by Finch, Carol
God! This was killing Chance by inches. He wanted Zack and Alexa in his life, wanted to be an important part of theirs. But he was forever the outcast, the outsider.
Some things never seemed to change.
Scowling, Chance drove to the motel and channel-surfed the TV. Ironic, he thought hours later. Flipping from one television channel to the next seemed symbolic of his life. He’d never been able to stay in one place long enough to make sense of anything. He sure as hell couldn’t make sense of this relationship with Alexa. Loving her, being unable to have her, was tearing him apart!
Alexa bathed and washed away the steady stream of tears that dripped down her cheeks. For the past two days she had been so tormented and miserable that nothing seemed to matter. She felt as if she had one nerve left—and it was badly frayed. There were times, like now—especially now—that she wished she could adopt her late husband’s habit of walking away when situations got tough. But that had never been her style.
Chance would never know how she wished she could shrug off the cloak of responsibility and follow him wherever he wanted to go. But she couldn’t live on pipe dreams. She had promises to keep, prior commitments. Ah, if only his declaration of love had come sooner. If only...
Alexa muffled a sniff as she scooped up the fresh-baked cookies and set them aside to cool. She had to get her act together before Zack returned from school. He had arrived the previous afternoon looking sullen and fighting tears. Alexa had tried to explain to him that Chance wouldn’t be around now that she was back home. To her surprise, Zack informed her that Chance had stopped by school to tell him in person.
Alexa was deeply touched by Chance’s thoughtful gesture. And frankly, she was amazed that he had shown up bright and early this morning to tend the chores and check the cattle. Although he made no attempt to see her, he was honoring his promise to Howard.
That made Alexa feel all the worse. Her love, admiration and respect for Chance had grown by gigantic proportions. She knew how much she was losing, knew she would never experience the kind of happiness he brought into her life.
Alexa blotted away the infuriating tears that had her eyes dripping like a leaky faucet. She didn’t want Zack to see her like this again tonight. Last night had been enough. She had tried to be good company, to play catch—though the plaster cast and crutches limited her. But Zack lacked enthusiasm, refused to let her take Chance’s place during ball practice sessions.
Tonight, Alexa vowed, she was going to pull herself together and put up a cheerful front....
Thunder boomed overhead, and Alexa nearly jumped out of her plaster cast. Great, she thought. Just what she needed—a rainstorm to put a damper on her already bleak mood.
Before she pulled the second sheet of cookies from the oven huge raindrops hammered against the windowpane. Even though the pastures could use the rain to provide forage for the cattle, Alexa would have preferred the cloudburst to hold off until the school bus arrived.
But then, she asked herself, when did life go exactly as she preferred?
Switching off the oven, Alexa wrapped a plastic bag around her cast, then headed for the door. She wouldn’t let Zack make the quarter-mile walk from the bus stop, not with lightning popping and thunder rolling. The kid would be drenched before he reached home.
Hobbling on her tender ankle, Alexa headed for her pickup. Five minutes later, she was still waiting for the bus. Knowing road conditions were deteriorating from the downpour, she gave the bus another fifteen minutes.
And thirty minutes later, the bus still hadn’t pulled into sight.
Alexa’s anxiety intensified. She wondered if the bus had been involved in an accident. The thought of children being tossed around inside the bus had her praying nonstop.
Alexa drove toward town, following the bus route. She arrived at school in time to flag down the young teacher who served as bus driver.
“Zack didn’t come home today,” Alexa hollered over the sound of pounding rain.
The teacher ducked into his car before he became drenched completely. “Zack wasn’t on the bus,” he informed her. “The other students said he had made arrangements to stay in town.”
Alexa frowned as the teacher waved and drove away. Had Chance made arrangements to spend time with Zack? No one had bothered to inform her. That didn’t sound like Chance. Although she knew he was hurt and disillusioned, she couldn’t imagine that kind of spiteful behavior from him. If nothing else, she had learned that Chance Butler was consistent, reliable.
