We sat in silence. I wasn’t sure how to respond to admission, and I thought he may be in shock the words actually came out. We watched cars come and go, some families, some singles. It was peaceful.
“I shouldn’t have rebelled because you wanted me to be a better kid,” I finally said.
“What do you mean?”
“I always felt you had too high of expectations. I convinced myself you wanted me to be you, and I can’t be Derek…I’m Cade. When Cason came along and you were always doing things with him, I just gave up,” I confessed, gazing out the window. I refused to look at him. This was difficult enough as it was.
“You were always closer to your mother, so I left it at that. I didn’t want to come between you two. I didn’t want push you…”
“I think we both messed up, Pops…I mean, Dad,” I stated awkwardly. I hadn’t called him Dad since I was a toddler. I turned then, seeing tears in my father’s eyes for the first time since my grandmother died when I was six.
“Cade, I know we did. And I’m truly sorry. I hope you can forgive me for everything. And you don’t have to call me Dad, I’m sort of used to Pops at this point,” he chuckled. He sniffled, but didn’t rub the tears. Pops didn’t cry, never had. I knew we would never speak of this again.
I nodded. “I’m sorry, too. I was a hellion for years. I’m sure you didn’t enjoy that.”
He laughed at the statement, and said, “You’ll get your payback when you become a father. Though, I’m sure with Francesca as their mother, she’ll keep you all in line.”
Smiling widely, I joined his laughing. My father and I shared our first good memory of my adult life in the parking lot of a shopping center.
###
“You don’t have to come,” I stressed once again to my brother. He kept mocking me, laughing about this ceremony. I didn’t even go to my high school graduation, why would I want to do this?
He grinned sneakily. “I’m coming, and bringing the video camera.”
I groaned, throwing my body back on the couch. We were sitting in my parents’ living room, waiting for Pops to get home and Mom to finish cooking. She kicked us out after we wouldn’t stop arguing over this. Francesca said Zander had to talk to her after work, so she was missing this dinner.
“Seriousness,” he said, pushing me over and sitting down. “You’re doing good, right? You and Pops? You haven’t called me for backup in a while.”
I sat the rest of the way up, propping my feet on the table. Mom would yell if she caught me, but I had to get some sort of excitement in my life. “Yeah, we talked. It was good. Not perfect, but it’s better.”
“I get why you rebelled so much,” he said. “I remember him ignoring you sometimes,” he reflected. “I never knew why.”
“Yeah…I don’t want to talk about it.” I talked about it all the time, with Pops, with my therapist, with Francesca. I couldn’t let it be a Cade and Cason thing, too.
“I understand.”
“I do want to ask you something,” I smiled, turning to face him. “We haven’t set a date or anything, but…will you be my best man? I can’t think of anyone that would be better at it.”
His face lit up and he nodded enthusiastically. “Of course, I’d be honored! Do I have to make a toast? Cause I want to get started on that, maybe find some old pictures I can show or something.”
I punched him hard and he responded with a hearty laugh. Cason and I were each other’s first friends. We did everything together until I reached my drinking stage. We drifted, but never too far. Having him as the best man only made sense.
Our meal was fun and lighthearted. Everyone was excited about me completing rehabilitation. They didn’t say it, but I knew they all were shocked I actually did it. I knew without Francesca, I wouldn’t have been able to.
###
Ms. Thorpe scheduled my meeting with her and the head of human resources after I practically begged her for my job back. She’d understood much to my surprise. I vaguely recalled her telling me I could have my job back, but I was hung over and couldn’t remember the exact specifications.
I wondered how much of my life I truly missed being drunk. All the memories I could have. I knew there were some with Francesca I missed out on because of my addiction. The last fourteen years were a haze, a drunken haze. So many missed opportunities. So much of my life wasted. I’d been a fool.
