by Debra Holt
Angie’s voice sounded oddly detached as she looked up at him with steady green eyes that held very little fire in them at that point.
“Yes, you tried. And it is for the best… she’s right.” Angie continued. “She said they were damaged goods. They wouldn’t fit into a family like yours… or any other real family for that matter. But they’ll make it… if they’re tough enough. They have each other. No problem.” She went to turn away, but he wouldn’t let her go.
“Why does this mean so much to you? I don’t understand this reaction. I know you have a kind and tender heart, Angie, but there’s more to it than that. What aren’t you telling me? Please trust me. Speak to me.”
She looked into his eyes. She felt their warmth for what she knew would be the last time. There were a lot of memories she had saved up for her return to where she belonged. This would be one memory she wouldn’t take along. It hurt too much.
“It’s personal to me, Jace,” Angie answered in a low voice tempered with years of hurt and longing that weren’t hidden any longer. “I was Emily once long ago. Whoever my parents were, they chose to leave me sitting on the doorstep of a church one day. I sat there for a long time before someone took the time to find out whom a scared five-year-old might belong to. Then a lady like Mrs. Trevino picked me up and I went into the system.
“I moved seven times and went to as many schools. I never knew what a real family was like. I did what I was told and stayed out of the way. I was lucky though. There was never any physical abuse, but there was more than enough of the emotional variety. You learn to blend in to the background. Don’t be too happy. Don’t cry because that shows that you’re vulnerable. I kept my head down and used my sketchpad to escape. I drew stories first. I could escape into them. Then I made up stories that I would tell the younger kids at night. Just to give us all a little hope for something better. I ran away from the system when I was sixteen. There was only one year left before they were able to dump me out of the system anyway.”
Angie’s lips lifted into a sad caricature of a smile. “No matter what you or people like the caseworker think, no child deserves to be written off as damaged goods.”
“There you are, Jace,” A man stepped through the door behind them at that moment. “You’re needed ASAP in the director’s office.”
Jace was stunned by what he had just heard and the interruption angered him. He let go of Angie and turned his attention to the other marshal. “I’ll be there in a minute, Jeff. Tell him I’m on my way.”
“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger, Jace. The chief sent me to find you. He wants you pronto.”
Jace needed more time. He turned back, but Angie wasn’t there. During the exchange with the other marshal, the elevator had whispered open and taken her away. Anger and frustration filled him. His knuckles would be bruised for a while from the force of the contact made with the closed elevator door.
Chapter Fifteen
Jace stood on the tarmac at the small airport, his cell phone jammed to his ear. After Angie had walked away from him, he had gone straight into his chief’s office for a briefing. He and two other marshals were being dispatched back to Utah. A bureau jet was fueled and waiting for them to board right away.
He had dialed Angie’s phone the moment he left the office. It went straight to voice mail. He left her a message telling her where he was going and they needed to talk the minute he got back. Jace had tried three more times on the way to the airport, but it went straight to voice mail each time. It was apparent Angie had chosen to not speak with him. His gut was tied in knots when he couldn’t get through to her.
The other men were boarding the plane when he hung up from the last attempt. He had no choice but to follow. Jace vowed that the moment he touched ground again in Santa Fe, there would be no interruptions allowed from anyone until he could set things straight with Angie. Even if he had to tell his chief to go jump off a cliff, nothing would keep him from her again.
The pain and hurt he had seen and felt in her words and eyes as she told him about her past had cut to his core. It explained a lot of things, but he hadn’t had time to talk to her about them. She had left the building thinking he was just like all the others in her young life had been. No matter what, they needed to talk. She had to know how he felt about those children and he would give anything if he could have done things differently but he was torn between her and his duty to the law. He had to pray she would answer his calls once they landed.
*
As Jace’s jet lifted into the night sky over Santa Fe, Angie was placing the last item from her desk into her briefcase. She had all the paperwork that she would take with her. The rest remained on the desk that Carrie would now be using. She had met again with both women briefly upon her return from the court house. The depth of concern in their eyes was something she tried to shut from her conscience thought.
She had business to take care of and she needed to do it as quickly and completely as possible. Angie did not plan on returning to Santa Fe for a long while. Part of her wondered if she ever could, although she knew that it would be impossible to stay away. She had responsibilities to make sure that this new venture got off to a positive start. She would cross that bridge when she came to it.
It was late, almost midnight when she finally pulled the jeep into the driveway. Her steps dragged her into the quiet house. Angie was bone tired… both physically and mentally drained. She had worked at a breakneck pace in the office. Carrie and Zoe helped as much as possible. They managed to keep their opinions on personal matters to themselves, at least while she was in earshot.
Angie was certain it was a different story when she was not present. It was moments such as this that she wished for someone to confide in. She had never had a special friend growing up…. she had moved too often to form any lasting ties. That was a big reason why Kaitlyn Russell… strike that… Kaitlyn Morgan now, meant so much to her. Kaitlyn had accepted her just as she came. She was able to get closer to Angie than anyone else had ever done. That was until Jace had appeared. But Kaitlyn was still in her own real “honeymoon” period with her husband and Angie didn’t want to intrude on her happiness.
