“Who are the waffles for?” she asked.
Nolan nodded toward her, still unable to use words while his cock grew for her.
She laughed, a small sound that chimed through the room like a bell. “I don’t think I can bathe and eat breakfast at the same time.”
Nolan hadn’t thought of that.
“I could feed you,” he offered.
Her brows rose. She slid off the bed, no longer bothering to hide any part of herself. She was curvy and plush, her hair floating around her head like a golden halo. Where Nolan was dark, she was light, the Persephone to his Hades. He knew he didn’t deserve her, a fact accentuated by how she kept him at an arm’s length at all times.
She glanced at him, her fingers trailing across his chest before she lifted her leg and dipped her toe into the water. Her eyes drifted shut as her foot sank in. He reached out, instinctively, holding her as she lowered herself. Watching her sink below the water, he wished he could crawl in beside her. He wanted to explore more of her, taste more of her.
But Nolan stayed dry. He reached for the plate of waffles and placed it on his lap, cutting small pieces to feed her.
“Why?” Ellie asked, her head falling back to look up at him.
“What do you mean?”
“Why all this?” she gestured to the room, the bath, the food. Her brows furrowed for a moment and Nolan’s gut clenched. “I’m not used to… being taken care of.”
“That’s exactly why,” he told her. “Your every moment is spent taking care of our son and providing him with the best he could possibly have, raising him to be a better man that I could have imagined. You deserve someone to take care of you, too.”
It was obvious that she didn’t know how to take his words, didn’t know how to accept the compliment as her eyes drifted away from his and her fingers clenched on the sides of the tub. Instead of pressing the issue, Nolan dunked a piece of waffle into the pile of whipped cream and lifted it toward her mouth.
This earned him a small smile. Her lips split to let the forkful of food in. Nolan couldn’t believe the amount of satisfaction he got from the small act of feeding her. Watching her lips move, closing around the fork in the shape of a small, plump heart made his heart tighten.
Instead of lingering on the pang now echoing through his heart, he turned toward the promise he’d made her. Nolan began to tell her about his kind, what he knew at least. “As far as I know, shape-shifters are born. I’ve never met one that has been made, like in the movies. Two shifters usually seek one another out for mating and spend a few years raising a child before sending them off on their own.”
“Shit,” Ellie breathed, looking up at him with a touch of pity in her eyes. “Is that what happened to you?”
His lips pressed into a tight line. He hadn’t meant to give away his childhood. Yet, if he was going to move forward, Nolan wanted there to be nothing but the truth between them. Slowly, he nodded. Dredging the old memories was painful, but it seemed they were restless as of late anyway.
“My parents were…” he struggled to find the best way to put them into words. For years, he’d associated them with the constant pain that made his chest ache. “They were together only long enough to make sure I could survive on my own, and to a shape-shifter survival meant a far rougher life than any human’s.”
Ellie leaned forward, the water rippling around her floating breasts. When she reached up and touched his cheek with her tentative fingers, he met her eyes. There was no masking the sadness now rising through him, no keeping it out of his eyes. He would forever be thankful that this woman bore his child, because it meant Casper would know the true meaning of love. He wouldn’t have to have an epiphany in his thirties the way Nolan had.
Her wet fingers left trails along his cheek as she cupped his face. He leaned into her touch, finding the truth in it, the compassion he never knew he needed.
Before he could drown in the emotions he’d always shoved away, Nolan leaned back and returned to the plate of food in his lap. He raised another whipped cream laden piece of waffle to Ellie’s lips. She knew he was avoiding the topic, but accepted the food anyway.
“They used imitation vanilla extract in the batter,” Ellie grumbled.
Nolan raised a brow. “You can tell?”
She made a sound of satisfaction, her pride in showing. “Just wait until I make waffles at home. The difference will blow your mind.”
Had his mate promised to make him food? The offer was there, subtly implied, and it warmed his heart. To think that he had a home was more than he could have ever hoped for, but the reason for that home was the real present. Nolan knew he was a lucky man, but he couldn’t help but wish he were a little luckier.
He wished Ellie would say the words he was waiting to hear. Bitterness had overwhelmed her the night before, making her believe there was no such thing as love. Nolan would have agreed with her days ago, before watching pain envelop her while holding those damned flowers and feeling that pain bite down on him in the process.
Ellie sank back into the water, eyes searching the snow covered mountain terrain past him as if it held the answers to the universe. He’d been pleasantly surprised when she never brought up Adam again. The man hadn’t appeared again, either. His dealing with Adam was mild in comparison to other jobs. Then again, perhaps he should have checked to see if the man was still chained to his delivery truck.
“Where have you been?” she asked him once more, seemingly unsatisfied with the answer he’d given her a few nights ago.
To be fair, last time she asked, he hadn’t given her a true reply. “Lost,” Nolan said this time. “I’ve been all over the country, lost since I met you.”
Her brows furrowed in confusion and her eyes flicked back to the scar beneath her fingers. He clearly hadn’t explained the story she’d asked for. He sighed and lowered himself to rest his weight on his elbows.
