by Jade Taylor
“But honey, we have work to do here.”
“You promised!”
Cat didn’t remember a promise to go fishing, but a lot had happened. Maybe she’d forgotten. “What about Jackson? He wants you to help him. You can go fishing another time.”
Stubbornly, Joey shook her head. “I want to go today. I told Tommy Karl I’d go and you said to never break a promise.” She gazed accusingly at Cat. “Didn’t you?”
Joey knew exactly how to slip past her defenses. “Okay, you can go, but first, Jackson and I have something to tell you. Let’s sit down for a minute in the kitchen.”
Joey brushed past both of them, determinedly refusing to meet their gaze. “I have to get my tackle box and rod from the barn. You can tell me later.”
Cat watched Joey’s red shirt disappear around the corner of the house. “What did I tell you. She won’t hold still for a minute.”
Jackson frowned. “Funny. Yesterday she couldn’t get close enough to me.”
“Do you think she heard us arguing last night?”
He shook his head and his stern frown deepened. “I doubt it. She was asleep. I don’t think we were that loud.”
“I wasn’t, but your voice could be heard in the next county. What were you thinking of? Coming over at midnight.”
“You know what I was thinking about. I made that obvious. I was mad as hell.” Jackson frowned. “Maybe I did get a little loud.”
“And a little threatening. Don’t forget that.” Cat walked toward the kitchen. Coffee might remove the taste of a bitter, sleepless night from her mouth, though probably not from her soul. She needed something…anything, to bridge this awkwardness. She heard Jackson’s footsteps behind her.
“I probably shouldn’t have rushed over here last night, but dammit, Cat, my whole life just blew up in my face!”
“I know. I’m sorry—” She broke off the sentence as it threatened to repeat words she’d already said too often.
Jackson pulled a chair back from the table, then stood beside it. “I’m the one who should be saying ‘I’m sorry’. I screwed up and got us both in trouble.” He sat down in the old wooden chair, his weight causing it to creak.
Cat set two coffee mugs on the table, one at each end. She looked at Jackson and firmly said, “I think I might have helped a little bit.”
“Yeah, but as the man, I was supposed to protect you.”
“Spilled milk, Jackson, besides being debatable. Let’s not talk about it anymore.”
“It won’t go away. We need to talk. There’s a lot we have to clear up and hiding it, refusing to think or talk about it, won’t solve anything.”
Cat brought the coffeepot to the table and filled their cups. “Let’s let it rest for a bit, Jackson. We both need time to think.”
“I don’t know what to think anymore,” he complained.
His words had a plaintive note. Cat raised her cup to her lips, and sipped cautiously at the hot, aromatic brew. “I’ve been thinking for a long time and I’ve had to throw all my conclusions away, so we’re even there. Give it time. Maybe the answers will fall into place if we quit trying to force them.”
Jackson gulped his coffee, wincing as it burned his tongue and throat. He placed the empty cup on the table in front of him and stared at it as if the secret solution to their joint problem lay in it. Interminable minutes passed. Finally, he stood. “Right. I’ll get started on that wall.”
“Are you sure you want to keep working over here?”
Bitterness settled on his face. “Why not?”
“There’s a lot of anger and resentment built up between us, Jackson. Even though I made the decision not to tell you, I still went through times when I resented you for starting a baby with me and then taking off. I couldn’t help feeling abandoned even if that wasn’t the situation, exactly. I think I hated most the thought of you being in the Marines, footloose and fancy free, while I was tied down with a baby and dirty diapers.”
“If you’d ever been in the Marines, you wouldn’t think of it as footloose.”
“You weren’t stuck here with a father who wouldn’t stop telling you that you’d go to hell for your sins. You didn’t have to make do with two dozen diapers when it seemed like the baby used that many every day!”
He paused in the doorway, the cold glare fading, replaced by a troubled frown. “If I’d known, I would have helped. I had no idea—”
She stood, too. “It seemed like the right thing, at the time, not to tell you. I tried to make it on my own so you wouldn’t have to pay for something that was basically my idea.”