Her mind buzzing, Alexa sped toward her sister’s craft shop. The store was within walking distance of the school, and Zack had made the jaunt several times while Alexa was m the hospital.
Protectively covering her cast, Alexa hobbled through the downpour to reach the craft shop. Deb blinked in surprise when Alexa came in with a draft of wind.
“Alexa? What the devil are you doing out in this toadstrangler?” Deb demanded. “You’re supposed to be home recuperating.”
“Have you seen Zack?” Alexa asked without preamble. “He didn’t ride home on the bus. I spoke to the driver a few minutes ago and he said Zack made arrangements to stay in town. Is he here?”
“No, I haven’t seen him.” Deb frowned. “Maybe he came through the back exit to my office. When he was staying with me, he made a habit of doing his homework at my desk until I closed up shop. I’ll go check.”
While Deb hurried off, Alexa wrung her hands nervously. It wasn’t like Zack to wander away without checking with her. His disappearance had her conjuring up all sorts of worse-case scenarios. If she hadn’t tracked her son down within the hour, she was definitely calling the police. In this storm Zack would be difficult to track, and she needed all the assistance she could get....
Howard! Alexa remembered that Zack had asked her to take him into town the previous night to visit his grandfather. Alexa had put him off. Maybe Zack had taken it upon himself to pay Howard a call.
“He’s not in my office, sis,” Deb called from the rear of the store.
“I’ll try the hospital,” Alexa announced.
“Hold on a sec and I’ll go with you.”
Deb trotted down the aisle that was lined with colorful crafts and refinished antiques to grab her bank deposit pouch and purse. In less than a minute she was leading the way through the rain to her car.
“I can’t imagine Zack pulling a stunt like this,” Deb said as she flipped on the windshield wipers.
Alexa stared straight ahead, her fists knotted in the hem of her T-shirt. “His life is in turmoil again.”
“Meaning what?” Deb interrogated.
“Meaning Chance is no longer staying at the ranch. I think Zack holds me responsible for Chance’s absence.”
“He’s gone?” Wide-eyed, Deb glanced at Alexa, then focused her attention on the rain-slick street. “When did this happen?”
“Yesterday afternoon. We...um...I told Chance that nothing could ever come of our relationship because I couldn’t abandon Howard, especially not after his heart attack.”
Deb groaned aloud. “Great, just great. Remind me to take lessons from you if I get a hankering to screw up my life. You need Chance at the ranch. How are you going to manage the chores and final arrangements for opening the B-and-B? And why didn’t Chance have the guts to tell Zack he was leaving?”
“He did,” Alexa said in his defense. “Chance still comes out to handle the chores. The man isn’t at fault.”
Deb frowned pensively. “Well then, maybe Zack went looking for Chance. The kid is fiercely attached to him, after all.”
Alexa’s shoulder’s sagged. “I have no idea where Chance is staying. I’m not sure Zack knows, either.”
“Duh,” Deb said, and snorted. “How many places can the man be, for heaven’s sake? This town has two dumpy motels to its credit. We can check both places.”
“Let’s try the hospital first,” Alexa insisted.
She didn’t want to face Chance unless absolutely ne
cessary. Seeing him at a distance, while he tended the chores at Rocking T, was difficult. Face-to-face would be pure torture. Besides, Chance probably despised her—and she honestly couldn’t blame him if he did—for the decision she’d made.
Before Deb came to a complete stop in the hospital parking lot, Alexa opened her door. Oblivious to the steady downpour, she limped inside. Mildred Whitmier’s gaze narrowed as she gave Alexa the once-over.
“Young lady, I specifically heard Doc Stevenson tell you to stay off that injured ankle. What are you doing here?”
“I’m looking for my son,” she explained hurriedly. “He didn’t ride the bus home, and I thought maybe he took it upon himself to visit his grandpa.”
