by Sparkle
“I don't feel like you do.” I had promised myself I wouldn't cry, but felt myself getting teary-eyed.
“When you become an adult, you’ll understand. Calvin's my husband and you're my daughter. I'm trying to do the best I can.”
“I need you, Mom. Do you know how hard that is for me to admit that to you after you continue to take up for that man?”
“That man is your stepfather and you need to show him respect.” She reached out to me.
I pushed her hand away. “Apparently Calvin didn't knock any sense into you.”
My mom raised her hand to slap me, but stopped inches away from my face. I stared at her with disbelief. It never failed. My mom broke my heart again. I pulled my legs up as close as I could to my protruding belly.
I guess she felt remorseful because she said, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.”
“I hate you!” I yelled. “I hate you!”
“I'm sorry, Sade. Please forgive me.”
“You're not my mama. You can't be.”
She ran out of the room crying. I wanted her to feel the pain I felt. My body shivered from anger. I held on to the anger to mask the pain I felt.
My cell phone rang. I picked it up without looking at the caller ID. “What?” I snapped.
“Who pissed you off?” Brandon asked from the other end of the phone.
My voice softened. “I've had a bad night.”
“What can I do to make it better?” Brandon sounded sincere.
“I wish there was something you could do, but its family problems.”
“I can relate to that.” Brandon went on to tell me about some of his issues. He was the youngest of three boys. His other two brothers were both locked up in the state penitentiary. He was dealing with his mother and her drug abuse problem. “Everyone's expecting me to screw up and end up like my brothers. I refuse to prove them right.”
I admired Brandon's drive. I confessed, “Well, I'm the only child. My mom married my worst nightmare and there's nothing I can do about it.”
“Can you go live with your dad?” Brandon asked.
“I wish. My dad died when I was a baby.”
“Sorry to hear that Sade. If you want to talk about it, I'm a good listener.”
I decided to change the subject. “How long have you been playing the keyboards?”
We went back and forth about some of our favorite things with music being one of many things we both had in common. Two hours later we got off the phone. I smiled and Brandon was the last thing on my mind as I drifted off to sleep.
“No, no,” I screamed. Calvin was touching me all over my body and I was trying to stop him. I woke up realizing it was only a dream. I closed my eyes and attempted to go back to sleep, but failed. No matter how hard I tried to escape, Calvin seemed to be right there in my mind to remind me there was no escaping him.
~35~
JOYCE
Sade and I were at the doctor's office. I watched the doctor place the probe on Sade's stomach. Sade's accusation the week before hit a nerve. As much as I wanted to deny Sade's comments, I had to face the fact that there was truth in Sade's words. I was guilty of not spending much time with her lately. My baby girl was pregnant and if I were to face the truth head on, no, I hadn't been there for her in a way a mother should.
After arguing with Calvin over the weekend, I vowed to change things. I needed to work on repairing my relationship with Sade. Sade didn't know it, but I planned to throw her a surprise sweet sixteen party.
The doctor said cheerfully, “Sade, looks like you're having a girl.”
Tears flowed down Sade's face. I did what any other mother would do. I got tissue out the nearby box and wiped her tears. “It's okay, baby. We're going to take real good care of her.”
The doctor said, “Sade's coming along great. Being eight months pregnant, everything looks fine so far. See.”
We both looked at the monitor and saw the baby move in her stomach. The doctor printed out a photo of the sonogram and handed it to Sade. After Sade dressed, I signed some papers at the front desk and we left out of the clinic.
“Mama, I don't know if I'm ready for this,” Sade confessed on the ride back home.
“We're going to get through this together. You, me and Calvin,” I responded.
“That's just it, mama. After I have the baby, I'm not coming back unless Calvin is gone. I mean that.”
While watching the traffic, I partially watched Sade from the corner of my eye. “Dear, you don't know anything about raising a child. I'll be there to help you and I can't do that if you're living somewhere else.”
“Mom, I'm trying not to disrespect you, but that's final. Either he goes or my daughter and I go.”
Sade was adamant about leaving and I was adamant about trying to keep my family together. We were at a standstill so we rode the rest of the way lost in our own thoughts. When we got to the apartment, Sade headed straight to her room. I went to my room and as usual, Calvin wasn't anywhere around. Frustrated, I decided to go wash up and cook dinner.
I turned the knob on the bathroom sink. Nothing came out. “What in the world?” I said. I went to the kitchen sink and turned the knob. Nothing. Not a drop of water came out.
I immediately called the water company only to learn that the water was cut off because the bill hadn't been paid in two months. I'd given Calvin the money to pay the bill so after arguing with the customer service representative for a few minutes; I realized she was telling me the truth. I hung up with her and then called the toll free number to my bank. After calculating to make sure there would be enough funds to cover the water bill, I called the water company back and paid the bill over the phone.
The customer service representative said, “We'll send someone out to turn it back on before the end of the day. You have a nice day.”
Disgusted that I had just spent the money on an unexpected expense, I dialed Calvin's number. As usual, he didn't answer. I didn't bother to leave a message. Cooking dinner was out. I grabbed my keys and left the apartment. I used my last ten dollars I had in my pocket to buy Sade and me a meal from a nearby hamburger joint.
