Love's Denial

by Joyee Flynn

  "Oh, it's on when you get home," Alexander growled then hung up. I ended up laughing to a dead line.

  "So you got something going with this guy, Dimitri?" one of the Alpha team guys, John, asked. I saw Dominic enter the kitchen out of the corner of my eye. His head turned towards us before he could school his features.

  "No, not even close." I snickered, returning to my food. "Dimitri is my best friend, and so not my type. He's like a brother. I just enjoy fucking with his mate's head any chance I get. Alexander might be the most jealous, possessive man I've ever known."

  "Great, more ill-mannered Americans to deal with," Chuck grumbled by the food, his back to us. But that also meant he couldn't see Dominic had entered the room.

  "If the council trusts Yuri to keep me safe, I would think you would have enough faith in our council to work with him," Dominic said smoothly. All eyes went to him as he stood there, sipping his coffee as if he were one of the guys instead of their ruler. "Make sure we have rooms ready for his guests, Charles."

  Chuck just stood there with his mouth open in shock as Dominic strode out of the room. My heart hurt as he seemed to ignore I was even there. It's not like I expected him to prance over and hop in my lap, but would a good morning have killed him?

  And that's the way my entire day went. Dominic never acknowledged my presence any time I was near him. He never said two words to me or even looked at me. By the end of the day, I was pissed with a capital P.

  That night, when I knew he would be alone, I went to the door adjoining our rooms, only to find it locked. He locked me out? What the fuck was that bullshit? Instead of going to his main door where I knew someone from Rick's team would be, I decided to let it go. For now.

  I got ready for bed and crawled between the covers. What was Dominic's damage? Had he not liked what we'd done that morning? He seemed to enjoy it. I knew I'd been gentle with him. It couldn't be that. So what was it? I fell asleep without the answers, only more questions.

  * * * *

  For days, Dominic pulled the same shit, avoiding me and locking the door connecting our rooms. I was getting really fucking tired of it. But what was I going to do, pitch a fit and embarrass us both? Or try to get at him though his main door where people stood guard? There were eyes and ears everywhere.

  At least the job was going better. Alpha team ended up being my go-to guys when I needed anything. I kept them on the majority of the Grand Duc's details. Alexander sent me a couple of techies and three post-trans, including Lance. I'd heard stories from Dimitri and Matteo, though it seemed whatever pole he'd had stuck up his ass was now gone.

  Lance, Mark, and Wally, the post-trans' I'd gotten, were helping me install some new doors in the Grand Duc's suite. Rick had asked if Alpha team could observe, promising they wouldn't interrupt my teaching unless they had questions. I'd ordered doors meant for a panic room, wanting the adjoining room I was staying in to be just that if needed.

  "Okay, so we pulled out the old doors and frames. Now we put up the hidden bar system before the frame, which hides it," I explained to them. "What's the purpose of doing this?"

  "Any intruder or attacker will think they're coming upon a solid oak door they can break through instead of one with steel-enforced bars," Lance answered. And he was right. It was meant to seem just like a sturdy, heavy wood door. The steel bars slid through the door and locked onto the floor if the button was hit once inside.

  "Give the lad a cookie," I replied as I started showing them how to install it.

  "Yes, let's reward the traitor to his own family." Chuck clapped as he walked up to us.

  Before Lance could even respond and move on him, I pushed him behind me. "You've got a problem with me, Charles, I get that," I snarled at him, letting my fangs extend. "But you have no right to get nasty with my people. If you're pissed at me, take it out on me, leave them out of it."

  "How can you defend him? He testified against his own father to the council," Charles spat out at me. In a flash, I was on him. I grabbed him by the shirt and raised him off the floor so we were at eye level.

  "His father is the disgrace," I growled, noticing my post-trans and Alpha team moving to back me up as we drew a crowd in the hallway. I made a mental note of those who started to approach us to support Charles. "He sent an assassin to put a bullet through my best friend's head, instead of challenging him. There's no honor in that. Lance chose to let our justice system handle it. Would you condone lying to our councils, Chuck?"

