by Jade Taylor
“I don’t want to go far from the house. Joey might wake up.”
Jackson caressed her jawline. His touch lingered on her face. “We’ll stay in sight of it. Want to go in and check on her?”
Cat sat up in the narrow bed, crossing her legs. “That’s probably not a good idea. She wakes up easily.”
“How about if we just stick our heads in the door and make sure everything looks okay?”
“That’ll work, if we’re quiet. It will make me feel better, too.”
Jackson turned on the light and the two of them took turns stealing kisses while tugging on wrinkled clothing. Cat stared at her T-shirt with misgivings. “I could have hung our clothes. I wouldn’t let Joey out of the house like this.”
“I don’t believe we were in a mood for hanging up clothes. Anyway, you’d look good in a ragged sheet. Or nothing at all. You look especially good in nothing at all.”
“The light was off, silly. You couldn’t see me.”
“I turned the light on so we could find our clothes. Remember?”
“Jackson, you’re embarrassing me.”
“No, I’m not. I feel like you’re the other half of me. How can you be embarrassed at showing a little skin to your other half?”
“Aren’t you the least bit shy?”
“Honey, I showered with a hundred naked guys at Parris Island. You don’t keep a lot of body modesty after boot camp.”
“I’m not a Marine.”
“Thank God! I wouldn’t want you showering with a hundred naked guys!” He reached out and pulled her close, dropping a kiss on the curve of her neck. “Just one. Me.”
She struggled free. “Jackson, don’t. We’ll never get out of here.”
He grinned. “Is that so bad?”
“I thought you wanted to cool off. You’re a little too warm.”
“I can stand the heat. Can you?”
A dribble of electricity wandered past the exhaustion in her legs. “Mmmh-h-h. Quit teasing me, or your strategic retreat will be cut off at the pass. Come on. I think a cool breeze is what we both need.”
“Whatever you say, darling.”
“I could get used to that attitude. So uncommon, coming from you.”
“Don’t push your luck, Wild Cat.”
Hand in hand, hips brushing, they left the barn. A quick stop at the house reassured Cat that Joey slept. They paced slowly toward Gray’s Way on the gravel road that ran east and west in front of Cat’s ranch. A gentle breeze whipped through their hair and dissipated the heat of their lovemaking. When they’d covered a half mile, Cat turned them around and started back. Jackson said little on the walk and she was content to say nothing, too.
High overhead, a full moon turned the roadbed white and made their way easily seen. When they reached the house, again they stood in the front yard, leaning against each other, both reluctant to part.
“You need some sleep, Cat.”
“I know. It’s just that I hate to leave you.”
“Do you want me to come in?”
She looked up at him. “How would you feel about that?”
“Uneasy. I think we should be married first.”
The breeze sent a cold chill wandering over her. “We haven’t really talked about marriage.”
“You will marry me, won’t you?”
Cat hesitated. “I want to.”
A note of fear crept into his voice. “That’s not the same as saying yes.”
“Jackson, nothing has changed except we know we love each other. You’ll still be unhappy on a farm. I still want Joey to live here where she has a sense of place.”
He hesitated only a second. “I’ll stay here with you two and I won’t regret it. I promise.”
Saddened, she forced a smile. “That’s your heart talking. Don’t make promises until you’ve thought it out completely.”
“What’s to think about? I can’t leave you now! I just found you.”
His voice had risen with the force of his reply. Hastily, she raised a finger to her lips and nodded toward the house, then whispered, “I know. I know.”
“Come over here.” He tugged her hand and drew her to the willow tree, pushing aside its hanging branches.
“What are you doing, Jackson?”
“I want you to know how very much I love you. I want you to be as sure as I am.”
Softly, she whispered, “You don’t have to prove anything. I do know.”
“You think you do.” He sat on the grass and pulled her to his lap. Covering her face with kisses, he whispered, “My Catherine, I do love you so much.”
The whip-thin hanging branches drooped to the ground. The full moon shone through the leaves, giving the natural enclosure a cool green, barely-lit semblance of privacy. Jackson removed his shirt and laid it on the grass, then gently persuaded Cat to lie back.
