“You think a wedding is just a stupid event?” Ellie asked, trying her best to keep her eyes on the road. She gripped the wheel with white knuckles and leaned forward to get the best view of the world around her, the stiffness in her spine giving away her anxiety. The conversation was a way to subvert it for a little while, so he acquiesced to her question.
“Of course, it’s a stupid event,” he began. “Two people asking their loved ones to sit in front of them while they vow their stupid lives to one another feels empty. Why do they need a crowd of witnesses to prove their love to one another?”
“I don’t think they’re trying to prove anything. A wedding is about sharing that love by bringing families together.”
“If they were confident in their love, they wouldn’t need that. They would be happy to spend their lives beside one another, no affirmations, no vows, no witnesses.”
“You’re a downer,” Ellie grumbled. “You know that?”
“Hey, at least I’m not a Peeping Tom.”
“Is that all you have going for you?”
Nolan was caught off guard. He opened his mouth to argue, but fell short. What did he have to offer? The things Nolan knew how to do often consisted of using his superior strength over others. It wasn’t much in the eyes of someone like Ellie, a businesswoman who was single-handedly raising a child. She was strong all on her own.
Ellie sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
“No. You’re right. I don’t have much to offer.”
She cut a sidelong glance at him, her lips twisting into a sad frown. But, as her gaze lingered, her hands slipped. The wheel pulled and the van veered toward the side of the road. Ellie squealed and jerked the wheel in the opposite direction.
But, the van kept on sliding. Nolan’s arm snapped out, pressing Ellie into her seat. The van jerked to a stop, rocking slightly. When cars started to go around them, Ellie let go of the breath she’d been holding. At some point, Ellie had gripped his arm and she had to pry her nails out of his skin, tossing him an apologetic look.
He shrugged. Even if she opened skin, it would soon close and mend. He was only thankful she was okay. Once he knew for sure that she was, he turned to scan the world outside the van. The snow was falling in a thick layer, obscuring his vision about ten feet ahead. Cars continued to make a wide circle around them.
“At least we didn’t go into the ditch,” Ellie breathed. “And, I think the cake is alright.”
He agreed. As it was, they were only stuck on the side of the road. The snow on the road had grabbed them and yanked them toward the ditch with little regard for their lives. It made him smile when her first concern was for the cake.
“You weren’t concerned about me?” He teased her with a slight smile.
Her lips twisted. “You were fine and you know it. The cake, on the other hand, had no way to brace itself and I worked too damn long on it to have it ruined half way to the wedding.”
“We’re only halfway?” Nolan couldn’t keep his voice from sounding incredulous. He looked ahead, at the quickly filling tracks on the road. There were no yellow or white lines to be seen anymore. He could barely tell where the road even was. “This is ridiculous!”
Ellie glared at him, challenging him to leave her alone in the snow. She would keep going forward if it was the last thing she did. Ellie was dedicated, but that dedication alone wasn’t going to get her to the venue.
“Try getting us back on the road,” Nolan suggested.
She slipped the van into a lower gear and twisted the wheels back and forth to gain purchase, but the van moved nowhere.
“Does it have four-wheel drive?”
Ellie rolled her eyes. “Four-wheel drive just means you slip on four wheels instead of two. I’ve got this.”
He let her try for another five minutes, watching the cars pass by them without bothering to stop and help. Several trucks breezed by, the wind rocking the van and making him grip the door beside him. He glanced down into the ravine below.
The cake would definitely not survive this fall.
Neither would Ellie.
Finally, he shoved his door open and hopped into the snow, despite Ellie’s protests. She screamed for him to get back into the van as another truck rocketed past them.
“No,” he said, voice flat. “I’m getting us out of here. I’m good for one thing at least.”
Nolan braced himself against the side of the van, his feet slipping in the snow. But, he shoved and the van started sliding, too. His shoulders barked in protest, the muscles straining against the heavy machinery, but he gritted his teeth and kept pushing. Eventually, the tire caught on the shoulder of the road before bouncing over it and back onto pavement.
He gave Ellie a thumbs-up and flipped off the people honking at them. They could wait since none of them had enough heart to help them this entire time. He threw open the door and hauled himself inside, Ellie tapping the gas so that the snow slid past as the door shut.
They were back on the road once more. He only hoped it wouldn’t happen again.
***
Ellie sat uselessly in the driver’s seat as she watched Nolan strain against the side of the van. It’d been a display of strength no human would have. And, she had to admit, it had kind of turned her on. She sucked on her lower lip and tried to keep her mind on the task ahead. The snow-covered road needed all of her attention if they were going to make it there on time, let alone alive.
The small incident had been a close call. She knew how rocky these back roads could be. Ellie wished there was another route, but the bride had chosen a mountain resort as far away from civilization as she could find. Ellie, too, wondered why the bride hadn’t called the wedding off, but she wasn’t about to let the snow stop her either.
She’d lived in this state all her life. It experienced snow, at least in the northern parts, on extreme levels. It was the worst near places that got Lake Effect Snow, like Syracuse and Lake Ontario, but other paces could get just as hard. It seemed like that was what was happening in the mountains.