  "Absolutely not," he sneered back at me. I felt the wave come over me, the fucker was lying. "Unhand me this instant!"

  "Fine," I said, letting him go to drop the foot or so I'd had him off the ground. "I'll put up with your snide comments and crap when it's directed at me. Don't fuck with my people, Chuck. I won't be such a nice guy then."

  Charles looked around and saw that he didn't have as many allies at his back as I did. He took a moment to smooth out his designer suit before huffing away. Most of the crowd dispersed then, but a few lingering around gave me a nod, signaling whose side they were on.

  It also made me wonder if Chuck wasn't running his mouth. Why was there such a crowd in the hallway of the Grand Duc's suite? This wasn't a typical place to have that much foot traffic. I also noticed Dominic had shown up at some point during the confrontation. Seeing Lance was shaking with anger and visibly upset, I decided to put all that on the back-burner.

  "Grab the instructions and make sure everyone is familiar with all the components," I said to Rick as I grabbed Lance's arm. He gave me the signal that he wouldn't leave the area and would make sure no one tampered with the equipment. Pulling Lance away, I realized the conversation I was about to have with him would do Dominic some good as well. We gave him a bow as we passed him, not going out of earshot.

  "Is that what people really think about me, that I betrayed my father?" Lance asked, his hands in fists.

  "Not anyone with the slightest shred of honor and integrity," I answered. He stared down the hallway where Charles had gone. I gave his shoulders a firm shake. "Let it go, Lance. This wasn't about you, he was pushing my buttons."

  "It felt very much about me," Lance replied, focusing on me then.

  "I know that, and I get why you're upset. But it really wasn't. This is about me, and I'm sorry you got labeled cannon fodder." I sighed. "Look, Lance, you were in an impossible situation with your father going after Matteo like that. Do you think you did the right thing?"

  He nodded. "Yeah, I care about Matteo. He was the first person to call me out on being a spoiled brat with a chip on my shoulder. I'd never had anyone do that with me before."

  "Then that's the only opinion that matters," I said firmly.

  "Do you think I did the right thing?"

  "I do, and not just because Matteo's my friend." I let him go and ran my hands through my hair. I also wanted to check that Dominic was listening to this next part. "Our parents are only vampires, they're not gods. They aren't infallible or always right. We learn from them, we love them, but in the end, we are our own men. In the end, can you look yourself in the mirror every morning and be proud of the man you are, after testifying against your father?"

  He thought about it for a few minutes before nodding. He gave me the opening I needed to drive my point home, and I rolled with it, knowing full well Dominic was listening.

  "My father didn't believe in sending warriors to training and having them fight for our race. He tried to fight the council when they came for me, and actually tried to hide I was born a warrior. We were just poor farmers in a lawless part of what is Poland now. And he saw them taking me away from him as him losing help. He didn't see that it could lead to a better life for me. He didn't really think or care about the lives I might save as a warrior.

  "One day, he caught me messing around with one of our neighbors, a boy about my age. He beat me within an inch of my life. I hadn't transitioned yet, so I could still die from a bad enough beatdown. He thought it was because I was a
warrior that I turned out to be gay, that no male with his genes could be a fag. Keep in mind, we're not talking about times like now. This was the Middle Ages, being gay wasn't an option." I sighed, seeing Dominic flinch at what I had said.

  "People were, but it was a dirty little secret wives or husbands kept," I continued. "But when I realized I liked men, I decided it would be lying to everyone to hide that. I couldn't lie to people like that and look at myself in the mirror every morning. I choose to do what I felt was the right thing. My father didn't agree, and I knew others wouldn't either, but I did the best I could in a tough situation. I felt it was disrespectful to the people I love to lie to them about who I was."

  "I thought I was in love with Matteo," Lance admitted when I was done. "I couldn't let my father kill him like that. I mean, I care about him, but I think I just like being in the middle of him and Nate."

  "Yeah, I know. I walked up on you guys, remember?" I smirked as we headed back. Slinging my arm around his shoulder, I continued to tease him. "You were passed out from being fucked like an animal. If memory serves, you called my best friend a sex machine."