Jackson’s lips curled in a sarcastic half smile. “I don’t recall being bulldozed into it. So what happened is that you paid for something we both did.”
A lump crowded Cat’s throat. She didn’t want his sympathy. It threatened to unglue the hard knot of control she clung to. “That’s not right, either. You would have been with Rebeka if things had worked out for you two. I know you loved her.”
“If? Ifs and maybes…yes, and if a toad had wings, he wouldn’t bump his tail so much.”
Cat couldn’t hold back a reluctant smile of her own. “That sounds like your father talking.”
“You’re right. Corny country sayings are his forte and red hair isn’t all he gave me.”
“No, it isn’t,” Cat agreed. “You’re a lot more like him than I think you realize. Would you like another cup of coffee before we start? You hardly tasted your first.”
He nodded. “I don’t think I slept two hours last night, so I’ll probably need the caffeine to stay awake.”
“I’ll fix another pot. We can have our second cup in the living room. Are you going to put up the paneling first?”
“I’ll need to replace the insulation we ruined by throwing water on it. I’ll put up the paneling last.”
They didn’t sit down to have the second cup of coffee, but set to work, not entirely easy with each other. The talk helped, but a current of animosity still lay just beneath the surface of Jackson’s mood. And despite their angry words, their mutual accusations, his nearness still caused Cat’s body to alternate between heated arousal and cold resentment.
JOEY HAD DIFFICULTY getting the saddle on Moonshot’s back, but the filly waited patiently and she managed after several minutes of struggling. Hours of riding had strengthened her arms and legs. She hadn’t been able to lift the saddle to the mare’s back at the beginning of spring. The bridle was no problem, of course, as Moonshot obediently dipped her head for Joey to slip the snaffle bit into her mouth and the leather over her ears.
Leading Moonshot out of the barn, Joey glanced at the house. Inside, the man she called Jackson had turned out to be the mysterious stranger she’d resented since she was old enough to realize he was missing. A tumble of emotions welled in her heart. One part of her wanted to go back to the house and be close to the tall man, to call him “Daddy” as she’d heard Tommy Karl do with his father. Another part wanted to scream her fury at him. He’d left her and Mommy all alone for years. Now he wanted to come back and yell at her mother like it was her fault. No, Joey decided, she wasn’t going to love him. Ever.
Grandpa John had made a mounting block for her and Joey led the filly over to the square platform built of wood scraps. She really missed Grandpa John. Maybe if he were still alive, he’d beat up on Jackson. Joey remembered hearing him say once that if he ever figured out who her daddy was, he’d kick the man’s tail into the next county. Of course, he hadn’t known Joey listened to his words.
Mom was going to be really mad when she found out Joey had left without even coming in for a goodbye kiss. Half of Joey wanted to go back to the house. The other half didn’t want to be around Jackson for even a minute. The anger won out.
Trotting the filly most of the way, it only took about twenty minutes to get to Tommy Karl’s house. A bit of luck came Joey’s way when she heard the faint roar of a tractor engine in a distant field. She wouldn’t have to explain her sudd
en appearance to Mr. Anderson.
As she rode up to the barn, Tommy Karl, dressed in well-worn, wrinkled jeans and a purple Minnesota Vikings T-shirt, came out carrying an armload of harness. He looked surprised when he saw her.
“Hi, Joey.” His straight blond hair kept falling forward. With both hands involved in carrying the harness, he had to toss his head to flip the hair out of his eyes.
“Hi.”
“I didn’t know you were coming to visit.”
“I’m not visiting, exactly.”
“But you’re here,” he pointed out.
Joey’s hands tightened on the reins. Moonshot responded by sidestepping. Joey relaxed her grip and Moonshot stood still. She frowned at her friend. “Yeah, I know, but I’m not visiting. I’m running away.”
“From here?”
Tommy Karl didn’t understand. “From home.”
“How come?”
He looked puzzled. She didn’t want to get into the “why” of it with him. She wasn’t sure she completely understood it herself. “Do you want to come with me?”
He shook his head firmly. “I have to clean this harness. Dad wants it to look really nice for the fair.”