The meeting went well, as expected, but I would be under close supervision for a year. All the missed days, the messed up work, had taken its toll and now I was paying. I would do it, I needed my job. The feel of the tools heavy in my hands, the satisfying content of knowing you fixed something for someone. It would be good for me to do something again, to feel like I mattered. Spending my days with every single minute revolving around me wasn’t something I liked, or wanted to do again.
Working, whether it be at my job or some other, gave me a sense of being, a sense of self. Becoming employed again was the first step in the new and improved Cade Kelling. The man that loved Francesca Taymon more than alcohol, spent his days making her happy, and helped others in whatever way to feel like a better human being.
I’d given Reid’s suggestion a lot of thought, and tonight I planned to approach Francesca with my goal. Managing my self-esteem would be the biggest obstacle, but after surviving rehab and accomplishing so much, I knew I could do it. Reid was a great example, and I knew he would assist me in any way. Becoming a sponsor was what I wanted.
###
“Did you have a good day?” Francesca asked, snuggling closer to me.
“Mmhmm,” I murmured. She felt so warm and soft against me. We’d just made love and I already wanted her again, but getting my idea off my chest had to come first. “I wanted to run something by you.”
“Run it,” she sighed, sprinkling kisses over my chest and glancing up at me seductively.
Growling, I pulled her up, “I can’t think when you do that…and this is important. Give me five minutes.”
She bit her lip, then dramatically said, “Oooookaaaay.” She propped her chin on my shoulder, staring at me and waited.
“Reid suggested something…and I think I want to try.”
“What is it?” she asked.
“He said I would be a good sponsor.” I waited for her to laugh, or say something, but she only grinned wider, so I continued. “It wouldn’t be for a while, obviously, I have to finish all this outpatient stuff and prove I can stay sober. The night Reid was freaked out…I dunno, it just felt good to help him. To know what he was going through and talk him out of it.”
Her eyes were watery as she nodded. “I think it’s a great idea. I totally support it. You would be so great at it. You’re so caring, Cade. And I know you don’t believe in yourself much, but you would be a wonderful sponsor.”
“Am I too young?”
“Pfft,” she exasperated. “Age is nothing when it comes to success. Doing it younger just means you’ll get to be successful longer.”
“Like you,” I pointed out, a question surfacing that had bugged me for a while. “How are you so successful at twenty five?”
“I’m almost twenty six,” she pointed out with an eye roll. “I graduated at seventeen in December, so I started college early. Summer classes and full course loads had me graduating with my undergrad degree at barely twenty years old. Law school was much the same, so I was out at twenty two. It was a very stressful few years, but it was worth it. It helped me to not think of Josie so much…and you.” The last words were barely spoken, a soft song to my ears.
“You don’t have to forget me now,” I reminded her, rolling her to her back and covering her body with mine. “I don’t ever want you to forget me…the way I make you feel, the love I have for you, my body connecting with yours. You’re mine, I’m yours. Always, Francesca. And I would do anything for you.” I smothered her lips with mine, the fiery passion reignited. Our hormones raged like teens, constantly wanting each other.
We spent
the rest of the evening in each other’s arms, delighting in our consuming adoration. Every moment was all I needed, yet never enough. I couldn’t wait until the day I woke up beside her, went to sleep with her, and could call her Mrs. Kelling. It couldn’t get here fast enough.
One
Week
Later
Chapter Ten-Francesca
It was late Sunday afternoon, the day after Cade’s graduation ceremony. He was packing his things up at Reid’s, then coming here. He planned to take me for a motorcycle ride once more before the chilling cold of winter finally settled in. I was anxious, yet excited at the thought of another thrilling ride with Cade.
Hammy and I were snuggled on the couch, me reading and him purring, when a knock sounded at the door. I expected Cade, so I jumped up excitedly, earning a glare from the kitty. It was funny how personable animals were, especially cats. Hamlet showed all his emotions on his cute little face and it was adorable.
A huge smile spread across my face as I flung the door open seeing Daphne’s face. It slowly disappeared and I fidgeted as I said, “Hey, Daph.”
