“I love you,” I said, caressing her cheek. “You two have been friends forever. It’ll be ok. I have to go out there before Reid starts being all bossy ass on us.”
She giggled, hugging me tightly. “I love you, too, Cade.”
###
“What’s wrong?” Reid asked as I slammed the car door.
“Francesca is upset. I…” pausing, I leaned forward and held my hands tightly on the dash. “don’t know how to help her.”
“You want to drink,” Reid stated. He knew the routine.
Cravings were coming with every difficult issue we faced. It wasn’t as bad as three months ago, but it was still strong, persistent. Would it ever get easier? I simply nodded. The urge to drink was lethal. If there was any sort of beer or liquor in front of me, I would have no self-control.
“Buckle up and breathe. Deeply, fill your lungs before you exhale,” he instructed, putting the car in reverse.
I followed directions, inhaling air until my chest puffed and my lungs were so full I couldn’t handle any more. Exhaling slowly, I closed my eyes and thought of Francesca. Thought of us living a long, happy life, getting married, having children. I continued the exercise as Reid drove, losing my thoughts in Francesca to drown out my impulse to drink. The cravings had slowed considerably since the first month or so of rehab. It was excruciating, the need for alcohol, but with time it got better. I felt lost, hopeless, seeing Francesca looking sad about her fuss with Daphne. Situations that left me feeling out of control generally drove me to drink in the past. And now…well, I was still learning how to deal.
“We’re here, Cade,” Reid said. I heard the unsnapping of his seatbelt.
Lifting my head, I saw we were at the rehabilitation center. “Therapist?”
“AA meeting,” he corrected. He shut the door, coming around to meet me as I opened mine. “I can help you, but this will be better. Being in a room full of people who understand is much better than us one on one.”
I nodded. My stomach clenched with nerves. I stayed strong for Francesca, because she’d always seen me at my weakest. My drunken stupors, or admitting my problem and going to rehab. She deserved so much more than me. She was the type of woman that should be given nothing short of the world. A man that cherished her, was there for her, did anything and everything to make her happy, moving heaven and earth for her every whim.
Would I…could I, ever be that man?
We shuffled in the building. I hadn’t been to an AA meeting during a craving before, so this was a new experience for me. Reid led the way, not speaking as he rushed on. It must be starting soon, based off his eager manner.
He stopped at a room, hand on the door knob. “You’re going in alone, and I’ll be right there,” he stated, pointing to a chair across the walkway. He turned the knob, ushering me in.
All eyes were on me as I trudged in. I held my head high, though my palms were slick with sweat. I took a seat near the front, not wanting to see all the faces. The meeting began, a basic introduction of the moderator, and overview of what would happen. I listened, raising my hand when he asked who would like to go first.
Standing, I faced the room. Stuffing my hands deep in my pockets, I closed my eyes long enough to see Francesca’s lovely face, and shakily spoke. “My name is Cade Kelling and I am an alcoholic who desperately wants a drink.”
###
“Will it ever get easier?” I asked as we drive to my apartment.
Reid stared at the road, as always, and nodded. “Yes. It takes time, and you’ll always want to resort to drinking, but it gets better, easier to fight the cravings.”
“How long?” I sighed as I leaned against the window. The world passed by quickly, fading in the background as I focused on the sidewalk. The meeting was more difficult than the others, probably because I was fighting my nature. The others were open, welcoming, and knew exactly what to say. They’d all been there before. We all fought the same demons.
“It’s only been three months, Cade,” Reid said. “You’re doing exceptionally well. Just keep fighting it. Remember why you’re doing this. Think of the future. Do you want a dead end future, losing jobs right and left, getting into trouble with the law, and losing Francesca? Or do you want a happy future where you do what you love and live life with the woman you adore?”
I didn’t answer. It wasn’t needed, he knew what I wanted. The closer we got to my apartment, the more I thought about Pops agreeing to pay rent. It was shocking and unexpected. He’d always been a man I could read, knowing exactly how he would react to something, but suddenly he was different. I wondered what caused it, why the change of heart. I needed to find out from Mom or Cason what was going on, and soon. This was eating me up, not knowing why he was helping me.