“Jackson, we’re outdoors,” she protested. “What if Joey wakes?”
“She won’t. Trust me.”
“I do.” She relaxed against the cushioning grass.
Jackson pushed her shirt up and nibbled at her breasts. “Such a sweet body. So much sweetness.”
The hot surge of desire came with the first touch of his lips. She struggled for control and tried to make light of his rising passion. “Behave, Jackson. We have to go in soon.”
He slipped her shirt off and lay down beside her. Bare chest to bare breast they lay, gazing into each other’s eyes. Then Jackson’s hand wandered to her zipper. He stifled her protests with a deep, searching kiss. While she was lost in the delicious sensation of his tongue sweeping her mouth and nibbling her lips, she felt him tug her jeans off. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except Jackson’s fevered touch. The breeze couldn’t cool her off now. Nothing could. She burned for the boy of her dreams, the man of her reality.
His lips tracked a path down her body to her breasts and tugged gently on her nipple, suckled, licked, kissed until the fevered heat reached new heights. He left her nipple and she moaned a soft protest. His palms engulfed her breasts as he kissed a straight line from her navel to her hips. Her muscles tensed, then jerked in electric reaction. She tried to pull away.
“Be still, Cat,” he commanded.
“Jackson, I’ve never—”
“I know you haven’t, Green Eyes. Don’t you think I’d remember?”
“Jackson?”
“Hush.”
He pushed her back when she tried to rise. She gave up. It was impossible to feel like this, she thought. Impossible. She whispered the word.
Afterward, he cradled her body on top of his, kissing her neck and shoulders as if he could never get enough of loving her. Finally, he asked, “Now do you believe I love you?”
“I believed you the first time you said it, Jackson.”
“But now you know it,” he said, smugly.
She smiled down at him, at the boyish grin curving his cheeks. “That was a very convincing demonstration, I’ll admit. Didn’t you mention something about sleep? We won’t get much tonight, even if we go in right now.”
“Some things, Green Eyes, are better than sleep.”
Who was she to argue? Deliberately, Cat ignored a twinge of unease. They’d think of something. They had to. Maybe her outlook on life tended to be negative. If so, she’d change for Jackson. She’d do anything for him. Except leave Engerville.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
JACKSON ENTERED THE BARN. With a little luck, he might get two hours’ sleep before continuing the day with Cat. Being with her, looking at her, stealing kisses. It would be almost as good as making love to her. He stretched out on the cot without bothering to remove his wrinkled clothes. As soon as his head hit the pillow, or maybe even a second or two before, he expected to be asleep.
It didn’t happen that way. Cat’s sweet, rose-flavored scent permeated his room. Despite thinking he’d never indulged in such a prolonged spell of lovemaking and knowing to a certainty that he had nothing left, his flesh stirred. A satisfied smile
tipped his lips as he lay there, waiting for sleep to claim him. Instead, a different odor disturbed him. The smell of the barn and the animals it housed reminded him that no matter what had taken place here earlier, it was still a barn. Still a farm.
But it was Cat’s farm, not his father’s. The disclaimer made no difference. He lay there, feeling the old discontent. Remembering his youth, he wondered if he could ever be happy here. With Cat and Joey, he insisted to that doubtful part of himself, it would be different. Not so, his argumentative half stated. His life would be bound by fences and crop rows, by horses and cows, maybe even by pigs, God forbid.
Every other four-legged animal on the face of the planet produced that other thing he associated with farms. He’d been determined not to complain about his sleeping quarters, and truly, with the door closing off the tack room from the rest of the barn, it wasn’t so bad, but the minute he stepped through that opening, he was assailed by the odor you couldn’t get rid of when you lived on a farm.
A desperate sadness crept over him. He had to stay. He’d promised Cat he wouldn’t leave and it didn’t matter if the damn stuff squished under his boots with every step he took. It couldn’t matter anymore, because he wouldn’t leave her and Joey. Dear God in heaven, he’d let Cat chain him to a life he hated.
