by Shannon West
My father stepped over to the bed then and bent over to kiss my cheek.
“Dad.” I whispered to him. “Is the baby…is she an omega?”
“Too soon to tell for certain, son, you know that. If I had to guess though, just from her scent...I'd say maybe. Scent is not always reliable when it comes to these things, as you well know. She’ll be whatever she’s supposed to be. Just like you were. And we'll love her no matter what.”
“That's right,” Logan said, taking her out of my arms and kissing her forehead. “Now close your eyes and get some rest.”
He was being great about it. They both were, but I knew they had to be feeling crushing disappointment. If he'd had a female omega, then she could simply give him more children if she happened to produce a girl child. Something I couldn't do anymore.
I thought it was time I faced reality, and quickly. I had to leave. I had to get the hell out of Logan's way. Because Logan didn't need someone like me. He needed a female omega for a mate, and he needed sons, like he'd always said he wanted. Alpha sons who would carry on his leadership of the pack.
I should never have changed the plan I'd had before Logan found me and brought me back home. It was selfish of me to allow myself to be persuaded, but I had, and there was no going back. I would run again, only this time I wouldn't leave Logan and my father worried and wondering what had happened to me. The only decent thing I could do was lie again. Tell Logan I didn't love him, and I'd never really loved him. Tell him that I'd been in touch with the real father of my baby and he wanted me to come to him. That way, he wouldn't fight me, and he wouldn't object. I needed to get the hell out of there and let him get back to his life before I interrupted it. Because of my surgery, I'd be in the hospital for a couple of days. I knew that much. That gave me a little time to make my plans.
I realized now that just running was childish and unnecessary. Logan wasn't holding me hostage, and despite my status as an omega, he wouldn't keep me there if I truly wanted to go. Especially if I told him there was someone else—if I told him the baby had a father who wanted her. I had to calmly tell him that this wasn't working, and I wanted to leave. I had to convince him of that and make him believe it. As for Logan, I thought he'd be relieved. Surely, it wouldn't take all that much convincing, and he'd know it was for the best all the way around. Well, maybe not all the way. Not for me, but I'd get over it too. I just had to overcome these damn omega hormones. I had to man up and get out of Logan's way.
I knew that it was for the best. I was leaving, and nothing he could say or do would change my mind.
Chapter Seven
Someone was singing Auld Lang Syne close to me, and I woke up with my eyes misty, slow tears sliding down my face. It wasn’t because of the quality of the singing, which was actually really good. A girl was singing in some old TV show or other.
I was so disoriented. I lay still for a moment trying to think of where in the hell I could be and trying not to panic because I had no idea. I raised up on one elbow and saw that the TV was on in what looked like a hotel room. I was in a king-sized bed and had lined up the pillows on either side of the baby, who was peacefully sleeping beside me.
Slowly the memories came flooding back. I was in a hotel room in Asheville, not too far from the hospital. I had left after a massive and terrible fight with Logan, in which he told me that if I ever left again that I shouldn't bother to come back. The memories were right there, if I could just calm down long enough to think this through.
I lay back on the pillows, rubbing my eyes. I realized the old TV show must be Sex and the City because that was Carrie Bradshaw running through the snow in a big fur coat as someone sang a sad and mournful version of the old song. And sad was the last fucking thing I needed.
God, I'd actually done it. I'd taken the baby and left Logan. I'd thought momentarily of leaving her for the pack to raise, but before I left the hospital, I had gone down to the hospital nursery to look at her one last time through the glass. Though they had put a little pink hat on her, it had slipped, and I got a glimpse of her hair, sparse and blonde. Her eyes were still that dark murky blue infants have sometimes. Her little face was tightly scrunched in sleep, and her little fists up next to her face like she was ready to fight. She'd have to, if she turned out to be an omega.