“Out and about, I worked as the guy people called to make other people disappear.”
Ellie balked, suddenly scrambling away from him. Water splashed in every direction.
He laughed. “No, not like that!”
She hesitated, still poised to move away from him, water dripping down her creamy skin. He could hear the furious pounding of her heart inside her chest and felt guilty. He hadn’t meant to scare her. Hanging his head while he thought, Nolan tried to think of better way to put it.
“Remember Adam?”
“Of course, I remember him. What about…” Realization dawned across her face. “Did you kill him?” she hissed.
“No, although I probably should have. He is a cretin, but I try my best not to kill people. My job is to scare them away. I helped women with shitty ex-husbands or girls with stalker problems. Some paid me, enough to make up for the ones who couldn’t afford to pay.”
“You hurt people for a living?” Ellie asked, her voice cracking with a combination of fear and anger. She stepped out of the bath, feet slapping furiously against the floor. “This is what you’ve been doing for the past four years and you thought you would come back here and be a good father? Were you going to teach my son to hurt people? Did you think that was what he needed to learn?”
Ellie backed away from him, her eyes now wary. She fumbled, reaching for any clothing that was nearby. His chest ached, watching her back away from him with fear. He wished he’d never said anything.
She fumbled for her forgotten clothing and jerked her jeans over her hips. She fumbled with her bra, cursing a few times. He moved to help her, but she sidestepped him with a cold glare. It was clear, Ellie wanted nothing to do with him. His hands fell back down, useless in his lap.
His lips curled away from his teeth as his own anger rose. “Did you think I was going to let that creep follow you around until he hurt you or Casper? Do you know what he left you on the front porch?”
Ellie’s head swung up, her cold eyes shooting darts through him, but he didn’t stop.
“That creep left leather
lingerie and BDSM tools on your porch. He left a freaking ball gag and some heavy-duty cuffs for you. Is that what you wanted? Because he wanted it so much, he drew them onto some of your photos. Did you want to date that man until he tied you up and hurt you? Because he was going to hurt you if nothing stopped him.”
She glared at him, but had nothing to say.
“That’s what I thought,” he grumbled. He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging just to relieve some of the restless energy now running through his body.
Ellie shook her head. “I’m going home.”
***
She couldn’t believe him. He’d lied to her this whole time. Perhaps he hadn’t openly lied, but it had been a lie of omission. She’d been letting a violent man into her house, been letting her son associate with him this whole time. She didn’t want to think about what he might have taught Casper when she wasn’t there.
It made her sick to her stomach.
Especially when she reached the door and glanced back at the bed. They’d made love… No. She stopped herself. They’d had sex once more. It hadn’t been love.
But, it’d felt like it. She couldn’t shake the gentle warmth inside her chest when she thought about how he’d put her first when they had lain together, when she thought about the waffles he’d fed her while she bathed. It made her want to scream with rage. She didn’t understand why the world had to be so confusing, why it had to betray her at every turn.
Instead of thinking about the betrayal that still hurt, she turned her attention toward getting home. It was Christmas Eve and she should be with her family, with Casper. Yet, when she reached the ground floor and saw the snow outside, she wondered if it was at all possible. The snow was still piled high against the windows and doors.
“Don’t worry,” Nolan muttered as he reached her. “I can open the door in the kitchen.”
She spun on him. “You could do that this whole time?”
He only gave her a sidelong glance. His shoulders were slumped, defeated.
“You could open that door? Why lie about it?”
He turned on her now, lips pulling back from his teeth in an inhuman snarl. “Maybe because I didn’t want my mate to kill herself in a snow storm. Did you think about that? About how you might die out there just to be home in time for some made up holiday?”
She was taken aback by his words, so stunned that she could only stare at him while his words sunk in. All she could think about was how he’d lied to her again. It kindled a rage inside of her that stole any words she might have had. Ellie spun on her heel and marched toward the kitchen. At the door, she only gestured to it, giving Nolan an expectant look.
He didn’t growl at her. He didn’t say anything. Nolan shoved the door with his shoulder and it burst open, freeing them from the warm kitchen.
Outside, the wind was still and the sun shone, casting a hard glare over the snow that’d fallen. The banks of white rose against the building, against the van. But, it was manageable. A plow was already working to clear out the parking lot.
“This is still a bad idea,” Nolan said.
“What do you care? You might not believe in Christmas, but I have a four-year-old at home that believes in Santa and miracles. If I’m not there, it will break his heart.”
Ellie’s only concern, in that moment, was for her son. She couldn’t bear the thought of his crestfallen face when he realized his mother was not there for Christmas. Each year, Casper waited near the window while the Christmas snow fell, laying in wait for his father to miraculously return. If Ellie, too, disappeared on Christmas, Casper would never forgive her. So, she shoved her feet into her heavy winter boots and treaded through the snow toward her van.
Her body protested, aching from the sex she’d had with Nolan not too long ago. It would have been a pleasurable ache were it not twisted by the truth he’d revealed to her. There was blood on this man’s hands and her first instinct was to keep him far, far away from her child, but her gut sang a different tune. She tried to drown out the gut feeling with logic, but it never left.
