“It’s a long story. Probably best we don’t do this now. Who knows if they’re listening in somehow, despite the new phone.”
“Okay…” She didn’t sound convinced.
How strange. This was the first time they’d spoken on the phone. He couldn’t shake the worry that he’d say something to fuck it all up, but still her voice seemed familiar to his ear. Like he knew her way better than was possible after merely talking via Whatsapp for a couple of weeks.
“I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but I really care about you. I just hope you’ll give me the chance to make things right,” he said.
She sighed again, and the thought that he’d hurt and disappointed her affected him deeply.
“I’m not someone you can toy with. Just know that.”
Her words stung even more. Matt closed his eyes and tried to focus, but his emotions were all over the place. He had to do something more than this. Something compelling, that would show her the real him.
“I wouldn’t do that. Please believe me.”
“If you say so.”
While he was away, he’d thought he’d just come back and explain, but this was way harder than he could have imagined. Her resistance was making him realize how fragile relationships could be. How one misstep could unbalance everything and destroy what trust they’d built up between them.
Was there even any hope? He didn’t know the first thing about love or women even. He’d been away from it all for too long to know the rules.
He needed to think, to devise a plan to make it up to her. This was too impersonal, too distant.
“May I come over?” he asked. The question surprised him as much as it might have done her.
She didn’t answer straight away. Matt wondered what would be worse, if she rejected him, or if she said yes, and he had to follow through on his word.
“Let me be totally honest,” she started. Her voice was still soft but also determined. “The reason I answered your call was mainly to tell you that you just can’t do stuff like this. You can’t just disappear and expect things to be the same when you return. Things are definitely not the same for me.”
Matt wasn’t sure how to respond. “Just let me explain.” He pinched the bridge of his nose to ward off the growing tension in his chest.
He’d trained so hard to get back home, to get this crazy urge to shift under control. He’d been kept locked up in a cold cell, even beaten up by his own brother, but none of that came even close to the amount of stress he was under right now.
He’d enjoyed his conversations with Leah; they’d made him feel normal. Knowing that they’d talk every night had made him feel wanted. The idea of losing all that was too much to bear.
“It’s not the same. I understand that,” Matt had to force each word to come out calmly when all he wanted to do was scream. “Leah.”
“Yes?”
He could hardly hear her response through the haze that overwhelmed his senses, the rush of blood that tried to deafen him. It took all his focus, all of his strength to keep himself from shifting.
“Words can’t explain how important you are to me. Allow me to prove it.”
The silence between them seemed to last forever.
“Fine. Come over,” she said.
Matt breathed a sigh of relief. She was giving him a second chance, even if he realized the battle was far from won.
“Thank you. I don’t want to use the front door, just in case someone’s watching. Meet me out back?” he asked.
“Whatever you say.” With those words, Leah hung up.
Matt stared at his phone, which had gone dark in his hand. This was it. The moment of truth. Had he learned anything from his time with Jamie? Would Leah accept his apology? Would she accept him?
It took a moment to force himself into action. How ridiculous. This past week, he’d learned that he could fight. That he was at least four times as strong as a normal human man, but the thought of facing this beautiful, fragile creature next door terrified him. Despite all his strength, she could defeat him with just a look, or a word even. For some reason, she had all the power and he had none.
Still, this was what it meant to be a man, probably. To be faced with something seemingly impossible, and then do it anyway.
It was now or never. If he didn’t follow through on this chance to make things right with her, after having to beg for it, she’d never respect him.
He ran his hands through his hair, checking himself in the mirror once to make sure he at least looked somewhat presentable, even if he felt like a failure at the moment.
Matt brushed himself off, put the phone down on the first surface he passed by on the way to the back of the house, and unlocked the French door of the sun room.
In the still dark backyard, he could still see that everything was how he’d left it. The paving stones waiting to be laid for his new barbecue area, the soil needed to top up the flower beds. All these reminders of projects that suddenly didn’t seem important anymore.
The heavy wooden table which he’d used that night to climb over the top unseen and unheard still stood next to the fence as well.
Next door, a creaking noise signaled her arrival.
He took a deep breath and jumped onto the table, then cleared the top of the fence in one swift motion, without looking across first. Seeing her beforehand would no doubt throw him off and ruin his entrance.
A split second later, he found himself on the moist lawn he’d landed on just over a week earlier. This time, the object of his affection wasn’t inside under threat. Instead, she stood right there in front of him, her arms crossed and gaze averted.
Before he could even say anything to her, so many conflicting emotions filled him, he found it hard to find the right words. These weren’t his feelings, not even close.
That’s when she looked up at him and allowed their eyes to meet. No, they weren’t his feelings. They were hers.
He wasn’t concerned anymore about losing her, or how scared he’d been about explaining things face-to-face. His fears were nothing compared to what she’d felt all the time he’d been gone.
