She pointed. ‘There was a Bronze Age settlement there. And the Romans dug for lead over there. There are old pack trails, Elizabethan houses, Georgian terraces in Lissom. This place has always been inhabited. Sometimes when work is hard I come here to find peace. It’s beautiful and I think about all the people who have gone before me.’
‘You come to find peace only when work is hard?’
She knew what he meant at once. ‘Just peace. When work is hard or when my...private life is hard. At one time I seemed to come here two or three times a week.’
‘I see. So is it your personal or your work life that is troubled at the moment?’
‘Both,’ she said. ‘Look, there’s a seat there, we can sit and be calm for a moment. If you want.’
‘I want,’ he said, after a pause.
She closed her eyes as she sat by him, wondered if it would be a good idea to reach for his hand. Perhaps not. That would complicate things far too much.
After a while she said, ‘I want you to try to understand my point of view about these talks I’ve been asked to give. I know it’s not what you think but they are my ideas and honestly felt. I know what you feel for Johanne, I’m very fond of her myself and I want to do the best for her. We may disagree about talks on contraception but I need you to recognise my honesty. Remember I have a daughter myself. In another ten or eleven years I’ll be going through what you’re going through.’
He nodded. Then he asked a question that startled her. ‘D’you think we fight over Johanne to stop us thinking about each other?’
This was a new idea and it rather alarmed her. But she had to consider it. ‘Possibly,’ she said after a while. ‘Adam, I like...I like you a lot. I like working with you. And you showed me happiness on holiday that I...I had never dreamed of. But it had to be for a short time only.’
‘Did it? Why?’
‘I’ve told you why. Now, can we talk about contraception?’
‘I wish I’d never heard the word. I certainly don’t want to fight with you over it.’ Then he turned to her and smiled and said, ‘Well, only insofar as it affects people other than us.’
She punched him playfully. Now she knew things were going to be all right. ‘It’s important,’ she said.
‘True. Amy, I want to ask your advice. About Johanne.’
‘Will you take it?’ she asked.
‘Who can tell? Certainly I can’t make up my own mind. The thing is, Johanne’s mother—my ex-wife— has resurfaced. She didn’t write to me, she wrote straight to Johanne. She’s visiting Leeds, something to do with a big shop opening. She wants to take Johanne out for the day. Johanne, of course, wants to go. I don’t want her to.’
Amy’s heart went out to him. She could see what he was suffering. ‘D’you think your ex-wife is reconsidering? She now wants to be part of Johanne’s life?’
‘I doubt it very much. The man she’s married to has made his position very clear. Now she’s just playing with us.’
Amy looked at the hurt in his eyes and thought. ‘If you think the woman’s just playing with you, let Johanne go. I suspect your daughter has more sense than you’re allowing for. She’ll quickly see what is happening.’
‘I’d love to think so.’
‘Look, if you don’t let her go she’s going to hold it against you. Even if she has a great time, she’s going to feel rejected afterwards, when her mother leaves.’
‘I suppose so. And it’s only for a day. Now, if it was a son I could—’
‘Adam Ross! You say what I think you’re going to say and you’ll drive me screaming mad! You have a gorgeous daughter. So be grateful!’
‘I am grateful,’ he said. ‘Of course she can go.’
She saw him again next morning in the surgery. He waved a brochure at her, which he’d taken out of the rack of health pamphlets that was kept in Reception. ‘Amy! Have you ever been here?’
She looked at what he was holding. It was a description of a newly opened swimming bath in a town about fifteen miles away. ‘Looks good,’ she said. ‘A sun area with palm trees, slides for the kids and an Olympic-sized pool for serious swimmers. No. I’ve never been.’
‘I haven’t managed any swimming for quite a while. Fancy bringing Elizabeth and coming with me this Saturday morning?’
Amy thought a moment. ‘Johanne coming as well?’
‘No, there’s something on at school.’ He turned and pointed at the grey skies outside. ‘I thought it might be fun to remember what the Mediterranean was like.’