Mildred glanced over her broad shoulder. “I haven’t seen the boy, but the entire nursing staff has been run ragged. This storm sent several traffic-accident victims to the emergency room. We’ve been informed that another wreck occurred—”
No sooner were the words out of her mouth than the intercom buzzed, requesting that all available staff report to the emergency room. When the nurses scurried off, Alexa aimed herself toward Howard’s room. Deb darted off in the opposite direction to grab a phone book to check the motels, in hopes of locating Chance.
Alexa crossed her fingers, hoping Zack was tucked safely in Howard’s room. To her dismay, Howard was alone. He was picking over the plate of food that sat in front of him.
His waxen face registered surprise when Alexa approached him. “Why are you all wet?”
Alexa supplied a silly answer to the silly question. “It’s raining outside.”
“Well, you shouldn’t be here,” Howard lectured her crossly. “You should be home resting.”
“I had a few errands to run in town, so I thought I’d drop in to say hello,” Alexa lied through her teeth.
No way in hell was she going to jeopardize Howard’s condition by mentioning Zack’s disappearance. If she was lucky, she would locate her son and Howard would never know about the incident.
“I’m feeling better,” Howard informed her, then wrinkled his nose as he stared distastefully at the tray of food. “Rut to borrow a word from Zack’s vocabulary—this meat loaf sucks.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Alexa insisted. “You are going to eat it and like it. You need to regain yourself strength so you can come home.”
He muttered under his breath—something about slop unfit for hogs. Alexa was in too much of a rush to ask him to repeat the comment.
“Finish your meal, Howard,” she said as she pivoted on her good leg. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Where’s Zack? I’d like to see the boy.”
So would Alexa. Soon as she did. she was going to read that kid every paragraph of the riot act. He’d better nut pull this stunt again!
“Zack has plans this afternoon,” Alexa answered. She dearly wished she knew what those plans were!
“Alexa, I—”
“I’ll bring Zack in for an extended visit tomorrow,” she cut in quickly. “I have several stops to make before supper. Take care, Howard.”
Deb stood at the nurses’ station, watching her sister’s limping approach. “No Zack,” she presumed.
Alexa shook her head dismally. “I didn’t want to alarm Howard. I’ve caused him enough distress. When we find Zack—” not if, but when “—Howard will never know about this. I want that understood, Deb. Howard can’t endure repeated shock and stress right now.”
Deb nodded agreeably as they strode out into the rain. “I checked both motels. Chance is staying at Sleepe Hollow. I think that should be our next stop.”
“I don’t think I can face him. Oh, Deb, I swear I’m going crazy!” she burst out as she plunked on the car seat. “Chance claims he loves me. He wanted me to gather up Zack and walk away with him. I swear that request was some sort of test to see if I meant what I said about loving him. I failed the test. I failed him. I’ve been grossly unfair to him, and he has been nothing but supportive and reliable....”
When Alexa dissolved into tears, Deb reached over to pat her quaking shoulder. “Let’s solve one crisis at a time here, shall we?”
Alexa managed a watery smile. How many times during Deb’s turbulent teenage years had Alexa said those very words to her sister? At least two dozen that she could recall off the top of her head.
“I’ll do the talking,” Deb volunteered. “When we locate Chance, you can stay in the car.”
“No.” Alexa inhaled deeply, scrambling for hard-won composure. “I screwed up everyone’s life. I’ll accept responsibility for it and deal with it.”
“Well, fine,” Deb muttered as she wheeled into the motel. “Go ahead and play the martyr, as usual. But I’ll be your moral support. Heaven knows, you’ve been mine for years.” Deb opened her door to climb out. “Just hang tight while I check with the front desk. When I tried to call Chance from the hospital he wasn’t in. I want to make sure he didn’t check out.”
One minute after Deb entered the office, the jalopy truck rumbled in and pulled up to room seven. Alexa hopped from the car, holding her breath, hoping to see Zack scoot from the passenger door.
But Chance didn’t have a passenger. He carried a sack from a local fast-food restaurant.
When Chance caught sight of her, she noted the look of resentment before he could mask the emotion. Clearly, he wasn’t prepared to face her any more than she wanted to face him. Well, their personal problems had to wait, Alexa told herself determinedly. Zack’s whereabouts took precedence.
