Rising to his feet, his eyes searched her face. “I’ve already planned to leave once the baby is born. I just hadn’t told you yet.”
So that was the way it was with him, Emily thought, as she gazed up at his dark face. Time hadn’t changed him at all. His plans were no different than they’d been ten years ago. He was going to leave.
“Well, I shouldn’t be surprised,” she said, her voice going flat as all the emotion seemed to drain out of her. “But I am. I thought...foolish me, I believed you were starting to fit in here. That you even liked living here on the ranch again...with me.”
“I do like it! I just can’t stay here after the baby comes.”
His words brought her to her feet. “What are you saying? That you’re going to let one little innocent baby come between us? A baby that, I might add, needs a father?”
Oh God, why had all this happened, he silently prayed. And why couldn’t he be the man she needed?
“I told you before, Emily. I’m not father material.”
“Because it’s Kenneth’s baby?”
He turned away from her but not before she saw his features twisting with frustration. “I might as well tell you like it is. I’m not sure I could be a good father to any child. Besides that, I don’t think I could bring myself to love and nurture—Kenneth’s child. Not after the way he betrayed me!”
She wished she had the strength to slap him. But the past few minutes had drained her physically and emotionally. All she could manage to do was look at him with dark, wounded eyes. “If that’s the way you feel, why don’t you go on and leave now? I wish you would! I wish I never had to see your selfish face again!”
She whirled her back to him.
Cooper stood where he was while his eyes took in the angry rigid line of her stance. He wished there was something he could say or do to comfort her, to make up for all the things she’d wanted from him. But he didn’t know how or what. He supposed he wasn’t any better in dealing with women than he was with children. He was a man meant to be alone.
Stepping closer, he placed his hand on her shoulder. “Right now you need me here as much as I need to be here,” he murmured.
She twisted her head around and glared at him. “And you believe I won’t need you after the baby gets here? With thinking like that I’ll be better off once you’re gone!”
His stiff features hid the pain in his heart. “I’m sure you’ll be counting the days.”
Chapter Six
Emily was on that damn Appaloosa again. Cooper knew she was an excellent rider and had been since she was a small child. He also had to admit the weather wasn’t all that bad for the end of November. But she was pregnant, for heaven’s sake! She should be in the house knitting or whatever it was women did when they were in the family way. But no, not her, he thought as he watched her from an inconspicuous place in the barn. Emily was a ranch woman inside and out. If she wasn’t helping him feed and care for the cattle, she was doing something with the horses or the tack.
Cooper had quit trying to send her back to the house. Especially after the encounter they’d had in her bedroom over two weeks ago. Since then, Cooper had come to the conclusion that he didn’t have the right to tell her anything. He wasn’t her husband. Nor the father of her child. He wasn’t even her lover. He was, in spite of ten years passing, just what he’d always been here on the Diamond D. An interloper. Yet he couldn’t leave. His conscience wouldn’t let him. Or was it his heart?
Deciding it was time he made an appearance, he walked out to the big round pen where she was exercising the horse. Resting his forearms over the metal rail fencing, he watched her rein the gelding first one way and then the other.
It was only a moment before she noticed his presence and walked the horse over to him.
“He handles very well,” Cooper told her.
She smiled. “Thank you. I believe he’s going to be my kind of pony. I almost wish it was roundup time so I could really give him a good workout. If he’s going to show his true colors it will be then.”
By roundup time in the spring, Emily’s baby would be born. She’d be able to ride as long and far as she wanted. And Cooper would be gone. He didn’t want to think about it, but he had to.
“Maybe the calf crop will be a good one come this spring.”
Emily looked down at him from atop the horse. Oddly enough she felt closer to him now than she ever had. Which didn’t make sense. That night in her bedroom his rejection had cut her to the quick. But afterward, when she’d had time to cool off and really think, her anger at him had vanished.