To my horror, tears had started flowing as I gazed at her. What was with all the crying? It could have been because of the hormones, I guess, which still were in my system, since I'd only just had the baby a few days ago. Or it could have been because I was just so tired and exhausted. And heartbroken—I had glanced down at her pretty face again and knew there was no way I could leave her. No fucking way I could walk down the hall, out of the hospital, and out of her life. And out of Logan's, the treacherous little voice in my head reminded me.
But Logan was a different story, and I would only get in his way. This baby needed me, and I was going to be there for her no matter what. The baby...I hadn't even given her a name. I flopped back down on my back in bed, feeling dizzy and sick. On the TV now, the girl was still singing that Auld Lang Syne song, but Carrie had finally made it to her friend's apartment. I watched, feeling dead inside, as they hugged each other and went inside out of the cold. I'd always liked Carrie. Strong, independent, and loyal to her friends. What was the word the romance books always called heroines like her? Plucky. That was it. I glanced down at my baby girl.
“Carrie. That's a pretty name, huh? And you're going to need plenty of pluckiness if we're going to survive this, sweetheart.” I bent over her and brushed my lips against her forehead. “Carrie it is then.”
Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind? The words were still reverberating through the room, and I thought, I only wish it were that easy. Most of my “old acquaintances,” including the ones I loved the most, would turn their backs on me now that I'd left the pack for an incredible second time.
That’s why I was so startled when I heard the banging start up on the hotel room door. I struggled to my feet to peer through the little hole to see who it was. Carrie woke up with a startled cry, and I quickly scooped her up and held her, patting her back like I'd seen the nurses do until she settled back down and then I laid her back on the bed. I went over to the door to look out.
Logan was standing in the hallway, looking furious. Shit, how had he found me so easily? I hadn't told him where I was going, and I'd only left the day before. I so wasn't ready to face him yet. Or at all, for that matter. I closed my eyes tightly, praying that my mind had conjured up the image of my mate just to twist the metaphorical knife in my heart a little deeper, and that when I opened them again, I wouldn't see him standing there outside my door.
It wasn't that I thought I'd never see him again. I couldn't even fathom that idea. The fantasies I'd had usually started with me running into him somewhere, years from now. Kind of like Barbra Streisand in that movie where she met Robert Redford on the streets of New York. I'd be wearing tight, form fitting jeans and something blue to bring out the color of my eyes, the way he liked it. He would take one look at me and be a little sorry, and maybe a little sad, and he’d feel regret for how ironically life had treated us. He'd be kind and kiss my cheek, like Robert did to Barbra. Maybe he'd show me pictures of his mate and his children with her, all sons who looked just like their father. I'd give him a brave smile and wish him well.
In all my imaginings, I’d never pictured seeing him again like this, though, with him looking so perfect, while I had bedhead and was wearing this ratty old bathrobe. He, on the other hand, looked like he’d just come from some holiday party or other, and maybe he had. After all, it was a few days after the holiday—actually, now that I thought about it, it had to be New Year’s Eve.
The day before was still kind of a blur. Late that afternoon, after making the nurses give me the baby, I left the hospital without permission, took a taxi into town, and had it let me out downtown. I walked disconsolately around through the busy, crowded downtow
n area. The stores were open, including a bakery with holiday delicacies to sample and a drugstore where I bought formula and diapers. The holiday lights still up on the street were festive, and though the streets were wet and dark with a drizzling rain, I had the baby tucked under my coat to keep her warm. The lights shining down on the wet pavement were reflected back twofold with the headlights of passing cars, so that the whole street seemed alive in celebration of the coming year. I was vaguely hungry but couldn’t decide what I wanted to eat. I passed several restaurants, the scents mingling with the cool, damp air and the fumes of dense traffic on the street.
I had walked to the closest hotel I could find, where I planned to spend only a couple of days recovering and taking care of the baby until I could find something more permanent and less expensive. I spent that next day in my hotel room, still recovering from having the baby. The fact that I had a broken heart probably didn't help either. I had spent the evening there too, eating room service, feeding Carrie a bottle, and watching old holiday movies even though Christmas was over. Then I fell asleep, because I was so exhausted and sick at heart. Carrie woke me up at two o'clock and again at four, so when I finally went back to sleep, I went out like a light.