The transformation was over before he had the chance to stop it.
Chapter Eleven
When Matt had just lept over the fence, Leah didn’t really want to look him in the eye. It seemed to intimate and made her feel too vulnerable.
And then suddenly, she didn’t have a choice anymore.
There he was: the impossible. No matter how hard her brain tried to tell her that what she’d seen wasn’t real, there stood the bear from that night when everything had changed. Seeing the metamorphosis with her own two eyes answered a bunch of questions and inspired a whole host of new ones.
“What the…,” Leah mumbled.
The animal which had formerly been Matt looked startled, then immediately changed back into his former self.
Leah wasn’t sure whether to believe what she’d just witnessed or take the easy way out of believing everything Margaret had told her. Stress-induced hallucinations seemed like a more plausible explanation than accepting that a person had actually just managed to shift their entire body-structure around to grow into a huge bear, fur, claws and all, and then back again into a human being.
“Shit, I didn’t mean for that to happen,” Matt stammered, both hands up in the air as he backed away from Leah.
She wasn’t sure how to respond. As shocked as she’d been seeing his other form, he was still bloody distracting standing in front of her butt-naked. It took him a moment to realize what had happened and to pick up some of the shredded clothes off the ground between them and hold them up in front of the most pertinent parts of his exposed physique.
“I knew it. I knew that what I’d seen was true. I just didn’t know how to explain it,” Leah whispered, her eyes now glued on his chiseled chest.
He was a beautiful man. She’d already realized that the first time she’d laid eyes on him through the fence dividing the
ir properties. But there was something else she couldn’t look away from. There were scars, bruises, and scratches, which had barely begun healing, all over his skin.
Matt turned away, which revealed that his back was covered in more of the same blemishes.
“What happened to you?” Leah asked, taking a step forward.
He looked in her direction again, and then glanced down at himself.
“Oh, this? It’s nothing.”
“It doesn’t look like nothing.” Leah reached out for him, but he retreated instantly, hitting his back against the fence.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking, coming over here explaining everything to you. What a great job I’m doing so far,” Matt mumbled.
He seemed torn. Like part of him wanted to jump over that fence and run, and yet his feet weren’t cooperating.
“Well, you have my attention now,” Leah remarked.
Matt looked up, and, for the first time, they both allowed themselves to truly see the other. Their eyes were glued together, with neither in a hurry to look away. It would have been easier to back down, to not let the other see the vulnerabilities written on their faces.
But there didn’t seem any more need to pretend.
“I thought you just left,” Leah whispered.
“I had no choice,” Matt responded.
Leah couldn’t be sure how she did, but she could sense that it was true. “I know that now.”
“I thought I lost you,” Matt seemed to say, but his lips weren’t moving.
Still, it was his voice Leah heard in her head. Perhaps now she was finally losing it and hearing things that weren’t there. It felt real, though, and she didn’t have the energy to question it beyond that.
She’d never been the emotional type, but this past week had done its best to chip away at her defenses. And now, after everything seemed to want to work itself out, she couldn’t hold back the tears anymore.
“How is this even possible?” Leah asked, though she wasn’t really after an answer just yet.
Don’t cry, Matt’s eyes seemed to say.
How ridiculous, eyes can’t speak. Then again, if some men can turn into bears, perhaps those same men can also speak with their eyes.
“I’m not crying,” Leah protested, but sounded so miserable, it was actually kind of funny.
“How about we go inside?” Matt suggested, but then looked down at himself and paused. “Perhaps I should wear something first, though. This is far from appropriate.”
That was enough to push Leah’s buttons, and she started to giggle.
“Oh yeah, it’s all fine flashing a girl in her backyard, but you best wear something to come in the house.”
Matt glanced up at her again, and then a smile broke through his previously stony expression as well. “Point taken. But it’ll only take a second.”
With those words, Matt lept over the fence again, leaving Leah behind on her own.
She still couldn’t quite believe what had happened. All of it was so far removed from what any reasonable person would consider possible, that laughing seemed like the most sensible response. He’d seemed genuine when he apologized, when he explained that he had no choice. And as much as she might have tried to fight it, his presence had an inexplicable effect on her. Like they were somehow meant to find a way to work through their issues.
He would explain what had happened these past weeks, and she would listen. That’s all. No big deal.
And then…
Leah blushed before she could finish the thought. By that time, Matt was back, fully clothed and much quicker than Leah had expected him to be.
“I’m almost disappointed you found something to wear,” she teased.
“Oh it’s like that, is it?” Matt grinned at her.
They just looked at each other for a moment. With each passing second, the butterflies in Leah’s stomach seemed to multiply, until she could take it no longer.
“Come in. It’s freezing out here.” She waved him over.
As Matt approached her, she could no longer recall what exactly it was they were meant to do or talk about. All she could focus on was his face, with those brown eyes which seemed to see right into her. His lips, just full enough to soften his otherwise masculine and angular face.