“Something wrong?” Chance asked, staring at the air over her wet head.
“Zack didn’t take the school bus home,” Alexa informed him. “I was hoping he was with you.”
“God, the kid isn’t running around loose during this storm, is he?” Chance gasped.
“If he is, it’s my fault,” Alexa muttered. “Everything is entirely my fault—Howard’s condition, Zack’s disappearance, your disappointment. Cause and effect, turn of events and all that. I started this mess!”
“Alexa, calm down.”
The moment he grabbed hold of her good arm, she flew at him like a lost ship searching for a port in a storm. She had no right to cry on his shoulder, no right to ask for his help. She had treated him abominably, forsaken him, and still he offered comfort and compassion. She didn’t deserve him, damn it!
“I’m sorry, Chance,” she blubbered. “Since I can’t help loving you, I keep turning to you. I’ve had nowhere to turn but to myself for years. But after what I did to you, to us—”
“Sh-sh!” he interrupted, cuddling her close. “None of that matters. Zack is important. We’ll track him down and make certain he doesn’t pull this kind of shenanigan again.”
“He’s missing you badly.” She lifted her head from his shoulder and stared into those intense silver-blue eyes that haunted her waking hours and consumed her dreams. “I tried to make him understand, tried to prevent him from getting too attached to you, but my accident complicated the situation. Every time I turn around I have myself to blame for everything that goes wrong, and you to thank for everything that goes right. I swear I’m some kind of jinx—”
Chance gave her a firm shake. “Stop it. Quit being so damned hard on yourself. No more apologies. No more one-way guilt trips. I’ll turn this town upside down to find that kid.”
Fighting another embarrassing round of tears, Alexa nodded. “Thank you for being here when I need you.”
“I was ready to make the commitment to always be there when I’m needed, but I discovered loving wasn’t always enough—” Chance scowled as he ushered her toward the passenger side of the jalopy. “I shouldn’t have said that. It was a cheap shot.”
“I deserved it,” Alexa murmured.
“Chance! Thank God!” Deb called, then came dashing through the rain. “I presume you haven’t seen or heard from Zack, either.”
Chance limped around to the driver’s side of the truck. “Afraid not. I’m taking Alexa with me to sea
rch the streets. Call the police and report Zack’s disappearance. Maybe a cop will spot him while on patrol. Do you know if Harvard is off duty?”
“Yes,” Deb replied. “He had the afternoon off. We were supposed to see a movie tonight.”
“Good. Give the cops Harvard’s phone number. We’ll check in every quarter of an hour. In the meantime, you cruise the west side of town and we’ll take the east side. Harvard’s house will be our base of operation.”
Deb managed a smile and gave him a snappy salute. “Yes sir, General Butler, sir.”
When Deb sprinted to her car, Alexa focused absolute attention on the man who turned out to be not just another cowboy who showed up at Rocking T. Chance Butler’s organizational skills were impressive. When things got tough, he became assertive and decisive. Although it felt unnatural to let someone else take charge, Alexa felt herself relax slightly. If she hadn’t realized it before, she knew now that Chance had become her strength, her support, her dearest friend.
She hadn’t thought it possible to love him more than she already did, but she did. Yep, she realized, when he left town for good, she was definitely going to be miserable for the rest of her life. She only hoped to God that she had Zack with her to ease the ache of losing the most precious love of her life, a love that wasn’t meant to be.
Zack huddled under the sprawling cedar near the slipperslide in the park. He had walked from one side of town to the other, trying to locate Chance, but he was nowhere to be found. Even though Zack loved his mom with all his heart, he loved Chance, too, and wanted him back.
He’d thought it all out. Every sentence of his speech to Chance. Zack was going to list all the reasons why Chance should marry Mom. Chance would be the coolest dad in town, and every kid at school thought Chance was something special.
Grown-ups got everything tangled up, and Zack wanted to straighten things out. He might have, too, but he couldn’t find Chance.