When I got back to the apartment, I went to Sade's room and handed her the meal and I went back to the living room to eat mine. Calvin hadn't returned my call nor was he back at home. After eating, I tried to concentrate on the show on television, but failed.
Several hours later, Calvin waltzed in as if he didn't have a care in the world. He was humming, smiling, and tried to kiss me. I blocked his kiss with my arm.
“What in the hell did you do with my money?” I yelled.
“Baby, calm down. I don't know what you're talking about.”
I threw the water bill I had found still in the drawer at him. “Do you remember not paying the water bill? I came home this evening and went to wash my hands and guess what--no water.”
Calvin yelled, “Hold up. I know I paid that bill.” He left the living room and headed to the kitchen. He returned to the living room. “The water's on, so what the hell you talking about Joyce?”
“Of course it's on. I paid it via the phone today so it's supposed to be on. Fortunately, the rep didn't charge me a reconnect fee.”
Calvin couldn't even look me in the eyes. “What had happened was, I stopped by Marcus house, and a crap game was going on. I thought I could double our money, you know so you wouldn't have to worry about next month's bill.”
I threw my hand up in the air. “Save it. Two months, Calvin. The bill hadn't been paid in two months. That's why they cut it off when they did.”
“I lost okay. I tried to recoup it again this month.”
I shook my head from side to side. “I make the money and all you have to do is go pay the bill, but no you can't even do that.”
“Joyce, I understand you're upset, but you better watch how you talk to me.”
“Or what? You're going to hit me again. I don't think so. Because I told you Calvin if you ever…and I do mean ever raise you
r hand to hit me again, it would be the last time.”
Calvin leaned his head back and laughed. “You have lost your mind. I'm the only one wearing the pants in this house and you're going to obey me.”
Calvin raised his hand up to hit me. I jumped up off the couch, but wasn't fast enough. Within seconds, Calvin had pounced on me, using his fists to attack my body. I used my arms to shield my face. I felt that if I could protect my face, I would be all right. With each punch to my body, I felt weaker and weaker. I couldn't believe the man that I loved would do me like this. Tears flowed down my face as I faded to black.
~36~
SADE
I heard the commotion between Calvin and my mom from my room. I stayed in my room with the door closed until I heard the front door slam. Soon as I heard Calvin leave, I rushed out and saw my mom passed out on the couch.
“Mama, mama,” I said as I shook her. A bruised up Joyce laid out on the couch.
She wouldn't wake up. I tried not to panic. I got up and dialed nine-one-one. I confirmed the address with the operator. I cradled my mom in my arms until I heard a knock on the door. It had taken them long enough. It had been fifteen minutes since I placed the call. I tried not to think about that as I opened the door for the paramedics.
I grabbed my mom's purse and followed behind the paramedics. The paramedic tried to assure me that she would be okay on our way to the hospital. “We think she suffered a concussion. Do you know who did this?” the man asked.
“Calvin Thomas.”
“We'll need all of his information so we can tell the police.”
“The police?” I asked. I didn't know if I should get the police involved. I didn't want Calvin to take out his anger on my mom again.
“Yes. We had to report this. They will be waiting at the hospital. Soon as we get your mom admitted, they will probably want to ask you a few questions.”
I said a silent prayer for my mom's recovery as we rode quickly down the freeway to the hospital. Just as the paramedics had said, there was a police officer there waiting to ask questions about the incident.
Since my mom came in by ambulance, we didn't have to wait in the waiting room like others; they immediately took her to one of the emergency patient rooms. The police cornered me and asked me question after question. I tried to dodge the questions until I knew how my mom was first.
“How is Calvin Thomas related to you?” one of the officers asked.
“He's not. He's my mom's husband,” I responded.
I heard my mom yelling out and left the officers still trying to figure out what happened.
“What's going on?” my mom said in a groggy voice, as soon as she saw me walk through the door. .
“Mama, I’m just glad you're awake,” I responded.
She attempted to sit up, but fell back down on the hospital bed. “Yes, but where am I? Oooh, my chest is killing me.”
“We're at the hospital.”
“Is Calvin talking to the doctor?”
“Are you serious?” I asked in shock.” Calvin’s the reason why you're here. I called nine-one-one. Calvin's ghost.”
“All I remember is...” she cried out in pain. “Oh my God. I can't believe I passed out.”
“He tried to beat you to death and the police are outside waiting to find out what happened. Mama, we can finally get rid of him. I'll tell them everything; you don't even have to talk.”
I stood up to go back outside. She grabbed my wrist. “Don't. Let me talk to them.”
“Mama, you can barely talk. I'll handle this.”
“No, I said. You stay out of this.”
“Fine,” I agreed. “I'll be right back. I'll let them know you're awake.”
I stood in the background as the doctor and female police officer entered the hospital room. The doctor said, “Ms. Washington, you tried to give us a scare.”
My mom's attempt at smiling turned to a look of pain as she shifted in the bed. “What's my prognosis?”