“I should have turned the van around while I was out there,” Nolan grumbled. His voice was unhappy, but he was sitting straighter, eyes more alert. He was waiting for the next incident.
She’d been surprised when his first reaction had been to protect her. And, she surprised herself by immediately reaching for his arm that braced against her. Nothing happened, the van only coming to a stop on the shoulder, but his concern for her had warmed her heart.
As much as she complained about Nolan, he’d been more help since he’d arrived than anything else. She’d even finished off the box of chocolates he bought her, all the while griping about how awful he was. It made her sneak glances at him, careful to keep the van on the road this time.
She admired the strong line of his nose and the clean cut of his jaw. Her mouth dried as she thought of running her hands through his dark hair or letting her fingertips graze his strong cheekbones.
Ellie had to get a grip on herself. It’d simply been too long since she’d slept with anyone. Her sex life was dry and boring, more often than not sneaking time alone with her toys after Casper had gone to bed. It was not a way to live, but she gotten by because she had to. The introduction of the incredibly sexy Nolan into her life only amped up her loneliness and reminded her of her dead sex life.
That was it. She wasn’t attracted to the compassion he was starting to show. She wasn’t attracted to the good father he could be. No, none of that had anything to do with the warmth in her core.
Ellie didn’t say much for the rest of the drive, carefully keeping her eyes on the road while her mind wandered. She fought to remind herself of all the reasons for getting involved with Nolan were a bad idea. He clearly didn’t believe in love, at least not the kind between a man and a woman. She wondered what had happened in his life to make him think such a thing.
Her parents had loved each other for thirty-five years, given a slip-up or two. But, they
’d made it work and loved each other all the more for it. That’s what a relationship really was, work. But, the desire to do the work was built on a foundation of love. Without even the belief in love, there was nowhere they could go.
That thought alone helped Ellie settle herself. Nolan would never work because he refused to believe in love at all.
The van finally arrived at the resort, Ellie parked near a side door in a spot that may or may not have been meant for parking. She would never know, not with the foot of snow already on the ground. It didn’t matter because a kitchen threw the door open before she could move.
Together, she and Nolan hauled the cake tiers inside. People were rushing around, figuratively pulling their hair out as they rushed to get ready for the event. Many still wore their snow boots, as if they too just arrived.
“The couple and their parties spent the night in the resort,” the kitchen hand said as he led her into the reception area. “It never occurred to them that anyone else might have an issue getting here. Our head chef wound up in a ditch, so the sous chef is trying to get directions over a cell phone.”
“That doesn’t sound very good,” Ellie said. Where was the Christmas spirit? All around her, she only saw the grind. People working tirelessly to catch up on what had fallen behind or fallen apart.
“Thankfully you brought the cake because our Pastry Chef completely called out.”
Nolan elbowed her. “You could have been working here as a full time pastry chef.”
She shook her head. Did no one understand? Ellie had grown independent over the past few years. Her dream of becoming a rock star pastry chef was impeded by her desire to work for herself. Besides, she had Casper to worry about first and foremost.
Ellie unboxed the cakes and began setting up the structure. Compiling a creamy white, five-tiered creature. Sugar pearls glimmered in the soft light and sugar snowflakes caught the light as she lifted the cakes from their boxes. She would add the flowers moments before the couple came in to avoid anything happening to them. They were far too fragile to apply and then leave unattended.
“You made this,” Nolan breathed as he stood back, taking the cake in from top to bottom.
Nearly assembled, it was impressive. She didn’t bother with the idea of floating tiers, but instead opted to create a more interesting design with different shaped layers. The foundation had been cut to resemble a cushion cut diamond, a round layer sat atop it, and above that was a small hexagonal cake. The dynamic shapes created interest and had been more fun than she’d initially thought.
This was her calling, the thing that set her soul on fire. “Making it was fun, but the best part is seeing their faces when they take the first taste of the layers. It gives me a sense of satisfaction that’s better than sex.”
Both of Nolan’s eyes shot toward the ceiling. “Better than sex? I highly doubt that.”
She snorted. “Well, it has been a while since I’ve had sex. I might have forgotten a bit.”
A challenge rolled through his eyes as a smile curled the corner of his mouth. But, before he acted on it, the smile vanished, and flat line took its place. Ellie was almost hurt. Her heart ached for a moment until she, too, shut it down.
They couldn’t flirt like that. It wasn’t going to work and she didn’t want it to explode in their faces, catching Casper in the crossfire. She would never put her son in that situation.
Chapter Twelve
Nolan watched the bride stalk down the aisle, a bouquet of creamy, white flowers clutched in her shaking hands. He could hear the thunder of the woman’s heartbeat from where he stood at the back of the room. The only other sound that put up a fight was the heartbeat of the man waiting for her at the end of the aisle.
He didn’t quite understand why either of them would go through with something so final when it was obvious they were both terrified. It was only an excuse to throw a big party and wear unnecessary finery.
All during a snow storm, too. Nolan shook his head at the absurdity of it. The day was no more special than the next. He wished they had cancelled rather than drag Ellie through the nightmare that it was out there. Several times, the van had nearly slipped off the road. When it’d shuddered to a stop on the side of the road, precariously close to the ditch, Nolan had been terrified another driver would swipe them while he tried to push the bulky vehicle back onto the road.