Emily had concluded it was probably for the best the two of them hadn’t made love. Cooper couldn’t let go of the past. And she wasn’t at all sure she could forget it, either. He’d left her when she’d needed him the most. And more than likely he would do it again.
“If we don’t have any late blizzards I think the calf crop will be a good one. As good as it can be with only a hundred mama cows.” Carefully she stepped down from the saddle and looped the reins over the metal fence.
“I’ve been thinking about adding to the herd,” Cooper told her. “I doubt cattle will be any lower than they are right now. It would be a good time to buy. But...”
He didn’t go on and she looked at him questioningly. “But what?”
“I don’t want to take the step until I know for sure I can find a good man to work the place for you.”
Whenever he left, Emily silently added. The thought saddened her, though she didn’t know why she should let it. He kept her emotions in constant turmoil. And the desire she felt for him was something she couldn’t stop no matter how hard she tried.
“You haven’t forgotten tomorrow is Thanksgiving, have you?”
“No. Would you like to go out somewhere to eat?”
“Thank you for asking, but that wasn’t really what I had in mind. You see, my family always gathers at the Bar M for the holidays and we’re invited.”
His brows lifted slightly. “‘We?’ You really mean you, don’t you?”
Emily shook her head. “No. You’ve been invited, too. Why should that surprise you?”
“I figured your whole family thought of me as that Dunn bastard.”
“Cooper!” she scolded.
“Especially your father.”
Emily shook her head. “Daddy’s been over here several times in the past few weeks and you two seem to get along, okay.”
“Your father is a nice man. He just doesn’t say what’s really on his mind.”
Emily laughed. “Daddy is a nice man. But don’t let that niceness fool you. If he gets riled up, he doesn’t hide it.”
Cooper let out a sigh and pushed his hat to the back of his head. Strands of dark hair flopped onto his forehead. “That may be true. But I just don’t think I’d feel comfortable having Thanksgiving dinner with your family.”
She folded her arms across her breast. “Just who would you feel comfortable with, Cooper?”
Shrugging, he jammed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and stared off at the distant Capitan mountains. “I don’t know. I guess some of the old cowboys I travel with.”
Several of those old cowboys had called Cooper in the past couple of months he’d been here on the Diamond D. A few times Emily had heard him laughing and joking with the person on the other end of the line and she’d felt absurdly jealous. Even now it was on the tip of her tongue to tell him he was welcome to go spend Thanksgiving with his rodeo buddies, but she caught herself before the words were out.
As she stood there looking at his remote expression, she realized Cooper was being totally honest with her. For the past ten years he’d not had a family to speak of, or a home to go to for the holidays. At least, a home where he’d felt as if he were truly welcome. Had she been the reason? Had he not wanted to see her and Kenneth together? Dear Lord she might be crazy, but she was beginning to think he might have actually loved her after all.
“Well, I’m sure your ro
deo buddies have been missing you. But since you’re here, it would make me very happy if you’d spend the day with my family.”
Happy. She’d never mentioned him and the word in the same breath. That she was doing so now, more than surprised him.
“I don’t know, Emily. I wouldn’t want to...make your relatives uncomfortable.”
“Why would you make them uncomfortable? Except for Aunt Justine and my parents, they all think you’re just one of my old boyfriends.”
Just an old boyfriend. Sometimes Cooper wondered if he’d ever been that much to her. “I understand that Justine knows we were lovers, but what did your parents think I was? Other than sorry and no good.”
“They thought...” She drew in a breath and glanced away from him. “They thought you were the man I ought to have married. Not Kenneth. They both desperately tried to talk me out of marrying him. But I was so hurt over you, I wouldn’t listen.” She turned her eyes back on him. “So you see, they didn’t think you were sorry or not good enough. They believed you were the man for me. And I think they...still believe you are.”