Angie tried to keep Jace from her thoughts. She had managed to squash them with the work that needed to be done in order for her to depart, but he had lurked on the edges. If she had looked, she would have found his silver eyes… all-knowing and seeing… haunting her from the corners of the room. Angie wondered how long that would last, when her every thought did not lead back to him.
As she stepped into the living room, her fingers flipped a switch, bathing the room in soft light from the lamps. She flipped another switch and a pinpoint light came on. The colors of the landscape hanging over the fireplace filled the room, making the room come alive. Angie’s eyes were drawn to it, and she crossed to stand in front of it.
To think this painting was the catalyst for her coming to New Mexico. It had brought her to Jace. She would never look at another painting in the same way again. And if she did, she would not listen to anything it might have to say to her. This is not doing any good. Angie took a deep breath and turned her back to the colors. There was more work to be done.
*
The sun barely topped the rim of the Sangre de Cristos when Angie stood on the sidewalk in front of the shop next morning. The streets of Santa Fe were still waking up to another day. Zoe stood huddled in a bright flowered shawl… her latest result of a shopping expedition to a “real” trading post. She had even purchased it from someone she just knew was a “real” live Indian. Zoe would never change. Angie smiled at her and hugged her tightly.
“Have a safe trip. Don’t worry about anything here.” Zoe smiled with a brief wave as the red convertible pulled away from the curb. Carrie stood silent beside her.
“I miss her already.” Zoe’s sentence ended with a hint of sniffle. “That’s silly isn’t it? I know this is exactly what we’ve done on each of the other stores, but this time it just
feels different somehow. Am I crazy?”
Carrie’s face swung back to the girl beside her. “For once, you aren’t being silly. I agree. It is different this time.” Her eyes scanned slowly around the street and buildings. “You and I stepped into a different place and time for us. Angie stepped into life.”
Zoe’s expression showed her confusion at Carrie’s statement. There was no opportunity to question what she meant. Carrie had already entered the shop. They had a business to complete.
*
The rental car had been returned. Luggage was checked in. Security had been cleared. The whine of the plane’s engines increased and they were soon in the air. Angie ventured a glance outside her window and watched as her last view of the mountains faded from sight. It was only then that she actually felt her body let go of the tight focus she had maintained. She had kept control of body and emotions to get through the last few hours. Now, an immense sadness took over. Moisture threatened her eyes and that would not do. She reached into her bag and withdrew a tissue. With careful fingers, she dabbed at the corner of each.
“Leaving home is often sad, isn’t it?” The voice came from across the aisle.
An elderly woman with white hair and smiling brown eyes watched her. Although she was dressed in a stylish two-piece pantsuit and had an expensive turquoise watch on her wrist, along with matching turquoise and coral necklace and earrings, she did not exude the aloofness often found among those travelling in first class.
Angie returned her smile with one of her own. “I’m heading back to my home actually.” The words twisted beneath her heart as she said them.
“I see. Well, I’m sure the homecoming will be worth it. Is it far? Your home?”
“Yes… very far. New York City.” The other side of the moon from here.
Angie’s heart had measured the distance. At that moment, the cabin steward stepped up with a smile and her coffee and a copy of the New York Times. The nice woman went back to her own reading material. Which was just as well. Angie’s thoughts were just too jumbled to make for light conversation.
The words on the paper before her could have been written in Sanskrit for all the attention they held for her. Once an avid reader of the Times, she had not given it a thought in weeks. And she realized with a wry amusement that she had not missed it at all. What else had she not missed; she didn’t want to think about that now. She didn’t want to think at all.
Angie found the lever on the cushioned seat and settled into a more relaxed recline. Her eyes closed and she hoped her mind would follow suit. However, it was too amped to slow down. She found her thoughts going over the last hours at the house. The wall was still in place that kept her from going further back than that. She would not have made it this far if she had allowed her thoughts to go back to the last twenty-four hours of her life with Jace.
Her suitcases had been packed last evening and the cream pantsuit with plum colored blouse hung alone in the closet ready for her to wear on her trip. Angie had stood in the closet… Jace’s closet… for a long while. Her eyes moved slowly over the shirts and jackets. She stepped closer and, for a second, she allowed her senses to retrieve the smell of his cologne, his scent. It was another memory to take away. She reached for the pantsuit then and moved it out to the dressing area. Angie switched off the light and closed the door on his clothing. She didn’t need to be reminded of him. Right. The whole house had done that.
Once the bags had been packed and sat beside the front door, Angie moved through the quiet rooms. She reasoned that she was just checking for any item of hers that she did not want to leave behind, but she knew better. Her heart was searching out more for her memory cache. Each room stood as a silent museum of the time she had spent in this land of enchantment.
Jace’s words had turned out to be most prophetic when she had first set eyes on Santa Fe, that day which now seemed so distant. He said she would be enchanted… the place and people would cast their spell over her in their own time.