Rather than step aside to let him enter, Leah stood glued in place. How empty she’d felt while he was gone. And although she hadn’t even heard his full explanation yet, everything seemed right again.
He stood right in front of her now, with barely a foot between them. It was only now that she realized how much taller he was. He towered over her and made her feel small, which was unusual, but she loved it.
Leah closed her eyes and inhaled. Sweet, with a hint of pine. Was that his aftershave?
Either way, his scent went straight to her head. She couldn’t resist him. She didn’t want to.
Leah tiptoed and wrapped her arms around Matt’s neck, and although he flinched for a moment, he soon returned the embrace. It was as though she could feel his heartbeat speed up along with her own. And the tension she felt grow inside of her fed off of his excitement too.
I want to kiss you, Leah thought.
She didn’t expect a response, but when she opened her eyes again, there he was, leaning down to get closer to her eye level. Their lips finally connected, after the shortest of hesitations which only served to heighten her anticipation.
And then, Leah could feel him. Not just his lips against hers, his breath tickling her face, or his arms cradling her, but feeling his emotions. It seemed as though from the moment they touched, they had started becoming one.
She could see glimpses of what felt like memories coming from him. How he’d watched her move in and how he’d yearned for her ever since. She also saw bits of their time apart, how he’d worked hard to understand his true nature and figure out how to control it. The images didn’t come in any particular order, but more like pieces of a giant jigsaw puzzle, which Leah managed to connect somewhat in order to make sense of it all.
Matt pulled away and immediately the stream of information stopped.
“Did you feel that?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“I guess that’s how Mom and Dad did it,” he mumbled.
“What?”
“Oh. I guess it’s another bear thing. I’ve never known anyone else who could do it. Communicate like that, without words.”
“Ah.” Leah had so many questions but couldn’t quite focus enough to voice any one of them. She just wanted the connection back. To feel Matt as part of her own being again.
Luckily, she didn’t need to spell it out for him because he was after exactly the same thing.
“We should probably take this slow,” Matt whispered between kisses.
He didn’t mean it, though. His mind was filled with images a lot more explicit than mere kisses, which spurred her own imagination into action. Before she got the chance to reply, she found herself floating. Not in a figurative sense, but she was actually up in the air, cradled in Matt’s muscular arms.
“Whoa, careful!”
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to drop you.” His voice was hoarse with desire, giving her oh so delicious goosebumps. And with those last words, he carried her over the threshold of her back door, right into the hall leading to the bedroom.
She didn’t care that her bed wasn’t made. Okay, she didn’t care much. It didn’t matter that there was a pile of laundry on a chair, making the room look messy.
He certainly didn’t seem to notice it as he marched straight to the bed and laid her down gently onto her back.
All Matt had eyes for now was her. If she focused, she could see herself through his eyes.
It was a strange experience and a completely new view for her. Her features seemed softer, more feminine and sensual than when she looked at herself in the mirror. Though it was certainly different, it was unmistakably her.
Could he see what she saw also?
Those eyes, a deep, warm amber so inviting she could scarcely look away.
The only thing more inviting was the promise of tempting flesh now covered by the button-down shirt he had on. She already knew what hid beneath the soft cotton and couldn’t wait to discover the same by touch.
“I hope it doesn’t hurt?” Leah asked as the first of the bruises she’d spied earlier came into view while unbuttoning his shirt.
“Can’t feel a thing,” he whispered against her neck.
“You’re gorgeous,” Leah breathed once she had finished with all the buttons.
“Your turn,” Matt spoke in a low growl that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Oh God, how could she resist this man?
He kneeled between her legs, giving her space to raise herself slightly, then he tugged her top off, leaving her barely covered by the rather sensible bra she’d worn this morning. It didn’t stay on for long, though, his impatient fingers made sure of that.
Again, her mind was filled with images of herself, filtered by his consciousness. She’d always been confident enough in herself, but never felt as sexy as right now. Neither had she known this lust, this passion growing inside of her that was just begging to be let loose.
I don’t want it slow, she thought.
He stared at her, his eyes quite a bit darker than normal.
Your wish is my command.
Leah closed her eyes and lay back onto the bed again while Matt tore off first her jeans and then his own. She was ready. She was his.
Chapter Twelve
It had been a while since the last time Matt had been with a woman. Quite a while actually; the last time he had been no more than a nervous teenager, impatiently fumbling in the dark.
Right now couldn’t have been more different.
Leah made everything different.
He’d already known that her presence had made it so much more difficult to control the beast that lurked within him. But he could have never guessed just how hard it was to pace himself now that things had become a lot more intimate between them.
His bear didn’t as such want to come out anymore, but he did have very specific wants and desires.
Scottish Werebear: A New Beginning: A BBW Bear Shifter Paranormal Romance (Scottish Werebears Book 4) Page 7