“Just get enough clothes to last awhile and whatever else you want. We can always come back if we need to, so it’s ok if you forget something,” Reid said, pulling into my apartment’s parking lot.
“You wanna come in?” I asked, unbuckling.
“Nah, I gotta make some phone calls,” he said, nodding toward the device.
“Ok,” I said as I shut the door.
Reid was basically my babysitter. He was giving up these months of his normalcy to take me in and help me recover. He annoyed me with his cheesy happy face, but I owed the man my life at this point. I wouldn’t be able to see Francesca if it wasn’t for him. I wouldn’t be well on the road to sobriety without his constant support and dedication. I couldn’t help but wonder why he wasn’t married, or at least have a girlfriend. He spent all his time at the center, working by day and volunteering by night. The man was a machine and a force to be reckoned with.
I hoped to be like him someday.
I moved through my apartment, throwing clothing, shoes, shower essentials, and a few movies into my bag. It was a large duffle, but I hadn’t even filled it half full. The clothing and things I had in rehab were already at Reid’s, and honestly, I didn’t think I needed much more.
Finishing up, I stepped out, checking to make sure I locked the door behind me. I stopped on the sidewalk, seeing the bush where Francesca found Hamlet, her cat. I remembered the delight in her eyes at holding the kitty, then the horrifying worry that etched her face as she realized the poor creature was hurt. That was the first day I’d seen her in five years. The day I learned she was my lawyer.
The day that changed everything.
I shifted my eyes away, letting the memories float around in my mind as I headed back to the car. Throwing the bag in the backseat, I slumped back in the front. “I’m ready.”
Reid didn’t say anything. I knew he’d seen me staring at the plant, but he wouldn’t ask questions. The good thing about Reid was he knew when to talk and when to not. He was curious, but knew not to push. He was becoming a great friend.
###
Reid’s apartment was as happy and organized as he was. He kept everything in nice and neat little rows. Living here for the next three months was going to be difficult. I wasn’t messy per se, but I wasn’t a neat freak either. Unpacking my belongings, I tried to make my room as personable as possible, but I didn’t think I’d be getting away with leaving heaps of clothing in the floor while living with Reid.
I missed Francesca; her softness, her smile, the way she could light up with her eyes. I knew I had to stay here, let Reid keep me out of trouble, but it was going to drive me crazy. I finished setting up the room, then bound down the stairs to find Reid, who was sitting at the kitchen table, his nose stuck in a book, coffee in his hand.
“Your father called,” he said, not even looking up.
I didn’t move, though, my heart may have stopped beating for a moment. “What did he want?”
“He’s coming to therapy tomorrow,” he stated.
Bracing myself against the table, I leaned down, pulling the book away from him. “He’s what?”
His gaze met mine. His eyes were soft and sincere. “I know you think you’re not ready to talk to him,
and that’s fine, but you have to. He was supposed to come to the other therapy meetings, and he didn’t show up, because he was being stubborn, and you can’t act the same way. It’s time to man up and see your dad tomorrow.”
Reid wasn’t one to sugarcoat things. The self-conscious, childlike part of me was dreading seeing Pops. Our relationship had always been broken, and knowing he expected me to fail once again, well, it made me want a drink. I knew life was going to be like this; constantly throwing curveballs that would make me to give it all up, and go back to the way things were. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be weak Cade anymore. It was time to be a man, someone that acted my age. I was going on 28 years old, engaged to be married, and just got out of rehab. Why did the thought of seeing my Pops terrify me? “I don’t want to see him,” I breathed out.
“Well, that’s just too damned bad, isn’t it?” He started, running both sets of hands through his hair and locking them behind his head. “Derek should have been included in your family therapy meetings, but he was too stubborn. Now you, Cade Kelling, are acting the same exact way. You truly are your father’s son. And I don’t really care what you want. You have to mend this relationship, and if he was to come to therapy, I’m not stopping him. I’m sorry if it’s uncomfortable for you, but it needs to be done, Cade.”