It had not taken very long for that to come true. Angie had stepped into a land that did not feel strange at all. It had felt totally different but in an oddly familiar way. It was as close to a feeling of “coming home” as she had ever known before. As she met the people and experienced their warmth and traditions, she was drawn to a sense of belonging. Yet, there were those reminders that she was still an outsider. Her mind would not let her heart forget that totally.
Jace’s family had welcomed her, but only because Jace wanted them to. At the thought of them, her heart felt more pain. What would they think of her now? Why should it matter? She wasn’t one of them. They would accept that and move on… just as Jace would. If she hadn’t agreed to his ridiculous plan to begin with, none of these feelings of hurt and pain would have ever settled upon her. She would have handled her business, opened her store with a sense of pride and accomplishment. Then she would have moved on to the next project without a backward glance. But none of that had happened. Instead, Jace had happened.
Angie had sat down in one of the patio chairs and looked up at the stars just a few hours ago. They were not as bright or as many as the ones she had seen the previous evening in the mountains with Jace. There were too many lights from the valley below to compete with them. Yet they were still so beautiful. The moon had risen, but it was obscured from full view by the stand of pines around the house. It was just as well. Angie felt ridiculous. She had attempted that silly tradition… wish on an Apache moon. Indeed. Well, one could see how well that had worked out. Less than a day later, everything was in shambles and she would soon be gone.
Her heart overrode her mind. It travelled far to the north. It went to Jace, somewhere in the state of Utah. Her cell had another seven messages from him. She had deleted all but the first one. That was the one he had left telling her he would be gone for a couple of days, but he would be back as soon as possible and then he wanted them to talk. He had ended it with “please take care of yourself for me.” No mention of love.
There had been a flicker of hope in her heart when they were alone on the mountain, when he had taken her into his arms and kissed her in the moonlight. She had experienced what heaven must be like. Jace could be in no doubt how she had fallen for him. How else could she have behaved so wantonly at the waterfall? She knew if they had not been interrupted by that call; they would have consummated their charade of a marriage on that mountain. Was that regret she felt? Angie pushed it away. She certainly did not need any more complications.
She was glad of one thing though. The truth was no longer a burden on her shoulders. When those dear children had looked into her eyes, she had known the truth had to come out. Her heart still ached for their plight. She had promised to keep them safe and she would be just another adult who had lied. That would be their memory of her.
Jace knew the truth and he had reacted just as she’d known he would when the truth was out. Angie had heard the woman speak of “damaged goods”… and Jace had not corrected her. He had not fought for the children or for Angie. She didn’t care for herself, but how he could turn his back on those two lost souls she had no idea. Couldn’t he remember when he had been lost and his aunt had saved him? Of course, they were his blood… family. She supposed those were indeed the “ties that bind.” They bound so tightly that no one else could possibly be let in.
Angie had spent a night tossing and turning. Her eyes had definite circles when she stood before the hall mirror. It wasn’t from the early morning hour either. She applied as much concealer as possible. The woman who looked back at her from the mirror was almost a stranger. Angie would have to reacquaint herself with the image. The polished “woman of the world” air lurked in there someplace. It was time to dust her off and go. She kept her mind on each step that she had to take from that point on. Angie did not look back as she drove away from the house. It was all she could do to not take one more look. Her memories of seeing it in better times would be the ones she would keep. Not the ones that
broke her heart.
Chapter Sixteen
Three days had passed with no contact with Angie. Jace was emotionally drained. He had been a perpetual thunder cloud the whole assignment. His fellow marshals had been quick to point that out on the first day, but had thought better of it on the remaining two. Jace Blackhawke was there to get the assignment done and get back to Santa Fe.
He had almost single-handedly taken down the two suspects as they had tried to flee from the rattrap of a motel room they had tracked them to. Once the handcuffs were on the pair, Jace had been determined to complete the paperwork and be on the next plane. However, a thunderstorm had delayed their flight plans. He had threatened to rent a vehicle and drive all the way to New Mexico if the clouds were not gone by morning.
Jeff Mabry and Dale Peters had both worked alongside Jace for a number of years. Always methodical and with an even temperament, this new side of him had them scratching their heads more than once. It was Dale who had retrieved Jace’s cell phone from the garbage can. Jace had launched it there as they heard the news that their jet would be delayed for another two or three hours while the storm front passed them. No, Jace was definitely not his usual self, but both men knew better than to point that out. Dale just wiped the melted candy bar wrapper off the device and then placed it on the chair beside the man. Dale then took a seat several spaces down from him and opened the newspaper.
Jace had also been the first one inside the building when they arrived in Santa Fe. The paperwork had been cranked out and was deposited in the inbox on the chief’s desk without breaking pace. He told them to not expect to see him for the rest of the day and that meant no phone calls either. The set of his jaw indicated he meant business. No one blocked his exit.
He made it through town and up the mountain road in record time… minus the quick stop at the corner florist cart at the square. He grabbed the first big bundle of flowers he saw… a mixture of red and pink roses. Jace paid little attention to the jeep parked to the side of the drive. He was intent on getting inside and having it out with Angie. She had put him through hell by ignoring his repeated calls. Well, she would not ignore him now.