But he hadn’t “let” Cat do the chaining. He’d done the deed himself, with a cheerful smile on his idiot face. Jackson groaned and sat up. He sunk his face into his hands.
He wouldn’t be able to sleep with the beginnings of a nightmare headache stabbing at his temples. Might as well get moving. Outside the tack room, he paused, letting his restless gaze roam over the barn, from the high, nearly empty loft to the rows of stalls underneath it. The misery of being without Cat and Joey more than offset living here.
CAT SHED HER much-abused clothing and stepped into the hot spray. A shower, she thought, was just what she needed to clear her shocked brain. Every single thought she’d ever connected with Jackson-the-teenager and sex had disappeared after one stunning night with Jackson-the-man.
She let the healing water rinse away the sweat and soreness. Who would have guessed that the shy, clumsy lover of her youth would turn into a man so skilled he’d left her legs with half the strength of Jell-O? Jackson’s love imprinted each of her sore, tired muscles.
A dab of shampoo in her hair, a swift sudsing, a quick rinse and she stepped from the shower feeling much more herself. She glanced into Joey’s bedroom. Her single chick lay curled in a tight knot, a soft buzz issuing from her lips. Cat smiled and withdrew. She slipped into a nightgown in the cool darkness of her bedroom.
The silly smile stayed on her face as she lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Maybe she could even have another baby. A brother or sister for Joey so the sprite wouldn’t grow up thinking the world revolved around her. Cat allowed a moment of self-indulgence to hold its sway as she pictured a new baby sleeping in her arms, with Jackson on one side of her and Joey on the other.
The idyllic scene dissolved. She needed to be practical. When she found out she was pregnant with Joey, she’d allowed herself a day or two of regret, anger and desperation, then she’d sat down, thought out her options and made a plan for raising Joey by herself. It had worked, too. Her father had come around, despite his disapproval and learned to love his grandchild. Until Joey was six, Cat had worked at the pharmacy in Engerville, while her father baby-sat Joey and took care of his beloved horses.
Once the horse business began to bring in a sizable income, she’d quit her job. It had been heavenly staying home with Joey all day in the summertime and waiting for her to come home from school in the winter. Heaven had fallen apart when her father died. She could take care of the horses he’d already bought, but she knew she’d never be able to choose a fine horse from knobby-kneed colts. Her father’s talents reappeared in Joey, but they’d skipped her. Once RugRat was sold and school began again, she’d have to look for another job.
Jackson wouldn’t be here. He truly meant it when he said he’d stay with her and Joey, but Jackson hated farms, farming, and Engerville. He’d wither away if he stayed in North Dakota. A farmer’s life would turn him bitter and angry, the way her father had been when he worked all those factory jobs. A higher power intended her father to work with horses, love them, train them, make his living from them. The same higher power gave Jackson Gray a different calling.
Jackson loved engines and the open road. The opportunity he’d been offered to drive a truck for two years in Seattle, then manage the terminal, must have been destined for him. He’d control a truck with more grace than he used in riding RugRat and with much more enjoyment.
Could Joey learn to be happy in Seattle? Could she? It didn’t seem possible. The horses were everything to little Joey, just as they had been to her grandfather. As a teenager settling down for the first time in a real home, Engerville had brought a sense of permanence to Cat’s life. She didn’t want to lose that and go somewhere new, where she didn’t know anyone.
If she lost the farm, she could get a job, maybe at the university or at a store in town, but she’d still live in Engerville. Joey could still have a small-town life with familiar childhood playmates and the horses she loved.
She couldn’t hold Jackson here. She couldn’t leave her home. That left nothing for the two of them, but the precarious link of an angry child. Someday, even that link would break, when Joey left home to make her own way. Even a passion as strong and precious as the one she shared with Jackson couldn’t survive ten or fifteen years more of separation. Jackson would meet someone else, or she would, although Cat refused to believe in the possibility for herself.
She sat up in bed, crossed her feet at the ankles, and rested her elbows on her knees. Flopping her head forward, so her still-damp hair cascaded down like a waterfall, she pictured a life without Jackson.