‘I remember what the Mediterranean was like very well,’ she told him, and blushed slightly when she saw the knowing smile on his lips. ‘But Elizabeth would love it, and she’d certainly love being with you. Anyway, who d’you want to go with most? Me or Elizabeth?’
‘I think the two of you are a perfect partnership,’ he said smoothly. ‘I only wish you were as easy to...cajole as Elizabeth.’
‘I’ll give you cajole! All right, then, say half past nine on Saturday?’
‘Looking forward to it. Shall I pick you up at your house?’
‘We’ll be waiting outside,’ she told him.
When he had gone, she wondered why she had agreed so readily. Her first intention when he arrived in Lissom had been to have as little to do with him as possible. But surely there was no harm in what she was doing? A visit for tea with Elizabeth and Johanne, now a morning trip to a swimming bath. It was all perfectly all right. Apart from that first kiss. When he had called at her house, he had been nothing more to her than a friend.
But she had enjoyed the kiss.
Perhaps this was all part of a plan. He was trying to make her see that he was dependable, reasonable, not at all like her ex-husband. And he was succeeding. But the thought of her ex-husband made her remember. She’d been gravely wrong in her judgement of a man before. She could be wrong again.
It was a super swimming bath. If Adam and Amy didn’t think so, Elizabeth certainly did. It was almost like being abroad again. The pool was free form, there was a variety of slides to drop into it—though Elizabeth had to be accompanied down the biggest slide. There was a big poolside area where you could buy drinks and sit and watch. And it was illuminated by artificial sunshine. Outside was a grey Derbyshire day. Here inside they could have been by the pool in the Mediterranean.
Elizabeth had never forgotten her big fish ride, so once again Adam had to swim around the pool with her riding on his back. He seemed to enjoy it quite as much as she did. There was a definite bond growing between the two and Amy wondered if it was altogether a good idea. She didn’t want Elizabeth having something she couldn’t have. Or could she? She and Elizabeth were a package. If you took one, you took both. Amy decided not to think further about this.
They swam for a while, tried all the slides and then Adam took her for a coffee by the poolside while Elizabeth splashed in the babies’ pool. It was rather nice sitting there in their costumes. It was very nice sitting opposite Adam, as lean and as muscled as he had always been. Amy noticed him getting the odd admiring or, appraising glance from passing women, and felt rather pleased that he was with her.
‘We’ve had a few weeks,’ he said after a while. ‘You’re getting used to having me around, you can see and talk to me without embarrassment. I’ve done as I said, I haven’t harassed you. So now can we talk? Talk about us, that is.’
‘I’m easier with you,’ she admitted. ‘I like being with you and sometimes I get such happy memories of you that... But perhaps memories are my problem. Still, we can talk. But you must start.’
There was a biscuit with his coffee. He carefully unwrapped it, broke it into four small pieces then put one piece into his mouth. Amy guessed that he was trying to be exact, trying to work out just what he needed to say to her. It was one of the rare occasions that she had seen him at a loss for words.
But then he started, ‘We were having a holiday romance. It was coming to an end, only three days left. And then we would have had to d
ecide on how we said goodbye to each other, what if anything there was for us in the future. We couldn’t just part, could we?’
She had never thought of this. But there was only one obvious answer. ‘No, perhaps not,’ she said quietly.
‘I know that your mother was ill, and it was the right thing to do to go back at once. It was an emergency. But it stopped you thinking about us, didn’t it? You had something else to worry about so you didn’t have to make any decisions.’
She was silent for a while. What he said could well be true—perhaps she had used her mother’s illness as some kind of excuse. But still...
‘We agreed from the start that this was something that would only last a while,’ she said. ‘That’s what I wanted—I needed. I didn’t want any long-term commitment.’ With a small show of bravado she added, ‘I still don’t want any commitment.’ Then she had to spoil it by adding, ‘At least, I don’t think so.’
He didn’t pick up on this last comment, which surprised her. Instead, he seemed to talk about something different.