  "Maybe," he answered, embarrassed, but then he recovered. "I heard you asked for lessons and were just jealous that you weren't in the middle of them."

  "Right! I was totally yanking his chain." I laughed as we got closer to Dominic. I glanced at him then. "And I'm not interested, there's someone else I want."

  Dominic looked at me with lust in his eyes before schooling his features and walking away. Lance wasn't done with the banter yet. "Is it Rune?"

  "Nah, doesn't matter," I mumbled as we joined everyone else and got back to work. The more we got done, the more I ended up distracted. Rick and Lance had to elbow me a few times so I'd focus. Finally, I decided it was just going to keep getting worse unless I talked to Dominic. I wasn't sure how, but tonight I needed to find a way to get him alone.

  CHAPTER 5

  I found my opportunity after dinner when Dominic tried to slip away unnoticed. While it didn't work for him, it did for me. I ended up getting ahead of him on the way to his suite and finding a hallway that would give us some privacy.

  When he walked by me a few minutes later alone, I grabbed him. Pulling him into the hallway with me, I lifted him up under his arms, pushed him against the wall at eye level, and pinned him there with my body. He wrapped his legs around my waist before catching himself and letting them hang down.

  "Put me down," he ground out at me. "This is unacceptable!"

  "No, ignoring me for four days is unacceptable," I growled quietly. "And I'm also making a point. I told you not to go anywhere alone. If I were the one out to get you, you'd be dead already. All the cameras aren't installed yet, and this area is deserted."

  "Fine, you've made your point, now release me," he replied.

  "I don't want to," I whispered as I kissed his neck. While I'd had every intention of talking with him, Dominic being in my arms again was driving my crazy. "Why have you been avoiding me after what happened between us?"

  "What happened between us?" Dominic asked, causing me to freeze and stop kissing him.

  "In your bed the other morning," I said, moving so I could look at him.

  "I don't know what you're talking about," he replied. That got my attention real fast, and I felt the wave tell me he was lying. "I demand you put me down."

  "Is that really how you're going to play it? That nothing happened?" I asked as I lowered him to the ground. "Did it really mean that little to you? Do I matter to you at all?"

  "Yes, you're an excellent security specialist," Dominic said without blinking an eye. I stepped away from him then, feeling as if he'd hit me.

  "Security specialist," I repeated quietly, trying to get the words to sink in. Backing away from him slowly, I could see the resolve on his face. "Fine, you want to lie to yourself, you go right ahead. But don't you dare lie to me."

  I stormed off before he could respond, not wanting to hear any more of his bullshit. What was it with me that everyone treated me like I was disposable? Why didn't I seem to have any value to people? I couldn't figure it out as I headed up to my room, wanting to be alone. Once inside, I locked the door so no one could bother me during my pity party.

  Seeing a bottle of white wine in the welcome basket that had been in the room when I got there, I grabbed it and walked over to the windows. I pulled them open and leaned on the ledge after opening the bottle. Taking several long gulps, I stared at the sky, wondering what to do now.

  After centuries of being alone and lonely, I’d finally met someone who I wanted a future with. And he was so far in the closet and screwed up there was no chance of us being together. That still didn't explain the other morning. Was he just curious, and I happened to be easy and there for him to play with, just a toy? That's all I seemed to be to anyone, a plaything.

  Yeah, I knew sometimes getting laid was simply a quick fuck, like with Kevin. But then there was Rune, who acted like I wasn't worth more than just sex to him. There had been so many over the years. Some I knew what it was and some I wanted to see if there could be more, but they never gave me the chance to find out, like I wasn't worth it. Had I just been too easy to get into bed? Or was there something more I wasn't seeing?

  People always came to me first when they wanted help. That was me, Yuri, the reliable guy you could trust to get you out of a tight spot. I'd cleaned up so many messes over the years I was losing count. Part of the time it was my job, like with Dominic. Most of the time, I just couldn't not help if I could, no matter the cost to myself.