She gave a weak smile, her intense green eyes filled with pain. “Hey, can we talk?”
I nodded, stepping aside so she could enter. She perched on the edge of the armrest, aimlessly petting Hammy. Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun and she looked like she’d been crying.
“What’s up? Are you ok?” I asked, concerned. I sat back where I was, wrapping a blanket around my shoulders.
“I miss us. I’m so sorry, Francesca,” she sniffled, burying her face in her hands.
I wanted to comfort her, to hug her, but I needed more. I had to know she was happy for me, that she wouldn’t call me stupid again. “I miss us, too.”
She looked up, tears streaking her beautiful face. “I didn’t mean it.”
“Mean what?” I shouldn’t pull it out of her like this, but dammit, I had to make sure.
“You aren’t stupid. Your face lights up around Cade, even talking about him. I’m happy for you, but a little jealous,” she admitted softly, then chuckled, “I can’t believe I just said I’m jealous.”
I scooted closer. “Why are you jealous? You have plenty of men after you.”
“They only want in my pants, Francesca. They don’t look at me like Cade looks at you. I don’t think I’m capable of a love like that.”
That did it for me. I stood, opening my arms and the blanket, briefly feeling like a superhero, and engulfed her to me. “Yes, you are. And I forgive you. It hurt me,” I told her. “I should say I’m sorry, too, though. I was out of line on girl’s night.”
She chuckled and pulled away. “Out of line? You were so not Francesca. You aren’t allowed to drink again.”
I laughed with her and nodded. “I don’t want to. It was not fun, not me.
“I thought about you all day on Josie’s anniversary,” she confessed, fresh tears falling. “I should have been there for you. I’m so stupid.”
“You really need to stop saying stupid. No one is stupid. Well, Jade Smithson is stupid, but that’s beside the point.”
She giggled at that, sliding down to the couch. I covered our legs with another throw. “I went down there,” I blurted.
She stared at me quizzically. “Went where?”
“To the site of the accident.”
Her mouth fell open in amazement. “By yourself?”
I nodded, “Yeah. Cade was waiting on me, though. I don’t know how he knew, but he did.”
“Because he loves you. And this is the first year he could be there for you.”
We sat there, chatting and catching up. It was like nothing happened. Our friendship had always been that way. When we fought, it happened and we were finished with it. We didn’t linger over the details once apologies were given, didn’t dwell on mistakes the other made. There was no point in it. Life was the longest thing a person ever accomplished, but it flew by. Seconds turned to minutes which turned to hours and before long, life was moving along. You either kept up or missed out.
I chose to keep up.
Cade arrived an hour or so later and to my surprise, Daphne apologized to him, also. He accepted graciously, though he appeared to be uneasy with the whole situation. It took all I had to not laugh.
“Daph, why don’t we all hang out? You and Cade can get to know each other better,” I suggested, leaning into his out-stretched arm.
“I don’t want to intrude, you probably have things planned.”
“Actually, I was hoping we could order pizza and play monopoly,” Cade admitted, earning dumbfounded stares from us both.
“Monopoly?” we both asked at the same time.
“Yeah, I want to see Francesca get all worked up over it,” he grinned.
“How do you know I would get worked up?” I threw back at him.
Daphne snorted and said, “Cause he knows how you are.”
They both laughed at me then, and while being ganged up on wasn’t ideal, having my best friend and my fiancé getting along was. It felt good, made the whole situation seem complete. “Maybe this isn’t a good idea….you’re ganging up on me,” I pouted.
Daphne rolled her eyes, and Cade bent to capture my pouted lip. I heard a groan elicit from my friend, but I didn’t care. We lost ourselves in the kiss for a moment, pulling apart when we heard Daph mock retching. We turned and I glared, but in a playful way. She offered to search for the game while Cade called our order in.