‘You know I’ve been in Canada for a few weeks with my brother? My brother James? I’ve got a few photographs, you might like to see them. He’s a geologist out there, got a wife Penny and a couple of tearaway kids. I’d like you to meet them someday.’
‘Sounds nice,’ said Amy, not knowing where the conversation was going.
‘Penny is a geologist too. She met James at a geologists’ conference in England, she’d flown over specially to attend it. Anyway, they met, they had a lot in common and they seemed to like each other. But as far as I know, they didn’t sleep together.’
‘So it doesn’t run in the family,’ Amy said drily.
He grinned at her. ‘We can joke about it. That’s good.’
‘Anyway, James was working in Aberdeen, Penny was working on the west coast of Canada. They exchanged email addresses, intended to keep in touch. But after a week James thought he’d had enough of communicating by email, so he took a fortnight’s holiday and flew out to Vancouver. He didn’t tell her he was coming, just surprised her. He told her that emailing wasn’t enough, she was too important to him for that. So they had a fortnight together and when he flew back she had an engagement ring on her finger. They were married—in Canada—three months later and they’re the happiest couple I know.’
‘It’s a great story,’ said Amy. ‘Just one thing. Had either of them been married before?’
‘No. They got it right first time. It is possible, Amy. It might even be possible the second time. If you take the chance.’
‘If you take the chance,’ she said.
‘Mummy, you said I could have an ice cream. Can I have a pink one with fruit on top?’
This was the end of any chance of serious conversation. But Adam didn’t seem to mind. He fetched the required ice cream and then said to Amy, ‘You will think about what I’ve said, won’t you?’
‘I’ll think,’ she promised.
She didn’t have much chance to see anything of Adam over the rest of the weekend and when she went back to work on Monday they both seemed to be busy. He didn’t ring her at home, as he had promised. She noticed this, thought the better of him. He would stick to what he had agreed.
But on Thursday they met at the surgery and he said, apparently carelessly, ‘I’m going out for lunch at the pub round the corner. Fancy coming? We could chat a bit and—’
Her mobile phone rang. The voice on the other end sounded anxious. ‘Amy? It’s Alan Dunnings, Top Cliff Farm. I’m a bit worried about Dad. He’s not been too bad recently, taking things easy, doing what you said. But this morning he was on his walk when he came across a cast sheep. Of course he had to wrestle it over, didn’t he? And now he’s sitting by the fire, and I don’t like his colour and he’s got pains in his chest.’
‘Send for an ambulance,’ said Amy. ‘This could be serious.’
‘It’ll be more serious if I do. He hated it last time, he’ll fight before he gets into an ambulance.’
‘Look, I’ll come up and see him now,’ said Amy. ‘But if he gets worse, send for that ambulance anyway.’
‘Right, Amy. And thanks.’
She noticed that Adam had looked up when she’d said ‘ambulance’, now he asked, ‘Was that one of your patients?’
‘Dr Wright’s patient really. They’re old friends. Alf had a heart attack some weeks ago.’ Quickly, she outlined the case to Adam.
‘I see. You’re going up to see him. Would you like me to come as well?’
‘I’d like nothing better. Perhaps you can talk some sense into him.’
Alf Dunnings was sitting in his usual chair, his face grey, when they arrived. But he managed to smile when he saw Amy and was polite when introduced to Adam.
Adam took his pulse and blood pressure. Carefully, he listened to Alf’s heart. Then he said, ‘I’m sorry Alf, but Amy and your son are right. You have to go to hospital. Just for a day or two. We’ll do some tests and then—’
‘I’m not going to hospital! I can’t breathe there. People die in hospitals.’
‘Alf, you’ll die yourself if...’
Amy had listened to this conversation, now she took Adam’s, arm and said, ‘Could I have a word, Adam, please?’
Adam looked at her, obviously rather irritated at being interrupted when he was speaking to a patient. But he followed Amy to the other side of the room and said, ‘You have something to add?’
‘Tell him you’re not sending him to hospital,’ Amy said. ‘Then come outside and we’ll have a look around the farmyard with Alan.’