I looked again through the little hole at the vision in my doorway, and Logan proved he wasn’t a figment of my overheated imagination by banging on the door again. Louder this time.
“Open the goddamn door, Kade, or I'll knock it down.”
I flung open the door and stood there, dizzy and swaying, and I couldn’t think of a word to say. The last time we’d talked hadn’t exactly been cordial. At least I hadn't sneaked away from him this time. Well, not exactly. A few days after the baby was born, I had explained to him in great detail why I just couldn't stay. I told him it was for the best if I didn't come back home with him when I was released, and best if we made a clean break, because I wasn't what he needed in his life, and it was time we both faced up to that.
He protested, of course, but I insisted that not only was it a bad deal for him, but I wasn't happy either. I told him I'd lied about not knowing who the father was and that he was from another pack. I told him I had been in contact with the man, and he wanted me and the baby. I explained how I'd had a terrible crush on him, but that was past tense. It was all over now, and like he once predicted, I was ready to move on. I didn't love him any more than he loved me. He'd been right about everything, and we were much better off as friends.
Basically, I lied my ass off. Because I knew he wouldn't let me go if I didn't. Not because he loved me, but out of loyalty, he'd stay with me, and he would be...diminished. Because of me. The pack would think less of him, because he wouldn't be able to have sons to carry on when he stepped down one day, and because he had taken a male omega as a mate and refused to get rid of him even though that omega was so spectacularly unsuitable in every way. Eventually, Logan would come to resent and even hate me for it.
His gaze had skittered away from me as I listed my reasons, and those Grady green eyes gave me a wounded look as I lied about the father of the baby. Even though his mouth was saying all the right words, I knew I was making the right decision. I doubled down and told him I was in love with the baby's father, and that we had been carrying on, messaging each other right under his nose.
Finally, he'd walked out on me, furious at me and yelling that I needed to get my shit together. He said he'd see me the next day, but almost as soon as he'd left, I'd taken off.
And now it seemed he'd found me. He pushed past me into the room. “Why the fuck did you leave the hospital? Did you think you could run again? Are you really that stupid?”
I was a little surprised by the anger. We hadn’t exactly parted on the best of terms, but it had been a night and a day since the fight, and he should have calmed down a tad by now. Surely some of the rage that he’d hurled at me that last awful night in my hospital room should have dissipated by now, once he'd thought things through. And as for the things I said—because truthfully, I had said some bitter, hateful things—he should surely have realized that at least part of what I told him was simply the truth. I was no good for him. He had to feel some relief, in a way. Now he could find himself a female and have himself some little alpha baby boys. Deep down, he had to be relieved and happy to be rid of me.
But he was staring at me like he hated me. Like he’d never held me close with his hand wrapped tightly around my dick, slowly driving me insane. Like he’d never held me up against a wall in his room and fucked me while I begged him for more. But that had been before, and a lot of water had flowed under the bridge since then. Or as the girl on TV had sung, seas between us broad have roared since then. No kidding.
I noted distantly that my head was pounding and looked up at him as he threw himself in a chair next to my bed and looked over to check on the baby. “Did the hospital call you after I left?”
“Of course they did. I'm still on their records as your alpha, Kade.”
“Oh, right,” I said. “But how did you find me?”
“You used my credit card when you bought the diapers and formula and again when you booked the room.”
“Oh yeah,” I said, feeling stupid. “I'll pay you back as soon as I find a job.” My breath was coming a little too fast and my chest was heaving a bit, making it feel like a horse was kicking me in the ribs. Logan frowned at me, not that I blamed him—if I looked half as bad as I felt, my appearance must have been alarming. I felt like I was about to throw up.