Her lower lip curled out in protest. “Well, I won’t be going to the fair.”
“Why not? You always said you liked it.”
Sometimes boys could be really slow. “Because I’m running away! I can’t go to the fair if I run away.”
Finally, alarm showed in Tommy Karl’s stoic Norwegian face. Alarm and disbelief. “Aren’t you coming back? Ever?”
Joey shook her head impatiently. Her best friend certainly appeared as slow as any other boy today. Hadn’t he heard her? “Nope. No matter what.”
“But how come?”
“Promise you won’t tell anybody. Promise? You hafta promise or I won’t tell.” At his nod, she told him. “Jackson is my dad.”
Tommy Karl looked upset, and more than a little put out. “Oh. Did your mom marry him?”
“I mean he’s really my dad! My real dad.” Joey exclaimed with frustration.
Tommy Karl shook his head as if not quite sure his ears were to be believed. “Not your stepdad?”
“Nope.” And even when he understood, he didn’t.
“I thought you liked Jackson.”
Joey tossed her head high, like one of the young horses fighting the bit. “I never liked him! I just pretended to like him. He doesn’t want to be my father, anyway. He was arguing with Mommy about it and blaming her.”
“I thought you liked him.”
“Well, I don’t,” she declared. “Are you going to come with me or not?” Her voice had taken on a cross note that Mommy wouldn’t like, but she wasn’t here and even if she were, Joey didn’t want to talk to her. Mommy had kept a secret from her and she’d always said Joey shouldn’t keep secrets. Didn’t mommies have to go by the rules, too?
Tommy Karl frowned. “Dad would skin me if I ran away.”
“Well, fine! If you don’t want to come, then I’ll go by myself.” She tugged on the reins and Moonshot turned with the pull.
“Where are you going?”
She turned to look at Tommy Karl over her shoulder. “I don’t know yet. Somewhere far away. He’ll be really sorry.”
“What about your mom?”
Joey pulled back on the reins and leaned forward on Moonshot’s neck. She stretched to reach the hank of mane twisted under the bridle. She straightened it and then finally answered. “She likes him, so I don’t care. I don’t like him. I gotta go. If your dad sees me, he probably won’t let me leave.”
Tommy Karl’s face reflected a look of adult worry. “I don’t think you should run away, Joey. Your mom’s going to be really sad.”
“I have to,” Joey announced. Scared, but instinctively sure she shouldn’t let Tommy Karl know, she nudged Moonshot with her heels. The filly started walking away.
Tommy Karl dropped the harness he was carrying and trotted alongside the filly, reaching for the bridle with one hand and brushing his hair out of his eyes with the other. “Don’t go, Joey! Please.”
Joey tugged on the reins and Moonshot halted. She looked down at Tommy. “I wish you’d go with me, but that’s okay, if you’re scared.”
Tommy Karl’s shoulders straightened. “I’m not afraid. Dad won’t like it if I leave, though, and besides, I don’t want to run away.”
Joey heaved an exasperated sigh. “Then don’t!”
Tommy Karl considered. “I better go with you, or Dad’ll be mad I didn’t take care of you.”
“Stay here if you’re scared. I don’t care. I don’t need nobody to take care of me! Me and Moonshot will be all right by ourselves.”
“Okay, okay! I know that, but Dad will still yell at me for letting you go. Wait a minute. I’ll have to saddle my horse.”
JACKSON STEPPED BACK, looking around the living room with unmistakable pride. A lump formed in Cat’s throat. Working with Jackson to repair the fire damage had been a mixed bag, sometimes sweet, other times upsetting. But today had been a kind of silent communion between the two of them. They’d talked little, but seemed to intuit what each other needed. She had handed paneling nails to Jackson as he held each panel in position, then reached out without looking to accept the nails she held for him.
He glanced sideways at her. “We do good work.”
She nodded. “The light color really makes the room look bigger, doesn’t it?”
Jackson laid the hammer on the floor. He looked around. “I was unsure about your choice, but now, that little bit of green running through the white is picked up by the drapes. It looks classy. I think we did an outstanding job.”