“You're lucky nothing was broken. You have a bruised rib and kidney, but we're still testing to make sure there's no internal bleeding.”
“I feel like an eighteen wheeler ran over me.”
“I'll have the nurse administer some pain medicine, but you're going to feel a little uncomfortable these next few days.”
After the conversation with the doctor, the officer who had been quiet the entire time made herself known. “Ms. Washington, I'm Officer Parish. I need to ask you a few questions. Your daughter told the paramedics that a Calvin Thomas did this to you. Is that true?”
My mom looked at me and then back at the officer. “My daughter wasn't there when it happened.”
“Okay, but that's not what I asked you Ms. Washington. Is it true that your husband did this to you? If so, we can charge him with assault. I just need you to confirm and I'll file a report.”
My mom looked away. “I can't.”
“You can't what, Ms. Washington?”
“I don't remember, okay. I don't remember who did this?”
“Mama, you know Calvin did this. Why don't you tell her so she can arrest him and get him out of our house now,” I pled.
“Ma'am, I'm here to help you. When they realized this might be a case of domestic violence, I was called out. I've been where you are.”
My mom and I both looked at the officer.
Officer Parish continued, “Yes, I know. Hard to believe, isn't it? Well, if I can get out of a two year abusive relationship, then ma'am, so can you.” The officer looked in my direction.” If you don't do it for yourself, do it for your daughter. From the looks of things, she's going to need her mom around to help her. Don't you want to see your grandchild?”
My mom wouldn't look the officer in the face. “I have nothing more to say.”
The officer pulled out pamphlets on domestic violence. She tried to hand them to my mom, but my mom wouldn't take them. Instead, she turned her head away. The officer laid them on the bed. “I'm going to leave these here.” She walked up to me. “Here's my card.”
I took the card and put it in my pocket.
The officer said, “If either one of you need me for anything, don't hesitate to call me. The station's number is there and my cell phone.”
“Thanks,” I said.
The officer walked towards the door. She stopped and turned around. “Ms. Washington, he's never going to stop. The next time, you might not be so lucky. The next time, we are called out, it might be too late. Just something to think about. You ladies try to enjoy the rest of your day.” She looked at me again. “Take care of your mom and that baby you're carrying.”
As soon as the officer was out of the door, my mom used her hand and knocked the pamphlets to the floor. “Who does she think she is? She doesn’t know my situation. I don't remember Calvin hitting me so why would I turn him in for assault.”
I looked at my mama and then at the papers on the floor. I walked over and bent down as best as I could and picked them up. I held them in my hand.
My mom said, “I don't want them. Throw them away if you want.”
I threw the pamphlets in the trash and exited the hospital room. I left to see if I could catch the officer. “Officer Parish,” I yelled out.
The elevator door opened and the officer turned around and saw me. She let the elevator door close. “Young lady, is your mom ready to talk?” Officer Parish asked.
“No, ma'am. She won't talk, but Calvin, her husband, did beat her. This isn't the first time either. She does know he did it, she's just telling you she can't remember.”
Officer Parish frowned. “Without her being willing to confirm it, I'm sorry there's nothing we can do.”
I knew that would never happen. Without further discussion, I watched the officer get on the next elevator. Once again, I felt like I was in a hopeless situation.
~37~
JOYCE
I remained in the hospital for two days and not once did Calvin come visit me. He called the hospital ro
om to check on me, but if Sade answered the phone, she wouldn't put the call through.
The only reason why I was on the phone with him now was that Sade had stepped out of the room to go get her something to eat in the cafeteria. Sade walked in the room while I was ending the call with Calvin. Once I had hung up, I said, “I told you need to stay out of grown folks business. This thing between Calvin and me is just that--between us. It has nothing to do with you.”
“Mama, you heard the officer. He's not going to stop. It's only going to get worse. I don't want to lose you.”
“Baby, you're not going to lose me. This is just something that he and I are going through. We're going to work this out and things will get back to how they used to be.”
“I'm so sick and tired of you making excuses for him. He's a molester and an abuser and you keep making it seem like he's just having a bad day.”
“Sade, hold your voice down. I don't want everybody all up in my business.”
“Too late. Everybody knows that Calvin is whooping that behind and you won't do a thing about it.”
“Sade, you better be glad I'm in a hospital room and you're pregnant or I would beat your behind for you talking to me like this.”
“I wish you would take that attitude with Calvin and just maybe you wouldn't be in this condition,” Sade said, before storming out of the room.
I'm at my wits end. I didn't know what to do with Sade. Sade was getting sassier and sassier the further along in her pregnancy she got. I've tried to be understanding because with her being pregnant, her hormones were probably all over the place, but as soon as she had that baby, I would not be tolerating disrespect.
I eased myself into my clothes. I called Calvin back so he could pick me up, but he hadn't returned my call. It took all of my strength to bend down and put on my shoes. My ribs hurt. I moaned in pain.
“Hey, mama, look whose here,” Sade said as she burst in the room with Maddie, Crystal's mom right behind her.
“Hi, Maddie,” I said.
Sade rushed over and helped me with my shoes.