When Nolan moved to help her clear snow from the van, she turned on him with a snarl. Maybe if she pushed him away, got him to leave her alone for a little while, she could think clearly. Ellie knew she was under the control of her body, a desire for more of what they shared affecting her feelings. For all she cared, he could leave and never return.
She’d been right when she caught the bouquet. There was no such thing as love and she would never find anything even close to a lie disguised as love. She was better off focusing on her child and her career.
Nolan looked at her helplessly, frustration building in his muscles. Finally, he threw his hands in the air and turned away from her with an indecipherable mumble. Looking back to watch him storm off, she felt a pang in her heart.
The lot was steadily clearing and Ellie nearly had the van uncovered, her prospects for escape looking brighter by the moment, when a gray blur raced toward her. Ellie yelped and threw the shovel up in front of her, but the blur dodged it at the last second and a snow leopard skidded over the snow beside her.
With wide eyes, Ellie searched for words. She wanted to yell at him, scold him, and laugh all at the same time. The thick furred cat with too large paws looked up at her with feigned innocence and hopped from side to side in a playful manner. She glanced at the man still plowing the lot and back to the leopard, trying to silently tell Nolan he was an idiot.
It seemed he got the picture, because when she opened the back door, the leopard bounded inside. She slammed it shut and let out a breath of relief.
“Everything alright, ma’am?”
Her spine jerked upright at the sound of the voice, heart hammering. Had the person seen Nolan in his leopard form? She didn’t know anything about the local fauna, but she was almost certain snow leopards were not native to the Adirondack Mountains.
Ellie spun around with a false smile plastered on her face. The man gave her a wary look.
“I thought I saw something come this way and thought I’d check on you,” he went on.
Shit, Ellie thought, cursing the cat inside her van. He’d seen Nolan. How could he be so irresponsible? Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the reflection of a leopard in her rear-view mirror and felt her heart leap into her throat. Quickly, she tried to swallow it once more and whipped the door open.
“Uh, I don’t know what you thought you saw,” she said, nervously, “but I’m completely fine.”
The man gave her an odd look, head half cocked, and one eyebrow raised in question. It was clear he didn’t believe her, but Ellie was otherwise safe and, so he had no reason to bother her. Or, so she thought.
A smile slipped over the man’s face. “I snuck a piece of that cake last night. It was better than anything I could have imagined.”
“Is that so?” Ellie glanced behind her, praying Nolan would keep his face hidden. She didn’t want to have to explain why there was a leopard in a baker’s van.
Chapter Sixteen
Nolan crouched between the van’s bucket seats, listening in on Ellie’s conversation with the man outside. Nolan knew the man had seen him. He’d tried to be quick about it, too. He cursed himself, but there was nothing he could do about it now.
But, when the man’s tone of voice changed, and the subject shifted to Ellie’s cake, Nolan knew where the conversation was going.
“I was wondering if maybe… if you might be free on New Year’s Eve,” the man asked her.
Nolan couldn’t stop the growl that rumbled through his throat, stealing Ellie’s chance to reply. He cursed himself. It was clear she did not want him anymore, not now that she knew the truth about his nature. But, part of him still hoped he could win her back. He saw the spark there, the hint of love that he himself felt for her.
“What the heck is that?” The man cried out.
A head peered past Ellie. Nolan had to shrink back to avoid being seen, no matter how badly he wanted to claw the man’s
face off. The man hadn’t done anything to endanger his mate, yet.
“Oh, that?” Ellie asked, grasping for an excuse. “That… that’s just a mixer. Every now and then it rotates on its own. Weird, huh?”
Even Nolan knew her excuse made no sense. But, the man seemed to accept it and backed away from the open door.
There was no way to tell Ellie to hurry up, not in this form. All he could do was growl again, catching her attention. Nolan didn’t say anything because it was clear Ellie wanted nothing from him, but he worried about Casper. With the surplus of energy riding the child’s body, Nolan knew Casper was very close to his first change.
It was a miracle Ellie’s phone hadn’t blown up with terrified messages from her parents the night before. It was only a matter of time before Casper shifted and Nolan wanted to be there when it happened. The worry made him shift nervously from paw to paw.
“Like I said,” the man went on. “Do you have any plans?”
“Oh, I, uh…” Ellie stammered.
A small hiss escaped Nolan. They needed to get moving. The longer he was left to think about it, the more he worried.
“Shut up,” Ellie hissed into the van.
“Uh, who are you talking to?”
Ellie’s voice perked up. “Oh, nothing. No one. I, uh, do have to go though.”
“Could I get your number?” The man was growing desperate and greedy.
When Ellie pulled herself into the driver’s seat, catching sight of the leopard between her seats and balking, the man moved to fill the doorway, so she couldn’t close the door. Nolan was ready to attack. He could feel the nervous energy radiating from his mate. It was clear she, too, wanted the man to leave her be.
It warmed him to think that she wasn’t interested in anyone else. Perhaps there was still hope for them yet. No matter what he said, he would always want her for his own.
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