The barn was shabby and old. The very home she lived in lost its allure. She studied her hands. Fresh from the shower, they should have been pink and soft. Instead, calluses and fresh blisters marred hands already burned brown from the sun. This harsh prairie farm might break her body, but next to that reality was a daughter running free in the fields with the friend she’d known since infancy. Her eyes filled with tears. For Joey, she’d endure anything. Even the heartbreak of losing Jackson.
The tears dripped down, splashing on her ankles. It wasn’t fair! They’d already been apart for Joey’s whole life. Was this brief interlude all they were ever going to have? Cat jammed a hand tightly over her mouth. She didn’t want to wake Joey. How would she ever explain what she was crying about?
Later, she got up and splashed cold water on her face. Cat didn’t want to give Joey another reason to resent her father. Jackson, already burdened with a past he deeply regretted, didn’t deserve to see her like this, either.
FOR JACKSON, the day passed in a bewildering blur of fatigue and worry. He’d had longer days in the Marine Corps. Days when the company, carrying full field packs, marched for fourteen hours with only short breaks, then practiced digging foxholes. As if, he thought sarcastically, one had to practice digging a hole.
There was never a day in the Marines that compared with this one. Cat put on a bright smile, but it didn’t fool him. She was upset, too, and he could guess why. Both of them had allowed emotion and physical need to drive out reason. He could tell by the way her eyes looked—as if the light had gone out of them. She’d considered the consequences of their lovemaking.
He ached every time he looked at her and she looked away. He wanted to grab her and tell her he’d stay, he’d be true, this time, but Joey was always around. He needed privacy to convince Cat of his love. She needed to know all of them could be happy on this damn farm, not just her and Joey.
He made up his mind. He wouldn’t tell her about his second thoughts, his reluctance. Hell, he did love her. He loved her so much his teeth ached. The thought of leaving her and the angry little elf behind while he trotted off to Seattle to ha
ve fun driving a truck made him sick. Even sicker than the thought of slopping hogs. Well, he’d put his foot down on that one. If he stayed—no—he’d definitely stay, but there sure as hell wouldn’t be any pigs on any farm he lived on. And that was that.
Both of them settled for a stolen good-night kiss that evening. Cat was exhausted and he wasn’t far behind. “Tomorrow,” he whispered to her. “Tomorrow, we’ll talk.”
The next day dawned as hot and clear as every day had since he’d been home. You didn’t have to be a farmer to wish for rain this summer. His skin itched from wind-driven dust, but the stock still had to be cared for and the colts worked. Especially RugRat. That took half the morning, but while Joey stayed out by the pasture watching the colts play, he cornered Cat in the barn.
He swiped a strand of her hair back from her face. The touch sent a shock wave through him. He really tried to ignore it. “You look a lot better than yesterday, Cat.”
She pretended a frown. “Did I look so bad?”
“Not bad, just wiped out. I should have been more considerate.”
She smiled shyly at him. “There you go taking all the blame again, Marine.”
Her smile melted his insides. Helpless to resist, he pulled her into a tight embrace and kissed her like he’d been wanting to do all morning.
She tugged her head back, palms holding the sides of his face. “Jackson, we can’t. Joey’s just down at the fence.”
He nudged her closer to the wall. “I can see through this itty-bitty crack, Cat. I just want to kiss you a little bit. Nothing else, I swear. I’ll keep an eye out for Joey.”
She gave in. Melted into his arms like hot chocolate, all sweet and delicious. He pulled her deeper into his body, his hands splayed across the back of her tight denim pants.
Cat moaned, a soft whimpering sound that caused his jeans to tighten up like a noose. He didn’t start it. It was her hands that reached for his belt buckle, but he damn well finished it. With barely enough self-control to edge some protection out of his wallet before dropping it on the hard pine floor, he gave in to madness. Wrestling her jeans down just far enough and entering her in a rush. Hoisting her up and holding her sweet, slender body close, while he leaned against the wall. Awkward as hell, he thought, and as impossible to stop as a lightning strike.