  But then who was there for me when I needed someone? I could call Matteo or Dimitri, I knew that. I snickered as I thought about calling them up and complaining about what happened with Dominic. What would that resolve? And would I actually feel any better talking about how I felt or would it just make me feel like more of a loser?

  I just seemed to draw the short straw most of the time. Dominic wanted to play with a man and see how it felt: let's use Yuri, he doesn't matter. Or the council needed someone to help them with a dangerous situation that could get me killed: sure, send Yuri, it's no big thing if he gets killed, he's only a solider. Just once I wanted someone to put what I needed or wanted first. Was that really too much to ask?

  Thinking it over, I kept drinking and just staring out into the night. I felt tears burn my eyes as I thought about why I didn't seem to have any value to anyone past what I could do for them. Did I miss it when I had the words 'not worth shit' tattooed on my forehead? Actually, it was probably the 'doormat' I had stamped on my ass.

  Normally, I felt this way about something in either my personal or professional life, but this was the first time I felt it in both, all to do with Dominic. He might not have been the one to send me here, but his bullshit wasn't helping keep either of us alive while we were in this much trouble. And the way he was treating me personally was more than I could handle.

  I decided I needed to figure out what I needed to do to stop the way people kept treating me, I just didn't have a fucking clue how. I mean, was there a way to change the value others put in you? Crawling into bed, I dropped the empty bottle on the floor and hugged a pillow to me. No matter how hard I didn't want it, all I wanted was for it to be Dominic I held instead of the fucking pillow. That was the last thing I thought before drifting off to sleep.

  I woke up the next morning not feeling any better, but knowing that staying in bed wouldn't help either. Warriors couldn't call in sick, since we never fell ill, and it wasn't like I could take a mental health day. Yeah, try explaining that one. Sorry, I'm staying in bed because the Grand Duc hooked up with me and now is lying about it ever happening. And it's breaking my heart so I'm going to just hang out alone for a bit.

  Yep, that would happen… right before they called in some other warriors to kill the nut-job guarding the Grand Duc. As I got ready to get downstairs, I thought about what to say to Dominic. After about twenty minutes of racking my brain, I was dressed, show
ered, and walking out of my room. I ended up realizing the only thing to do would be to say nothing unless it was work-related. He wanted to pretend it didn’t happen, and I didn't trust myself to not snap at him.

  Grabbing breakfast, I joined Rick and Alpha team at the kitchen table. I was eyeing people over, still trying to determine who the threat was. A man I had seen a few times sat down next to me. He was dressed as one of the advisors, so it was odd he would join us peons.

  "I'm Xavier," he said, reaching to shake my hand.

  "Nice to meet you," I answered as I took his hand. "I'm Yuri."

  "I know. You've caused quite a stir throughout the castle." Xavier chuckled. He eyed me over like dog would a juicy steak. "I'm very sorry we've not had the chance to meet yet."

  "Really?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "And why is that?"

  "I've been around a long, long time and heard lots about the great Yuri Stanalovic over the centuries," he purred. Xavier put his hand on my thigh and leaned in. "Besides, Kevin speaks very highly of you."

  I choked on my coffee when he moved his hand higher and squeezed my groin. "Um, thanks," I said as I pushed his hand away under the table. "Nice that the buzz about me is good."

  "Very good," he murmured before sitting up and removing his hand. "I do have some things I need to share with you in private about the Grand Duc's security. Might I join you in your office after breakfast?"

  "That should work," I answered, shooting Rick a look. I quickly finished eating and stood up then took my dishes to the sink. Xavier was right behind me the entire time.

  "Do you prefer to top?" he asked me when we were alone in the hallway. Xavier's hands also found their way to my ass. I moved out of reach before turning around.

  "I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong idea about me," I mumbled before leading him to my office.

  "Playing hard to get, I love that," Xavier chuckled as he closed the door behind us. I closed my eyes and tried to think of what to say. In a flash, he was touching me again, his hands opening the fly to my pants. "I want this cock in my mouth."