian
For the first time in my life I don’t feel comfortable fighting someone. Holden is glaring at me, but I can see on his expression this is about getting his aggression out … same as me. I take a deep breath and stare at him. I’ve been fighting a long time, and I’d bet anything far longer than he has. Hell, I know he grew up in a loving family, had anything and everything he ever needed and wanted. Not like me. Never like me.
“Are you just going to stand around there staring at me? Do you love me, Holden?” I ask.
I’m being a prick but I really don’t want to dwell on this shit right now. Part of me wants to send him off like a child because I don’t want to beat the shit out of him.
“Is this about Skylar? You pissed that I’m the one she wants?” I don’t know why I’m bringing her into this fight. I only know that I’m pissed off for some reason.