“Now for lunch.” Cat glanced at the wall clock Jackson had rehung. “Goodness, it’s almost two o’clock. You must be starving.”
A reluctant grin crossed his face. “I could eat.”
“I’ll fix us something.”
“You don’t have to. You’re tired, too. I’ll get lunch back at the farm.”
A sudden desire to keep him close prompted her to protest. “Oh, no. You’ve worked too hard for me to send you away hungry.”
He looked at his watch. “What time will Joey be back?”
The mention of their daughter immediately slammed tension into their conversation. Cat walked over to the window and pulled the drapes back. She peered through the gauzy undercurtains toward the barn. “I didn’t get a chance to ask her. She left without coming back in to say goodbye.”
“Should she have done that?”
Jackson’s question pulled her attention back to him. “That’s an iffy question. It’s a little unusual for her, but I think she heard us arguing. She may be upset with both of us.”
“Why don’t you call Luke and ask him.” Jackson stood, his tall frame seeming to fill the room.
“If they’re still fishing, there won’t be anybody to answer the phone.”
His disappointment was obvious. “I guess so. I’d hoped to have a little time with Joey today. I want to explain to her why I wasn’t around.”
“I’ll tell her it was my fault. It’s the truth, after all. I’m sure you wouldn’t have abandoned us. I wish I’d been a little more sensible when I was eighteen.”
“It goes with the age, I suppose.” He dropped his gaze to the bare wood floor and scuffed the toe of his boot across the surface. “It was as much my fault. I didn’t take care of business the way I should have.”
“We were young and dumb. I didn’t think about getting pregnant.”
His grin spoke volumes. “As I remember it, I wasn’t doing much thinking at all.”
Cat remembered. “You wanted to stop. I dared you.”
He shrugged, his shoulders tightly outlined by his white T-shirt. “There’s no point in trying to decide who’s to blame. It happened, Cat. We can’t change the past.”
A startling truth escaped from her. “I wouldn’t want to.”
Surprised, he asked, “You wouldn’
t?”
Cat smiled, her thoughts returning for a moment to an image of her baby daughter kicking vigorously as she bathed her. A wave of love washed through her. “Except for the part about telling you. I’d change that, but I can’t imagine a life without Joey.”
“Yeah, there’s that. She’s a cute little squirt.”
Cat threw a glance toward Jackson before going over to the window and looking out for some sign of her daughter. “Headstrong, too.”
“She is my child, after all.” He grinned with obvious pride.
“And mine. We shouldn’t expect her to be any different.”
“Come on, I’ll help you throw together something for lunch, and then we can clean up the sawdust and scraps of paneling. After that, I’d better get back to the farm. Pop wants me to spray the soybeans. We’re getting some bugs in there.”
“And you’ll be exhausted before you start. You’re a good person, Jackson Gray. Thank you.”
A tinge of red buffed his cheeks. “My pleasure. I mean that. It helps a bit with the guilt for not knowing about Joey.”
“How can you feel guilty for not knowing?”
“I never said I was logical, did I?”
This time his smile caressed her. A pool of warmth in Cat’s stomach threatened her composure. She stooped to pick up a piece of paneling, letting her hair swing forward to hide her awareness of him.
CHAPTER TEN
ALTHOUGH HOT, exhausted and so thirsty her throat felt scratchy, Joey vetoed turning back with such vehemence Tommy Karl decided not to mention it again. Neither had ever led the way on one of their frequent fishing expeditions. They didn’t usually go by horseback. His father had always driven them in his pickup, so it was no surprise to Tommy when they got lost. He spotted Indian Creek first, long hours after they should have reached it. It was noon or a little past, judging by the sun’s position in the sky.
Tommy Karl wished he’d had the good sense to tell his dad instead of taking off with Joey. Of course, if he’d done that, Joey would have run away long before he reached his father in the cornfield, so she might have gotten lost anyway. All things considered, he’d done the best he could and he really hoped his dad agreed. He tried to think of everything, but it seemed impossible. For the hundredth time, he wished his father had come along.