The trip there had colored the rest of the day for him.
Yet, when the bride stopped before her groom, and he pulled the veil away from her face, the smile beneath challenged everything Nolan believed in. The way the woman smiled at her groom, the sheer happiness and excitement that it held stole his breath. Nolan’s throat tightened, and he tried to swallow past it, but found the lump insurmountable. Their vows were whispered to one another in reverent promises that vibrated through his heart.
His gaze slipped to the woman standing beside him with her arms folded defensively across her chest. His feet had brought him to the mountain town a week ago, but he hadn’t understood why. He had no knowledge of any child he’d left behind. All he had was the memory of one night spent beside a woman he barely knew.
Since her, no one else had compared. He’d long stopped even trying to fill the space, choosing, instead, to spend his nights alone. Now, he wondered if his feet had brought him back here because of the memory of a woman who’d made his life feel empty without her. He never thought it possible after his parents’ disastrous relationship, but maybe…
Maybe there was some truth in the idea of mates for his kind. He’d seen the bear shifters settle down with women they called mates, but his own kind were always on the prowl, moving from woman to woman. Or, man to man if they swung that way.
“You may now kiss the bride!” The priest’s voice rang out through the room.
Nolan’s head shot up and his eyes fell on the happy couple, now newlyweds. She squealed and threw her arms around her husband’s neck, laying a fat kiss on his lips. He returned the gesture, lifting the woman off the floor to spin her around.
Their happiness confused him, yet left a light feeling in his heart. How could they be so happy? What was their secret?
Ellie, he thought. She would never love him like that in return. She could barely stomach his presence for a reason he couldn’t help. Had he known, he never would have left town. Now, he was forced to carry the shame of the abandonment she felt for years.
In some ways, it was fair. She’d struggled and sacrificed a lot. The best Nolan could do was stay and help her whenever possible. He only hoped his heart could handle it as he realized what she truly meant to him. This strong and capable woman, the mother of his son, was the love of his life.
The realization was polarizing, sending a pick of ice through his core.
Nolan had to slip out of the congregation. He burst into the cold winter storm, snow and ice slapping his face while he tried his best to get his mind in order. Nolan wasn’t sure he would be a good husband. He didn’t know the first thing about loving a woman and making her happy for the years to come. He feared he would forever have a short fuse when it came to her, the cold and aloof man he’d been melting with barely bridled rage when she challenged him.
Yet, he loved that about her. Ellie was a force to be reckoned with. It made him want to scoop her off the floor and carry her up to one of the empty rooms above. There, he would use his body to tell her how he felt. The rhythm of his hips and the trails of his kisses would speak volumes that Nolan’s mouth couldn’t.
His gut clenched. That was the only way he could think of to convince her to love him in return. He’d done everything else he could, without even knowing. Nolan was a good father to his son, even if it was a few years too late. He’d been a gracious visitor in her home and even brought her gifts. What else could he do other than speak the language of the body? It was the only thing he hadn’t tried yet.
“I know you’re…” Ellie said, her head peeking out the door of the hotel. “Well, I don’t
have to say it. But, you should come back inside before a snow bank swallows you whole.”
Nolan hesitated. She watched him with her bright green eyes, so alert and wary at all times. Would she let him past her guard?
“What is wrong with you?”
He snorted. “A lot of things.”
“You said it, not me. Now, get back inside.”
“Why?” Nolan turned his body toward her. “Are you worried about me?”
Ellie’s lips pressed together and her eyes narrowed at him. “Fine. Die in the snow.”
She slammed the door shut behind her. Nolan’s stomach churned. He didn’t know how to interpret the exchange they’d just shared. The sarcasm had been obvious, but he couldn’t tell if it was a cover for the way she truly felt, hatred making her words barbed.
The snow danced in spiral flurries around him. Flakes melted against his warm cheeks. This was how life was meant to be lived, Nolan rationalized. Unhappiness was the state of being no one could avoid. Even if his heart belonged to Ellie, he was sure his love would never be returned.
It made him want to tear down the frilly Christmas décor around him. What was the use of cheer, in colored garlands, if life was only ever to be about suffering? He reached up and yanked a plastic bell down from where it hung, tossing it to the ground and stamping on it with his foot.
***
When Nolan stepped out of the wedding, Ellie noticed the way his footing wobbled, the way he fled from the room like a man haunted. It’d made her heart clench and, before she knew it, her feet had her following him out of the room. He slipped out the front door of the hotel and she paused.
Nolan, for some reason, needed air. Even if it was frigid, snowy air. Ellie lingered in the hotel lobby for a long moment, staring at the door. Why had she followed him? Why had concern rose through her body in that moment, like the fear she felt when Casper screamed her name?
She’d tried to pull him back inside, but his teasing made her shut down. No, she would never admit feelings for him. For Nolan? The man who’d left her pregnant and alone? She doubted it. Even if he did prove to be an okay father. Even if he’d proven to be a caring man, helping her through her days even while he was clearly frustrated with her.
The Snow Leopard's Christmas Surprise Page 10