Monopoly always brought out my super competitive side. I wanted all the properties and would do whatever I needed to ensure I got them. Daphne and the girls knew all too well how…enthusiastic the game made me. Cade…well he was in for a surprise or two. No matter, the night would be fun and I would get to spend time with my two favorite people.
The pizza arrived, and we all sat around the table nibbling pieces as the game progressed. Daphne was winning and I didn’t like it, so I pulled out a move I knew would distract her.
“Daph?” I said sweetly.
“You can’t have Park Place. I don’t care if you offer me your car,” she snapped back.
“I was actually going to ask you to be my maid of honor, but ok,” I said calmly.
Her green gems widened in surprise and the squeal she let out shook the house. She jumped up, throwing the money she’d earned around her and bounced to hug me. “Really??”
I grinned widely, “Duh.”
She pulled me up and we jumped together. Cade watched us, smiling but not sure if he should. In all honestly, he looked afraid. Could I blame him?
“Yes, yes, yes!” she screeched, hugging me tightly around the neck. “Oh my gosh, we have to plan. You have to let me plan this, and we need dresses. And a date, do you know what colors you want to use? Well, we should pick a date first then the colors, so it will match the season,” she rambled on and on.
Cade stared at me, mouth slightly open, blue eyes huge with terror. He was picturing Daphne planning our wedding with neither of us having a say. I knew how excited this would make her, but I should have warned him. The horrified look he held was amusing, though I wouldn’t tell him I thought so.
“Daphne,” I finally cut in, garnering her attention. “I do want your help planning, but Cade and I haven’t picked a date yet. You’ll be the first to know, promise.”
She sighed heavily, using her arms to physically calm herself. “Ok, calm down, Daphne,” she murmured. She gave Cade a sweet smile and said, “Sorry. I get excited.”
He nodded. “I couldn’t tell,” he managed to say with a straight face.
We all cracked up. The night continued on; full of laughter, enjoyment, and an all-around great time. It made my heart happy to know Daphne and Cade got along so well.
###
It was early the next morning, I was munching on my cereal, when a knock at the door had me concerned. It was barely seven a.m., so all sorts of bad things ran through my head. I imagined death, accidents, and every other horrible ou
tcome I could in the span it took me to run from the kitchen to the door. Out of breath, I twisted it open as quickly as I could.
Zander stood on the other side, jacket open and dressed in casual clothing. He smiled brightly, setting me at ease. Now if only my heart would calm down.
“Z? What’s wrong?” I questioned, motioning him in.
“I just wanted to tell you the office is closed this week,” he said lightly, flopping down on the couch.
“Umm…excuse me? No it’s not.”
He nodded, “Yes it is. I put some cash in the business account, so no worries there, and I didn’t schedule anything for you this week.”
I stared at him, hoping the confusion was apparent. “And what am I supposed to do, Zander? Sit on my butt all week? No. I have a business to build, now go get dressed for work,” I demanded.
He stood, inching closer, and shook his head. “I will not. The office is closed.” He pulled an envelope out of his jacket and handed it to me. “Here.”
“What’s this?” I asked.
“Open it.”
Inside was a key and an address, along with traveler’s checks and a map. “Zander?”
“You said you wanted a weekend away when Cade got out of rehab. Well, I did you one better. How about a whole week away? You two can spend some much needed alone time together. You can have a vacation.”
“I can’t afford this,” I admitted mildly.
“You don’t have to. It’s a gift. I have ten million dollars, Francesca. It’s cool,” he chuckled.
Tears threatened to spill at his generosity. I hugged him to me, thanking him profusely. “I don’t know what to say or do right now,” I sniffled.
“I suggest call Cade and pack,” he said with a wink. “Oh, and Reid told his HR person that he wasn’t being released until next week. So…you’re welcome. And I can take care of the cat, or you can take him with you. The cabin is animal friendly.”
Entangled Souls: Cade and Francesca (Scarred Hearts #1.5) Page 8