‘But he needs to go to hospital! His son knows that, you said so too. He just can’t keep up that heart rate. And there’s arrhythmia too.’
‘You can increase his dosage. I’ve got the pills with me. But for now just tell him he’s not going to hospital. You can always change your mind in ten minutes.’
Adam looked at her searchingly, then walked over to Alf and said, ‘For the moment you stay here. No hospital. But you do everything we tell you and we’ll be up to see you again tomorrow.’
‘OK,’ said Alf.
Amy dragged Adam out to look around the farmyard and to chat with Alan. After a quarter of an hour they went back into the kitchen and Amy said, ‘Dr Ross just wants another quick listen to your chest, Alf. Then we’ll be off.’
Adam took out his stethoscope again, placed it on Alf’s chest. After a while he looked up at Amy, arched his eyebrows. He was obviously surprised.
‘As the doctor said, we’ll be back to see you tomorrow, Alf,’ Amy said. ‘And until then, behave!’
‘I will,’ Alf said.
‘It’s called the no-hospital treatment,’ Amy said as they bumped down the track away from High Clough Farm. ‘Alf is terrified of hospital, he hated it when he was taken there after his first heart attack. So when he thought you were going to send him away, naturally his heart rate went up.’
‘Naturally,’ said Adam.
‘And it came down to acceptable levels when he thought he wasn’t having to leave the farm.’
‘Illogical but understandable. Do you get many cases where the patient just won’t accept what is best for them? Where they can’t even see where they are going wrong?’
‘Oh, plenty of cases. Sometimes even the most intelligent...’ Her voice trailed away. ‘You’re not talking about patients, are you?’
‘Not really. I’m talking about you.’
They turned into the main road, but she didn’t drive quite as fast as usual.
‘I’ve thought about what you said, Adam,’ she told him. ‘I’ve thought a lot. They say the burned child fears the fire and it’s true. Well, I’ve been burned and I’m still afraid.’
His voice was gentle. ‘You can learn, Amy. Fear disappears in time.’
‘It depends on how afraid you are.’
She turned into a layby and parked, for a moment watching the traffic hurtling past. Then she said, ‘I never told you the full st
ory before. I will now.’ She wriggled in her seat, trying to be comfortable. ‘Things had been really bad with my husband, but at least I had my job. Then I fell pregnant. Elizabeth’s conception was an... an accident. He had been out drinking and came home demanding what he called his “rights”.’
Amy could hear her voice quavering, tried to make it firm again. ‘He hated it when he found I was going to have a baby, he wanted me to have an abortion. And I refused. Then it got worse when he found he was to have a daughter. And this was the man who I could remember being so marvellous! Anyway, I had Elizabeth, things got even worse and I told him I was divorcing him. And you know the rest.’
He leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. ‘That was then, Amy. Things can get better.’
‘I know that, I know that! Knowing is one thing. But feeling is another. And I’m afraid. But, Adam, I’m trying!’
He said nothing more but handed her a handkerchief. She wiped her eyes, then started the car. ‘We mustn’t be too late back,’ she said.
Saturday was the day Johanne’s mother was coming to take her out. On the Friday, Amy saw how irritated and upset Adam was. When they had a minute alone she tried to calm him down.
‘This is a bit of a test,’ she said. ‘It’ll show how well you’ve brought up your daughter. And I think you’ll pass the test. If what you say about them both is true, Johanne will enjoy her day but still come back to you happily.’
‘I hope so,’ he said. ‘But I’m not very happy and not too confident either. With that woman, things always go wrong.’
‘Just wait and see.’ Amy was hopeful.
She spent most of Saturday with her mother, trying to extract details from her about Noel. Her mother was irritatingly complacent, and refused to say anything except that she was happy. And Amy knew this to be true. Her mother looked younger, there was a glow about her. Amy was so pleased for her mother. If this was what love could do...but for other people.
Sunday morning at home was always something a bit different and special. Amy stayed in bed and Elizabeth came in with her. They giggled and bounced about and then Amy fetched them breakfast in bed. They sat side by side, eating it.
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