Cooper didn’t know what to say. It touched him to think the Hamiltons had once wanted him for a son-in-law. But now...how could he accompany Emily to a family gathering as though he belonged there, too? He’d not only let Emily down years ago, he’d obviously disappointed Harlan and Rose, two people he greatly admired. If only they knew he’d left all those years ago out of love, he thought dismally.
Tugging his hat back on his head, he said, “If that’s the case, they’d probably be happier if you show up alone. But,” he added as her face fell with disappointment, “I’ll think about it.”
“You can’t think on it long. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and if I stay here and cook for the two of us, I’ll have to drive into town for a turkey.”
Surprise flickered over his face. “I wouldn’t expect you to stay here and cook for me.”
“Well, I would hardly go off and leave you.”
She seemed adamant about the whole thing, though Cooper couldn’t understand why. They’d never spent a holiday together, so he could hardly imagine her wanting them to now.
“All right. If that’s the way you feel, I’ll let you know in a little while.” He reached for the Appaloosa’s reins. “Are you finished riding? I’ll put him up for you.”
Emily knew if Cooper had it his way she’d be in the house all day with her feet propped up. He’d not tried to hide the fact he resented her pregnancy. So why did he make such an issue of taking care of her health?
“Yes. I’m all through,” she told him. “I’m going on up to the house to do a few chores.”
She’d taken only a few steps in the direction of the house when Cooper called her name. Pausing, she twisted her head around at him. “Yes?”
“I just wanted to thank you for... wanting to share Thanksgiving with me.”
A hot lump collected in her throat. Until this moment she’d never realized just how alone Cooper really was and how much she wanted to take away that loneliness by sharing her family with him. “You’re welcome, Cooper.”
Later that evening Emily was on the phone with her aunt Chloe when Cooper entered the kitchen.
“I don’t know, Aunt Chloe—” She broke off the moment she heard the door closing behind him. “Huh—here he is now. Wait a minute.” Emily placed her hand over the mouthpiece of the telephone. “What’s your answer about dinner tomorrow?” she asked him. “Aunt Chloe needs to know how many chairs to drag out.”
Even though he knew it was a special thing for Emily to spend the holidays with her family, she’d already made it clear to him she wouldn’t leave him here alone. She would give up being with her family for him. That in itself touched him deeply. And what the hell if he didn’t belong to the family? he argued with himself. Emily seemed to want him there and that was enough for him.
“Tell her to drag out two more. As long as I don’t have to wear a tie,” he added impishly.
Excitement suddenly gleamed in her eyes and for a moment Cooper thought she was going to jump up on her tiptoes and kiss him. But then she seemed to think better of it and turned her attention back to her aunt.
“We’ll be there, Aunt Chloe. Cooper might be in his chaps and spurs, but I’ll make sure he doesn’t have any manure on his boots.”
She hung up the phone and smiled at him. “I know you’re dreading this, but it won’t be nearly as bad as you think. If you get tired of the racket you can always go down to the stables and look at Chloe’s horses. She has one barn full of nothing but yearlings.”
Just seeing the smile on her face made it all worth it to Cooper. With a wry grin, he said, “Don’t worry about me, Emily. Contrary to what you might think I can survive a few hours without a horse.”
The Murdock family ranch was south and west of Hondo where the mountains were covered with ponderosa and piñon pine. Cooper had visited the Bar M once before when he’d first met Emily years ago. The vast ranch had been beautiful then, but it was even more so now, Cooper thought as he drove up the long pine-lined driveway leading to the house. He could see many improvements around the barns and stables. And when the two of them entered the courtyard at the back of the old Spanish-styled home, he noticed a huge oval swimming pool had been added.
The one time Cooper had visited the Bar M, the weather had been warm and the family had had a barbecue. Though he and Emily had only stayed for a few minutes, the experience had stuck in his memory. He’d never seen so much laughter and genuine closeness in a family before. To this day, he often tried to imagine what it must be like to be a part of such a supportive, tightly knit group of relatives.