I stared, uneasy and wanting out of this place. “Well, alright then. What time?” I questioned. Counting down to the doomed hour seemed like a good idea.
“He will be there at 9 AM.” Reid didn’t look at me or say anything else. He knew I needed time to process what was going on, time to think.
Slapping together a sandwich and pouring some water, I bid him good night, and trudged up the stairs to my room. I felt contained, locked up, like a teenager again. Anger stewed inside of me, bubbling and the rippling through my soul. I scarfed down my snack, texting Francesca one last time before she went to bed. My brother was next on the list.
Cade: Hey man, are you awake?
Cason: Yeah, what up. How are you?
Cade: Pops is coming to therapy tomorrow.
Cason: Ouch. Sorry. Will you be okay?
Cade: I don’t know. Why does he all of a sudden want to come?
Cason: You want me to come too?
Cade: Yeah.
Cason: I’ll be there, buddy.
Pops liked Cason, he was his favorite. Perhaps him attending the session would deflect the attention off of me and things wouldn’t be so bad. I wanted Francesca there, but I knew she’d have to work. I couldn’t bother her with the stress anyway. She didn’t deserve to hear me whine and cry over Pops after everything she’d done to help me in the past few months. So Cade Kelling was going to be a big boy deal, with his father, with only his brother on his side.
###
Sleep didn’t come easy last night, nightmares plagued my mind. I couldn’t really tell you when everything went wrong with mine and Pops relationship. He always expected more than I could give, wanted more than I had. The first time I took a drink was right after we had a fight and was out of pure rebellion, but that one step changed my life forever. Now that we were going to therapy, he would know the truth about me, out there open and free for anyone to know. Pops wouldn’t be happy, his anger would probably get the best of him and he would yell at me. Maybe they would kick him out of therapy if it happened.
It was a thought.
Reid had been up since the ass crack of dawn, as usual, while I was running around trying to get my shower and dressed before we have to leave. Francesca already called and I broke the news I wouldn’t see her this morning. It didn’t please me knowing I wouldn’t get to see her, but what could I do? I got no sleep and slept in. She understood, of course. She understood everything. She was the most caring and giving person I knew. A small part of me wished I hadn’t put so much stress and pressure on my love, the same part longed for her beside me when I faced Pops.
Quit being so dramatic, Cade.
We stopped at a drive-through, getting breakfast before we headed to the center. We didn’t speak much. There wasn’t anything to say, everything he told me last night was true. I did need to stop being a whiny baby, deal with my father, fix the relationship or end it. Cason had already texted and would be there momentarily. The knots formed in my stomach grew harder as queasiness took over.
All I had ever been was a disappointment. Hell, Pops had already decided I was going to fail this time. With a father like that, who could blame me for having self-esteem issues?
“We’ll be there in about three minutes,” Reid instructed. “Are you ready for this?”
I shrugged, but then remembered he wouldn’t look as he was driving and answered, “I guess I have to be, don’t I?” Yeah, I was being snippy. Reid didn’t deserve that, but better him than Francesca.
“Is Francesca going to be there?” he asked.
“No. I have put her through enough. I’m not going to ask her take off work to hold my hand and baby me.”
“Seriously? That girl is head over heels for you and you’re still acting this way,” he scoffed, shaking his head.
“What do you want me to do? I can’t depend on her for everything. She has turned my whole life around, and I’m not going to ask her to turn hers upside down, yet again, just because I’m scared of meeting with my father. My brother’s coming, so it’ll be okay.” I wasn’t sure what Reid was getting at, but I really hoped he wasn’t in a fight with me about this.
“Well, I suppose it’s too late, because were here and there’s Derek’s car.” He nodded in the direction of his car, but I had already seen it. He was leaned against the hood, Cason in front of him talking. He looked relaxed, at ease, and a ping of jealousy shot me.