Swaying a little, I waved a hand at him and made a dive for the bathroom, where I lost whatever was left of my stomach's contents. After a few minutes, I splashed cold water on my face and brushed my teeth. I stared at myself in the mirror and was not at all impressed with what I saw. My hair was sticking up in strange tufts all over my head and I looked ghastly pale. There was only a little bit of stubble on my cheeks, but I couldn’t face shaving, so I grabbed my hairbrush instead and tried to bring some semblance of order to my hair and straightened up my robe. Somewhat restored, I ventured back out into the bedroom, wondering if Logan would even still be there, but he was, unfortunately for me, still sitting in a chair by the bed. Carrie was still sleeping peacefully. She was such a good baby.
“Are you all right?” he asked, looking up at me.
“I'm okay. I'm sorry for leaving the way I did. I shouldn't keep running.”
“No, you shouldn't. It doesn't help anything,” he said, sighing tiredly. “You weren't a prisoner. If you wanted to leave, there's nothing I could or would have done to stop you.” Actually, there was plenty he could do and we both knew it. Omegas didn't have any rights in a mating with an alpha. He could make me stay, but why would he? Logan’s beautiful green eyes, which had always been so expressive, flickered at me in that funny little way again. I was having trouble reading him.
“Anyway, since this is what you seem to want, I thought it was best to make a quick, clean break. Easier that way. I went downtown this morning to city hall and got the divorce papers finalized.”
“I...what?”
“You're no longer my mate. I got a divorce.” He glanced up at me to gauge my reaction.
“So I didn't have to even be there. Just like when you got the papers saying we were married.”
“That's right.”
I tried to smile at him, though it felt like my face might shatter and break. “Oh well...easy come, easy go.”
He frowned at me. “It's what you wanted, right?”
“Yeah. Sure. That's what I wanted.”
He nodded, his face set and grim. “You can go find this other guy now. Will you at least tell me where that is? What his name is?” He angled a look over at me. “I won't try to make any trouble.”
“I-I just think it's better if I don't say.”
“For who? Me or him?”
“Definitely him,” I said and meant it. If this fictitious wolf who got me pregnant did exist, then I had no doubt Logan would find him and have a few things to say t
o him. He was still acting strangely possessive. He just kept staring at me, not letting me off the hook. Finally, after a long, uncomfortable silence, I sighed.
“It-it’s good to see you again.”
“Is it?” he said, his eyes raking me up and down scornfully.
“I would have contacted you once I got settled and let you know where I was.”
“Why do I doubt that?”
“I don't know, because it's true.”
He blew out a long breath. “Look, I didn't come to argue. I just came by to tell you about the divorce, but you look like death warmed over, so I should just leave.”
Well, that was hurtful.
“I said all I needed to say,” he continued. “I'll tell your father you asked after him.”
My face felt like it went up in flames, because of course, I hadn't. “Oh. Yes, yes, please. Tell him I'll call him once I get settled somewhere.”
“See that you do that. He's old, and you've been worrying him to death.”
I nodded miserably. I wish he'd hurry up and pull the knife out of my heart before I bled to death. He went over to the door and opened it without another word, but just before he walked out, he turned and looked at me. “Use the credit card to get settled somewhere. I don't want...” For the first time his voice broke and he shook his head. “I don't want to have to worry about you being hungry or cold and practically homeless like you were when I found you before. Don't let pride make you stupid.”
“I won't,” I whispered. “And thank you. I can't thank you enough for all you did for me.”
He gave me one last, long look and then walked on, and I closed the door behind him, feeling like I might throw up again if I had anything left in my stomach. I leaned against the door until I got the strength to walk back across the room. It was really over this time, and since I was the one who'd done it, I had no right to regret it now. The fact that he'd obtained the divorce so quickly told me I had done the right thing, and if he seemed sad, it was because of all that had once been between us. Like me, he had to know this was the only thing we could have done, even if it was breaking my heart.