“Did Kenneth get on with your family?” he asked as the two of them walked through the courtyard toward a door that would lead them into the kitchen.
She shrugged. “Kenneth never was much of a socializer. Most of the time I visited the family, he chose to stay home.”
Her answer told Cooper that once again his assumptions about Kenneth had been wrong. “That surprises me. I figured Kenneth got on well with your folks.”
“He did for a while. But the last few years he cut himself off from most everyone. Maybe the alcohol made him that way. I don’t know.” Shaking her head, she smiled up at him. “Let’s not talk about such dismal things now. The day is beautiful and my mother and aunts have cooked a feast.”
And for once Cooper wasn’t spending Thanksgiving in a motel room eating fast food with a bunch of road-weary cowboys, he thought. He was with the woman he’d always wanted to be with and she was smiling at him. He couldn’t ask for more than that.
Much to Emily’s relief everyone in the family greeted Cooper warmly. Even though he’d met them all before, she’d wondered if he might have trouble remembering her brother, Ethan and all her cousins: Caroline, the twins, Adam and Anna, and their sister, Ivy. All of them had grown from teenagers to adulthood since he’d been away. But surprisingly he recognized them all and even inquired about Charlie, who hadn’t been able to get away from his duties as a Texas Ranger.
“That’s too bad,” Cooper told Roy. “I would have enjoyed visiting with Charlie. I always liked him.”
Roy glanced at Justine, who was trying to smile even though she was missing her son terribly, especially with it being a holiday. “We wish he could have been here, too. But he’s been working on a case that’s kept him pretty much tied down.”
Across the room, Caroline chuckled slyly. “That’s just what my brother is telling our parents,” she told Cooper. “Frankly I think it’s a woman that has him tied up.”
“If that’s the case,” Justine spoke up, “then I forgive him for staying in Texas. I’m beginning to think that boy will never find a woman who’ll put up with him.”
Roy slid his arm around Justine’s shoulders and gave his wife an affectionate squeeze. “It’s because he’s trying to find a perfect one like his mother.”
Everyone groaned and laughed and swapped a few more rem
arks about Charlie, then the men eventually gravitated to the living room to have coffee. As Emily watched Cooper leave with them, a pang of regret coursed through her heart. He seemed to fit in with her family as though he’d always belonged to it. Whereas Kenneth had always been moody and distant whenever he’d been around the Murdock clan. The difference between the two men was as great as night and day and she was beginning to see more and more what a drastic mistake she’d made ten years ago when she’d fallen in with Kenneth’s idea to get married.
Once the men were gone from the kitchen, Justine turned to Emily and slung a loving arm around her shoulders. “Emily, you look absolutely beautiful,” Justine exclaimed. “I can’t get over your hair. Isn’t it lovely, Rose?”
“It is. But I’m still in shock over the coat. Where did you get it?” her mother asked.
Emily felt a blush rising to her cheeks. “Well, actually Cooper went shopping for me and this is one of the things he thought I needed.” She unbuttoned the red coat and handed it to her Aunt Chloe who had yet to say anything, but was giving her a knowing little smile.
“Emily!” Rose whirled away from the gas range to give her daughter’s dress a closer look. “That dress. It looks like cashmere!”
Laughing, Chloe patted Emily’s rotund middle. “It feels like cashmere, too. I’ll bet our little girl in there just loves it.”
“How do you know it’s going to be a girl?” Anna asked her mother as she, Ivy and Caroline pulled china and silverware from an antique buffet.
“I’m just guessing,” Chloe answered her daughter’s question. Justine stepped up and placed her hands on Emily’s tummy as though she were calculating the ripeness of a watermelon. “You’re wrong, sis. It’s a boy. See how low she’s carrying it.”
Emily groaned, yet the smile on her face said how much she was enjoying the attention. “Oh, for goodness’ sake, you’d think none of you had ever seen a pregnant woman before.”
The Rancher's Blessed Event Page 10