Maybe this all was my fault. Weren’t parents supposed to have great expectations for their children? Was it really such a bad thing he wanted me to do the best that I could? Memories of Pops and Cason talking, not fussing, flooded my mind. He wanted Cason to do great things too, but instead of rebelling and running from it, he’d simply listened and did his own thing. What was so wrong with me that I felt the need to rebel? Why did I take his good intentions and turn them into something horrible and an addiction?
I had a sinking feeling in my gut that therapy was going to reveal a lot of things today.
Reid parted minutes ago and stood in front of the vehicle chatting away. I finally found my bravery, and my balls, and peeled myself out of the seat. I walked up, waving to Cason, and acknowledging Reid. I stood to the side of Pops, and finally brought my gaze up, feeling nervous, but I refused to let him see and said, “Hey, Pops.”
He followed my greeting, nodding as well. His eyes were wide as he gulped and whispered, “Hello, son.”
Chapter Four – Francesca
Sleep had been restless. Fighting with Daphne wasn’t something I was used to, it left me feeling uneasy and incomplete. We were supposed to have a girl’s night in two days, but I didn’t know if I would go. Would all of my other friends also think I was making a mistake? Was attending the outing a set up for heartbreak and disaster? I had no way of knowing, but I decided I would talk to Bree and get her opinion.
Something was up with Cade. He had called this morning, didn’t come by, and his texts were short. My freak out last night probably didn’t help matters. I was used to being the strong one, the one who didn’t let my emotions take control. I was the woman who buried every feeling I had until the point I felt like my whole body would explode, but fighting with Daphne broke something inside me.
All my life I’ve heard of soulmates, whether it be in a romance novel or on a movie, and always the duo were men and women. Did anyone ever stop to think they maybe your best friend could be your soulmate, the one that knows you like no other? The person you’d grown and changed and experienced most of your life with? It may sound crazy, and it probably was, but Daphne and I decided in my early teens that we were destined for one another. We were closer than friends, more like sisters, and nothing could break
us apart. I knew this was just another stepping stone, but it hurt. My heart was lonely, aching for my friend, and I prayed we could mend the small fracture in our friendship before it grew deeper.
The day was half gone, busy with appointments that I didn’t particularly want to deal with. Zander was booking all types of clients, which was fine because I was new and I needed to do that, but it was also frustrating. I worked my butt off for years in school and now I had to do a bunch of stuff I didn’t really want to in order to get somewhere, to make a name for myself in this town.
The fight with Daphne was making my life harder in general.
I texted Bree, asking her to meet me at my house when I got off work. I told her it wasn’t urgent, but I needed her. Being a mother had made Bree so much wiser than the rest of us. She had been through so much in her few years and contained so much wisdom and insight that we all went to her for advice. Sometimes it felt like she was the mother for us all, not just Ally.
I scarfed down my lunch, desperate for this day to be over. Zander sensed my mood, so he wasn’t saying much, keeping his distance. He was pretty smart now that I thought about it. Bree texted me back halfway through my meal, confirming she would come over. If anyone could help me fix things with Daphne, it would be her.
###
Bree and her little angel Ally were waiting on my porch when I arrived. Hamlet was at the window pawing and scratching at Ally because he knew she would play with him as soon as she got in the house. Her giggles danced through the air, greeting me as I opened the door, and brought a smile to my face. Bree watched her daughter with delight and amazement, much like I anticipated I would someday when I became mother. “Hello, girls,” I called closing the door with my hip. I walked across the lawn, eager to give Ally a hug.
She jumped up and down excitedly, her small body pounding against the boards, making more noise than I thought possible. “AuntFrancesca! Aunt Francesca!” she called.
Her energy was contagious, and I dashed up the stairs, grasping her in my arms and swinging her around. “My Ally,” I squealed right back, placing a kiss on the top of her head.
Entangled Souls: Cade and Francesca (Scarred Hearts #1.5) Page 3